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Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 6:07:40 PM

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Joined: 8/26/2004
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Ok, let me set a scenario for you and then ask the question. you are in the middle of love making with your Dom/me...or just a tender moment or whatever situation that fits and you want/need some pain or something a bit rougher....how do you go about getting that point across? i know just ask for it....but when i was recently in this situation it didn't seem right to just come out and ask for it...so was searching for maybe a better way to say it than "i would like some pain, please." or maybe some other way of getting the point across.

Or, is it even right to ask for that....should a sub/slave just let the Dom/me lead and be there for Their whim...well of course yes...but what do we do with a need or a want that may come up in a situation like that?

Multiple choice..lol:

A. Say something right then and there
B. Say something later when it is over or the next day.
C. Say nothing at all and just let the Dom/me lead.

And for the Dominants out there....When would You like to hear about something like this?

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 6:24:33 PM

Posts: 13
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Canada
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I just tell Him right then and there - it's up to Him whether or not he chooses to act on it.

_____________________________

I want to be your fantasy ... and your reality
And everything between...

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 6:27:33 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I would think that it would be best to bring that up when you and your Dom are talking about things. Don't bring it up as it is happening. You should have times when you can speak freely. That is the time to bring it up.

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 6:39:18 PM

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Joined: 2/2/2004
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Personally, I would give a specific request such as "Please let me feel your teeth on my shoulder" or whatever it is that you want. In my experience that has gotten the point across and it was then brought up for discussion later as well.

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 7:03:10 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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I think a lot of doms like to hear their subs beg for what they want. Whether they get it or not is up to the dom. JMHO.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 7:19:50 PM

Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
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Greetings,

i'd say talk to your Dominant about this now (or the appointed 'free to speak freely time' since it's obviously on your mind. Ask Him what He would prefer You to do. The important thing is that you're doing as He wishes (as opposed to how some random code of ethics or group of people say/think you should do

). The only way that you're going to accomplish this is ask Him - maybe He'd hate it if you asked for this during or maybe it'd thrill Him....ya never know.

Oh, yeah.....did i mention ask your Dominant? *chuckles*

Well wishes

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 7:20:38 PM

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Joined: 7/12/2004
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*smiles*

i think that would depend on the relationship you have with your Dom. if you are not sure then bring it up next time you talk about things and see which way He would prefer to hear it.

my Dom likes to talk a lot and always wanting to know my feelings and thoughts. He would want me to ask if i wasn't sure how to handle something like that... and i can hear Him now "well hunnie, just beg for it and if you beg hard enough you may get it" lol

i think if you stopped right then without talking to Him first about it He may think you are trying to Top from the bottom. which i hear a lot and i quote "and don't you Top from the bottom.... <G>"

but all in all i think all depends on the Dom and your relationship with Him..

good luck with it!!

*hugs*

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 7:35:13 PM

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Joined: 7/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiejenn

*smiles*

i think that would depend on the relationship you have with your Dom. if you are not sure then bring it up next time you talk about things and see which way He would prefer to hear it.

my Dom likes to talk a lot and always wanting to know my feelings and thoughts. He would want me to ask if i wasn't sure how to handle something like that... and i can hear Him now "well hunnie, just beg for it and if you beg hard enough you may get it" lol

i think if you stopped right then without talking to Him first about it He may think you are trying to Top from the bottom. which i hear a lot and i quote "and don't you Top from the bottom.... <G>"

but all in all i think all depends on the Dom and your relationship with Him..

good luck with it!!

*hugs*

I would have to second almost everything said here. And say start with A, if he decides its not time then go to B and if that doesnt work well it looks like you are stuck with C! It does really depend on the nature of your D/S relationship to me more than anything else, and i have found a lot of dom/mes like begging as well!

Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to subbiejenn)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 8:32:13 PM

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Joined: 6/18/2004
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In these instances..i try very very hard to remember my protocol with Him and BEG LOUDLY.....ok, maybe not always loudly *chucklez* and ask Him. 'Master! a girl NEEDS to feel pain'. Then of course He gets THAT look on His face and says: I know you can beg better than that. *LOL* so i do!
Honestly..... the best thing for us is asking...does not mean i will get it...but as long as i keep within His protocol for me...asking is never wrong.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

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(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/2/2004 11:00:34 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
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i would say it is totally dependant on the Dom and what He has told you previously. If He has told You that You can speak freely while making love, then i would say go ahead and ask then. If that is something that hasn't been discussed, i would bring it up afterwards and ask Him if it is permissable.

_____________________________

"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/3/2004 9:43:56 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

My partner, personally, prefers to be approached when we are -not- in the middle of something. He's very much interested in hearing my desires, but he prefers to hear them some other time than when he is getting his pleasure, so to speak.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/4/2004 11:13:29 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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ringlets,

I think begging is good.

IMO, crying "hurt me!" doesn't seem much different than moaning "Oh god!" or "No! No!" in the middle of a set of seizure-inducing orgasms.

