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Is there a difference between spanking for punishment and spanking for pleasure


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Is there a difference between spanking for punishment a... - 11/25/2009 11:24:08 PM   
QueenPenelope


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My sub loves to be spanked. But he says that whips and floggers hurt more than paddles, which he loves. So would it be best to use a flogger or a whip when I am spanking him for punishment and discipline?
-Queen Penelope
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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/25/2009 11:27:20 PM   
GreedyTop


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I always thought spanking was more a hand or paddle/hairbrush thing.

Floggers are for flogging, whips are for whipping.

IMO, of course.


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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 12:24:56 AM   
Drifa


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I find that a soft elkhide mop flogger is very gentle. It doesn't have much sting, it does have a lot of weight and "thud". I personally would rather have a thorough flogging than a professional massage therapist work me over. For me personally, if you start with the flogger, then go to the crop or a leather strap, you can then go to paddle and on up to caning or even whipping.

Each person's pain processing is going to be different. There's basically two types of sensations, sting or thud. A riding crop has plenty of stung. A wooden paddle usually is thud with sting at the edges.  A leather strap is sting. Caning is very deep bruise and sting.

My dynamic doesn't have spanking as a punishment for bad behavior. If I have done wrong, I get The Look, the one that tells me that I have terribly disappointed my Lady and the look makes me want to fall down and cry like a lost child.  If I have done something and it's really bad, she may make me stand in a corner, but this is perishingly rare. That's because for me, spanking is A REWARD.

If you must have a punishment, you need to find out what your sub finds humiliating, uncomfortable, and sufficient incentive that they will not commit the crime again.



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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 2:48:11 AM   
DarkSteven


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Punishment is more than just a physical act.

Sit him down, where he has to look up at you.  Alternatively, make him look at the floor.  Then describe what he did and why you did not like it, and that he is not to do it again.  Make sure to ask him questions throughout to make sure he's still listening and his attention hasn't wandered.

Then spank him.  Hard.  Every so often, stop and ask him what he did wrong.  After he replies, start up again.

You can also incorporate corner time.  Standing in the corner, hands down at sides holding whatever implement is to be used next, thinking about what he did wrong.  Some disciplinarians do this after a spanking but I find it more effective when he knows that there is more spanking ahead.

If you put him into the proper headspace, he will think of it as a punishment.

NOTE: I would punish like this ONLY for something that he knew was wrong when he did it.  Either he did something that expressly contradicted your expressed direction, or else was obviously wrong (e.g., driving after having a couple of drinks).  If he simply did something you didn't like but he didn't know it was wrong, just tell him about it, and that it displeased you, perhaps have him tell you that he understands now not to do it again, and let it go.




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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 6:03:09 AM   
pixelslave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope

My sub loves to be spanked. But he says that whips and floggers hurt more than paddles, which he loves. So would it be best to use a flogger or a whip when I am spanking him for punishment and discipline?
-Queen Penelope



Every impliment produces a different sensation. Different floggers, depending on the material, the weight of the material, the number of falls, the way the tips are cut, and other factors will determine how it feels. Some floggers are "thuddy", some are medium, some are very soft and sensual, others are quite "stingy" and then there are those which have a mix of sting and thud depending on how they're used. In general, unless used primarily for wrapping, whips tend to be very stingy by comparison to anything used for impact play such as paddles or slappers that are usually associated with spanking.

That being said, I personally don't believe in punishment. For me, just knowing I've disappointed my Domme is punishment alone. There's nothing she can do that will make me feel worse than the knowledge that I've disappointed her. Usually that's occurred for 1 of two reasons. Either I've misunderstood her directions/desires or else there was too much on my plate and I needed to communicate that to her so she could set my priorities for me. We subs aren't supermen (or superwomen as the case may be) and can only do so much. When we're overloaded, we need to let our Dominants know so they can set realistic expectations and goals for us.

If there's been a problem of some kind, IMO, it means we need to sit down and talk to get to the root of the cause. If there's been a misunderstanding, then we need to figure out how that's occurred. Do the words she uses mean something different to her than they do to me? If so, then I need to learn what their meaning is so I won't make the same mistake again.

