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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

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ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin
She stated that she was leaving because "... relationships are sacred and not JUST a group activity"
For the record the poly has nothing to do with why she really left.

However, can anyone relate to why this was so upsetting and insulting to me?

Prehaps because you don't get your own point . . . which is she doesn't like poly! Note contradiction between bold and red text.

actually this is not the contradiction you think it is. It's clear to me that implication is that being in a poly relationship is not just because the individuals have group activity of common interests.. it's clear the person sees intimate relationships to be more than people with common interests coming together. I would say the person felt that the poly dynamic was not giving her the emotional intensity she desired and was more like a bunch of buddies getting together for a common interest.

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

We see the emphasis on the meaning of “JUST a group activity” exactly the same way. My statement should have been more clearly put and said she didn’t like his style of poly. It appears she left because she missed the interpersonal dynamics of monogamy. For example, in a triad, each member has 3 relationships they can chose to attend or ignore:

A+B (Interpersonal)
A+C (Interpersonal)
A+B+C (Group)

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

We see the emphasis on the meaning of “JUST a group activity” exactly the same way. My statement should have been more clearly put and said she didn’t like his style of poly. It appears she left because she missed the interpersonal dynamics of monogamy. For example, in a triad, each member has 3 relationships they can chose to attend or ignore:

A+B (Interpersonal)
A+C (Interpersonal)
A+B+C (Group)

actually.. it four... you missed B+C (Interpersonal)...

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

"each member has 3 relationships" … Alice only participates with Bob & Carol through the group. She can not be part of B+C without making the expression A+B+C, which is already accounted for in the 3 relationship groupings.

It seems the chart doesn't get the message across clearly. I will expand the chart showing all 3 perspectives and maybe that will help people see clearly that "each member has 3 relationships", not 4.

Alice’s relationships
A+B (Interpersonal)
A+C (Interpersonal)
A+B+C (Group)

Bob’s Realtionships
B+A (Interpersonal)
B+C (Interpersonal)
B+C+A (Group)

Carol’s relationships
C+A (Interpersonal)
C+B (Interpersonal)
C+A+B (Group)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
"each member has 3 relationships" … Alice only participates with Bob & Carol through the group. She can not be part of B+C without making the expression A+B+C, which is already accounted for in the 3 relationship groupings.

It seems the chart doesn't get the message across clearly. I will expand the chart showing all 3 perspectives and maybe that will help people see clearly that "each member has 3 relationships", not 4.

Alice’s relationships
A+B (Interpersonal)
A+C (Interpersonal)
A+B+C (Group)

Bob’s Realtionships
B+A (Interpersonal)
B+C (Interpersonal)
B+C+A (Group)

Carol’s relationships
C+A (Interpersonal)
C+B (Interpersonal)
C+A+B (Group)

These are all direct relationships that an individual has within their dynamic. However... there is the fourth relationship that is more passive and indirectly affects oneself. Which is the fourth relationship.

A+B (Interpersonal... direct involvement that is about us two)
A+C (Interpersonal... direct involvement that is about us two)
A+B+C (Group direct dynamics that is about US)
B+C (their relationship that indirectly affects Me)

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I will never argue that there aren’t a total of 4 relationships combinations in a triad, 3 individuals and the collective group. However, each member in a triad has 3 relationships, not 4. When I spoke about how each member in a triad has 3 relationships, I wasn’t voicing an opinion, I was stating a fact.

If you are A, and B+C effect you, then it IS A+B+C. Again, 3 relationships, not 4. You cannot participate in, be passively involved, be mildly influenced, be microscopically affected, slightly persuaded, immensely amused by or otherwise passively or actively partake in B+C without changing the equation to A+B+C because you ARE participating. If you ARE affected, you ARE participating.

I don't know how else to express and I am sorry if readers don’t understand. It has now gone beyond my skill to communicate this equation differently.