RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you?

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 3:28:45 PM

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A recent sub kept telling me how I can "make him more submissive" by (insert desired kink here). Big turn-off. Like Aakasha I feed off the feelings of vulnerability and nervousness.

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 3:36:45 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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I'd rather wait until the Lady initiated play. If it is given it is not really taken...

I have not had to change my behavior of 'bottoming'. My tops have been satisfied.

Sounds like a sub sans substance to me.

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You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 3:54:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Gosh... I guess I'll have to make my winkie a bit bigger next time ;-)

- LA

Thats one line I try not to use.

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 4:02:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Gosh... I guess I'll have to make my winkie a bit bigger next time ;-)

- LA

Thats one line I try not to use.

Well, I'm always up to upgrading my winkie!

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 4:04:01 PM

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Im not touching that one, so to speak...lol

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 4:11:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Im not touching that one, so to speak...lol

Yes, well I haven't upgraded it to a transatlantic...

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 5:26:42 PM

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You talk about self-indulgent behaviour using only a certain set of traits (overt eagerness, suggesting, helping, being too keen) but what if a bottom's self-indulgence presents in other forms? For example... what if it really turns him on to be vulnerable, or perhaps even a little resistant? To struggle and try and escape/move away. What if THOSE behaviours are self-indulgent to the bottom because that is specifically what gets him off in a scene? Is that still a mood-kill for you, since he is indulging his own desires by being vulnerable/resistant/struggling/etc...?

/devil's advocate.

-- Kye

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 5:41:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta

You talk about self-indulgent behaviour using only a certain set of traits (overt eagerness, suggesting, helping, being too keen) but what if a bottom's self-indulgence presents in other forms? For example... what if it really turns him on to be vulnerable, or perhaps even a little resistant? To struggle and try and escape/move away. What if THOSE behaviours are self-indulgent to the bottom because that is specifically what gets him off in a scene? Is that still a mood-kill for you, since he is indulging his own desires by being vulnerable/resistant/struggling/etc...?

/devil's advocate.

-- Kye

No...I quite like resistance, and struggling, and all of those kinds of things..and yes, those can be self indulgent. I guess, to me, the line is crossed when I feel honestly like he's really not paying any attention - whatsoever - to what is affecting me. And I am an open book, for the most part, when topping; and afterwards, I answer to the best of my ability. But when a bottom/sub, both while he's being dominated and then after, really doesn't show much interest in anything beyond the acts and what it did for him - or will do for him - I start to shut down.

Not sure if that makes sense :)

Akasha

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 8:45:02 PM

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So you don't like masochists?

Masochists enjoy pain and humiliation by definition, so do you think you are more into the whole power control ego enhancement style of domination. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just seems that a masochist seems to break that dynamic that you enjoy. There is no discovery since they already know what they enjoy ahead of time therefore they have expectations of what they would get. Is it fair to say if they get pleasure out of pain then you have no advantage or interest in them?

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 8:46:53 PM

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Just asked this question before reading this post. Never mind!

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 9:02:18 PM

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I haven't read any of the responses yet, but I understand completely what you are talking about. I believe what gets me going is having an influence in 'his' behavior'. Instant submission has nothing to do with anything I've done...it's how the bottom is choosing to behave. What turns me on and gets me going is my accessibility to his 'inner self/raw core'. He's not raw if he's throwing it out there without provocation. I feed on his *distress and vulnerability* (knowing on some level he is wanting to give me that part of himself).

Self indulgent type behaviors are more often than not a turn-off, when I sense an expectation energy.

Lucky for Me, Otter has this beautiful way about him and between us, it feels more like a seduction.

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Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 9:22:44 PM

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quote:

Lucky for Me, Otter has this beautiful way about him and between us, it feels more like a seduction.

There you go! That's the key, isn't it?

- LA

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/25/2010 9:50:19 PM

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From: Pyroaquatica
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So... this is more about direct exclusive access?

SthrnCom4t has an express lane towards the juicy unnameable parts of Otter.

damn you nomenclature and context.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/26/2010 2:51:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen

So you don't like masochists?

