|
hausboy -> RE: I Admit It I........ (8/1/2012 7:27:30 PM)
|
I admit...yay for Winnie!
I admit... (deep breath...) yeah...big ADMIT coming up....
it was exactly 20 years ago...right now...about ten pm. I was hanging in the S.F. Eagle with two brilliant leatherdyke comic book artists--we were brainstorming about a project we wanted to do together. We stole beers as they were bringing cases down to the basement and I went back to JoJo's house, moderately drunk. She fixed up my arm to give me my first taste of heroin, and in an incredible moment of clarity I realized that I was standing at the crossroads that a good friend once warned me about.
I knew that once that heroin went into my arm, there was no turning back, and I would be destined for a life of misery as an addict. And this may be the last time I would have any control over my life. Drunk as I was, I tore the tourniquet off and told her "no thanks, you can do mine for me....I'm feeling fine.." I ended up having sex with her roommate that night, with the hopes that she would have some food in her house since I was jobless, broke, hungry and couch-surfing (A nicer way of saying, homeless). She didn't--we shared a stale bagel the next morning and I remember thinking, my god, I basically just whored myself for half a bagel.
Don't remember how I staggered home the next day, but I knew that I needed to make some changes. I "interviewed" to live in a house with 3 others (It's SF....no one can afford a flat by themselves...) and was waiting to hear back. Hungry and cold, I went to the local meeting place where I knew they had 12 step meetings every hour, and there would be free coffee and cookies. I sat down and was horrified when my new potential housemate walked in and greeted me! (so much for alcoholics ANONYMOUS!) I was worried that if he knew I drank, that he wouldn't approve me to live in the flat.
So I figured I'd keep up the "charade" for a few days...go to a few meetings until I got approved to sign the rental agreement. In my first 24 hours of sobriety, I met a woman who would become my Domme and found myself welcomed into a huge community of clean and sober leathermen and leatherwomen. Somehow I've managed to put together enough 24 hour periods and here I am at 20 years.
In spite of experiencing incredible hardship, loss, heartbreak and failure, I've achieved many of my life's ambitions and had some actual dreams come true....and continue to come true again and again.
I admit...
Life is good.
|
|
|
|
