Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship

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Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship

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Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 11:15:12 AM

Shylahgirl

Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

So, I know my own personal answer to this question, and I know my Dom/Daddy's answer. But I wanted to know what a wider range of people think.

Now the question...

If you are in a poly D/s or M/s relationship and a second, third, fourth, or what ever number of girl comes into to the relationship as a 24/7 live in service sub/slave, should there be a ranking?

Say the "number one girl" has been there for a year... Master has trained her and most of the time her service is flawless should the "number one girl" then hold a rank higher then others who come in latter no matter the others age or past experience outside the relationship?

What is your opinion?

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 11/17/2009 11:16:29 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 11:25:30 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 234
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I don't think that a ranking is really needed.. each person will bring in there own skills and such.

If someone is good at orgonizing the whole gang, then she could take on that responsibality.. but I don't think I'd ever put a number on it.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 12:35:11 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3650
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

If you are in a poly D/s or M/s relationship and a second, third, fourth, or what ever number of girl comes into to the relationship as a 24/7 live in service sub/slave, should there be a ranking?

Say the "number one girl" has been there for a year... Master has trained her and most of the time her service is flawless should the "number one girl" then hold a rank higher then others who come in latter no matter the others age or past experience outside the relationship?

What is your opinion?

Shylah

Our household is hierarchical, so new servants do hold a lower rank in the household. New free members are also vetted, over time, before they're given status as Keepers. However, once the vetting period is over, the leadership positions in the household aren't divvied up according to how long someone has been in the household -- leadership positions are handled as "promotions" in any other organization would be. Those who show leadership potential are gradually given more opportunities to express that talent, as trainers, section overseers, and eventually, as either Head Butler or Chatelaine. These roles, however, are -earned-, by exemplary performance, excellent communication skills, talents in bringing out the best in their colleagues, etc.

One thing that it is important to note is that leadership roles among our household's servants are not "privilege" positions -- in fact, they are often challenging roles, with additional responsibilities above and beyond those required of a non-leadership servant. Our Keepers expect a lot from those who act as our hands and voices when we can't be there.

All of our servants are cherished for what they bring to the table. We have some wonderful servants who really don't -want- to be trainers or head servants, but they are cherished just the same for what they -do- bring. Leadership, at least for us, isn't a bargaining chip based around who is "better" or has been around longer -- it is a talent, that we nurture in those who show an aptitude... and they, in turn, take on greater responsibility not to garner favor, but because they thrive under the experience.

Sometimes, you'll find someone who seems like xhe'd do well in leadership, but when the chips are down, xhe just can't evoke a positive response in those xhe's supposed to lead -- for someone in that situation, we'd have no issue whatsoever with doing the necessary counseling, and removing hir from the leadership role if necessary. Someone unsuited to leadership is not going to thrive when forced to try to function as a leader, so it is a mark of caring to make sure that those who -do- provide leadership roles are suited to be able to find and evoke the best in themselves and those they lead.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 1:39:54 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 6434
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

If you are in a poly D/s or M/s relationship and a second, third, fourth, or what ever number of girl comes into to the relationship as a 24/7 live in service sub/slave, should there be a ranking?

The answer is entirely dependent on the people involved in the relationship. In OUR of Alandra, Kyra and I.... there is not ranking of my girls as you imply. That is not to say that this is the way is should be... It is just the way that works best for our dynamic.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 6:38:51 PM

mirror88

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

some people need structure. also, the person in charge may wish to honor the service of someone and reward them for actual deeds and actual attitudes in evidence.

we are not all the same. we have 'unalienable rights' under the constitution. the rest is dependent on personal politics.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 6:55:56 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

We don't really rank. We might in the future, but I doubt it. There isn't really a should or shouldn't. Just what works for the people involved.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/17/2009 8:23:05 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

Well, I can't speak for adding girls to the household... But we plan to add what we term as a beta male that is subservient to both Slave and myself. Not saying that's the way it should work, just what we know will work for us. I already know that if I were to add a sub/slave that was equal to Slave, he would be unhappy thus he would make me unhappy.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 11/25/2009 7:39:28 PM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

What freelycaged said. I've seen far too many occasions where protocol gets in the way of talent. When a person shows/is talented in a certain aspect of life, they are most likely going to be the happiest doing it and thusly, the most valuable to the community as an indiviual. Wise is the head of household who knows how to transform talent into happiness.:)

< Message edited by Underumam -- 11/25/2009 7:41:48 PM >

(in reply to Ladynslave)

Post #: 8

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/2/2009 10:32:28 AM

HOUSEofSIRE

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline

When Sire and i brought a girl into the relationship, He made it very clear to her that i was the alpha slave. Just as He made it very clear to me that because He had already trained me to be what He wanted that i was held to a higher standard and was expected to set a good example to my new sister. He assigned chores to us, but took every opportunity to impress upon us that a failure for one meant a failure for both. That we were a team, we were to protect eachother and under no circumstances were we to LET our sister fail.

