Two doms in poly - your experiences please

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AquaticSub -> Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/20/2010 8:31:50 AM)
We've been open to me having a relationship with another male dominant for nearly as long as we've been poly. I haven't advertised for it on my CM profile for several reasons that I won't go into right now. However, I'm considering changing the profile to reflect that it is a possiblity. In light of that, I'm asking for others experiences with two doms in a poly situation, particularly in regards to the "looking" and "settling in" aspects. I've learned a great deal from others on the message boards and hopefully I can learn a little more now. [:)]

heartfeltsub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/20/2010 10:24:12 AM)
i have had some experience with it, if you would like to contact me offline on CMail.

MasterAramis -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/20/2010 1:07:05 PM)
I would like to know the reason why your Master feels the need for this? Please don't take offense at the question as none is intended, but it is something of a great interest to me. Aramis

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/20/2010 1:17:42 PM)
I have recently ended a relationship with two dominants, though slightly different to your situation it was with a pre-existing couple. Where to start on my experiences. Because she was a switch, though really only sub to him, it was a strange set up, I initially didn't feel comfortable seeing that side so much, and REALLY didn't feel comfortable doing the things that I knew she did with him. It was a little weird. I found the hardest thing was knowing which one was 'more' dominant, ie if there were two conflicting rules or whatever. Eventually we sorted that out to make sure that there were no conflicting orders. It was all about respecting each others stuff really, a problem the two dominants had was 'whos scene is this' if me and her were playing and he came in she would shout at him and vice versa, didn't half ruin the moment a fair few times. One thing we really relied on was weekly talks, every sunday kinda how is this going etc etc. How we met was easy to be honest, I made a comment on a blog and then got a mail from her so I can't help in that regard. I guess it would help to know specifically what you are after, I am pretty sure none of my stuff will be at all relevant because you are not talking about going into a couple, but instead adding a dominant to the mix, which I would guess adds a totally different dynamic.

AquaticSub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 5:30:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterAramis I would like to know the reason why your Master feels the need for this? Please don't take offense at the question as none is intended, but it is something of a great interest to me. Aramis We're not offended by it. He doesn't feel a "need" for it anymore than I feel a "need" for him to have another girl. We are simply quite aware that neither of us allow anything to threaten our relationship with each other. If he is fortunate enough to find another girl, she will be loved and cherished but if she should ever try to displace me, she'll be gone in a heartbeat. The same goes for me. Should I be fortunate enough to find another dominant who suits me and I suit him, we'll have to work things out so that neither is trying to overpower the other and the second he tries to take me from Val... he's gone. I don't know if that explains it well. Another way to put it is that he doesn't feel a need for it, he just isn't threatened by it. So, as we are poly, he doesn't feel a need to restrict that possibility from me. He knows my behavior and, while I haven't entered into a relationship of any sort, I have had my fun with other men since we became poly and I have followed every rule and guideline with devotation, playing it safe quite a few times when he wouldn't have minded me jumping in. I honestly think our power dynamic has grown since we've made the change. I realize that will probably sound very strange to those not suited to or interested in this sort of relationship but that is how I feel.

AquaticSub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 5:34:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally I guess it would help to know specifically what you are after, I am pretty sure none of my stuff will be at all relevant because you are not talking about going into a couple, but instead adding a dominant to the mix, which I would guess adds a totally different dynamic. I'm looking... for a fit. I know that is hopelessly vague but I wouldn't mind if the dominant were part of a couple as long as all the "family" dynamics worked well together. Like... if the dominant's wife/sub/slave/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever play video games with Val while said dom and I were out dancing or something. Since Val doesn't particular care for dancing and I do, that would be a way for all the personalities to mesh together. Does that make any sense? [:)]

MasterAramis -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 6:20:29 AM)
Greetings AquaticSub, Thank you for the reply. I wish you well on your journey and I must say that I am quite impressed with your owner. Please do give him my regards. Many believe that a woman cannot serve two Masters, nor should a Master share his possession. I disagree. Personally I think a woman can receive greater insights to her submission, her very slavery by such action. I think what it is you are about to do is wonderful. I have read much of what you have written on the boards, so I will refrain from giving you any more in the way of advice as I believe the both of you are grounded enough in who you are to make the right choices in this matter. Again I wish you well. Aramis

AquaticSub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 6:32:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterAramis Personally I think a woman can receive greater insights to her submission, her very slavery by such action. I think what it is you are about to do is wonderful. This is something that we really agree with. While I wouldn't suggest someone taking this path to try and knit a relationship closer together, we have found that we've grown closer through being poly. It's been a wonderful adventure so far. [:)] quote: I have read much of what you have written on the boards, so I will refrain from giving you any more in the way of advice as I believe the both of you are grounded enough in who you are to make the right choices in this matter. Thank you very much! [:)]

heartfeltsub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 7:52:08 AM)
i know in my experience, it was such, a family atmosphere. There was a clear who was primary so to speak and who was important, but secondary. There were closer emotional ties with the primary and some emotional ties with the secondary. But i got to grow as a submissive in some ways with one and in other ways with the other.

