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Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 7:54:45 AM

yun

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i have recently been introduced to someone new who has completely taken my breath away. what is so different this time is the bit of fear i feel when i'm with him and think about my service to him. this fear is manifested in several ways. there is the mental fear of finding someone who can pull me so deeply into my slavery. there is the emotional fear of losing myself in him deeper then i try to allow. and most importantly there is the physical fear. we both play hard and i know there will be a lot of pain in this relationship. i also know where he wants to take me and it delights and scares me.

my question...can this fear feed you and drive you? is it healthy to have a bit of fear in a relationship or should it be a red flag? is it normal to have a certain about of fear within a new relationship?

any thoughts would be welcomed!

< Message edited by yun -- 3/26/2006 7:55:44 AM >

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 8:03:50 AM

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Just my $.02:
Fear is a normal defense mechanism of the mind. It allow us, even requires us to assess the situation at hand.
As far as feeding you, I would say from my own experiences yes, it can feed you. It can heighten the intensity of a new relationship. In my opinion, it becomes unhealthy when one ignores danger signs in the name of heightened intensity.

brat

< Message edited by LokisBrat -- 3/26/2006 8:04:29 AM >

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 8:14:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yun
my question...can this fear feed you and drive you? is it healthy to have a bit of fear in a relationship or should it be a red flag? is it normal to have a certain about of fear within a new relationship?

Yes, I believe that some apprehension in the beginning is quite normal. We have all heard the horror stories. Submission is a leap of faith even in the best of circumstances.
There is a difference between debilitating terror and that little tingle of uncertainty; terror would definitly be a red flag to me!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 8:45:27 AM

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Sure, it can feed you. In fact, it's probably the most powerful emotion one can feel. Provided it's not escalated into abject terror, fear can definitely heighten many experiences.

When I met Master, I was afraid for my emotional safety, because here was a man who was offering me everything I'd dreamed of, but had never found in any relationship before Him. I was scared senseless to take that plunge and trust that deeply. After all, no one was ever going to really take care of me but me, right? But now, six years later, the emotional fear is long gone.

The physical fear, however, is still there, and it's powerful! We frequently play with fear, and I'm not sure I can even describe what it does to me, but it's thrilling and sexy and dangerous and it turns me on like nothing else can.

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Denise

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 8:58:07 AM

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Can fear feed me, No, but it can keep me thin by scaring the shiat out of me!

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 9:13:05 AM

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Fear does drive me, turns me on, so basically i feed on it. It still does happen now and then. It never jeopardized my relationship with my Dom. But when it comes to the fear of losing someone dear, that type of fear isnt something i deal well with.

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 10:24:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LokisBrat

Just my $.02:
Fear is a normal defense mechanism of the mind. It allow us, even requires us to assess the situation at hand.
As far as feeding you, I would say from my own experiences yes, it can feed you. It can heighten the intensity of a new relationship. In my opinion, it becomes unhealthy when one ignores danger signs in the name of heightened intensity.

brat

This is interesting to know. Hmmmmm

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 11:23:21 AM

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Fear is awesome for play and sex and kink.

But it won't help a relationship to last in the long term.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 11:41:01 AM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP...The fear is natural..after all you will be entrusting all of you to this person.And I am thinking that he has become more special to you than most and as you said bring more out of you ..maybe more than you have ever been or thought, and that can certainly be a scarey place to let another into.I think the fear stems from if let down the more devastation could occur,simply due to the fact that you let most if not all your walls down to this person.The fear is simply instinctual protectiveness rearing its head..BUT!...there are many kinds of fears and it is up to you to differentiate them...so red flag?..only you know inside..natural fear for the unknown..again only you know..fear as in excitement?...you know the answer....be well...tempting

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 11:55:14 AM

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Oh yes, fear can feed you. So can anger and pain and joy. Almost any strong emotion can feed you.

For me, this would be a concern. But I don't find anything appealing about the three ways your fear is manifesting itself either. None of those are things I want, so I would take that fear as a signal to avoid them. Other enjoy and play with those types of fears. There are other types of fear that I "breathe through" and enjoy immensely.

I think the fact you are reflecting is one sign you are thinking things through. Be reasonable, be cautious, but enjoy it.

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/26/2006 12:57:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

Oh yes, fear can feed you. So can anger and pain and joy. Almost any strong emotion can feed you.

For me, this would be a concern. But I don't find anything appealing about the three ways your fear is manifesting itself either. None of those are things I want, so I would take that fear as a signal to avoid them. Other enjoy and play with those types of fears. There are other types of fear that I "breathe through" and enjoy immensely.

I think the fact you are reflecting is one sign you are thinking things through. Be reasonable, be cautious, but enjoy it.

What's funny is how anything that can feed you also has the opposing power to starve you. Its one reason to move onto a desered island, to avoid the pull and push of this often emotionally hazardous dynamic.

(in reply to Sensualips)

RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/27/2006 5:39:34 AM

kiale

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I recently stumbled across an article that you may find interesting--parts may or may not apply to your specific internal make up, but it does speak as to why you may have these feelings of fear, especially at this point in the relationship.

http://www.steel-door.com/High_End_Submissive.html

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/27/2006 6:01:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yun

my question...can this fear feed you and drive you? is it healthy to have a bit of fear in a relationship or should it be a red flag? is it normal to have a certain about of fear within a new relationship?

any thoughts would be welcomed!

There are so many forms of fear. Can it feed you, yes. Or at least it has fed me.
Can it put a halt to growing? At times yes.

I think fear is intense in this type of relationship. Just be sure to always think before you act. Do not let the intensity of the situation keep your mind from saying no. Trust takes time to build, things taken slowly seem to last a lot longer than things one jumps into just because they think the Other wants them to.

Meet, Be friends first, learn to trust, then explore.

But that is my 2 cents.

~lace

(in reply to yun)

RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/27/2006 8:58:51 AM

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I think a little fear is healthy but terror is not. The only fear i have with my Master is the fear i may lose him (not that iT is ever gonna happen) i serve my Master out of love not fear.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/27/2006 11:38:04 AM

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Fear has always fed me. With me, there's an order that I tend to go through with the emotional aspect of relationships.

Apprehention (Being afraid to try somthing new, just general puppy love apprehention)
Desire/lust (A strong desire to surround myself with my lover, at this point he's very enigmatic to me, which makes him very sexually desirable.)
Fear (Knowing that I'm getting deep into his control, in submitting to him, he has the power to do terrible damage to my emotions and my life. That's an incredible turn on for me)
Comfort (At this point I know deep down that he'd never do anything to hurt me. While this feeling isn't as exciting as fear, it's more stable and lets me know that the relationship has a chance of lasting)
Then we get into things like love... Which is different for everyone.
Of all these steps, fear is definately me favorite.

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"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
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RE: Can fear feed you? - 3/27/2006 6:36:11 PM

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I actually hope that fear does not feed me, because at some point, I really hope that a lot of the fears that I have will just go away.

But I do know that Master is the person I feel safest with in this world and at the same time am scared of the most. Or maybe it's not really him that brings out that fear, but what he and our relationship does to me. Very soon after we met, my instincts told me that he was a dominant who could bring me to places I feared and yet craved.

I think the question to ask yourself is whether your fear is the kind you'd feel if you were going to get on a seemingly-death-defying rollar coaster? You're terrified to your core but you can't wait to get on?

If so, then take a deep breath, buckle your seatbelt, and get ready for the ride of your life.......

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Harmony
Proud to be owned by Pyro

(in reply to yun)

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