Did I try to do too much and not recognize I was overloaded because I wanted to please her too much? That happens for many of us. We want so much to please our Dominants that we don't want to admit we're not able to do everything we're asked to do. If that's the case, what do I need to do differently to acknowledge my limitations and communicate them to her? Is she perhaps willing to check in with me every now and then to see what's going on and how much I have on my plate to help me from trying to take on too much; especially before she gives me another assignment? Those are just examples.

If there's something I've appeared to not have done in some passive-aggressive or defiant manner, then we need to talk about why that happened. Was it something that was outside the limits of dynamic we agreed to? Is it something I'm having difficulty submitting to her will on? If so, why? Its time for us to talk about those things and what's going on that's creating the power struggle if something like that is happening. What's causing me to struggle with my submission? How important is this issue to her? Is there some ground in-between where we can create a win-win situation that we can both feel good about that still preserves our dynamic?

To me, punishment only serves to create resentment. It doesn't bring two people closer together. It doesn't motivate me want to serve a Mistress and do better for her. If anything, it causes me to feel like a child. I need a Mistress, not a mother. Do you want to be a sub's mother? I suspect not, but I could be wrong. After all, I assume your sub's a grown man who's responsible for his own actions.

I hope you'll consider this as just being food for thought; not as a criticism of your relationship. Its your dynamic to make whatever you want and not my place to tell you how things should work for you and your sub. I'm only sharing what has worked for me in the relationships I've been in.

As they say, take what you find useful and ignore the rest.

- pixel




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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 6:15:11 AM   
HimNbabygirl


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i enjoy spankings, a lot. If i know that a spanking is for punishment, i dread it though. There is a different mindset for me when it comes to a punishment spanking, part of it is knowing i disappointed/angered Master. i don't really know how to explain it, but punishment spankings do not excite me in the least. A punishment spanking also helps me let go. When i know i have disappointed Master, i am harder on myself than He could ever hope to be. He knows this. A punishment spanking helps me get past the "How could i be so stupid" stage to the "i know it was wrong, now how can i fix this or do better next time stage".

i probably didn't explain it the best, but i tried.

His baby girl

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 6:24:51 AM   
kanina


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a beating with the cane its a very different beating with the cane if it is punishment, the action is the same, but the feeling is totally different, i love it when is not punishment and hated when it is...

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 6:26:12 AM   
txurinal


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There is a big difference, i think. My MASTERS used to spank me on a regular basis. Not because i needed punishment, but because they enjoyed it and felt it was a constant reminder to me of my position as their slave. When i was punished, it usually meant having a priviledge taken away from me. Whips and paddles were just a part of life as a slave

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 8:34:34 AM   
SthrnCom4t


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I agree with the above - there is punishment and there is funishment. I'm a Sadist and so I don't need a 'reason' other than I enjoy it, to spank, paddle, crop, cane, etc, My boy.

Punishment, on the other hand, is completely different. I like the idea of choosing one implement, which is ONLY used for punishment. Incorporating the suggestions of the other posters to set the mood and intent around the physical act is extremely important. There should be NOTHING pleasant about this for him, otherwise, he will 'act out' and see this as a 'reward'.

You can create 'funishment' scenarios that are very intense, with an emotionally supportive component. I deliver intense sensation to My boy, and each strike of the cane is physical reinforcement that I 'love' him. It's true....I tell him so as we are playing. Same with the leather strap....he is so beautiful, how could I not want to make him glow red? It can get very intense. He has had marks/bruising for weeks after a good session. Often there are tears...we play on the edge.

Punishment doesn't get him any of this time or energy from Me. Just the opposite in fact.

Thanks for the topic and good luck,


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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 8:40:21 AM   
dreamerdreaming


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Can't help ya, there. I don't do punishment at all. Its not necessary to a good D/s dynamic.

Funishment, yes of course! That's yummy.

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 11:24:17 AM   
LadyPact


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In two and a half years, I've only had to punish clip twice.  I think in most health dynamics that do include punishment, it shouldn't be necessary nearly as often as you'll read some people talking about it.  I happen to be a sadist.  I don't *need* some kind of infraction or unpleasing event to occur for Me to want to play.  Both My boy and Myself enjoy S/m.  Why would I want something negative to have to be a precedent to something that are positive activities for us?

