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RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl


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RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 7:42:44 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		Quite, and I've got the aching ribs and headaches to prove that her aim is just as good as her jump. *wince* I've got a good thirty pounds on her, and she can knock me flat with a single leap.

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There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

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RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 7:46:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		DOOK!!!! *Leaps*

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 7:49:54 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		SHIT!!! *ducks and tosses Aqua into a pillow instead*

Almost got me, y' damned minx... what have I told you about giving cracked ribs time to heal?


_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 7:51:22 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Dooooook.... *curls up into the pillow sadly*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 7:52:35 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		*huffs, pulls out the brush* Alright, alright... hold still so I don't scrape you too hard with the bristles...

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CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/21/2010 8:04:01 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 1676
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Her honesty is good, although it's not everyone's cup of tea.
What was your honest reaction? Did you think you could change her mind, and do you still want her to do so? If your honest answer is yes, then unless you ask her and she says she's ready to be monogamous with you, you're out of luck.
As they say, there are as many relationship types as humans and your mileage may vary, but the only polygamous relationship I have and would ever have is where everybody knows everybody, and everybody's been tested, and no one goes outside the group. Otherwise, serial monogamy for me.
If not, are you ready to spend time in limbo and getting her to go for a pap test and blood test before and after every new partner? It's ten times easier for a female to get an STD than a male, so are you ready for those kinds of consequences? Good for her if she's getting her new partners tested and uses condoms every single time, 'cuz otherwise, dude, you're sleeping with her dudes.
You're here because consciously or unconsciously you're unhappy with it.
And if you're ok sharing her physically, are you ok with sharing the rest of her?
Good luck.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/22/2010 6:45:34 AM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		awww I missed it! You guys are so cute 

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RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 2/22/2010 10:26:56 AM   
servantforuse


Posts: 4531
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		If she is sleeping with several partners, I would be more worried about STD's than anything else..

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 3/24/2010 10:59:38 PM   
delicatelydirty


Posts: 126
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline 		I am a little late to this one but I am  very much like the girl the op describes... recently out of a relationship and not interested in jumping into another one.... I am enjoying exploring my options, seeing what/who is out there and discovering myself....
If anyone expected me to just suddenly be with only them because they couldn't handle me dating others I would show them the door. I am sure that one day I will recommit myself to someone, as I do love the level of closeness that comes with that kind of relationship but right now I am not ready and perhaps the girl the op refers to isn't either...

As for being worried about stds.....why? ..... um geez protection, a sensible attitude and regular check ups...... it aint rocket science.... just because a person chooses not to be monogomous doesn't automaticly make them a brainless irresponsible skank... (I mean hey she could be).... but std's should be a worry for anyone... many people THINK they are in a monogomous relationship and let thier guard down at least from my experience I am more careful now than I was when I was in a relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 3/26/2010 1:10:49 PM   
switch2please


Posts: 494
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm also coming from a similar perspective, when I met B we were both recently out of serious relationships that ended badly. I've tried absolute monogamy and it's just not for me, I like being able to be spontaneous and explore with other people, and sometimes take a friendship to another level. Now it's been over a year, and we still have an open active sex life - it's great!
We're both comfortable enough with who we are to limit jealousy, adamant about safe sex with other partners and get regular checkups, and sleeping with other people certainly doesn't diminish how I feel about him or vice-versa. We've gotten very close and our relationship evolved past anything casual rather quickly, but we just kind of forgot to stop seeing other people :)
If it's something you're interested in pursuing or looking into, The Ethical Slut is an excellent book and resource that details possible problems and solutions, as well as different relationship styles. If it's not something you think you're up for, your lifestyles may not be compatible. Either way, talking to her is always a good idea....

(in reply to delicatelydirty)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 4/2/2010 4:36:46 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		At least she's honest.  That's great.  I've dated vanilla women who were spending time with other men, sexually.  Once, I spent the night.  She left for work.  Half an hour later, she walks into her house.  At least I thought it was her.  Turns out it was a guy she was sleeping with who lived out of town.  Oops!

