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Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/20/2010 9:04:30 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


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Hi.

Some of my Mistress friends and I get together and we have what we call femdom parties. We are curious if other Mistress or slaves have been to similar parties and what happens at theirs and why they have them or go to them. We have ours so we can share stories about what we do with our slaves and we often share our slaves at these parties too. This includes demonstrating on our slaves to show how we punish them, rope typing techniques, and other fun tips. Do other Mistresses or slaves have these types of parties or go to them?



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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/20/2010 9:50:25 PM   
DianeB269


Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
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A few of my domme friends and I get together every 2 to 3 months...
Each domme brings 2 subs to wait on us...
Some of the parties get pretty wild...

Diane

< Message edited by DianeB269 -- 3/20/2010 9:57:14 PM >

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)
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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/21/2010 5:52:20 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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Yes.  I have hosted a few.  They can be great fun.  One rule you might want to establish is that anything really intimate...penetration and the like...should take place in a private area.  There are a lot of fun party games and activities you can play to liven things up.  You can use play money for betting to make the games more fun.

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/21/2010 6:53:56 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2529
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When i lived in my previous town, the local BDSM group used to have these parties on a regular basis.  It started out as an annual event, but became so popular that they became quarterly.

Only Dommes and male subs were allowed to attend these events.  Male Doms and female subs were definitely not welcome.

Once inside, all males had to remove all of their clothes.  Those who were owned or attached had to wear a collar to identify themselves as such.

The whole evening was dedicated to serving the Dommes.  The male subs brought the Dommes food and drinks.  Some of the Dommes gave demonstrations with their subs (like flogging, suspension, wax play, mummification, etc.).

All of the males were required to obey any request made by a female (unless he was collared.  In that case, the other Domme had to get permission from his Mistress before giving him a command).

Massages and foot rubs were prevalent.  Most of the subs served as human chairs or foot stools at some point during the night.  Oral sex was common and out in the open.  However, penetration was discouraged in the public areas (though there were private areas where that did occur).

It was kind of like a tea party for the ladies with naked male butlers attending to their every need.  Okay, technically butlers don't typically perform oral sex on command, but you understand what i mean. 

Interestingly, we don't have these types of events in the city that i live in now.  The local BDSM group is made up of primarily male Doms and female subs.  There just aren't enough Dommes to get an event like that going.


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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/21/2010 10:19:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 28387
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In the prior city that I lived, we used to have a Domme brunch every once in a while.  These were open to any female Dominant or switch who chose to attend in top mode for the Domme side.  Anyone who wished to serve of either gender was welcome.  That included switches who wished to do so from the bottom side.  The general request that we had was any switch that wanted to attend had to chose one role or the other for the event and stay in that role for the duration.

Quite often, brunch would begin at eleven.  The meal itself would be several courses with very formal service.  A very high protocol atmosphere and wonderful food.  Whoever was hosting would chose the activities that would follow.  It was very common to have foot pampering scheduled and full body massage available for any Domme who wanted to take advantage of that in another room.  Games would be thought up by the host.  (We've had everything from subbie twister where the Dommes would team up and try to use skewers to make the other team's sub miss their spot to strip tease competitions.)  They were always a fun way to spend the afternoon.  Any unowned s type could pass on any activity that they were not comfortable with.  Those that were owned were pretty much at the mercy and decisions of their Mistress. 

Playtime and dungeon space was often available by the evening.  One couple who often hosted had their pool and jaccuzzi open for the guests.  For our little group, 'brunch' was usually an all day event that would generally wind down some time around nine or ten.  These were wonderful opportunities for the Dominants in the area for a day of good food, good fun, and bonding.  I had a great time attending these events and I really do miss them now that I've moved.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction.

Happy to say, one of the luckiest people on the internet for the two men in My life.

I use "tk" for an abbreviation of what I've named My submissive.


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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/21/2010 5:51:29 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

When i lived in my previous town, the local BDSM group used to have these parties on a regular basis.  It started out as an annual event, but became so popular that they became quarterly.

Only Dommes and male subs were allowed to attend these events.  Male Doms and female subs were definitely not welcome.

Once inside, all males had to remove all of their clothes.  Those who were owned or attached had to wear a collar to identify themselves as such.

