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a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 3:40:18 AM

sunshine333

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i've read on this board (just this morning) and on other boards as well that a slave's happiness is dependent on her Owner.

so out of curiosity ... do you think that is true? do you think that is as it should be?

humbly,
sunshine

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 3:51:06 AM

smilezz

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I for one absolutely disagree. I feel that if i am not happy within myself, i am no use to Thorns. I am not dependent on Him making me happy............He just does.

~smilezz~

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 4:08:46 AM

Yedi

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I both agree and disagree.... I agree in the fact that a True Master makes a kajira beel her belly and desire to serve and in being pleasing she becomes happy. I disagree in the fact that sometimes it is not your fault that you may be unhappy nor Might it be your Masters it is the nature of the human condition to have difrences of mood....also it may be something that be in neither of your controll because of other things as well ... it is a hard call and each situation is unique

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 5:05:55 AM

allyC

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Hello, sunshine. :) I think that the answer will be somewhat mixed (at least mine will.) Happiness is such a broad and subjective term. There are so many levels and areas in which happiness plays a part that it is difficult to simply say 'True or False." I definitely can gauge my own daily happiness based on his pleasure - that is something that has grown moreso over time. Sort of like that old, cheezy Barry Manilow song... "I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad, etc." His emotional state largely affects my own if that makes sense. On a much broader scale, as a general rule, throughout my life, though I have suffered from a clinical form of depression, I am still a very happy person. It has been a long road of self-acceptance for me to get to a place where I am actually happy with myself (and believe me, I'm still truckin' on down that path!). I don't believe that my owner is necessary for me to be a generally happy person simply because I was that way before I met him and before I was owned. I don't feel that I am dependent on him for my entire self worth either. I am secure in the knowledge that I do indeed have value - even if I were an unowned woman pluggin' along through life. I do believe, however, now that he has become a part of my life, that if it became necessary to live my life without him, my happiness would suffer a grave blow. That isn't to say that I would never be happy again but now that I have had a taste of life with him - now that I have known what it is to be owned, possessed, and loved so gently and yet so brutally - I don't know if I would ever feel this fulfilled ever again if he was not a part of my life. Perhaps therein lies the difference. Happiness vs. fulfillment. I can be a happy person in life with or without a man. But now that I have known life beneath his upper hand, I know that for me, my whole and complete fulfillment is indeed dependent on him in many ways as it is he whom I live for, breathe for, ache for, and love more than life itself. I still seek his validation in nearly everything I do and while I believe I do have value, there is no one on the planet who can make me feel more worth & happiness (or less worth and unhappiness) than he can. So... to answer your question - True. And false. :) Well wishes, Cav's ally

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 7:29:52 AM

Nosathro

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Tal and greetings

As the Gorean proverb goes "A slave is the happiest when serving". I think that both Free and slave are happy when we are comfortable with ourselves. And as a Master, a little postive reinforcement now and then helps.

I wish you well

Nosathro

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 7:40:24 AM

LoupdeMontagne

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Each and everyone of you, slave or free, is responsible for your own happiness. Your state of being is a choice and no one can "make" you anything. You can chose to be pleased that your owner is pleased or you can chose to be unhappy that you didn't get a more powerful response from your owner or you can chose to feel nothing while serving. Bear in mind the responses you will receive from your owner or slave if you chose to repond differently than expected. For owners this is often a good training tool.

This responsibility for your own moods and emotions carries over nicely to the vanilla world. No one can make you unhappy unless you let them. To put your moods and emotions in someone else's hands is asking for trouble.

Hephaestus
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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 9:29:17 AM

starshineowned

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Greetings..~smiles~

Good question sunshine, and a simply reply: Master does not make my happiness..He makes my happiness better!

(ever seen that BASF commercial?)

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 11:33:24 AM

BeingChewsie

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Happiness for me comes from within. Happiness is an attitude and choice. Somedays I must find happiness in the smallest threads of my life as property. Believing that happiness comes from anywhere but within would be a sure path to misery in my life as property. I have come to understand that I can not change my owner(or his will) but I can change myself , my own attitude and outlook. I focus on turning difficult things into positve experiences and feelings. He is very helpful in that. He reinforces and assists me when I hit the wall. Sometimes when my owner is exceptionally icy cold, demanding or ignoring me (which tend to be things that make me feel *unhappy*) I remind myself how lucky I am to be property. How lucky I am to have an owner who genuinely and effectively dominates me and that I have one whose own dark needs( I'm an emotional masochist) compliment my own so well. I use a mantra every day (sometimes several times a day) to help me find my focus, remain owner-centric and to remind me to choose happiness.