Then again, D/s protocol isn't a big part of our interaction....

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/4/2004 6:51:42 PM

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
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Depending on how well you know the Dominant would set what I would suggest. For myself, watching my sweet male become restless and get that pleading look in his eyes sets me to smiling. Then I wait some more he will begin to whimper, and shift positions alot. We do discuss what is going to happen well in general, before I touch him. But he does have to beg and quite prettily before I will give more pain watching him start to glow with enjoyment is a great turn on. Sundew

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/10/2004 5:23:01 AM

MK007

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/3/2004
Status: offline

The tone of the relationship between Dom & sub can be a factor .
I would select A . I would say personally, that I do prefer to discuss everything in detail prior to any activity . I DO NOT like going down the road and not having any idea where I am going. I DO function much more effectively with specifics ! What good is a slave if she is not well versed in begging ? "PLEASE MASTER , HURT ME BY ......" seems perfectly acceptable to me .

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/10/2004 5:56:15 AM

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

Nothing makes me wetter than to hear a sub moaning, please mistress, let me suffer for you. Sometimes it is that simple phrase that makes a switch go off in my head that says.. "Be careful what you wish for little one, I'll give you new meaning to the words.. hurt for me" I for one am physically turned on by the suffering of another, granted there a times when I'm not in Domme mode, but not often, and even my vanilla moments are twisted as I find it difficult to achieve my pleasure without the sub suffering to some degree.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to MK007)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/11/2004 1:56:53 AM

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ringlets

Ok, let me set a scenario for you and then ask the question. you are in the middle of love making with your Dom/me...or just a tender moment or whatever situation that fits and you want/need some pain or something a bit rougher....how do you go about getting that point across? i know just ask for it....but when i was recently in this situation it didn't seem right to just come out and ask for it...so was searching for maybe a better way to say it than "i would like some pain, please." or maybe some other way of getting the point across.

Or, is it even right to ask for that....should a sub/slave just let the Dom/me lead and be there for Their whim...well of course yes...but what do we do with a need or a want that may come up in a situation like that?

Multiple choice..lol:

A. Say something right then and there
B. Say something later when it is over or the next day.
C. Say nothing at all and just let the Dom/me lead.

And for the Dominants out there....When would You like to hear about something like this?

I was in a place, recently, where I wanted to beg for more but didn't because there was so much stress and concern for his immediate family during that time. I couldn't find it within myself to ask for more even though I craved it. I left a couple of hints out in the open, but they went without notice because the distraction weighed too heavily on his mind. Both of ours, in reality. I was disappointed, but I lived through it nonetheless.

I do not have to ask for free periods to discuss things at this point, but to have done so during an intimate moment (regarding the circumstancs) wouldn't have been fair. He had far to much on His mind.

I make it a point to tell him of my thoughts and desires regularly by writing about my needs in the form of poetry, stories, or even brief e-mails outlining an incredibly sexy daydream. Whether or not he chooses to act upon it is another matter, but it is His decision, not mine. And when he does choose to act upon my fantasies... it's incredible to say the least. ;)

< Message edited by RhapsodyInBlue -- 5/5/2005 10:53:14 PM >

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/11/2004 11:37:29 AM

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline

When i was in what was both a dominant/submissive, and sexual relationship with a former Domme, what i would do is try and make sure i was on bottom during the sexual part and then put my arms over my head and pretend to strain against imaginary bonds...my former Domme was perceptive enough to realize that meant i was hoping things would get rougher.

That said...maybe i should have been more direct, and gone the route Maitresse Eden's sub did and beg to suffer for Her...it wasn't something i'd thought about at the time, but after hearing it, it sounds sexy as hell.

sting

(in reply to RhapsodyInBlue)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/11/2004 12:33:08 PM

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

That said...maybe i should have been more direct, and gone the route Maitresse Eden's sub did and beg to suffer for Her...it wasn't something i'd thought about at the time, but after hearing it, it sounds sexy as hell.

Oooo yea. Nothing is sexier to me that hearing the subtle moans of pain coupled with the sweet "please let me hurt for you Mistress.. please.. I can take it, I want to suffer for your pleasure"..

Ok.. sting.. now you got me breathing hard with that sweet thought.

Ms.Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to sting516)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/13/2004 5:47:17 PM

Posts: 168
Status: offline

quote:

Or, is it even right to ask for that....should a sub/slave just let the Dom/me lead and be there for Their whim...well of course yes...but what do we do with a need or a want that may come up in a situation like that?

For me, it depends on how strong the compulsion is. I rarely ask for anything but there are times I just can't help myself. There is no guarantee I will be indulged, of course.

Take care,
Ophelia

(in reply to ringlets)

RE: Wanting pain - 9/14/2004 6:37:32 AM

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
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I WANNAAA FEEL PAIN MASTER!!! HARDER !! HARDER PLEASE SIR....

o did i say that outloud? sorry got a little excited and needed the practice *grins*

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to ringlets)

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