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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> just a general newbie question

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just a general newbie question - 12/7/2009 2:20:52 PM

HisSweetElysium

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I apologize if this is a dumb question, but I am curious. I have an acquaintance who lives with two women and another guy. The girls are shared by both men, and they are also bi together, independently of the men. The men, while friends, do not engage sexually with each other.

Is this a poly situation? It seems like it to me, but although I've read about a variety of poly arrangements here and in other places, this seems unusual. I only ask b/c it intrigues me, and I often find myself discussing it, and going through the above explanation, I wonder if there is a more simple term that is applicable.

Thank you, and again, I apologize for the ignorance of my question!

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/7/2009 3:39:34 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Maybe.

It depends on whether or not they all consider themselves to be involved in emotional relationships with each other as opposed to just having sex. Polyamory is loosely defined by the emotional bond between multiple partners. However, swinging is a type of non-monogamy that focuses on sex without emotional involvement. So the question is whether or not they have emotional intimacy with each other. Physical contact is irrelevant.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/7/2009 3:46:15 PM

Ladynslave

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If they define themselves as Poly, then yes it is.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/7/2009 9:21:19 PM

chellekitty

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i have some friends living in a similar situation (only difference being that they have outside-the-house relationships too) and they consider themselves poly....but the only way to know for sure if your friend(s) is/are poly would to be to ask them...

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/15/2009 7:25:26 PM

PrincessofFire

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I agree with ladynslave. I think their own perception of the relationship plays strongly on how to view it!

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/26/2009 5:50:08 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

I apologize if this is a dumb question, but I am curious. I have an acquaintance who lives with two women and another guy. The girls are shared by both men, and they are also bi together, independently of the men. The men, while friends, do not engage sexually with each other.

Is this a poly situation? It seems like it to me, but although I've read about a variety of poly arrangements here and in other places, this seems unusual. I only ask b/c it intrigues me, and I often find myself discussing it, and going through the above explanation, I wonder if there is a more simple term that is applicable.

Thank you, and again, I apologize for the ignorance of my question!

Based on the limited amount of information you have supplied, the only thing there that one can be sure of is that you have 4 people who have sex, that it in and of itself, does not describe any type of relationship other than a sexual one.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/27/2009 4:44:58 PM

tiemeupSir02

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if they believe they are poly then maybe so

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/27/2009 9:00:30 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

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I believe I want them as Roommates.

Do you know if they have a room available?

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RE: just a general newbie question - 12/31/2009 8:40:39 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tiemeupSir02

if they believe they are poly then maybe so

Poly ususally infers an emotional connection and commitment to those involved with something more than just a sexual relationalship

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RE: just a general newbie question - 1/1/2010 1:12:52 AM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

Sounds like it could be poly.

Could also be that people are just fucking around and having a good time doing it. You'd have to ask them. I have "shared" partners in the past in that a friend and I realized we were casually fucking the same guy. We gave a threesome a try but even with that, I doubt any of us would have considered it poly or even swinging as there was no relationship going on at all.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 1/1/2010 10:05:45 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
Is this a poly situation?

Most definitely.... However.. the type of intimate poly arrangement is another matter. It might be more a Poly-sexual situation than a poly-amory situation. But it might have little of both. It's clear they have some sort of affection between them since they are all living together. However, is this a lifetime commitment... or is this more lets see how it goes today kinda of thing. Poly-arrangements can become rather complex to the outsiders point of view... but ironically... for those poly-arrangements that are working... they are rather simple in they see their path rather clearly, even though there is alot of twists and turns to it.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 1/21/2010 10:12:16 AM

marithra

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It really depends on what they view it as. I am in a similar situation, my two boys are not interested in the least with each other, but my girlfriend and I 'share' them. My primary and I have been dating for over 3 years and we have been dating out other halves for almost 6 months. We consider ourselves poly as there is more then just a physical relationship between the 4 of us. For them they may just be having some fun, or they may have something more. I would advise just asking them. ^_^

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Post #: 12

RE: just a general newbie question - 1/31/2010 6:37:39 PM

MasterGreg43

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I would also agree the group defined what title is placed on them, some My say a live in swingers, but living in one house everyone know each other sharing with each other only no out side people that is the poly lifestyle indeed

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/12/2010 10:08:40 PM

sunshinemiss

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Hello Elysium,

I'm not sure how to ask these questions without them sounding abrupt and potentially judgmental. They are not meant to be either - just curious.

Why does it interest you? Is there a reason you need to know? Are you thinking of joining them in some way?

Or is your question really - just what is poly exactly?

Best,
sunshine

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/13/2010 2:29:17 PM

PrincessDonna

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It was always my understanding that"poly" was a group living together(usually with an emotional bond) that put the needs of the "household" before their own,be it sub,Dom,or slave,I may be wrong but without the emotional attachment it has never worked for me.Now I'm wondering how long this has been going on? Are they like college kids or what?

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/13/2010 7:24:48 PM

HisSweetElysium

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Well I guess I ask b/c it's the first time I have heard of people I personally knew living this way. I have known household with multiple women, but not multiple men, not like this anyway. I believe the person I knew considered himself a hedonist. He was visiting from the West Coast about 9 months ago and He and I hooked up. He was a wonderful lover, LOL.

He talked a lot about this arrangement, and had wanted me to visit him in San Francisco. I thought about it (before I met my Master), and spent some mental energy trying to imagine what the day to day is like. It's just a very foreign concept to me, though not a bad one. Hence the question

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/17/2010 6:34:59 AM

Stephann

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I'll disagree with what a few people have mentioned; if I see a situation that I consider poly, I don't believe I require their permission to consider it to be poly. It's not a judgment against them mind you; certainly their perception of their situation, in large part, will dictate how the relationships play out.

That said, I agree with KoM, it sounds like a poly something.

Stephan

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/19/2010 10:19:24 AM

MsDDom

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quote:

but although I've read about a variety of poly arrangements here and in other places

I believe ur statement answered ur question. Poly arrangements varies...

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/22/2010 4:29:28 PM

MsLeatherLace69

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Does everything have to be labeled? If they are happy in the situation they are far ahead of most others.

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RE: just a general newbie question - 2/23/2010 9:12:49 AM

MistressRoux

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it seems like a poly set-up

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Post #: 20

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