Elisabella
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Joined: 5/22/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
bella,
The main problem for that, I think, is the dichotomy between those who find all women essentially slaves at nature and those who adamantly deny that's the case.
I have trouble with the "ideal" thing because, well, women are different, and many different women are interesting and attractive for many different reasons.
More along of the lines of the nature of sex thing, though--I do believe, and strongly, that this is a need, a hard-wired part of us, not a want or a whim, as society has all too often characterized it. And no, not as a whining "I need you" thing either. I mean that women need men, socially and physically, and yes, men don't live well without women either. Touch, social interaction, sexual contact--just look at the change in our behaviors, even just casual contact, when the gender of the company changes. It's part of who we are, and something to explore and embrace.
My two tarsks.
This is true...it does make me wonder what women would be like if there were no men around. I mean sure, a lot of us do the hair/makeup/heels thing as much to compete with other women (whether we admit it or not) as to be found attractive, but I wonder what a woman's idea of an attractive woman would be if she hadn't co-opted the male gaze.
Feminists write a lot about this type of thing, but I believe they draw the wrong conclusions from it. Their first instinct is to 'fix' this, to try to make men see an attractive woman through the natural gaze a woman would have, which to me is utterly ridiculous. It's like they refuse to see that men and women are *both* reflected in each other's eyes...and that we also both have a natural inclination toward what it is that the other sees.
Women are vain. Most of us at least. Even the high powered career women who have sacrificed a relationship for a career will feel an acute sting if she's told "You're good at you're career, and that makes up for the fact that you'll never be beautiful." Whereas a man who is told something similar, "You're good at your career, and that makes up for the fact that you'll never be handsome" will laugh and agree because he knows that when it comes to attracting a woman, his success will more than make up for his face - especially if he's just 'average' - But even an ugly man can be with a beautiful woman if he wanted...maybe not one with a great personality but everyone has to make *some* compromise.
And I think that just as we have a natural inclination to wanting to be adored and cherished and told we're lovely, men have a much more obvious inclination toward ambitious success outside the home - really, when we were just starting out as a little baby species, it was that inclination that kept us alive. Men speared tigers, thus ensuring that 1. we wouldn't get eaten and 2. we would have something to eat.
I think women's inclinations toward femininity are less obvious than the "tiger killer turned CEO" aspect that men have, because when most people think of survival the first thing that comes to mind are things like "food, protection, shelter" and not "having children" but those 'feminine wiles' are essential to guaranteeing that the species survives to the next generation.
The feminist complaint that "men care if a woman is pretty but a woman doesn't care if a man is pretty" is, to me, pointing out something that has ensured our species' survival, namely division of labour based on gender. A pregnant woman can't go out and hunt tigers. She'll likely lose the baby. So the man goes out and protects, so the woman can stay at home and nest.
Some people say that line of thought is archaic in our modern world of conveniences, but I'm hesitant to believe that. As technological progress makes us less able to hear our instincts speaking to us, we should be exponentially more hesitant and self aware, because we can get a lot farther with a bad idea in a lot less time now than we ever could before.
< Message edited by Elisabella -- 12/11/2009 2:33:52 PM >
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