RE: To those seeking a second

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RE: To those seeking a second

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: To those seeking a second

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RE: To those seeking a second - 11/26/2009 4:24:18 AM

Domoveryou13

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline

Very insightful post... My sub/wife and I are chatting with someone for a possible poly and I insist that they talk - without me around. I want everyone on the same page and comfortable with each other - if things work out through the communications, we will scene several times and then take it from there. If we are not ALL comfortable with each other it defeats the entire purpose of the poly life. It is an LDR, for now, which makes it a bit more difficult but... but been there done that and it CAN work.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 21

RE: To those seeking a second - 12/2/2009 9:48:02 AM

HOUSEofSIRE

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline

Such a wonderful post! i am just such a slave as you are talking about. i am Sire's only slave at this time, but we are looking for another girl to join us. We had poly before and it was wonderful for me. Not such a great realtionship between her and Sire which is why it ended. The intimate connection jsut wasn't there for them. i really miss having a sister slave in the house. i could never fully explain to someone why i like it so much, but there is just such a close bond. It is very important to me to find a girl who Sire can be in love with as well this time though. If He doesn't love her the way that He loves me then there is a very good chance that things will end as they did last time.

She and i still talk and spend time together, but she is no longer a part of "us" and it's just not the same. It's kind of reassuring to see that there are at least some single subs out there who actually want what we have to offer. Thank you so much for these heartfelt words!

slave sirenity

_____________________________

If God Intended Us Not To Masturbate Then He Would Have Made Our Arms Shorter!

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 22

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/2/2010 7:47:28 PM

BeowulfKaine

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/11/2009
From: Tulsa Oklahoma
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tekniq

My wife and I will never have children, although we wouldn't mind having a family. A poly relationship would allow us to have that family without ever changing diapers and wiping noses. Also, my wife and I live the better part of our lives on equal footing. Her submissive side only comes out when it's time for sex (finally a sign given off by a woman that I can actually read!). Another submissive woman (and possibly slave) in our relationship would give me an outlet for my dominant needs when my wife is feeling like a perfectly strong member of the household. My wife's submissiveness also becomes much more pronounced when she's around other subs (and I find her to be a whole lot hotter when she's more submissive). Another submissive woman would also give her a safe partner to explore her bi-sexuality.

I literally feel as if you stole the words out of my mouth.

_____________________________

______________________________________________
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

(in reply to tekniq)

Post #: 23

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/3/2010 1:46:37 AM

Vixandra

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: CA, though in Japan currently
Status: offline

This is a beautiful thread/post. I'm looking for a submissive woman to add to my life and possibly household and the going hasn't been easy, since I have a non-bdsm oriented husband who knows what/why I'm looking for.

It isn't easy to find someone willing to enter that kind of situation, but I believe it just goes to show that good things are worth waiting and searching for.

(in reply to BeowulfKaine)

Post #: 24

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/3/2010 4:55:10 PM

Katrina26

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: northernsiren

By all rights, seeking a second should occur when you have a most perfect love, a stable home, a strong bond, so good that you want to share it with another, where their presence can only enrich your already existing happiness, and should be COMPLETELY desired and yearned for by both parties.

What a powerful post northernsiren. I absolutely agree that 2 people should have an almost perfect love and stability in the relationship to add another person.

If you cannot be happy with 1 partner, how can you be happy with 2 or 3? I figure it would just be more responsibility.

(in reply to northernsiren)

Post #: 25

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/3/2010 7:36:22 PM

kikkikat

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline

very well written post. But I'm also glad that tekniq added this other perspective as well.

For another possible take on the why/ what of a poly relationship.
I'm a voyeur. So I'd like to think that there is another exhibitionist out there, that would like the friendship and sisterhood of sorts I offer along with the Dom /sub relationship He offers.

I'm straight and not particularly looking to be intimate with another woman. We had someone online and it went well. My contact with her was as someone who knew all that was happening and we could openly discuss things, as someone who watched when He interacted with her, and as someone who occasionally topped her through direction only. But she was too far and her life too complicated to take it to in-person.

We'd love to find that again, and hopefully with someone that could be in-person as well. So obviously as the sub, I'm a big part of what we are offering. . but I still think the connection with Him would be more important.

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to Katrina26)

Post #: 26

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/3/2010 7:56:49 PM

tsatske

Posts: 1680
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kikkikat
We'd love to find that again, and hopefully with someone that could be in-person as well. So obviously as the sub, I'm a big part of what we are offering. . but I still think the connection with Him would be more important

Kikkikat,
No offense. Of course, I am only answering for myself, others will certainly feel differantly. but, for me, nope, sorry. I am extremely bi, but i am perfectly fine with having a strait sister, or even a sister who is attracted to women, but, who, for whatever reason, is not attracted to me. I can have a platonic sister, or any varied shade in between, and be as happy as a kat in catnip with that, but my relationship with her, as my sister, is still the most important connection, to me, in a poly relationship. Just what works for me.

_____________________________

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~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to kikkikat)

Post #: 27

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/4/2010 12:09:17 AM

kikkikat

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline

tsatske, didn't mean to imply I was speaking for you at all.
What I was attempting to do was mention that there are even more variations on what someone would be looking for in a relationship that might bare the same name on the surface.

Specifically I was speaking of my own situation and stating that for me that was the case. I understood that it wasn't the case for you and don't think I ever said it should be. Again my point was that the dynamic could be different for different people.

The reason I felt like pointing this out is that I always find myself surprised that on a site full of people who are often dealing with a society on a whole who doesn't understand us and who thinks our ways are wrong because they are different, will then turn around and act like others in the scene are wrong because they are different from their own.

