quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

My journey to becoming a switch was a hell of a long one and it amuses the hell out of me when people are expected to prove that they are 'real' and not just kinky misfits.

Sometimes I wonder if the player/kinkster is actually more real than any of us because they are the ones that are more accepting, more open minded.

The people who don't need to compete to be the 'purest of submissives' or 'the most natural of dominants' actually don't need to explain themselves unless they mislead.

I am dominant and sometimes submit to the moment. I have had accusations thrown at me that Im a 'player, not the real ma coy, confused, baffled' and all the rest of it.
I was a domineering little girl that got my way but then I bet half the submissives in here had similar child personality traits or do the Dom/Dommes think that adult submissives spent their childhood being bullied, being passive and always tried desperately to please?!?!
Sexual dominance comes from a mind of sexual fantasy and not from an obnoxious nature. There are many bossy, pushy and controlling people on this earth that wouldn't have an interest in sexual dominance and so in my opinion has absolutely nothing to do with it.
We can analyze people till the cows come home. We can compete with other dominants and submissive in a desperation to get the message accross 'IM real but many are not!!!'

So some people aren't real enough, purist enough or convincing enough and we can continually talk about them because it makes us feel better. Its actually very laughable.

quote:

...Beth, if you didn't think of limits as things the sub controls, but as health hazards, would that seem to be less toppish to you?...

not for this slave. what works for you and others is great, more power to you! this slave's opinion is not expressed with the intent of insinuating a One-True-Way, The Ultimate Definition of Anything or Definitive Test of Weal-n-Twue-ness.

however, a "dominant" who would need this slave to limit them or somehow control their actions, (because otherwise they would just go ahead and cause this slave some sort of irreperable damage/trips to the hospital), is someone this slave would rather choose not to bottom OR submit to, on any level, especially one where this slave is bound and at their sadistic mercy...entering into an intimate relationship with such an individual would be even more repulsive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I agree with you Calla, but if you ask my ex-husband, family members,
friends and most that have met me, I can tell you without a doubt,
they would tell you I am a Dominant woman.

I was born this way, and it is just how I am.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
I'm not disagreeing with you, Mia. What I was saying was that asking questions and being a little confused when heading into new territory shouldn't automatically imply that someone -isn't- dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
I have to say, too, that I think that there may be a difference between being a dominant individual and dominating in a BDSM or D/s relationship, depending on the individual(s) in question. I think that there are people who are dominant by nature, but for whom the idea of controlling another person as a life-choice is completely inimical to their nature. I think there are other people who are not necessarily dominant, but who, in a particular relationship, rise to the leadership role in their dynamic. For people in both those categories, "what do I do now" may be a really viable question in terms of figuring out how to fit who they -are- and what they -think/feel/believe- into the situation in which they now exist.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
I think that there is nothing wrong with trying things out. I am probably heavily biased by my own experiences. I think most of us are. With that in mind, I think that one of the best ways to learn is to jump in and do it -- and reach for lifelines wherever we can find them when we think we're going down for the 2nd time... before that 3rd time under takes us down.