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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 4:59:36 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress?

Sorry, can't answer that one as I'm not a submissive man.

How do I present myself?

As you want to be seen.  If you want to be thought of as very feminine, dress and act accordingly.  If you're more of a casual confidant woman, dress and act accordingly.  If you want to portray yourself as a porn domme queen...go for it.  Whatever you do, remember first impressions are the most lasting.  They're also the hardest to live up to...or shake off...sometimes.  

Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me?

Well, are you in control?  Who are you in control of?  What type of control do you exert? 

What should be the conversation topics?

What do you wish to know and what would you like the man to know about you?  How deep do you want a first meet to go? 

Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking?

See answer above.  What are you looking for from this person....just sex and play or more?  Keep your answer in mind when meeting for the first time.
 
How do I seal the deal?

The answer would be relative to how things go when meeting for the first time.  Try not to put the cart before the horse.

I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.

Advice?  Know yourself.  Know why you want a man to submit.  Know what submission means for you.  Know what you can offer a man if he chooses to submit to you. 
 
Oh, and remember to smile and have fun! 



< Message edited by CarrieO -- 5/19/2010 5:00:39 AM >


_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 5:31:46 AM   
PeonForHer


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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO
Oh, and remember to smile and have fun! 


Oh hell, yes. Why is that the last thing always to be mentioned on threads like this? That, first, and above everything else.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 6:58:36 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress? How do I present myself? Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me? What should be the conversation topics? Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking? How do I seal the deal? I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.

Here's My advice.

Stop asking people how you can play this part or act this role.

You are setting yourself up for making the first mistake that many female Dominants make when they are first starting out.  You want to present yourself as what they want to see.  What image of yourself are you going to present?  You are handing control over and you don't even see it.  You give other people that control when you allow them to make the rules for you.

The greatest fringe benefit of being a Dominant woman is that I get to make the rules.  When you get the confidence to do that, I promise you, the right one will submit.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 4:13:38 PM   
LadyAngelika


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

I suggest Louboutin :-)


I second that!

- LA


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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 4:16:35 PM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The greatest fringe benefit of being a Dominant woman is that I get to make the rules.  When you get the confidence to do that, I promise you, the right one will submit.
[/color]



Don't they all submit? We are talking about subby men here, right? It doesn't seem like these fuckers actually excel at discretion.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/19/2010 4:17:29 PM >


_____________________________



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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 5:20:46 PM   
LadyPact


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Well, not to Me at any rate.  LOL.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 6:10:18 PM   
laurell3


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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir


*Dons top and tails and a snazzy looking cane*

"There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know......"

If this doesn't work I'm screwed!



If I was looking that would work for me.....but we all know I'm off....


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 6:14:48 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You want to present yourself as what they want to see.  What image of yourself are you going to present? [/color]



And this, I agree with, although I think it's true on both sides. Be who you are and be honest. Be confident yes, but do not attempt to BE a role.

Despite the generalization about male subs here, they come in all shapes and sizes like the rest of us. Find one you have something in common with and go from there.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/19/2010 8:46:43 PM   
Rochsub2009


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MsPeachz,
Like many others have said, just be yourself.  You're really over-thinking this whole thing.  D/s relationships are just like any other relationship.  It's just two people trying to see if they have chemistry.  So do what you would normally do to see if you have chemistry with a guy.

But the key thing (IMO) is to be confident.  Confidence is both tangible and intoxicating.  i have a difficult time respecting a "Domme" who appears nervous and unsure of herself.  There is almost no chance that i will submit to her.

i would suggest flashing a hint of dominance, but don't go overboard with it.  Don't greet him at the restaurant by saying "On your knees, bitch!!!  Start licking my boots!"  Remember, he is not your sub yet, so you can't be too demanding.  But once you start to feel chemistry and think that he may have potential, then throw in a hint of dominance.

Something subtle is always good.  That will give you a hint of how easily he flows into submission, and will give him an indication that you really are dominant.

Just remember, keep it natural, be yourself, and be confident.  Submissive men are like dogs.  We can smell fear. 


_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/20/2010 2:19:03 AM   
jbcurious


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Joined: 3/13/2010
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Order 20 furniture kits from Ikea and make him assemble them following the written instructions... he'll be completly broken.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/20/2010 2:26:06 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

secretly, all males want to submit to a chick wearing white socks and a tshirt only, who hands him a beer and then sucks his dick as he watches the football game that is on tv.  if you dont say a word during all of this, and also make him a sandwich, he will be yours forever.

if that does not work, then try singing showtunes perhaps.....


*Dons top and tails and a snazzy looking cane*

"There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know......"

If this doesn't work I'm screwed!



or NOT screwed

;o)

_____________________________

yep

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/21/2010 12:45:10 PM   
PeterPiper777


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Joined: 4/8/2009
Status: offline
Well he wants to submit??? Domme him. What ever you wish is his command surely? Is it really any more complicated than that? What do you 'will' Make it reality........ Let me know how you 'get on';)))

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/21/2010 4:52:24 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzPeachz

I am new to the lifestyle. I have had several face-to-face meetings with submissive men. Basically, I want to know what a submissive man is looking for when first meeting a Mistress? How do I present myself? Should I just be myself or act like I'm in control? or Should I wait until he has verbally agreed to give himself to me? What should be the conversation topics? Should I focus on vanilla interests or bdsm? What type of questions should I be asking? How do I seal the deal? I would like to hear any constructive advice on the issue.


