Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: The "do-me" sub!!!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The "do-me" sub!!! Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:40:42 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Shoot - since i am now looking for a domly type and my profile reflects this, then am i a do-me sub?
Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

Perhaps in the end, the do-me sub is defined by the person reading the profile - as in, if they aren't compatible, the phrase "do-me" is equivalent to saying that the sub isn't a REAL sub, or too fat, or too thin ..... or any other phrase that is designed to hurt feelings.


Nope!  To me "do-me subs" are those that say ONLY!!! "do me" this exact way. Example: Use 13 feet of 1/4 inch nylon and bind me such that my left-hand is free.  Order me to jerk-off. then bind my left-hand across my body, forcing me to roll to my right.  I want thirteen lashes counted out of the most agressive type.

Notice that they never add: And that's how I want you to "do-me."

ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/3/2010 5:46:05 PM >


_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:43:11 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline
I can't be called a "do-me sub" cuz my profile is empty. 

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:45:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

I can't be called a "do-me sub" cuz my profile is empty. 


A real sub would have filled hers out by now

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BentUnit)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:46:13 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
noooo a real sub would fill out a profile, then hide it from view!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:47:26 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I agree with you. I don't get that stupid label of "do me" sub either. If I am with someone and he is not "doing me", what else should be doing??

I also really despise those who say that you are a "do me" sub if you are only sexually submissive or bedroom only. WTF?? Completely reeks of insecurity to me to have to put down someone else's choices.

People constantly forget that Doms/subs, whatever are just people in a RELATIONSHIP and therefore each should be providing for the other's needs and desires.

If you all think that means "do me", then I happily will stay a "do me" sub forever because I know that in my getting my needs met well, HE gets his met perfectly.

It's called symbiotic.


From the other side of this, sexyred, let Me be the one to say that the key word that is floating around in this thread that isn't getting a lot of attention is the word relationship.  Believe Me when I say I have a completely different reaction to someone I'm involved with saying he would like Me to have some strap-on fun.  When I get that kind of thing from some random email person, I'm not going to take as kindly to it.  The same thing goes for licking My boots or any other thing that, when I'm in that relationship, hey; it's a party. 

That person on the other end may just be telling Me what he wants, but he certainly isn't part of a relationship with Me.  In My book, yes.  That is one of the very definitions of 'do-me'.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:49:28 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.


And not categorizing others that don't fit your criteria as being less than...


I think, as far as what I hear from the OP, is that it is frustrating to have people email you and label you as less because you have needs that they have deemed "unsubmissive"... I can share her frustration to some degree.. but then I realize these are the interwebs and there are people that can't keep their opinions to themselves, even when they were not asked for it (meaning dominants that need to critique a subs profile as if their opinion had some magical merit because the side of the flogger they prefer)...


True. However, I do retain the right to critique those that are blatantly "do me" but are very insistent that they're deeply submissive, or even "slaves". Please place a strong emphasis on the word "blatantly" in the above sentence, and no, I don't see anyone on this thread that I'd put in that category, and, overall, I have less interest in labelling others, than in enjoying life.

Some will say even that is wrong, but I can't help that. I don't like Volkswagens calling themselves Corvettes

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:50:05 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

I can't be called a "do-me sub" cuz my profile is empty. 


A real sub would have filled hers out by now


My Dominant side kept sending "Get on your knees, Slut!" C-mails to my submissive side so I thought it was best to leave it blank to try to avoid inner conflict.

Switches....Keeping it real.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:56:14 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
And then there is the idea that someone view matters only to them. If they see what they do not like as less than and say it out loud... why not? It should only matter if the person sees some kind of merit in those things being said?

I am reminded of again and again from this thread all the things that I have been called and all the things that have been assumed about me and the fact that I knew none of them to be true for me and my partners, I could give a shit less.