The whole evening was dedicated to serving the Dommes.  The male subs brought the Dommes food and drinks.  Some of the Dommes gave demonstrations with their subs (like flogging, suspension, wax play, mummification, etc.).

All of the males were required to obey any request made by a female (unless he was collared.  In that case, the other Domme had to get permission from his Mistress before giving him a command).

Massages and foot rubs were prevalent.  Most of the subs served as human chairs or foot stools at some point during the night.  Oral sex was common and out in the open.  However, penetration was discouraged in the public areas (though there were private areas where that did occur).

It was kind of like a tea party for the ladies with naked male butlers attending to their every need.  Okay, technically butlers don't typically perform oral sex on command, but you understand what i mean. 

Interestingly, we don't have these types of events in the city that i live in now.  The local BDSM group is made up of primarily male Doms and female subs.  There just aren't enough Dommes to get an event like that going.



That sounds a lot like the Ladies Tea Parties we have too. We would feel right at home at those parties because they sound so much like ours. What city was that in?


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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/22/2010 12:32:10 AM   
LadyDelilahDeb


Posts: 52
Joined: 10/29/2009
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FR: At a recent discussion among self-identified Dominant Women, one attendee pointed out that previous local "FemDom" parties had implicit expactations: the folks going would be heterosexual dominas and their male subs, mostly couples. And that therefore she had not, did not, would not attend a party that was speciifically called a "femdom" party because she is in no sense a fem--and she was very clear about it. The speaker described herself as a woman, and dominant, but as a seriously butch dyke with her own gril, there was a question of not just terminology but intended attendees.

The only local "femdom" play party was a fund raising event at a local commercial dungeon (sponsoring our regional Pac NW Master/slave couple's attendance and travel to Dallas to compete for the national title), and that one simply charged dommes/dominas/mistresses half as much as the subs (male or female) with most of the proceeds going to the cause. I didn't go, as it happens; didn't feel right then.

Hen parties is what I hear the OP describing. Something that the local dominants are experimenting with is having dominant-only (male, female, genderweird or what-the-fuck) discussion sessions once a month. It leaves us room for mentoring, exchanging possible paths or solutions to problems being experienced, and generally sharing both our gruesome failures as well as our finest hours.

Lady Delilah Deb
(still a little punchy post-KinkFest so excuse any typos. I haven't unpacked my reading glasses yet!)

_____________________________

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/22/2010 2:42:17 AM   
allthatjaz


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I have hosted as well as been to many fem Domme parties.
I have to admit that I enjoy the smaller gatherings that are not networking parties on behalf of pro Dommes but gatherings of like minded people that really do want to be there because they genuinely feel dominant and want to share and interact.

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/22/2010 8:24:07 AM   
Andalusite


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Joined: 1/25/2009
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We have Ladies' Teas here in California too. http://www.twistedteas.org The women aren't absolutely required to be dominant in order to attend, but most are dominant or switch. We also have Femdom nights at a couple of the local dungeons - no commercial activity allowed, either men or women can bottom/submit. http://www.sfcitadel.org/Events/Mystique/Mystique.html I think there are some others as well, including a pampering party where women of any orientation can attend and get footrubs, food, and so forth, but they don't have any outright S/M taking place. We also have several parties and classes that are for women only.

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/22/2010 9:45:59 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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the brunches that my Mistress and i have attended have been very fun and enjoyable as well for the subs as well and memorable. just ask around the dominants and find out what would be enjoyed and plan one it will be great fun.

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LadyPact

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 2:36:04 AM   
azjojoba


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Joined: 2/1/2007
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How are sub men chosen for these events? Do a lot of them have to be turned down because there are too many?

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 3:14:11 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 28387
Status: offline
For the ones that clip and I have attended, they are by invitation only events.  That goes for the Dominants as well as the servants.  They weren't sponsored by the local BDSM group, so it wasn't a case of the event being open to everyone.  They were private parties held in someone's home, so who was invited was completely up to the discretion of the host.  The folks who hosted most often had a general rule that only vetted members of the local group could attend.

As for public events of this nature, I haven't attended any since I've moved, so I haven't been to any that Anda was good enough to list.  There is one that is in Atlanta at 1763 that is similar in theme.  They hold it every third Friday of the month.  There are additional rules over and above the standard dungeon rules for these particular events.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction.

Happy to say, one of the luckiest people on the internet for the two men in My life.

