Drifa
Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
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The reality is that you can only have sex or BDSM play a limited number of hours in a day. If there is to be a relationship, then both dom and sub had better have other things to bring to the table or all you are doing is hiring sexual services.
I managed to intrigue my Lady right after meeting her by offering to scratch her back. Not a backrub, or anything overtly sexual. Just a comfortable, now-doesn't-that-feel-better backscratch. Then we sat down and started talking at length, and discovered that we both had brains and were interested in many similar things. That backscratch was a direct service, delivered non-sexually. It communicated a lot of things, including both my direct sexual interest and the fact that I was content to offer service.
Later, I heard her pickup was on the fritz and drove up midweek the 70 miles from my town to hers and did a tuneup and brake job. She fed me dinner, then I was *supposed* to sleep on the couch because it had gotten late. She changed her mind, stalked out to the living room, took my hand, and hauled me to my doom... er, ... her room, and much fun was had. I certainly couldn't characterize this as auto maintenance for sex. I jumped at the chance to get her attention and spend time with her, while pleasing her. I hadn't expected there to be any sex.
The next week she invited me to a very nice restaurant, to see how I'd dress and comport myself. Once again, plans for the couch were cast aside when she dragged me back to the bedroom. This time it wasn't sex, but maybe twelve hours of talking from the heart and soul about who were were and about our dreams. We finally went to sleep, I woke up early and sneaked out, made a grocery run, and when her eyes fluttered open a bit later, I had hot coffee ready, toasted bagels, lox, paper thin slices of onion, cream cheese, and chocolate dipped strawberries, with orange juice and champagne on the side, which I fed her in dainty bits in bed.
Fifteen years later, we're still together. As it happens, where I am weak, she is strong, and vice versa... she does computer hardware, I am the software wizard. When wildlife invades, if it does not have a backbone, it's her job to remove, all vertebrates are my responsibility. I hand over my entire income to her, and she is a wise steward of that money for us. When she can't see solutions to almost any sort of problem, she asks me, because I think sideways -- she's a scientist, I am an artist.
There is a CONSTANT give-and-take in our relationship. To use MMORPG terminology, we have each found that it is wise to keep your Spousal Faction High. I try to tackle chores and cooking and laundry because I know it will please her, and if the kitchen is spick-and-span I am likely to get my own way on certain things because the gleaming sink earned 10,000 spousal faction points! She tends to handle farm tasks, and makes sure I have adequate time to play EverQuest 2 because that's the way I decompress after a tough day at work. I deliver footrubs on request. I can be VERY VERY bossy when I see that she needs to go have a doctor check something out, or if it's an issue of personal safety, but generally she's the boss.
We stay together because we give one another love and respect, and we each contribute from our strengths to the relationship and our family unit. There is total power exchange because she handles all our finances and makes all the decisions -- but she does it after consulting with me. She doesn't micromanage my life, but she provides me the structure and security (and occasional spanking) I need. I give her my love, loyalty, personal service, housekeeping service, lawn maintenance and auto repair. She gives me mushy sentimental Valentine's day cards and roses and long, drawn out sessions of flogging, strapping, crop and so forth.
I don't see this is prostitution, just a holistic give and take.
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RE: Subs serving out of obligation or barter - 
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