It isn't happiness that I feel when he is pleased with me, it is more a sense of *relief*.

The fact that I am an emotional masochist may have something to do with it. I tend to find when he does things that make me feel * sad or unhappy* it doesn't take long to get flooded with good endorphins and get the "warm fuzzies"...which then makes me feel good. So it is all inter-related and in that sense he and I are an extremely good fit.

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 2:31:44 PM

allyC

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quote:

Your state of being is a choice and no one can "make" you anything. You can chose to be pleased that your owner is pleased or you can chose to be unhappy that you didn't get a more powerful response from your owner or you can chose to feel nothing while serving.

Greetings, Master Hephaestus. I find that I disagree with your sentiment here. I do wish it was that easy though! If it were, I would choose to feel happy every moment. While I may choose how I react, behave, and express myself, I cannot choose how I will feel. For me, feelings are never right or wrong, they simply are. My owner has the power alter how I feel. I don't get to choose if he is going to make me feel happy one day or sad the next. My only choice in that matter is how I behave, learn, and move on as a result of my feelings - at least that is how it works for me. Well wishes, Cav's ally

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/22/2006 5:54:22 PM

sunshine333

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quote:

Master does not make my happiness..He makes my happiness better!

that's great starshine. i'll have to remember that one (and use it as if i made it up myself ... wink ...)

it scares me to think of relying on a person for my happiness. or relying on any "thing" for that matter. i don't know that i could ever give myself up to someone to that degree.

happiness seems to be such a relative word. there are other words that are similar, like fulfillment, as ally pointed out. so i suppose it's a difficult thing to talk about because we all have our own interpretations of the word.

i second what starshine said ... and i hope that once i'm owned i'll still feel that way.

humbly,
sunshine

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/23/2006 9:05:09 AM

LoupdeMontagne

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quote:

Greetings, Master Hephaestus.

I find that I disagree with your sentiment here. I do wish it was that easy though! If it were, I would choose to feel happy every moment.

While I may choose how I react, behave, and express myself, I cannot choose how I will feel. For me, feelings are never right or wrong, they simply are.

My owner has the power alter how I feel. I don't get to choose if he is going to make me feel happy one day or sad the next. My only choice in that matter is how I behave, learn, and move on as a result of my feelings - at least that is how it works for me.

Well spoken, girl. I would add, however, that you CAN change how you feel, which to my mind makes it a choice. If you are unhappy about something your Master has done, think about it, discover why you are unhappy. Do you think that unhappiness is justified or is it a result of something you have yet to work on? As you work through these things you can shift your focus, changing your perception of things that make you unhappy. Eventually that particular issue may no longer make you unhappy. That's the gist of what I was getting at. It's not what he does that makes you unhappy. You are unhappy for your own reasons, internally, and are therefore responsible for it.

Hephaestus
Chambre du Loup de Montagne

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RE: a slave's happiness - 3/23/2006 10:36:00 AM

barelynangel

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greetings sunshine,

i agree with most that its a mixed idea. I believe each individual makes their own happiness by how they look at things and choose to do with things that don't, (i think beingchewsie touched on this and ally too) but when you have a bond with someone there are times when your happiness is interconnected with the other person. In my opinion with a slave, its how she looks at things and as already stated what she does with it. For example, when i was owned, i seemed utterly empathic to his moods and feelings. I am sure many can relate to this. When i first became his, i was greedy in taking the blame for his dark moods lol so to speak and i saw every single change if it was a bad change about me, and i probably will in the beginning when i am owned again until i can gauge what his moods mean, that i was doing something wrong, something not right, something i could do differently, i spent many an hour worrying mostly trying to figure it out - much of it was negative in that i blamed myself and i analyzed everything i did, which hindered my slavery. Then i got over it and realized that his moods all had whys and reasons behind them and lol usually they weren't in regards to me. So even though i was very intune with his moods and his moods would many times creap into me and i would feel them also, i learned to put them into perspective of being his moods not mine. That learning was very beneficial for me, as it allowed me to take a step back and see things more clearly and be able to help not hinder so to speak, especially towards the end. So in that aspect as a bond with him, his happiness was my happiness, and in me being happy simply because i was with him, i tended to make him happy. To me its sort of like children, when you have a happy slave around sometimes you just can't help but smile, and a smile helps even the darkests of moods a little.

My Master many times had major control over my emotions and at times controled my emotions, which is a little different, but over all, happiness in a situation is a personal project. On going many times and often a struggle to keep things in perspective and moving in a direction of positive not negative.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 3/23/2006 10:45:00 AM >

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