I wish she had prepared me for this possibility.  She was worth it, though, in spite of whomever else she was sleeping with at the time.  She focused on me when she was with me, and made me feel as though I was important to her.

(in reply to honkymagoo)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 4/24/2010 3:11:04 PM   
Forceu2love


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: honkymagoo

babe, some of us just ain't wired to be monogamous.  sometimes i've had good intentions or made promises or whatever, but when it comes down to it, i can't really limit myself to just one guy.  sometimes i've hurt guys really badly by making promises i knew i wouldn't keep, even as i was making them.  that's just how it goes.  you should just be thankful your girl is honest enough to admit she's never going to be monogamous with you.  there's just too many hot guys out there to limit yourself to just one, especially when you're young and gorgeous.


I think you're reading too much into her motivations.  I don't think she said she would "never be" wanting to be mono e mono with him.  Also, it seems as though you're lobbying saying, "there's just too many hot guys out there to limit yourelf to just one, especially when you're young and gorgeious."

Well, she may be young and gorgeous, but she may want to settle down with one guy at some point(me perhaps)or maybe not, but no one can really know, including you.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 4/28/2010 10:30:22 PM   
pegbundy


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/3/2010
Status: offline 		Actually, I think just the opposite. A lot of very good advice has been posted here. This kind and gentle soul needs to keep his expectations realistic. I kind of got the impression from the original post that he is hoping that, if she develops strong enough feelings for him, she will automatically then want to be monogamous. I'd imagine that would be a fairly common interpretation by anyone unfamiliar with polyamory.

Of course, it is possible that she will one day want to commit to him and only him. It is more likely that she recognizes in herself the capacity and/or need to love more than one person. He would be doing himself a disservice to expect that she will at some point love him enough to change this in herself and to be limited to only loving him. I know that much of the pain I've endured has stemmed from my own unrealistic expectations of my partner. The OP is very wise to question and seek advice.

(in reply to Forceu2love)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 4/29/2010 1:53:00 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 3192
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Come on dood...get a feel for her. Inspire her submission and then of course...segway into her inner 'slut' and her bi-curiousness. Who knows until you plumb her desires, you may have a real start to a real possibility.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 4/29/2010 2:12:18 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 5259
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That's a question you really need to ask the girl herself, nobody here can tell you what to expect, we're not her, we don't know her, we don't know her motivations, or her expectations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: manrule


So ladies, my question is, what might I expect out of this relationship?

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 7/10/2010 8:24:29 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		I love this question!  I think it is entirely possible that she will settle on one of her lovers, either now or in the future.  However, don't expect her to remain faithful to her partner or husband even after marriage.  That's probably not in her nature.  She's enjoying herself now, and why would she turn down a lover in the future? 

My experience was that I lived with a woman for years who came out of a marriage.  She never could keep her pants on.  Had an unknown number of affairs.  She was devious and a liar, so we split up.  Honesty is a must in a serious relationship, especially.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 7/13/2010 8:43:05 AM   
MistressRoux


Posts: 118
Joined: 2/20/2010
Status: offline 		If she told you from day 1, you can expect nothing until she tells you otherwise. Sorry. That's just how it works. Also, even if she is monogamous at a certain point, that doesn't mean she doesn't reserve the right to sleep with someone else she meets tomorrow. You seem to want a commitment. She may or may not. If commitment is important to you, bring up the conversation and that may mean breaking things off with her.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 3/23/2011 10:33:33 AM   
MistressMeltz


Posts: 102
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline 		The question you need to ask yourself is exactly what do you want from this relationship. Are you ok with her not bein monogamous? Is it your goalto get her to become monogamous? Maybe you are a cuckold...

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dating a Non Monogamous Girl - 3/23/2011 11:04:12 AM   
VideoAdminTheta


Posts: 2866
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		If a thread is more than three months old and you still wish to post about the topic, please start a new thread. You can link back to any other thread you would like to give attention to. This thread will now be locked.

Thank you

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Profile   Post #: 59
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