Why do we do this? Why is the only opinion that matters is the one that someone thinks is right? why is it okay for someone to think someone elses opinon is wrong and then tell that person not to have or voice that opinion.... If that was the case then NO ONE should post anything to anyone ever cause there is always going to be someone who doesn't like what someone else says.

Thicker Skin People.... Know what you are and fuck what other people think.... if you happen to care what people think then be willing to listen to them and do what they say because then you will make those people happy and you will give them the control. Personally until "I" start to think I am something, being called that somthing has no power over my actions.

QSM


_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:57:19 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.


And not categorizing others that don't fit your criteria as being less than...


I think, as far as what I hear from the OP, is that it is frustrating to have people email you and label you as less because you have needs that they have deemed "unsubmissive"... I can share her frustration to some degree.. but then I realize these are the interwebs and there are people that can't keep their opinions to themselves, even when they were not asked for it (meaning dominants that need to critique a subs profile as if their opinion had some magical merit because the side of the flogger they prefer)...


True. However, I do retain the right to critique those that are blatantly "do me" but are very insistent that they're deeply submissive, or even "slaves". Please place a strong emphasis on the word "blatantly" in the above sentence, and no, I don't see anyone on this thread that I'd put in that category, and, overall, I have less interest in labelling others, than in enjoying life.

Some will say even that is wrong, but I can't help that. I don't like Volkswagens calling themselves Corvettes



The problem with that Level is you cannot really tell that from a profile or words on the internet. Many people are suprised that despite the fact that I can be very outspoken and assertive, I can actually also be very submissive for the right person.

We come to conclusions here all the time that are based on very little information and have a good probability of being untrue. The image people get of me from the boards and express in my mailbox is so NOT close to what I am.

If anything I personally have a hard time with transparency and NOT saying "I need". Thankfully he's astute enough to say "tell me or you're going to piss me the fuck off". I laugh then tell him. It took me a long time to learn that walking around with my needs unmet and being unhappy and not telling my partner was unfair to him, not being pleasing or a "good submissive".

These labels and condemnations tossed around so often here like "do me sub" don't really do much to further communication and healthy relationships imo.


< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/3/2010 5:58:08 PM >


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:57:24 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Shoot - since i am now looking for a domly type and my profile reflects this, then am i a do-me sub?
Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

Perhaps in the end, the do-me sub is defined by the person reading the profile - as in, if they aren't compatible, the phrase "do-me" is equivalent to saying that the sub isn't a REAL sub, or too fat, or too thin ..... or any other phrase that is designed to hurt feelings.


Nope!  To me "do-me subs" are those that say ONLY!!! "do me" this exact way. Example: Use 13 feet of 1/4 inch nylon and bind me such that my left-hand is free.  Order me to jerk-off. then bind my left-hand across my body, forcing me to roll to my right.  I want thirteen lashes counted out of the most agressive type.

Notice that they never add: And that's how I want you to "do-me."

ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.


I agree, to me this is the only thing in the profile, there is absolutely nothing in the profile stating what s/he will do for hir owner. Oh and yes Lance I've seen profiles of this type done by females.

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 5:58:43 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

QSM:

Know what you are and fuck what other people think....


Yep!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:00:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

And then there is the idea that someone view matters only to them. If they see what they do not like as less than and say it out loud... why not? It should only matter if the person sees some kind of merit in those things being said?

I am reminded of again and again from this thread all the things that I have been called and all the things that have been assumed about me and the fact that I knew none of them to be true for me and my partners, I could give a shit less.

Why do we do this? Why is the only opinion that matters is the one that someone thinks is right? why is it okay for someone to think someone elses opinon is wrong and then tell that person not to have or voice that opinion.... If that was the case then NO ONE should post anything to anyone ever cause there is always going to be someone who doesn't like what someone else says.

Thicker Skin People.... Know what you are and fuck what other people think.... if you happen to care what people think then be willing to listen to them and do what they say because then you will make those people happy and you will give them the control. Personally until "I" start to think I am something, being called that somthing has no power over my actions.