I use "tk" for an abbreviation of what I've named My submissive.


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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 5:52:29 AM   
Madame4a


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Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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FR

I've waited a bit on this.. here's my rant about Femdom parties as such.. I had tried to attend an 'open' one (advertised on the net) in Florida and I was told I could not as my relationship did not conform to the model.  I was told I would not be welcome as my boy was not biologically male.  I am not sure that the whole dyke thing didn't freak them out.  In the end, I found it annoying and pissy.  I do think that Femdom is Femdom, regardless of who is in service to you.  I also think that I have a great deal in common with my straight Femdom friends etc.  I also find at the local Femdom gatherings, I am welcome -- so who knows.

Personally, it put me off to the point where I won't bother again.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 8:38:51 AM   
Andalusite


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Madame4a, the Mystique parties I mention are for all FemDoms, regardless of the gender of those who serve or bottom to them.

LP, the Twisted Tea parties are not open to the public, women need to contact the organisers and ask to be invited, and men have to undergo training at a class, paying for materials/etc. ahead of time to be accepted as servers.

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 11:04:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 28387
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

FR

I've waited a bit on this.. here's my rant about Femdom parties as such.. I had tried to attend an 'open' one (advertised on the net) in Florida and I was told I could not as my relationship did not conform to the model.  I was told I would not be welcome as my boy was not biologically male.  I am not sure that the whole dyke thing didn't freak them out.  In the end, I found it annoying and pissy.  I do think that Femdom is Femdom, regardless of who is in service to you.  I also think that I have a great deal in common with my straight Femdom friends etc.  I also find at the local Femdom gatherings, I am welcome -- so who knows.

Personally, it put me off to the point where I won't bother again.

I glad you mentioned this, because I noticed in the earlier replies that some of these events were exclusively for female Dommes and male servants only.  The ones that I've been to have been pansexual.  The gender of the servants was irrelevant.  I wasn't sure if I was mistaken in thinking female servers were excluded.  Hopefully, someone will come back and correct Me. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction.

Happy to say, one of the luckiest people on the internet for the two men in My life.

I use "tk" for an abbreviation of what I've named My submissive.


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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 11:20:47 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
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From: Washington, DC area
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I am glad to hear this... and in truth, my boy would LOVE to go to a tea party and serve.. she'd be in heaven... I always swore I'd do a tea at my place some day.. maybe I will when we move in together..

I actually thought that most places would be more welcoming.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Madame4a, the Mystique parties I mention are for all FemDoms, regardless of the gender of those who serve or bottom to them.

LP, the Twisted Tea parties are not open to the public, women need to contact the organisers and ask to be invited, and men have to undergo training at a class, paying for materials/etc. ahead of time to be accepted as servers.


_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 1:03:02 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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I have been to many femdom parties. Many amongst these parties have been Club FEM parties. While Club FEM protocols may vary from place to place, the ones I attended involved a social hour followed by protocol. When protocol was announced, men changed to a thong, cuffs, and collar. What occurred next was similar to what Rochsub describes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
All of the males were required to obey any request made by a female (unless he was collared.  In that case, the other Domme had to get permission from his Mistress before giving him a command).

Massages and foot rubs were prevalent.


For the parties I attended, a more accurate description would be that all men were to be deferential to the women. If a woman asked a man to bring her a drink, he would be expected to obey. However, I would not say that any request had to be obeyed and limits were to be respected.

At first, I went to such parties primarily to enjoy the Fm atmosphere, and the criteria and importance of attraction and chemistry were different then than they are today. Now my primary reason--if I am going alone--is to meet new people or maintain existing friendships. In other words, the party would not be too different for me if the protocol was not used and it was simply a gathering of dommes and subs. The fantasy of a female supremacy environment was and still is nice. The reality of chemistry and attraction now tempers that fantasy.

quote:

I had tried to attend an 'open' one (advertised on the net) in Florida and I was told I could not as my relationship did not conform to the model.  I was told I would not be welcome as my boy was not biologically male.


It's never fun to be excluded but sometimes it is a question of a group that serves a specific purpose. It seems like you might have gone to a Club FEM party, or a group with a similar objective. The FEM acronym stands for females enslaving males and the group seeks to specifically cater to Fm versus general femdom. There are groups that cater to  women only, including Ff groups. It is similar in purpose and if it is what the organizers seek, is this exclusion different than excluding dominant men from attending?