It turned out that while she was perfectly willing to accept her place as second to me, i was not so comfortable with it. It simply felt better and more sisterly to me for both of us to be of equal rank within the household. The day i told her that i saw us both as equal she was so moved she almost cried.

If we ever find another girl that fits with us that will be the way it is again.

It's just what works for us.

sirenity

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 9

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/2/2009 10:37:43 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HOUSEofSIRE

When Sire and i brought a girl into the relationship, He made it very clear to her that i was the alpha slave. Just as He made it very clear to me that because He had already trained me to be what He wanted that i was held to a higher standard and was expected to set a good example to my new sister. He assigned chores to us, but took every opportunity to impress upon us that a failure for one meant a failure for both. That we were a team, we were to protect eachother and under no circumstances were we to LET our sister fail.

It turned out that while she was perfectly willing to accept her place as second to me, i was not so comfortable with it. It simply felt better and more sisterly to me for both of us to be of equal rank within the household. The day i told her that i saw us both as equal she was so moved she almost cried.

If we ever find another girl that fits with us that will be the way it is again.

It's just what works for us.

sirenity

Kudos to you both. I can feel the love.....

(in reply to HOUSEofSIRE)

Post #: 10

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/2/2009 12:52:09 PM

HOUSEofSIRE

Posts: 22
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Kudos to you both. I can feel the love.....

You know we get that a lot. When people see us out together or look at our different profiles and pictures they always say that they can feel the love surrounding us.

i am very happy people feel that way, but dammit where are all the sane subbie girls who would appreciate it?? LOL, i am getting so defeated trying to find a new sister. My last one left 5 months ago and Sire and i are ready to try again, but it just seems like all i am getting is a lot of girls who either don't know what they want, can't communicate with us in english, or are trying to run some kind of scam. i am feeling so sorry for all the Doms out there who have to go through this all the time!

*Big Sigh* Alright. Rant over. Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Thread......

sirenity

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 11

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/2/2009 5:11:52 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

To say that there's only one correct way to do this is insane. Every grouping of personalities is different. To make up one rule and say you're going to stick to it no matter what happens and no matter who you bring into your life, seems rigid and foolish to me.

Last time, I treated both girls equally, but they developed a slight hierarchy based on their personalities and skills. I have no idea what it'll be like next time, but I certainly won't decide now.

_____________________________

I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to HOUSEofSIRE)

Post #: 12

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/2/2009 9:42:37 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

So, I know my own personal answer to this question, and I know my Dom/Daddy's answer. But I wanted to know what a wider range of people think.

Now the question...

If you are in a poly D/s or M/s relationship and a second, third, fourth, or what ever number of girl comes into to the relationship as a 24/7 live in service sub/slave, should there be a ranking?

Say the "number one girl" has been there for a year... Master has trained her and most of the time her service is flawless should the "number one girl" then hold a rank higher then others who come in latter no matter the others age or past experience outside the relationship?

What is your opinion?

Shylah

Everyone has their own definition of what poly is. Some believe that by virtue of adding an additional person, you now have a poly relationship, others do not. I looked up the definition of poly and there is no mention of bdsm. I can only conclude that poly is an entirely seperate type of relationship. Now there are many that like to combine the two. To my knowledge there is no #1 or #2 in a poly relationship, you are equals and whatever attributes you may have in a bdsm relationship have absolutely no weight in a poly relationship. If you were to have a #1 and a #2, or a apha, beta designation, you would not have a poly relationship, you would simply have a master/dom with 2 or more sub/slaves
To the OP, however your relationiship is viewed, your dominant is the one who determines if and who is #1, and your choice is simple, respect the decision and continue to serve or terminate the relationship and move on.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/3/2009 6:30:35 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HOUSEofSIRE

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

Kudos to you both. I can feel the love.....

You know we get that a lot. When people see us out together or look at our different profiles and pictures they always say that they can feel the love surrounding us.

i am very happy people feel that way, but dammit where are all the sane subbie girls who would appreciate it?? LOL, i am getting so defeated trying to find a new sister. My last one left 5 months ago and Sire and i are ready to try again, but it just seems like all i am getting is a lot of girls who either don't know what they want, can't communicate with us in english, or are trying to run some kind of scam. i am feeling so sorry for all the Doms out there who have to go through this all the time!

*Big Sigh* Alright. Rant over. Now Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Thread......

sirenity

lol. I can relate, and have observed this firsthand a while back. From what I've seen and participated in, successful poly's flourish when there's genuine NEEDS to be filled. One couple I met, had everything they could ever want/need between them and simply had a few urges to fill based upon the fact they were both primarily dominant. Filling the need for a third or fourth sexual partner do not usually qualify as a need, but a desire. They would have been better served by working things out between themselves, or at the very most- inviting others to visit from time to time. Have you two been able to satisfy all the basic requirements for a well ordered relationship between the two of you? Does your desire for a sister-like companion require sexual service to you both, or is it simply a friendship based desire?