QSM



Honeslty QSM if you really don't care that much why do so many threads end up having these posts about how much you don't care?

Let it go. You're not doing much to demonstrate you actually have thick skin at all imo.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:05:34 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

laurell:

The problem with that Level is you cannot really tell that from a profile or words on the internet. Many people are suprised that despite the fact that I can be very outspoken and assertive, I can actually also be very submissive for the right person.


Hmmm. I disagree, in that sometimes, yes, you CAN tell. But you're right, it can be much harder to do it here, and the chance of being wrong is certainly higher.

quote:

The image people get of me from the boards and express in my mailbox is so NOT close to what I am.


My image of you is one of an intelligent, strong, hawty. I'm not wrong, and I bet Jeffff will back me up on that one.

quote:

These labels and condemnations tossed around so often here like "do me sub" don't really do much to further communication and healthy relationships imo.


Probably not, but it can scratch a nasty little itch at times LOL. Aw hell, how many times have any of you seen me calling someone a "do me" sub? Not often. Honestly, I think this is more of an entertaining conversation, than a real problem.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:05:49 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Honeslty QSM if you really don't care that much why do so many threads end up having these posts about how much you don't care?

Let it go. You're not doing much to demonstrate you actually have thick skin at all imo.


Because people keep starting threads where only one persons opinion is allowed to be Valid.

The fact that I keep coming back and don't let things like the above send me running are results of having a thicker skin.

My opinion is just as valid as yours, why should I be silenced, what makes your view better than mine?

laurell3 I respect you and read your posts often, I am curious as to why when I say this if is bad and you ask me to stop, but when you make comments that are just like this about other things it is brilliant and something everyone should read.

QSM


_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:06:10 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
Meh, the do-me sub is nothing to write home about. It is the 'don't do-me' sub, that baffles me. I have been seeing quite a few of those.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:11:09 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
Don't get me wrong, Level, inside of my head are all sorts of judgments about how dominant a man is based upon his profile... I just keep it to myself...lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:14:44 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
...ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.



They just sound like bottoms who are clear about what they want, about what they negotiate in a scene. Lance, I'm surprised you would call them wanna-bes.
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LanceHughes)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:19:41 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
...ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.



They just sound like bottoms who are clear about what they want, about what they negotiate in a scene. Lance, I'm surprised you would call them wanna-bes.
sunshine


Which would be fine if they didn't claim to be slave/sub and have a long list of things they would like done to them but nothing about what they have to offer. Someone is a bottom, great but state that in your (generic) profile

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:23:27 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
I don't know. I've been thinking about this a bit. (btw, this is a fast reply).

Sooooooooo.... I think sometimes "do-me" subs are made. It can be a pendulum kind of response. After being in a relationship where one's needs are not met, we can become a bit insistent, maybe even a bit obsessive about getting needs met. It is a knee jerk reaction. I think we've all experienced it. Haven't we all at one point said, "but I'm NOT him/her" when someone compared us with a former partner who had missed the boat on something. Haven't we, many / most / all of us been a bit overzealous about getting the thing that was denied previously? I certainly have!

best,
sunshine



_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 6:25:52 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I don't know. I've been thinking about this a bit. (btw, this is a fast reply).

Sooooooooo.... I think sometimes "do-me" subs are made. It can be a pendulum kind of response. After being in a relationship where one's needs are not met, we can become a bit insistent, maybe even a bit obsessive about getting needs met. It is a knee jerk reaction. I think we've all experienced it. Haven't we all at one point said, "but I'm NOT him/her" when someone compared us with a former partner who had missed the boat on something. Haven't we, many / most / all of us been a bit overzealous about getting the thing that was denied previously? I certainly have!

best,
sunshine




Good post, Sunshinemiss.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The "do-me" sub!!! Page: <<   < prev  2 3 [4] 5 6   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.105