Thus, if a group is allowing male submissives only and it is the purpose of the group, fair enough. You refer to your boy as a she, and it is unclear to me how your boy identifies. If your boy identifies as male, I think the BDSM community is still learning about transgenderism and it is possible that what you encountered related more to lack of awareness about transgenderism. For instance, many such groups also require biologically female (versus a MtF) dommes. This matter is unfortunately not an easy one to address. I recall a past discussion about an MtF domme whose request for an invitation was declined for an invite-only Fm party. The discussion had a tone of regret and uncertainty about what should have been done: should the person have been allowed, were subs entitled to know (because it is crucial to some), if so who should inform the subs, how would people respond to the person at the party? It was the first time the hosts encountered such a request and they were unsure about what to do.

Again, I think the BDSM community, especially the het BDSM community, is still learning about transgenderism and how to adjust its policies. Even the lesbian community, which has greater exposure to transgender issues, is struggling to deal with it. I recall reading protestations about a women's gathering where MtFs whose ID did not identify them as female were not allowed, and there was debate about which policy would be the most suitable.

Tea parties are fun. I have served at a private tea party hosted by an Fm couple, and several at BDSM conventions which were general femdom. The latter had servers of any gender, and dominants including MtFs but excluded male dominants. I recall once a man (a male dominant) came in to take photos for a publication and then sat on an empty table where no one paid attention to him. I carry some regret that we ignored him but am also torn about how serving him would have affected future parties and the spirit of the party. For him to sit down went against the purpose of the party but given his intent, I wonder if we could have been more gracious in our hospitality and served him not in the D/s spirit but in spirit of kindness.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 1:12:22 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
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From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
I have no trouble with gender exclusive venues and parties... as a dyke, I attend tons of them... however, each and every one of them is clear about who may attend... in the situation I described, there were no such guidelines in the notice.

I actually do attend a Club FEM and they have no trouble with other genders... despite the "FEM" part of things.

I guess I don't quite get it... if sometimes I actually do have a male partner, does that mean I am then welcome, but not when I have a female partner?

Ugh.. hate that shit.. frankly... I am still who I am.. regardless of who serves me.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 3/24/2010 1:13:24 PM >


_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to undergroundsea)
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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 1:45:48 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
in the situation I described, there were no such guidelines in the notice.


With no specific guidelines, I can imagine it would be even more frustrating. I think the term Fm is not commonly used or known and femdom is construed in different ways, of which one is female dominant-male sub, which leaves room for confusion that occurred.

quote:

I actually do attend a Club FEM and they have no trouble with other genders... despite the "FEM" part of things.


The policies of each chapter vary and it is great that your local chapter is flexible.

quote:

I guess I don't quite get it... if sometimes I actually do have a male partner, does that mean I am then welcome, but not when I have a female partner?


Some parties are not based on a given person's identity but on a dynamic, which in the case here is the Fm dynamic. You are not able to take a male submissive to a women's gathering or an Ff gathering even though you are still a woman who is dominant over that submissive and your identity allows you to have submissives of either sex. Is that scenario acceptable? If it is, how is the Fm policy different in spirit? What are the reasons that make gender exclusive venues acceptable, and why do not the same reasons apply to Fm?

Gay male dominants are not allowed at Club FEM parties even though they would enjoy male submissives and some male submissives at Club FEM parties may be open to serving a man (or they might bring their own). Male dominants are not allowed at general femdom parties even though they are dominants and there are submissives at these parties who might be open to serving them (or they might bring their own). In each case the party is for a given dynamic in which they do not fit.

The party is not asking you to change your identity but to be in line with the purpose of the party, much like switches are allowed at Club FEM parties but at the party must assume the role that aligns with the purpose of the party.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 3/24/2010 2:04:50 PM >

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RE: Femdom Mistress Parties - 3/24/2010 2:12:09 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
You don't need to go into detail.. I actually do get it... as I said, I attend several gender exclusive things each year... and I do understand the restrictions.. as I said, not once has any of the Fm or FEM or Femdom gatherings EVER specified gender...

even when I got to a Women's party.. in any situation here.. its spelled out who is invited... including all permutations of what 'woman' may or may not mean...

I get it...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 20
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