Depends on the man. Do what feels natural to you, what you enjoy, and do it for yourself. If it works for him, you're golden. If it doesn't, he's probably not the right one for you anyway.

(in reply to MzPeachz)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/22/2010 9:31:46 AM   
wtf4lol


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Joined: 5/21/2010
Status: offline
Be yourself because if you try being someone else you run the risk of their clothes not fitting you. You would have to use their toothbrush, too. It's a bad idea on many levels. Always be yourself.

"Getting" a man to submit? I think it's more like "letting" a man submit, since if he is submissive to start with then he is probably hoping to submit.

You will both be giving each other something to respond to, and responding to what is given you. The submissive likes to respond to domination, so dominate him. Then you can like it when he submits to you.

wrong: Would you mind too much if I waited until morning to do the dishes?
right: Get in the kitchen and wash the dishes.

(in reply to MzPeachz)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/22/2010 1:03:47 PM   
KYGuy


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/9/2005
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MzPeachz,

Start with the best question, do you like the guy?  If yes, read on... Touch him romantically, tell him how much you like it when he comes to attention for you.  Then gaze in that direction and smile.  Touch his face and feel the smoothness of his skin, comment how much you like how he feels to you.  Look for the widening in the pupils. 

The point, reel him in and then start backing off a bit, by suggesting he rub your feet or something.  keep going as long as he looks like he is liking it.  The process should soon lead to him getting hard just to follow your commands and fo him to yearn for both your touch and your cruelty.  Make sure to do your homework about him and his secrets, open him up with your understanding and when he admits to being into something probe for why.

Teach him how to really please you in and out of the bedroom and as he gets good, reward him some, but not to te same degree as this isn't about things being equal, remember you are the dominant partner so he needs to continue to strive to get better if he wants even some back.  This will make him feel fantastic that he can please you so and that you are really liking him for it.

Use his birthday or yours to improve your spanking skills, after all shouldn't he take your swats for you.  When you spank him for your birthday make sure to tell him you are really going to unleash on him for any swat representing a difficult time in your life. For instance if when you were 13 it was a tough year, really give him a harsh swat.  If he bucks a bit tell him, I know it was a tough year for me too.  Ask him if he likes getting to know about your past this way.  won't you be surprised when he says yes.

Tell him if he ever misbehaves  for you that these harsh swats will feel like nothing, that you just couldn't stand for him to disappoint you after you put so much time in training him. 

Make sure when he does something for you or strives to please you that you help him get better, that you are honest with him, and that there is connection, that you really care.  Give rewards, and be creative with both punishment and rewards.  Make him feel a bit uneasy or unsure of himself around you and watch what topics his conversations go toward.  Remember your goal is to keep the upper hand and he will generally talk about what keeps him sexually excited or what he knows a lot about.  Keeping him on topics that interest you both, help improve his service to you, or are general topics will help ensure you stay in control.  Ask him why he thinks that from time to time and he will kept off balance a bit and will get in the habit of explaining himself to you.

The rest will take care of itself.  You will both have a lot of fun learning and training him to your liking.

Best of luck to you.     

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 5/23/2010 9:37:29 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
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Good stuff, KY.  I would also recommend that any lady new to dominance check out Mama Gena's website and books.  Her stuff is all about training men.  It isn't BDSM, but it is female dominance, but it's dressed up in a pink feather boa as opposed to black leather.  The mindset and methods are nearly identical, though.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 7/6/2010 1:57:13 PM   
Blue2476


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You stated that you are new to the lifestyle, so even you probably don't know what you want from a submissive yet. As a Dominant, I can tell you that you would be much better off educating yourself about the different facets of this lifestyle before trying to find someone to dominate. As you get more familiar with your wants and needs you won't have to ask what to do to ''get a man to submit''. You will be able to articulate your wants and desires and look for someone who wishes to serve you in that way, bringing pleasure to both Dominant and submissive.

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 7/6/2010 6:47:00 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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How do I get a man to submit?
Hold the remote hostage. 



_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 7/6/2010 8:25:10 PM   
slavekal


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Joined: 7/20/2004
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I suspect that the lady actually does know what she wants.  The problem is finding the colossal gall to actually say such things out loud to another human being.  It can be pretty scary at first.  What if he says no?  She will feel so silly.  With practice, a dominant woman becomes more and more comfortable wielding power.  But she has to take that first step.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

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RE: How do I get a man to submit? - 7/8/2010 2:36:00 AM   
mwdsub4u


Posts: 49
Joined: 3/7/2007
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You have to know what You are into first, and what you are looking for.
for me i like asian Females, so that is #1, two i like some one in leather and boots( female ), i am not into the pain thing yet i like being very submissive, for me it is freedom from all the pressure of life

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 40
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