MasterAramis -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 7:57:30 AM)
quote: But i got to grow as a submissive in some ways with one and in other ways with the other Heartfelt, This is exactly what I am talking about. I think it is important that a woman experience this growth. In my opinion women can learn so much from men, and having this experience I am sure opened you more to new possibilities. Your primary, how did he feel regarding this exchange? Or I should say, how did he view it? Where the two friends? Besides you, did they share a mutual interest or philosophy? Are you still involved? Sorry for all the questions. Aramis

heartfeltsub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 9:24:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterAramis quote: But i got to grow as a submissive in some ways with one and in other ways with the other Heartfelt, This is exactly what I am talking about. I think it is important that a woman experience this growth. In my opinion women can learn so much from men, and having this experience I am sure opened you more to new possibilities. Your primary, how did he feel regarding this exchange? Or I should say, how did he view it? Where the two friends? Besides you, did they share a mutual interest or philosophy? Are you still involved? Sorry for all the questions. Aramis No problem with the questions, am quoting so i don't miss answering any of them. My primary was thrilled with the exchange, He knew there were things that He wasn't comfortable doing that were part of what i needed. He also does not have a jealous or insecure bone in His body. He was all for it. The two Dominants were and still are friends, although i am no longer with the primary Dominant. They did share a mutual philosophy to a point, there were differences based on personality. In my instance, it is different than what the OP is asking, i knew the Dominant who was secondary longer and had been serving Him and playing with Him before the Dominant who became my primary was in the lifestyle. In fact, the Dominant who became my primary actually mentored under the One who was the secondary prior to the primary Dominant and i establishing our D/s relationship. So the Dominant who was the secondary, helped the One who was my primary to build His philosophy. As i said, i am no longer collared by the Dominant who was my primary because of other issues. i still interact from time to time with the Dominant who was the secondary. Hope that answers the questions that you asked. heartfelt

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/21/2010 11:01:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Since Val doesn't particular care for dancing and I do, that would be a way for all the personalities to mesh together. That my love, as I am sure you know, is the key to getting poly working, you mesh and fit and bridge gaps in things you are missing out on so yeah it very much makes sense. I think you sound like you and Val both have a pretty clear idea about it all. Have you looked at local poly groups and stuff? I don't know much about the US but I know there are a few different groups about, I spect you have thought of that too though I wish you shit loads of luck

SweetDommes -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/22/2010 3:34:13 AM)
Slightly different scenario for us, but feel free to message us to chat. Holly and I are the primary couple (i.e. we were together first), and then we added rob - so it's not quite the same as your situation, but there are some parallels.

chamberqueen -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/22/2010 10:37:50 AM)
I have had some experience with it and my best suggestion, as with any BDSM relationship, is clear communication. Something as simple as cooking a meal when both are present can become very complicated if there is any one-upmanship going on. There are times when it is impossible to please both at once, whether in meals or other things, and I found easiest when firm guidelines were set for me. There was more than one occasion when I had to tell the secondary Dom that I was not allowed to do something that he just commanded. He told me that he wouldn't tell on me if I broke my rules. That made me distrust the secondary even more. I ended up feeling protected by the one and used by the other. While in some ways the second was a better listener he would also become easily irritated that he was not the primary and felt that he was being forced into submissive status by having rules that applied to me automatically applied to him. (For instance, since I am not a masochist there was a rule that I was not to be spanked with anything other than by hand. The secondary Dom felt that he should be allowed to use me however he saw fit and not have to conform to that limitation.) In an ideal situation I can see things working out well. If it turns out that the secondary lacks maturity or feels easily threatened by the main relationship then it can quickly become a nightmare for the poor sub doing her best to try to live up to two very different sets of expectations. I hope that you can find someone mature enough to handle the beauty of your submission well.

allthatjaz -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (1/25/2010 7:12:32 AM)
I am happy to say that we are both now back with my previous long term fem sub. Both of us are dominant to her but she is well aware that I switch with him. It was vital that she could cope with that. She has to know, understand and accept what we are made up of and that this is not just about her, this is about all of us. If anything I am the more dominant one towards mj than Steve is but then I know the depth of her submission and he doesn't yet. He admits though, to seeing something in her that he hasn't experienced in other submissives that have been in our lives. We have been down this road with two other fem subs and we did have conflicts when it came to who's scene was this. To be honest it all felt very unreal. Once I get going I can resent someone interfering. I perhaps become a bit possessive of what Im doing. Steve on the other hand loves to see me dominate and is often happy to sit back and spectate! but he does have a side to him that dictates when he's joining in. In our existing relationship we all understand that the scening part is only a small part of what we are about. I think if your not careful you just end up both entertaining the submissive and that kind of scenario is doomed to fail.

