pixelslave
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quote:
ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope
My sub loves to be spanked. But he says that whips and floggers hurt more than paddles, which he loves. So would it be best to use a flogger or a whip when I am spanking him for punishment and discipline?
-Queen Penelope
Every impliment produces a different sensation. Different floggers, depending on the material, the weight of the material, the number of falls, the way the tips are cut, and other factors will determine how it feels. Some floggers are "thuddy", some are medium, some are very soft and sensual, others are quite "stingy" and then there are those which have a mix of sting and thud depending on how they're used. In general, unless used primarily for wrapping, whips tend to be very stingy by comparison to anything used for impact play such as paddles or slappers that are usually associated with spanking.
That being said, I personally don't believe in punishment. For me, just knowing I've disappointed my Domme is punishment alone. There's nothing she can do that will make me feel worse than the knowledge that I've disappointed her. Usually that's occurred for 1 of two reasons. Either I've misunderstood her directions/desires or else there was too much on my plate and I needed to communicate that to her so she could set my priorities for me. We subs aren't supermen (or superwomen as the case may be) and can only do so much. When we're overloaded, we need to let our Dominants know so they can set realistic expectations and goals for us.
If there's been a problem of some kind, IMO, it means we need to sit down and talk to get to the root of the cause. If there's been a misunderstanding, then we need to figure out how that's occurred. Do the words she uses mean something different to her than they do to me? If so, then I need to learn what their meaning is so I won't make the same mistake again.
Did I try to do too much and not recognize I was overloaded because I wanted to please her too much? That happens for many of us. We want so much to please our Dominants that we don't want to admit we're not able to do everything we're asked to do. If that's the case, what do I need to do differently to acknowledge my limitations and communicate them to her? Is she perhaps willing to check in with me every now and then to see what's going on and how much I have on my plate to help me from trying to take on too much; especially before she gives me another assignment? Those are just examples.
If there's something I've appeared to not have done in some passive-aggressive or defiant manner, then we need to talk about why that happened. Was it something that was outside the limits of dynamic we agreed to? Is it something I'm having difficulty submitting to her will on? If so, why? Its time for us to talk about those things and what's going on that's creating the power struggle if something like that is happening. What's causing me to struggle with my submission? How important is this issue to her? Is there some ground in-between where we can create a win-win situation that we can both feel good about that still preserves our dynamic?
To me, punishment only serves to create resentment. It doesn't bring two people closer together. It doesn't motivate me want to serve a Mistress and do better for her. If anything, it causes me to feel like a child. I need a Mistress, not a mother. Do you want to be a sub's mother? I suspect not, but I could be wrong. After all, I assume your sub's a grown man who's responsible for his own actions. 
I hope you'll consider this as just being food for thought; not as a criticism of your relationship. Its your dynamic to make whatever you want and not my place to tell you how things should work for you and your sub. I'm only sharing what has worked for me in the relationships I've been in. 
As they say, take what you find useful and ignore the rest. 
- pixel
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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
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Is there a difference between spanking for punishment a... - 
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