The only long term poly situation I've lived in was with Native Americans who were primarily focused upon spiritual beliefs/ceremonies and bringing back a "tribal" type lifestyle in this modern age for the obvious mutual benefits.(financial-family needs etc) This involved absolutely nothing sexual, and anything sexual that did happen was not bdsm based, nor was it with other family members. We learned how to find ourselves as individuals first, and then were able to assume roles within the family dynamic based upon our strengths/weaknesses. This was primarily a matriarchal lifestyle, with the females most often having the final say so in family decisions and any disputes(they were rare). Through all this- we loved/respected each other more than I've ever been able to find anywhere else.

My point here is that we were filling basic needs, not desires. We were learning/participating a family dynamic that required us to begin putting the needs of others before our own, and to try and make decisions that were the most beneficial to the family unit as opposed to one or two individuals. It was a great learning opportunity, that eventually led to my ex and I offering the same to others once we became situated on a piece of land with a large enough house to accomodate others. Once again, there no sexual inuendos or kink.

You two seem to have many good things going for you, and would most likely have much offer a prospective third member. However, a very sad and real truth is the fact that many people are screwed up these days, and have absolutely no idea who they themselves are, let alone being able to recognize others or consider thier needs before their own (on occasion). Service by all parties is the key here, and a well oiled, smoothly operating poly machine where all participants needs are met and genuine happiness abounds is rare to find.

I wish you all the best, and hopefully your patience will bring your desires to fruition.

< Message edited by Underumam -- 12/3/2009 6:36:40 AM >

(in reply to HOUSEofSIRE)

Post #: 14

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/3/2009 10:14:32 AM

SinisterSimon

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/9/2009
Status: offline

Hello sweet girl.
I for one am a believer in the "Alpha slave"...she is generally the wisest and most well trained, but not always. She may just be Master's favorite. While all slaves will be rewarded for their service with Master's cock, only the alpha has earned the priviledge to take his seed into her....be it her hungry mouth or cunt. The betas may wear my seed wherever I choose to put it and they are required to clean it up with their mouths, as Master's seed is way to precious to be wasted on a towel!

< Message edited by SinisterSimon -- 12/3/2009 10:28:00 AM >

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/3/2009 10:42:15 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

What if the alpha thinks it's hotter for her to see it on her skin?

No offense but that sounds more like porn (and hot porn don't get me wrong) than a real honor. It's just spunk.

My two cents of course. Everyone does things differently.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SinisterSimon)

Post #: 16

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/30/2009 3:29:07 AM

WendyMorning

Posts: 24
Joined: 10/27/2009
Status: offline

I loved what you wrote....thanks for sharing

(in reply to HOUSEofSIRE)

Post #: 17

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/30/2009 9:18:46 AM

happylittlepet

Posts: 282
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
The only long term poly situation I've lived in was with Native Americans who were primarily focused upon spiritual beliefs/ceremonies and bringing back a "tribal" type lifestyle in this modern age for the obvious mutual benefits.(financial-family needs etc) This involved absolutely nothing sexual, and anything sexual that did happen was not bdsm based, nor was it with other family members. We learned how to find ourselves as individuals first, and then were able to assume roles within the family dynamic based upon our strengths/weaknesses. This was primarily a matriarchal lifestyle, with the females most often having the final say so in family decisions and any disputes(they were rare). Through all this- we loved/respected each other more than I've ever been able to find anywhere else.

My point here is that we were filling basic needs, not desires. We were learning/participating a family dynamic that required us to begin putting the needs of others before our own, and to try and make decisions that were the most beneficial to the family unit as opposed to one or two individuals. It was a great learning opportunity, that eventually led to my ex and I offering the same to others once we became situated on a piece of land with a large enough house to accomodate others. Once again, there no sexual inuendos or kink.

Thank you for your whole post, but especially for this.

_____________________________

There are no rules, there is only compassion.

This is my simple religion:
There is no need for temples,
No need for complicated philosophies
My brain and my heart are my temples
My philosophy is kindness (DL)

10 Fluffy points

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 18

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/30/2009 1:23:34 PM

Surrenderwithin

Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

I do not understand why people feel the need to compulsively try to mainstream things within BDSM relationships. Anytime you say should you or shouldn't you that is exactly what is being done.

Each situation is different from the next. The people within the relationship are different. The needs and desires are different. The fact is some poly households could not function with a hierarchy among the subservients, and others could not function with equality.

If Master were to decide to remove the hierarchy in our household things would collapse all around us. He has the wisdom to operate our home within a hierarchy, because that is befitting to the people within his home. We have operated this way for ten years and we are happy and successsful.

_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to Shylahgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Ranking subs/slaves in a relationship - 12/31/2009 4:57:56 PM

erebus

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline

I agree with the above posts, though I think that the long-term partner probably would expect to be number one, unless she enjoys serving so much she will voluntarily demote in rank.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)

Post #: 20

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