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RE: Poly and children - 1/19/2010 8:55:37 PM

MasterOfDreamzz

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Joined: 10/29/2007
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I will agree with how Luna stated her reply Part of todays problems with children are that parents just dont have the time that they would like to have with the children witch does cause issues and problems and is why alot of kids are doing things they shouldnt be doing or doing things just to get a parent to acknowlage them , When there are more ppl in a family there is less stress(atleast thats what im finding) Provided it is a healthy house hold

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RE: Poly and children - 1/19/2010 9:17:49 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: vanillasub67

How are others managing the lifestyle with children and are you keeping it from them?

My kids are 31 & 29 and have figured out I'm into bdsm, but they don't know I'm thinking about poly. I'm thinking, why do they need to know? They aren't living with me. If they happen to figure it out, they are old enough now to understand my explanation. If they were younger, maybe not.

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RE: Poly and children - 1/19/2010 9:45:14 PM

sweetboundesire

Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Mine aren't old enough to understand yet, but when they are, I'll have to speak with my ex about it. She doesn't let me tell them anything she doesn't approve of. I can't even tell them I don't believe in their "god", let alone show them much about me. It's a source of stress from time to time.

this is a very submissive post

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RE: Poly and children - 1/31/2010 6:43:39 PM

MasterGreg43

Posts: 72
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
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as long as the kids are of young age where u teach them to respect the Dom of the house as Daddy, and the teaching carry over to vanilla life such as the "Yes Sir", and so on but the intimcy details are of course keep from them, but all My kids and step kids are use to seeing women sitting on floor or catering to this Master til My lil girl will make sure I get thing first such as drinks, food and so on by respect and learning, so poly work if u keep it plain but strong they grow up not knowing the full situration until old enough to explore in other ways then recongize that their family might be poly, also it dont help when True Love on tv show one side of Polyamory

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(in reply to jojoluvr)

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RE: Poly and children - 2/17/2010 9:40:45 PM

Kaiel

Posts: 568
Joined: 4/17/2007
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My children are younger (11 and 5)... My older one has more experience with the others that have been in My life and simply understands the relationships to be loving, close, intertwined friendships. There has never been a discussion per se' on the dynamic of the "Friendships" and currently she does not ask questions... but, if and when she or My son does, I will explain in an age appropriate manner. My son does mention a slave I use to have... he calls him red kevin and says "I miss red kevin" sometimes and I just reassure him that red kevin is happy and that we don't see him anymore because he moved.

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RE: Poly and children - 2/18/2010 5:59:27 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 16268
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: online

My darling niece (of my heart) was raised part time in a poly household. It started when she was 8 years old (her mother left her father to go to that home). I met her right before that happened. She has lived being raised primarily by her father and then weekends with her mom, the sister wives, all the kids, the fellow. That started about 12 years ago. It is with great delight that I tell you she grew up to be a very loving and open and groovy woman.

Every adult just acted like love is the most normal thing. When she would ask me or any adult about it, we always checked with how she's doing. I did warn her when she was younger that it isn't something she should necessarily talk about with the other kids at school. It was wonderful to teach her about privacy, and it was such an obvious example! She was never ashamed, but she did get a healthy dose of what is ok for public consumption and what is not.

Today, she's very supportive of love in all its healthy forms!

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 2/18/2010 6:04:14 AM >

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RE: Poly and children - 3/30/2010 3:34:38 PM

xssve

Posts: 2303
Joined: 10/10/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetboundesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

Mine aren't old enough to understand yet, but when they are, I'll have to speak with my ex about it. She doesn't let me tell them anything she doesn't approve of. I can't even tell them I don't believe in their "god", let alone show them much about me. It's a source of stress from time to time.

this is a very submissive post

Women don't always play fair when it comes to kids - it sounds to me like he values his relationship with his children more than any subjective ideology.

You do what's best for the kids if you're not a self-centered asshole, and there's plenty of "submissive" women could tell you the same thing - you start using your children as pawns in the dominance game, you're no better than the other one - all it means it you should never have had kids to begin with, if that's your idea of adult behavior.

I've been there too, and I'll be goddamned if I'll fall for that shit again.

i.e., it's sometimes a lot less like submission and a lot more like Blackmail. My ex did exactly the same thing to me, I had little choice but to keep feeding her rope till she eventually hung herself, and I was able to take the kids with me. Sometimes, it's just about how much noise you can make - appearances.

She still tries to turn them against me, but luckily, they wised up to her game - that doesn't always happen until they're older. It's far from easy, but at least I know she's not turning them into teenage alcoholics, ruining their lives before they even get started.

And that's just interpersonal dynamics - legally, I don't know if you noticed or not, but religious freaks get a lot more sympathy, at least in public, than sex freaks, especially if it's a woman - everybody's more comfortable these days hating on the man - an NCB will almost invariably trump a "pervert", all other things being equal.

Depending on where you live it doesn't always take much to have somebody legally declared a "corrupting influence" or whatever they call it - are they not passing laws against same sex couples adopting - freaky or not?

There are a lot of political motivations involved in this, judges up for re-election, etc., that have not a goddamned thing about how good a parent you are - i.e, people can and do lose custody and/or visitation over stuff like this.

"He who can destroy a thing, controls it".

< Message edited by xssve -- 3/30/2010 3:35:36 PM >

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RE: Poly and children - 4/2/2010 1:27:49 PM

keteward

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Joined: 2/12/2010
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We unfortunately did not have the luxary of raising our child from a young age in a poly environment as only entered into our poly life only eight years ago. We are not facing the challenge of managing our own expectations with his own views and opinions.

I think like many of the above posters, we too would very much seek not to hide anything from our child, but also like another poster mentioned, this is not a generally accepted world view and as such, clarifying descretion with our son is something we feel we need to do before we "tell all"

He's in his teens now and like all things they have an elevated and bloated world view (generalization) so tempering that is also something we are trying to concern ourselves with!

Any advice would certainly be appreciated!

(in reply to xssve)

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Post #: 28

RE: Poly and children - 4/2/2010 3:10:43 PM

domiguy