Masochists enjoy pain and humiliation by definition, so do you think you are more into the whole power control ego enhancement style of domination. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just seems that a masochist seems to break that dynamic that you enjoy. There is no discovery since they already know what they enjoy ahead of time therefore they have expectations of what they would get. Is it fair to say if they get pleasure out of pain then you have no advantage or interest in them?

Interesting question. Personally I love a masochist but then Im into medical play. A none submissive masochist communicates back with me on an equal level and so your always going to know if your over stepping the mark.

A submissive masochist can be more tricky because they endure a lot and often refuse to communicate properly. As a dominant sadist I prefer to have a third party involved when I am playing with a submissive masochist.

As far as the ops question, I don't play to someone elses fiddle. The quickest way to turn me off is to scene with a 'me, me, me' submissive or with a submissive that has no reaction. No reaction drives me nuts and bores me so quickly that I just stop. I want to see fear in his/her eyes, I want them as nervous as hell and I want their attention on me and not on themselves.

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/26/2010 3:38:28 AM

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The interesting aspect of all this seems to be one of communication. Finding the right level of reaction, that benefits both parties, seems to be the sticking point. As long as the bottom/sub, and indeed the Dominant, are not just going through the motions, everything else can be discussed and worked upon.

For myself, I do tend to yelp and squirm, and according to someone close to me, talk to god a lot... I just see it as part of what makes me tick. I think anyone who meets a partner in wiitwd who ticks all, or even most, of the boxes, is very fortunate indeed.

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/26/2010 6:10:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

The interesting aspect of all this seems to be one of communication. Finding the right level of reaction, that benefits both parties, seems to be the sticking point. As long as the bottom/sub, and indeed the Dominant, are not just going through the motions, everything else can be discussed and worked upon.

For myself, I do tend to yelp and squirm, and according to someone close to me, talk to god a lot... I just see it as part of what makes me tick. I think anyone who meets a partner in wiitwd who ticks all, or even most, of the boxes, is very fortunate indeed.

well put. It's all about sharing the thing, letting her into my head and trying to get into hers; opening myself up and surrendering my brain. The best part is when everything meshes and there is a connection... mine of desperation, hers of the thrill of conquering my mind through the physical. God I have a great memory.... LOL

(in reply to Politesub53)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/27/2010 8:03:22 AM

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To interject with a male opinion...

Over the years I've learned to project/cultivate feelings of vulnerability, nervousness, helplessness, reluctance (which can be especially hot). I've learned this to the point that I think I can have a good scene with a girl that doesn't even understand d/s very well.

To take another look at a similar issue...

In my life I tend to get involved with sadistic females. It's how I work emotionally. I didn't realize until recently, but my past paramores/relationships have all been with girls who mostly enjoy hurting. I definitely ran into serious problems with this because, even though I apparantly have a need for this sort of relationship, I couldn't understand why someone would want to hurt me. Physical pain in a scene was somewhat understandable, but any sort of emotional pain was just not comprehensible for me. I would get involved with a girl that gets enjoyment mostly through hurting me, often emotionally. ... eventually, as the relationship progressed, I would start reacting so positively to any sort of attention that the only way to hurt me would be to ignore me completely, often for weeks on end. Currently I'm trying to calm my compulsion to react super positively to any sort of attention, after all, how is a sadist supposed to get any satisfaction from someone who you cannot hurt?

(in reply to notinferior)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/27/2010 4:49:53 PM

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I get frustrated by people whose primary kink looms so large in their vision that I can't work around it. I don't enjoy certain things, and in at least one case it is because I don't care one way or the other. Control and vulnerability and humiliation turn me on. Interestingly, crossdressing only works for me in very limited ways and only if he really doesn't much like it. The instant he asks me to put him in panties I lose any interest in doing so.

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RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/27/2010 4:58:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: johnsub9az

Over the years I've learned to project/cultivate feelings of vulnerability, nervousness, helplessness, reluctance (which can be especially hot). I've learned this to the point that I think I can have a good scene with a girl that doesn't even understand d/s very well.

Holy crap. That's HOT!!!

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to johnsub9az)

RE: Does a self-indulgent bottom frustrate you? - 1/29/2010 8:21:58 AM

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^^Thanks Akasha.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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