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winterrose77 -> RE: Does Polyamory Have To Include Polysexuality? (2/11/2010 6:38:01 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
Polyamory literally means MANY (Poly) LOVE (Amory).
All things considered if sex is an issue then there is a problem in my opinion. Now I did read what you wrote about everyone being okay with the situation on the surface but I would like to point out an outsider looking in situation.
here are the players.
you = you
milord = your Master
boy = the new boy.
boy was in an Male - Male relationship, which to me says he perfers the Male Male interastion, this is purely a judgement as I do not know the whole situation but it stands to reason that if someone is in an abusive relationship which is also a same sex relationship it isn't a far leap to say that that is the primary sexual coupling for this individual.
The boy in question has been in several relationships, equally varying between straight and gay, and each of them have tended to be at least slightly abusive thanks to his natural subbiness. He seeks dominant personalities who don't know they're doms, and end up just bein' jerks.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
your lord (milord) by your own words has made it clear that he doesn't wish to be physically intament in the relationship. Now this isn't a problem as I said Polyamory should be about love, but in the end does your lord actually have love for this boy? If not if he is only just giving him a layover onto the next relatonship then you should call it what it is. If the boy will have a job in the house then call the boy a domestic, if the boy will be intament with you then maybe this is a V style relationship, but if the love does not extend equally all the way around then I would ask you what is the purpose of calling this Polyamory.
The love is equal between all three of us; granted, I have known him longer than milord has, but that's really not a factor. The love does extend the same between the two of them, but since they're both guys they can and will go about it differently. They'll probably spend time together not doing things like going to the movies or snuggling up to watch a movie; they'll most likely spend alone time playing video games together or something like that. Now, Master doesn't want to be physically intimate with him in a fully sexual intercourse type of way; they won't be actually having sex. However, physical intimacy extends beyond that. There will be a fair amount of manual play, and a huge turn on for the guy in question is orgasm denial and chastity, so that's a huge factor which works out for all the parties involved. :)
We're lucky that way.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
You. it seems that you are trying to rescue a friend and that is noble. But why call it Polyamory? I am not saying that it isn't but I am asking you to define how it is. You don't even have to do that, I'm just some guy on a forum. The point is I want you to think about the purpose in the coupling.
For me I am married to a bisexual woman, I can never be a woman for her, in every polyamory relationship I have been involved it this has always been th case, I can never fill the needs of a woman that another woman offers.
I would ask you to look at this relationship 6 months from today (In your head just think about how it will look 6 months from today) and ask yourself if every one is happy.
If I simply wanted to rescue him, I could just tell him he needs to end the relationship and move on. He'd do it; he trusts me. However, it extends a lot further than that. I love him quite a lot; he's more than a brother to me but less than a life partner, and he knows it. I call it polyamory because while I do love him deeply in every sense possible, I could never be in a monogamous relationship with him nor him with me, because we couldn't give each other what we needed; him being a sub, me being purely female and also a sub. (While I am bisexual, I don't need a woman to be content.) At the same time, he and Master could never be in a monogamous relationship with each other for very similar reasons; the boy in question needs a certain level of equality in the relationship as well as dominance, and the only way for him to get everything he needs would be through two different people; I being the sister figure, Master being the Dominant...and Master leans heavily on the female side of bisexuality. He also loves my femininity and could never get that from a man. Myself, I want both my big brother/best friend and my life partner/my Lord and Master quite equally but in very different ways, and I love both of them equally but for different and colorful reasons.
Six months, twelve years, infinity...this arrangement is almost too perfect to be true, and I'm immensely happy to see it beginning to form.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
I have always had a personal rule when it comes to a poly relationship, I would ask any person in the relationship to switch positions with anyone else in the relationship and ask themselves if they would still be happy, now granted in a D/s relationship the D will rarely want to switch with the s so I ask if this way, limitation wise would you still be happy in the position you are expecting of the other person in the relationship. If the answer is no, then you need to make absolutly sure that everyone is okay and understands the place they are taking.
Sorry I am tired and not feeling well so hopefully this all made sense.
QSM
I definitely understand this and I've gone through it extensively with both of them, as have they with each other. In the end, all three of us would be perfectly happy. The boy himself wants to be in a petlike position while still maintaining a certain level of dignity and mutual affection; basically he wants the humiliation and the limitation without the degradation. He wants to be able to be close to us both in all ways possible while still being dominated, and to have company in the submission, and we're both happy to give that to him. My lord wants me to be his lady Rose, his slave and his lover in equal parts, and to have the boy collared alongside me as a sort of male servant for him and a plaything for us both when the occasion arises. I think I've made it clear what I want. We all know our own viewpoints on this as well as each others, and the only conflicts would be in the amount of humiliation the boy thinks he wants but which we all three know wouldn't end up in a good relationship. We have set limits that way and I think that until this whole situation comes to settle into our daily lives, those limits will hold up fine and we can fluctuate wherever we need to quite easily.
All in all, thank you so much for your post; you were really respectful and tactful while still pointing out your concerns and opinions, and I really admire your post for that. Thanks for caring. Oh, and you made perfect sense. :)
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