nephandi
Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline
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Greetings
I think that women tend to manipulate more often than men do. This have to do with women often valuing the group harmony so much that to directly go in and demand things to become the way she want it often seams wrong. Sometimes that manipulation is quite friendly, like with Aswad, neither him nor me is really that healthy with what we eat, and he is the one that usually cook, but if I cook something with vegetables he will eat it instead of making something else for himself.. In a way this is a kind of manipulation, but it is a friendly one.
However the way women talk, even amongst ourself can lead men to think we are trying to manipulate them, when in case we are not. Women tend to say things in the nicest way possible, and to move around in circles around what they really want, instead of just coming out to say it. This often annoy men to no end. But it is not manipulation, for women understand what it is we are saying to one another, it is just when there comes a man involved that there are problems. Sometimes it seams like men and women speak different languages. Let me make an example.
Our best friend often comes over to our house to play games. Now he have a lady in his life and when he leaves he often asks her if it is okey that he leaves that evening. Now if his lady had planned a romantic dinner, or just did not want to be alone, she says something like this. Fine, just go. And then expect her man to understand from her tone of voice that it is not really ok, while at the same time avoiding being demanding, the desired effect is that he is to say, are you sure, and then they will go a bit back and forth until he agrees to stay home without her asking for it. Now men see this as manipulation, but in my experience it is not, it is just the way many woman communicate, in a very non assertive way.
Man's way to communicate: I want beef and mashed potatoes for dinner to day.
Woman's way to communicate: Honey, is it not long since he had beef and mushed potatoes? Perhaps we should have that one day soon?
In Norway we have a saying, walking around the porridge, it means to hint and to speak around something instead of going at it directly. And woman very often communicate like that, and then expect men to understand us.
But as for direct manipulation. I think that is also more accepted among women than among men. Look for example at a girl and a boy being insulted. The boy will attack and fight the one insulting him, or at least directly insult him back. Girls will giggle it away and then manipulate events to get revenge. Off course this not not always the case. With my grandmother and grandfather, she was the one with the reins who controlled things in the household and got straight to the chase, while he held back and manipulated things. But generally women walk more around the porridge, setting up things in their favor instead of going at it directly, while men say directly what they want and take direct steps to get it.
I wish you well
_____________________________
Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad
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RE: Manipulation? - 
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