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RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/22/2010 8:14:53 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
In car terms - I refuse to drive jalopies, I only drive Formula One race cars and not everyone is allowed behind their wheels.

God, what the hell is it with the boards this week? Are the BDSM police ramping up their quotas? So now we know that submissives who are just generally submissive as a personality trait are "jalopies". Go figure... and here I thought I'd call such a person ... well... a submissive.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/22/2010 8:47:31 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

Think of the girl that puts out for everyone.
Obviously many guys have no problem with that and take advantage of her generosity.
But there ARE men that say "There is no freakin way I am toucing any part of her body with out wearing three layers of latex between my flesh and hers."  As for marrying her, quite a lot of men would laugh at the idea.

Similarly, while some some Doms will take anything, there are those of us with higher standards.  I personally will not accept submission from someone that has not earned it first.  That means she has has to be capable of standing up to the real world and interacting with me as an equal before I consider grind her down under my heel.

In car terms - I refuse to drive jalopies, I only drive Formula One race cars and not everyone is allowed behind their wheels.




And i refuse to allow any man who cant look beneath the paint job and shiney wheels to slide behind my steering column.

Works both ways.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
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RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/24/2010 12:30:42 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
In car terms - I refuse to drive jalopies, I only drive Formula One race cars and not everyone is allowed behind their wheels.

God, what the hell is it with the boards this week? Are the BDSM police ramping up their quotas? So now we know that submissives who are just generally submissive as a personality trait are "jalopies". Go figure... and here I thought I'd call such a person ... well... a submissive.


gotta hand it to him though, at least he's creative. now i can't wait for Daddy to come home and inform him of my new appropriate label: jalopy. maybe he'll take to saying, "excellent job on dinner, jalopy," or "dust the upstairs tomorrow, jalopy," or the best ever, "mmm i love fucking my little jalopy."

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/24/2010 2:13:06 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
*laughs* Well, much to Carol's personal annoyance, I've taken a liking to the term "doormat". Jalopy does kind of roll off the tongue and has a whimsical note to it that appeals. I'm thinking "chitty chitty bang bang" here.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/24/2010 6:30:03 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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When I was looking for a partner, about a year ago, I did turn down several men who seemed like they would submit to anything with tits rather than focusing on me in particular. I felt very objectified, in a non-yummy way. There are a lot of women who post here who are submissive in their personality and general approach, such as Carol (well, she only posted a couple of times), beth, daddysprop, and others. I don't get that sense of objectification from them. I'm not sure how much of it is a difference in my perceptions, how much of it is that none of them were pursuing me, and how much is an objective difference in their approach.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 5/25/2010 7:58:02 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
When I was looking for a partner, about a year ago, I did turn down several men who seemed like they would submit to anything with tits rather than focusing on me in particular. I felt very objectified, in a non-yummy way.

*nods* That is certainly a totally different thing. In fact, Carol wouldn't even be able to hold that thought because that whole concept requires the idea that she would be seeking to submit. She cannot "seek to submit". It is her constant state of being. It would be her state of being if I died. She wouldn't then be looking to submit, she'd be looking for a new life partner. Fundamentally, her submission is invisible to her and, as beth often writes, it doesn't feel like anything to her. Nobody seeks things which that are invisible and unfeelable.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 7/27/2010 7:42:00 AM   
shandra


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
hate to tag onto this thread but it is very pertinent to my current situation. what about when the one you serve ditches you well decides they dont't want to be a dominant anymore but you still live with them its only been weeks neither of you are able to move, you react submissively towards them without being able to help it you still continue your duties because you don't know what else to do and they still have the same personality that triggers it.? i am having huge issues about this consent thing  right now i don't know how to be someone else and does this make me a control freak or a doormat or what

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Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 7/27/2010 8:22:36 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
That is how i usually submit; to someone i don't know well and who often is completely unaware of it. Bosses, teachers, coworkers, customers. i submit from afar.

pam

(in reply to shandra)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 7/28/2010 2:31:35 AM   
shandra


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline
this is someone i know very well and who was Mistress only 3 and a half weeks ago :(

(in reply to gungadin09)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 7/28/2010 3:20:35 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
If I understand this, you consider yourself 'submitting' to someone who is not reciprocating by not mastering or 'dominating' in return. And this disturbs you.

What you are doing, as gungadin describes, is providing service. There is nothing wrong with that, in and of itself. Apparently what you feel is the lack of reciprocity.

Is that it? Do you feel you need to have the 'thumb' of someone over you? Is there all of a sudden kink that is missing?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to shandra)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? - 7/28/2010 4:38:11 AM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline
My guess based on your thread shandra is this person didnt want to "play the game" any longer. My advice would be hang in there,be of "service". No longer "play back" as in submit to every request willingly until the problem is fixed,and oh of course move out.

If my guess is wrong and you both haven't communicated,maybe the dominant has run out of steam or interest or ideas or is testing,any number of things could be going on. Do what feels right to you to do. Best wishes to you during this dificulty~


Comment to topic/When i met my previous owner,early on in our visits as my mentor/teacher,he used a lesson in speaking without words to tell a story. This made me very nervous as i need communication as a rule,so i tried very poorly and he took over. My answer first was "you are in control" by his actions, he replied yes somewhat but there's more. My next answer was "you own me", he did not answer but other things/actions ensued. When i got home i thought over and over if maybe just maybe i got the second incorrectly and it was not my place to say such a thing,i didn't sleep,i felt sick with fear i had pushed something misunderstood in my own direction somehow. When he spoke to me he knew i was very troubled almost pannicked,and said i need to call i need to hear your voice. i said i couldn't i was emotional i had done something very terrible and had weilded power in my direction and ruined things. He told me what i said was fine,if it wasn't he would tell me,but from then onward i was always wary id submit without consent,and preferred from then on to be prompted and directed. It effected me to the point i did not ask for things i needed well,or begged properly,it developed a trust issue that i couldn't relax or be "Me".
It is chemistry at times and it is eagerness to serve and be pleasing. i had been submissive with slave tendencies and would consider myself that now had i been told i was otherwise natrually with the proper dominant/owner. i will ever be careful how much i want to submit without guidance,but the need is there always to be a good slave and serve joyfully. i have been this way all my life but until recently had many take advantage of that trait,giving away far too much of myself without being asked or acknowledged. It feels good to be of service,but not to anyones detriment or loss. i am not taught in all the forms written by the Op,but in my case it is engrained in me somewhat and needs balanced out by my over eagerness to please and be well liked ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to shandra)
Profile   Post #: 71
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