hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 508
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline
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assuming your "loss of arousal" is an orgasm, it's pretty much assured that a man is likely to go from one state of mind to another.
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in terms of kink, it would actually be pretty easy to feel guilty, dirty, or sickened by what you've done after the arousal has faded. i myself used to feel overwhelmingly guilty and ashamed after having an orgasm; wishing i hadn't done it and feeling as though i've done something morally wrong, as well as no longer having any pleasant thoughts associated with it let alone the desire to continue it.
however, there's a world of difference when you're with someone in such a circumstance, or without. i hate to think how many things i'd stop feeling bad about if i had a woman laying beside me smiling at me regardless or because of what occured; women are what put these desires in me to begin with because of my desire for them, i too would have little interest if they were out of the picture.
despite your mind tending to lean in the same directions though, a feeling of acceptance from someone that my 'interest' never wanes from, and perhaps a gentle touch or two from them when my mind gets unhinged in these types of situations is what i benefit from in terms of "aftercare". the aftercare that i ever could use is always psychological, though i doubt they'd agree "depending" upon...
anyway, assuming you're familiar with aftercare, perhaps this would form of it might make your list as well.
also, what a couple does is not exactly something you could call synonymous with another couple, even amongst bdsm couples. there are of course "common things", but they are also commonly not part of people's interests even in here. if you feel it best to not be doing a particular "thing", find someone who doesn't want that particular thing, i assure you it is possible.
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in terms of submitting, there is two general types of this; constant, and selective. selective wants to be submissive in situations such as "in the bedroom" because they find it "hot", and then they're done in some cases, and others perhaps not (aka someone who isn't inherently submissive submitting anyway). the constants don't deter or wish for something else simply because arousal is gone, it would probably be a gamble to say they even "want it" in the first place as much as they simply "are it". whether they feel content with being submissive is more a question of how they feel about it "in general"; if they are fine with who they are in life outside the bedroom, they'll probably be fine with who they are in the bedroom regardless of arousal or anything else, if they're not fine with who they are, they'll probably be "not fine" for anyone involved with them.
basically, there's no way to "switch it off" for one person, they simply are who they are; the other chooses to be this way for their own or for someone else's appeasement.
now if this is what you lose interest in, then i'd suggest just looking for someone who wants you acting submissive when you want to act and be treated that way (and how and what... not just anyone "dominant" is well suited for anyone "submissive"); get someone who syncs up with your mindset.
if you can look for it, you can find it~
at least that's what i keep telling myself =p
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 3/11/2010 2:34:02 AM >
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