quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Shoot - since i am now looking for a domly type and my profile reflects this, then am i a do-me sub?
Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

Perhaps in the end, the do-me sub is defined by the person reading the profile - as in, if they aren't compatible, the phrase "do-me" is equivalent to saying that the sub isn't a REAL sub, or too fat, or too thin ..... or any other phrase that is designed to hurt feelings.

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ORIGINAL: BentUnit

I can't be called a "do-me sub" cuz my profile is empty. 

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I agree with you. I don't get that stupid label of "do me" sub either. If I am with someone and he is not "doing me", what else should be doing??

I also really despise those who say that you are a "do me" sub if you are only sexually submissive or bedroom only. WTF?? Completely reeks of insecurity to me to have to put down someone else's choices.

People constantly forget that Doms/subs, whatever are just people in a RELATIONSHIP and therefore each should be providing for the other's needs and desires.

If you all think that means "do me", then I happily will stay a "do me" sub forever because I know that in my getting my needs met well, HE gets his met perfectly.

It's called symbiotic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.

And not categorizing others that don't fit your criteria as being less than...


I think, as far as what I hear from the OP, is that it is frustrating to have people email you and label you as less because you have needs that they have deemed "unsubmissive"... I can share her frustration to some degree.. but then I realize these are the interwebs and there are people that can't keep their opinions to themselves, even when they were not asked for it (meaning dominants that need to critique a subs profile as if their opinion had some magical merit because the side of the flogger they prefer)...

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: BentUnit

I can't be called a "do-me sub" cuz my profile is empty. 

A real sub would have filled hers out by now

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ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Jas, I agree, it's all in finding one that fits with you.

And not categorizing others that don't fit your criteria as being less than...


I think, as far as what I hear from the OP, is that it is frustrating to have people email you and label you as less because you have needs that they have deemed "unsubmissive"... I can share her frustration to some degree.. but then I realize these are the interwebs and there are people that can't keep their opinions to themselves, even when they were not asked for it (meaning dominants that need to critique a subs profile as if their opinion had some magical merit because the side of the flogger they prefer)...

True. However, I do retain the right to critique those that are blatantly "do me" but are very insistent that they're deeply submissive, or even "slaves". Please place a strong emphasis on the word "blatantly" in the above sentence, and no, I don't see anyone on this thread that I'd put in that category, and, overall, I have less interest in labelling others, than in enjoying life.

Some will say even that is wrong, but I can't help that. I don't like Volkswagens calling themselves Corvettes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Shoot - since i am now looking for a domly type and my profile reflects this, then am i a do-me sub?
Maybe not, because part of what i want is a dom who will be happy to use me to make himself happy, but if he using me to make himself happy makes me happy , then maybe i AM a do-me sub.

Oy, if i think about that sentence too much, i get a head ache!

Perhaps in the end, the do-me sub is defined by the person reading the profile - as in, if they aren't compatible, the phrase "do-me" is equivalent to saying that the sub isn't a REAL sub, or too fat, or too thin ..... or any other phrase that is designed to hurt feelings.

Nope!  To me "do-me subs" are those that say ONLY!!! "do me" this exact way. Example: Use 13 feet of 1/4 inch nylon and bind me such that my left-hand is free.  Order me to jerk-off. then bind my left-hand across my body, forcing me to roll to my right.  I want thirteen lashes counted out of the most agressive type.

Notice that they never add: And that's how I want you to "do-me."

ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.

quote:

QSM:

Know what you are and fuck what other people think....

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ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

And then there is the idea that someone view matters only to them. If they see what they do not like as less than and say it out loud... why not? It should only matter if the person sees some kind of merit in those things being said?

I am reminded of again and again from this thread all the things that I have been called and all the things that have been assumed about me and the fact that I knew none of them to be true for me and my partners, I could give a shit less.

Why do we do this? Why is the only opinion that matters is the one that someone thinks is right? why is it okay for someone to think someone elses opinon is wrong and then tell that person not to have or voice that opinion.... If that was the case then NO ONE should post anything to anyone ever cause there is always going to be someone who doesn't like what someone else says.

Thicker Skin People.... Know what you are and fuck what other people think.... if you happen to care what people think then be willing to listen to them and do what they say because then you will make those people happy and you will give them the control. Personally until "I" start to think I am something, being called that somthing has no power over my actions.

QSM

quote:

laurell:

The problem with that Level is you cannot really tell that from a profile or words on the internet. Many people are suprised that despite the fact that I can be very outspoken and assertive, I can actually also be very submissive for the right person.

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The image people get of me from the boards and express in my mailbox is so NOT close to what I am.

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These labels and condemnations tossed around so often here like "do me sub" don't really do much to further communication and healthy relationships imo.

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ORIGINAL: laurell3

Honeslty QSM if you really don't care that much why do so many threads end up having these posts about how much you don't care?

Let it go. You're not doing much to demonstrate you actually have thick skin at all imo.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
...ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
...ETA: To me, the "do-me" sub is explicit on what he wants to happen physically.
To me, the "do me" sub assumes that D-types are looking for such sex-slaves, and that the more explicit their instructions, the more desirable they are..... poor wanna-bes.

They just sound like bottoms who are clear about what they want, about what they negotiate in a scene. Lance, I'm surprised you would call them wanna-bes.
sunshine

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I don't know. I've been thinking about this a bit. (btw, this is a fast reply).

Sooooooooo.... I think sometimes "do-me" subs are made. It can be a pendulum kind of response. After being in a relationship where one's needs are not met, we can become a bit insistent, maybe even a bit obsessive about getting needs met. It is a knee jerk reaction. I think we've all experienced it. Haven't we all at one point said, "but I'm NOT him/her" when someone compared us with a former partner who had missed the boat on something. Haven't we, many / most / all of us been a bit overzealous about getting the thing that was denied previously? I certainly have!

best,
sunshine