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 28

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/5/2010 8:20:20 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 157
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

northernsiren, you're SO right. The only reason we decided to seek out someone, and then take in kitten, was because we did feel like it would be something that would make our highly rewarding and happy relationship even "bigger". And that's how it's working out, so far. I will say, however, that there's a very large amount of it that is reserved for the girls, only. And that's by design.. I want them to have a happy and rewarding relationship between them, it's a big part of what we were seeking, the female dynamic for babygirl. I enjoy it very well, too, of course!
Best of luck to all seeking, and all who are sorting out the dynamics of it.

_____________________________

Make your own decisions, and own the decisions you make.

(in reply to kikkikat)

Post #: 29

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/5/2010 9:30:03 AM

Divinefemme

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/28/2009
Status: offline

One of the ironies is that many couples who are seeking secondaries are only seeking single unattached women. Single un-attached women are more likely to be seeking Primary Relationships. Poly women who are in relationships are more likely to enjoy being a Secondary in a relationship with a couple. Yet, women who are in poly relationships are usually over looked in favor of a single woman who don't have any relationships. When people over look poly people when seeking poly relationships, it really does narrow down the number of poly people you meet.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 30

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/5/2010 9:48:17 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I find in my own calling to this lifestyle the "We as dominants do not get to choose our slaves"....

It is something that Slavemaster said in one of his classes that resonated with me at my core.

I am never seeking, but I am always being approached, it just happens naturally, and I as the dominant need to weigh very carefully how good of a fit we can all be for eachother.

This may take months of initiation and probation, I am looking for qualitys that show investment in not just me, or the idea of slavery but also investment in self improvement, self awareness, interaction in the house hold, and value added....

This calling of being a Dominant is about me being of service, me stewarding and guiding, and a happy healthy home of servants and submissives....anything else is just too much work for too little reward.

_____________________________

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Divinefemme)

Post #: 31

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/5/2010 11:41:54 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

While my slave is not a she, I have found much of the same frustration. I can find all kinds of slaves willing to serve me, but then get upset when my slave starts talking to them. I have found only 3 that are exceptions to that whom also peak my interest. I had nearly gotten to the point of having my slave screen all emails to avoid wasting my time with it anymore. (Not possible for single polys, I know.) The way I look at it, the two men must get along before we can be a happy poly family. I can order changes to behavior that I don't like, he cannot. I guess we entered the search for a second differently. I asked if it was something he would like. I didn't just up an announce that it was something he would deal with because it's what I wanted. Good to know there are others that feel the same way. Good luck to you all!

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 32

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 2:12:00 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4035
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

The reason I would consider joining you, as a dominant who already has a slave in place, is to be in a loving household, - is because of the potential very special relationship with HER - the chance to have a sisterslave. If you already have a slave, I promise you, you are not such a catch that it is YOU that I just can't resist, it is the honest chance to join a fine, functioning, loving BDSM family.

Cute.

Although both I and my slave should both qualify under "catch I can't resist". *nod*

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 33

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 3:22:19 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1757
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I have written on polyness a fair bit, and for me its about different relationships. In dss relationships the dominant isn't the most important thing, there are three relationships for each person, the d with the s the s with the s and the three as a group, thats just the way it is. If one of them isn't working then after a time the whole thing will collapse.

I find with many people looking for a 'third' (spit spit) only one will talk to them. It never seems that the pre established couple realise that both members need to get on with the addition. Either the s type talks to you because its non threatening (and more often than not they have been 'sent out to find someone' because its just like picking up a new skirt apparently) or the dominant because they are the most important, when in reality its about balance.

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Post #: 34

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 1:07:17 PM

Landreth1909

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

SWEETHEART! You are right about being a 3rd. wheel! When GOD is a partner too, then it will succeed! GOD should be in all relationship! He helps bond our relationship! With out GOD in our lives, we are all dead to life! We do send you our BEST WISHES for a safe and successful HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010! Do be good, but if you can't be that good, do be careful! Our LOVE in Texas! [ Landreth_1909****yahoo.com ]

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 35

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 5:08:44 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

WTF? We've got missionaries on the site now?

*headdesk*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Landreth1909)

Post #: 36

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 5:54:57 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

We forgot to tell you we were everywhere? Darn, now we all need a spanking.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 37

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/6/2010 6:01:27 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Oh bloody hell... Is nowhere safe?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Ladynslave)

Post #: 38

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/7/2010 10:52:33 PM

kikkikat

Posts: 60
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Divinefemme

One of the ironies is that many couples who are seeking secondaries are only seeking single unattached women. Single un-attached women are more likely to be seeking Primary Relationships. Poly women who are in relationships are more likely to enjoy being a Secondary in a relationship with a couple. Yet, women who are in poly relationships are usually over looked in favor of a single woman who don't have any relationships. When people over look poly people when seeking poly relationships, it really does narrow down the number of poly people you meet.

very good point. We had this come up recently where a girl my Dom was talking with had a husband who was debating being involved in some fashion as well. They were both new and both thought they might be interested in being sub. It really opened our eyes to that option as well.

_____________________________

~Kat

(in reply to Divinefemme)

Post #: 39

RE: To those seeking a second - 1/9/2010 5:54:36 AM

Hismaggie

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/9/2009
Status: offline

We've found the opposite situation so frequently; those showing an interest in Master, in words at least, but when directed to contact me it's the death knell. Though it has proven to be a good flake filter.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 40

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