allyC
Posts: 776
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: Las Vegas
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ORIGINAL: Kimveri Across the spectrum of femininity, I think there's a lot more that doesn't fit smoothly & comfortably into those three categories. I do think that most women have a bit of the service &/or submissive tendency, but not all, & maybe not a lot of opportunity to express it positively. Greetings, Mistress! A verrra interesting topic! I had to chew on this one for a few days and give it some thought before I let my fingers do the flyin'. With reference to the above, I agree wholeheartedly. I believe that there are as many possible facets to femininity as there are shades of gray. While there are broad brush statements that could apply to most women, femininity itself is so much more colorful and complex. With each individual being a combination of both primal and social (conditioning, collective experiences, etc.), the possibilities of where each person would naturally fit are endless. The part of the above quote which really caught my interest and had me *nodnodnodding* was the aspect of expressing (or not) the service/submissive tendency in a positive way. There are many women who have been in situations where that aspect appears as something quite negative due to the nature of how it was brought about and the reasons behind it. Funny thing, the flipside of the coin is quite similar. I know that for me, those relationships where the submissive desire was squelched due to the need for me to step up, take control, and shoulder the lion's share of responsibility (i.e. he wouldn't so I had no choice), were also expressions of natural tendencies gone awry. ;) It wasn't pleasant. I do believe that to a large extent, women are the chameleons. They can and will adapt to whatever is necessary to find security and strength. It is the how and the why of that adapting that makes all the difference in the world in my opinion.
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...we become contortionists in the effort to find a 'box' that fits. I know so many women who have struggled to find the right fit for years... I fear that many of them will continue to be contortionists rather than simply just be. There is a great deal of societal pressure pushing women (and men too) into places that just don't work sometimes. I think a great deal of that, however, has to do with the human need for acceptance. Everyone says "you must be x, y, and z to fit" and due to that pressure, our natural courses are changed as we are split between being who we are and being what we are expected to be by others. It is a tragic dichotomy really - because we are social creatures we all have the natural potential to be pushed to follow something that would hinder what is natural for us. Sometimes the end result is something so far from natural that it is frightening. The lifestyle community, while obviously accepting of D/s based roles, can still be like the above in a microcosm. And in the Gorean community, a woman is (to some degree) forced to choose if she is to present as a slave, or a Free woman - and between those two extremes lies a whole lot of gray. On one hand, it makes things quite difficult for many because they don't really fit at either extreme. On the other hand, it certainly does cause us to look deeply into ourselves as women to examine what we're really made of, doesn't it? quote:
Almost any woman, across the full spectrum of femininity, can survive in enslavement & will thus be less likely than most men to choose to die fighting it. So, if a woman chooses to bend herself to surviving enslavement that increases the chances of her being fully mastered -- conditioned to do his will over her own.
This suggests that the majority of women could be enslaved. Regardless of where on the spectrum of femininity her own nature &/or personality places her. I think reality suggests that the majority of people in general could be enslaved but yes, I agree that women are more likely to choose enslavement over death. History has shown that and our primal nature has demonstrated that particular thing time and time again.
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The only two things necessary for a woman (or anyone, honestly) to be enslaved is for ...1)them to choose life in slavery over death seeking freedom....& 2) a stronger will than their own taking ultimate authority over them.
So...do you fit in a box?
Well I do but it damned well better be a big one. I'm not all that petite you know. *wink* Seriously... I don't know if I view it as fitting in a box per se, but rather I fit into this strangely shaped, unique, multi-faceted vessel - one that was shaped over time by finally allowing myself to be me. Now a big part of that odd little (okay large) vessel is near the extreme end of the spectrum to be sure. I am indeed an enslaved woman, however, that enslavement is not brought about because I was born a "natural slave" but rather because one, specific man made it so. Now it is he who allows me to be me - the natural me in relation to him. ;) quote:
Will you force yourself to do so? Oh I've forced myself into many boxes in the past and probably will try to do so again to one degree or another, however, when it comes to service, submission, & slavery, I don't have to force myself into anything. He leads me, bends me, and shapes me into that place - a place that wouldn't even exist were it not for him. To be honest, I don't really understand how one could force themselves into slavery unless they were enslaved to themselves. ;) In practice, it would all be pretty one sided. quote:
Will you bend to the will of another who seeks to place you in a box, even if they must bend &/or break you to do so? Hmmm. I suppose that would depend on what/whom I'm protecting (besides myself) who is trying to place me there, and the conditions surrounding it all. That's such a tough question. I guess my answer is that I will bend if the one doing the bending can do it. And I will break if that person succeeds in breaking me. But unless there was something extremely precious that I was protecting by surrender, I don't think I'd be very easy to break. I don't believe that I am the type of woman who was born to surrender (if there is such a thing). I'm far too spirited and control-minded for that. I do know that there is always a bigger dog out there that could break me though. I am grateful that my owner bends with care. (I think Master broke me the other night but that's another story altogether. muahaha)
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Where are you on this spectrum of femininity, ladies? For me, that spectrum is ever changing as I head further down the path of enslavement. It's definitely in the slavery area, but certainly not to the end yet. And then I have to also think of the "me" that lies beneath - the "me" that would be forced to emerge if that dominant force mastering me ceased to be. Where that part of me fits, I don't know anymore. I have become so profoundly dependent on him for my sense of self that the whole concept seems foreign now. I supposeit would all depend on both inner and external forces and how they would affect my path to simply be. As I re-read what I've written, I'm afraid it might sound like I've been hittin' the bottle. *laughs* I'm not sure if I made much sense as to me at this hour, it is all looking a bit odd but hopefully I expressed myself well enough. ;) Well wishes to you, Mistress. Thanks as always for picking my brain... I'm sure that when I go to sleep tonight I'll be rolling this around some more and I'll have something else to throw into the fray soon. Cav's ally
< Message edited by allyC -- 12/31/2009 12:49:51 AM >
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RE: Service-submission-slavery ...OR... Femininity - 
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