AquaticSub -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (2/10/2010 1:03:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz In our existing relationship we all understand that the scening part is only a small part of what we are about. I think if your not careful you just end up both entertaining the submissive and that kind of scenario is doomed to fail. Just noticed this, lalala.. As the sub in question here... I'm ok with being entertained! [:D] (Just kidding)

afterforever -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (2/10/2010 6:12:53 PM)
Me and my ex had some kind of poly relationship thing going on with a trio we were friends with. My ex just had a sexual relationship with the girls (the guy was his best friend in a bromance, hop-bonded, if I was gay I'd suck your dick kind of way) but I had a relationship with all three of them, so sometimes I got alone time or play time with just the other Dom, although most of the time we played all together. We went to their house or they came to our house most weekends. We didn't really have a problem with competition between the guys because they were friends way before we decided to all start fucking each other. They did sometimes show off to each other during scenes, which led to some very sadistic co-topping. And woe betide the girl who tapped out first or gave up the info too fast during interogation, both of them wanted to have the most masochistic girl. Men. [8\|] Although we did also play casually with a Domme and her boy, and she was more of a sadistic evil bitch than both of them combined. She was fantastic. We never had a problem with who's scene it was, because there were 2 subs, a mostly sub switch, and 2 Doms, so if I was busy with one of the guys (or the switchy girl) then they'd probably be with one of the others. Plenty of times the guys would be playing Wii and drinking beer together whilst the switch caned me and the other girl against the wall. The only problems ever arose when one of the guys decided they wanted to get in on that action and forced her back into sub mode, made her very cranky. Anyway, I loved all three of them, and so did my ex, but there was never any doubt as to the fact that the primary relationship took precedence. There was talk for a while about all of us getting a house together, which might have confused things more, but my ex moved away before that happened. The trio took me in for a bit then moved down to Dublin, I still see them on the odd occasion.

littlegirlangel -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (3/9/2010 10:10:11 AM)
I'm a submissive in a poly household where the two dominants are married to one another. Daddy is who I ultimately belong to, and Mama Bear is more like a protector but at the same time they both consider me theirs. Daddy is the one who contacted me, he was looking for a babygirl but didn't think I was what he was looking for but we chatted back and forth and he was willing to help me get into the community. We finally arranged a day to meet, he, Mama Bear and her boy at the time all came and we went to a local restaraunt and got to know each other. Mama Bear invited me to stay the weekend with them, go to the garage and see what it was like. It kind of went from there. I sort of moved in after that weekend lol. Mama Bear was the one who pushed Daddy to meet me saying that she thought I was the one for him and she was right, I just kind of "fit" into their lives. As for settling in, it took a while for me to get used to having both a Dom and a Domme in the house, thankfully Daddy is the "head" so if I'm confused as to who to listen to, I must do what he says first then I can do what Mama Bear needs. It was just a matter of getting used to the idea that it was okay for Daddy and I to be sexual in teh same room with her and she isn't going to get all jealous or anything.

Warmher -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (4/2/2010 11:54:14 PM)
Heartfelt has it correct… if your living in a poly house, weather it has multiple subs or Doms or a Dom/Domme, one is going to be primary, everyone else follows.

KnightofMists -> RE: Two doms in poly - your experiences please (4/3/2010 8:18:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Warmher Heartfelt has it correct… if your living in a poly house, weather it has multiple subs or Doms or a Dom/Domme, one is going to be primary, everyone else follows. I actually disagree with this. In many cases this would be accurate. However, I can see it working where the concept of primary and secondary is rather irrelevant terms. In my world... the family is primary and every relationship is secondary after that. With two Doms... both would be putting the whole family ahead of there own individual aspects. In fact... I see Val doing this very thing. By opening this door for Aquaticsub there will be an enhancement to their relationship as a whole. I am a strong believer in what I call Power Enhancement Relationships. In short it is about enhancing the power of the individuals with the motivation of making the relationships stronger. I see Val doing this very thing. The question is finding a person that sees the whole as more important than the part. Ps... so Aquatic... when you are coming up to visit ;) PSS... don't forget to bring Val... the girls will keep him busy while I make you cry!

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