For those who do prefer to use corporal punishments, a separate toy that isn't used for play time can be a good idea.  Different implement, different mindset.  Also, how you carry out the punishment is important.  Let him know you are disappointed in him.  Believe it or not, this can be worse than anything else you are going to do.  If he is devoted to you, it will help him later to prevent any additional occurrences of whatever it is that he did to displease you.

Especially in the beginning of a dynamic, you will occasionally run into the types who will attempt to push you in your authority to see if you will really follow through.  One thing about punishment, if you say you are going to administer it, be ready to follow through.  If you don't, you just proved that there are no consequences for misbehavior and he isn't necessarily going to follow your authority in other matters.


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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 5:11:48 PM   
GYPSYMAMBO


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OP:

THe difference is DIFFERENT for each dynamic.../couple../more

I correct with the cane....
If the cane is part of a funishment/sensation play time
it is administered much differently.

I use the floggers..paddles etc  because I like to and it is fun for me..
It is not always fun for my boy.;.tough tarpaper..
I assert ake my rights as an owner and if I want to hear somes screams
I go for it.

IF as you say your boy likes a certain sensation then it is not punishing or correction to give it and yet..
it may not necessarily be about the item
BUT YOUR DEMEANOR...your words..as you administer the blows.
 
GM



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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 5:37:06 PM   
Venatrix


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quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

Can't help ya, there. I don't do punishment at all. Its not necessary to a good D/s dynamic.

Funishment, yes of course! That's yummy.


My sentiments, exactly.

My take on things is that a strong dominant doesn't need to punish.  My partner knowing that he has disappointed me should be sufficient incentive for the event not to happen again.  If the relationship requires more than that, then I and my partner really need to re-think what we have between us.

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/26/2009 5:54:13 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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I've heard lots of arguments pro physical punishment from those in those kinds of dynamics, mainly saying that after punishment the event was "over" and all was forgiven.  Well, that doesn't work for me.  For one thing, I am working with ADULT humans, and we adults have long term memories and the ability to perform higher order thinking skills.  Shouldn't displeasing me be enough motivation for it to NOT happen again? 

For some, the answer is obviously NO. 

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 11:23:10 AM   
Lashra


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My sub loves to be spanked, in fact he loves pain. However when he is to be punished for something, pain/spanking is the last thing he will get because he enjoys it. I have him do a research paper on some topic that I find interesting. To him THAT is punishment.

However we do roleplay sometimes and he does get "funishment", spanking, paddled, whipped whatever I feel like doing.

~Lashra

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 12:53:13 PM   
Ladynslave


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As a few have said previously, spanking, flogging, and paddling do not always translate as punishments.  It depends on you, your slave, and the dynamics of your relationship.  I had the worst time with Slave when I used them as punishments.  He loves them so much he would misbehave on purpose in order to get them.  After much hair-pulling (me of my own) and frustration, I did some re-evaluation, I changed them to rewards and now get the behavior I desire.  Find what works for you and yours as a punishment.  I thought the research paper was very creative and even had me cringing.  LOL!

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 12:55:11 PM   
Underumam


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I'm taking the 5th on this one..*evil grin*

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 1:10:12 PM   
Venatrix


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

I'm taking the 5th on this one..*evil grin*


I think you ought to be punished for that.

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 1:14:40 PM   
Underumam


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam

I'm taking the 5th on this one..*evil grin*


I think you ought to be punished for that.


*jaw drop* (((hides in corner)))

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RE: Is there a difference between spanking for punishme... - 11/27/2009 6:30:37 PM   
HimNbabygirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I've heard lots of arguments pro physical punishment from those in those kinds of dynamics, mainly saying that after punishment the event was "over" and all was forgiven.  Well, that doesn't work for me.  For one thing, I am working with ADULT humans, and we adults have long term memories and the ability to perform higher order thinking skills.  Shouldn't displeasing me be enough motivation for it to NOT happen again? 

For some, the answer is obviously NO. 


for me, it's not that the incident that caused the punishment is over and forgotten, it is more of a way for me to get past the stage of where i am beating myself up and wondering if i am deserving of being His slave to the point of where i can breathe again and concentrate on my behavior and what i need to do not to repeat such disappointing behavior again. displeasing Him is a huge motivation, but sometimes it is not so much a willful disobedience but more of needing to change a behavior learned before i met Him. as a learned behavior, it is difficult to change overnight.

His baby girl

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