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Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 11:59:37 AM   
AttendToYou


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I'm a male sub and I have been involved in a female led relationship for a while. We are still new, but I generally understand many of the aspects of the female led world. One of the aspects is male orgasm control & denial. This can be such a fulcrum for the relationship, and a very strong component in the training element for the male. It can even become an overwhelming focus of the relationship if a couple is not careful.

Fast forward to today, and my partner and I are considering switching--at least for a while. I'm exploring the idea of what it means to be dominant and how to go about doing it. I also know that (obviously) the male and female bodies work quite differently! Is there something that is practiced with female subs that is akin to the kind of orgasm control & denial that is so common for male subs? Does it work the same, or have the same effect of generating excitement? With men, a common practice is keeping the male aroused, bringing him to the point of almost cumming and leaving him there, for hours, days, weeks, etc... does it work the same way with females? Or is training a female sub entirely different?


< Message edited by AttendToYou -- 7/8/2010 12:01:11 PM >
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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 12:09:44 PM   
myotherself


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For me, orgasm control is something I won't do. If I'm aroused to the point of orgasm and then denied, then in a very short space of time I won't become aroused. That could be a few days, but in one particular case it was a matter of an hour or so. My brain knows that orgasm is not going to happen, so I don't get aroused.

Similarly, if told to 'stop' when approaching orgasm, I can't. If stimulation stops, then I won't cum but then again future arousal becomes difficult.

If I'm not going to be allowed to cum, then I don't want sex. And that's the slippery slope to the end of the relationship for me.

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 1:02:48 PM   
came4U


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Well firstly, with men, orgasm control (if done too often and too long) can cause actual damage (or infection) to the urethra, with women, it is only dangerous if she bites. lol

Secondly, I don't know how a man could feel (because sadly I have no penis to play with) but to me personally orgasm control becomes very emotional once the physical denial has gone beyond a certain timeframe.

Ie:  I would eventually become angry (yes, I would want to kill you or break your windsheild psycho kinda angry lol) or weepy, lost and confused.

aka, it is HELL and I'm draggin' you down with me.

baaahahaha


< Message edited by came4U -- 7/8/2010 1:36:39 PM >


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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 2:08:25 PM   
Focus50


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I like torturing the girl with orgasm control but no, I don't actively practise full denial. If a scene is including sexual stimulation, then ultimately I will let her orgasm - but I'll mostly decide the 'when', especially if it is as torture....

That said, there were specific times I have aroused and denied her as a punishment after she's broken the masturbation rules, but it's a very different headspace for the sub when she knows she's done the wrong thing.

As others have said, habitual or deliberate denial after getting your sub aroused doesn't seem like the way to make a relationship better or stronger.

Focus.


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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 3:08:56 PM   
mushroomchicken


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In my experience, I found long term orgasm denial to be a self esteem ruiner. My head was constantly filled with thoughts of why? what did I do wrong? Am I not good enough, etc. It is a big part of what lead to our relationship ending. Not saying it will happen to you, hope that wasnt taken wrong.

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 3:12:18 PM   
Missokyst


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Not to mention that many females get more loving, giving, affectionate and VERY appreciative when satsified. More orgasms for me, mean that he becomes KING in my eyes and in my actions. And, good feelings are sustainable and carry over for a long time

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 3:21:15 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Hello OP:
Good on you for exploring!  And even better you are asking.

There can be lots of "control"... having someone orgasm 3 times instead of 2, having them wait a couple of days without deliberate arousal... just keeps them kind of.... waiting and in low level arousal.  There is arousal then denial. 

For some people it is the anticipation that is exciting.  So, a simple "wear this sexy thing under your suit, and tonight.... we'll see" can be fun.

Have a good time... And feel free to tell us how it goes.  In detail.  Great detail. 

sunshine

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 6:03:09 PM   
DesFIP


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Plus sex starts in the brain in women. So if I know there won't be an orgasm, I'll stop getting aroused. He can't punish me with arousal and no orgasm if there is no arousal. Of course, the corollary is that when a woman stops getting turned on by a man, it can be impossible to turn her on again. At which point you're a roommate only and expected to do your own damn laundry.

Talk to her, OP, not to us. Because each of us is different.


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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 7:53:57 PM   
AttendToYou


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Judging from these replies, it seems that controlling and/or denying the female orgasm is a VERY different thing than with men!

There are some similarities. As a man, t is hard to be continually aroused if I know that I'll just be denied, so there is a fine line to walk to keep the possibility of orgasm credible enough to be believed even when denying it. But I think there are just some phisiological differences that come into play here that seem massive.

In the Femdom world, orgasm control and denial is a major, major component and elicits an entirely different set of responses from men than anything reported here on this thread! Very interesting.

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 11:38:18 PM   
MaamJay


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OK I'll chime in here, as someone who is both a Domme (and therefore familiar with how things work for male subs) and as a sub to a Master. From My POV, the two are totally different in terms of using orgasm control for training.

1. Yes, male subs are very sexually orientated, it's hard to keep the damned thing out of their hands sometimes, and their submission and service is very closely connected to their cocks. In fact, many just about lose their capacity to submit (as in actually bending their will to another) once they have cum. So that's why tease and deny works so well to keep them on the submissive path. It's also why many males and their Femdoms love chastity devices.

2. Females are wired very differently. Their sexuality is more closely connected to their self-esteem than it is to their submission. So messing about with continued negative control and denial will turn them off themselves and off their partners. Not usually what is desired. A male Dom can control exactly when they may cum yes, and how many cums at one time, but with a very different mindset of playing and rewarding, rather than pushing for submission. Female subs are more likely to connect submission and service to wanting to do things for the Dom, to wanting to please Him, and a reward of "good girl" is as likely as not to make her glow. Training is more about showing her what You want done and how You want her to do it and praising her when it's done right.

I hope I've explained that well enough, ask more questions if necessary!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/8/2010 11:54:17 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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I find that Orgasm Control on women is best when you force them to have them when they don't want them. Denial isn't something I have seen many women having problems with... If isn't something they see enough to be denied in the first place (LOL)

Anyway I like using Pavlovian Theroy and Wireless Viberating panties for Orgasm Control.

Nothing Better than Bringing her to Orgasm when she gets a Soda out of the vending Machine... or while walking to the car.

It's Fun as hell...

Expensive on Batteries.

QSM

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/9/2010 4:42:57 AM   
Mishna


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I would have to agree with the other ladies who have posted. Orgasms are difficult enough for me to achieve with a partner (yes, it is a mental block), that to have someone bring me there and then deny the orgasm would quickly turn me into a mental, and probably emotional, wreck. I imagine I would start resenting my partner, and beating myself up mentally.

Although, on the dominant side, I love engaging in the tease and denial activity with male subs. They seem to be wired much differently.

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/9/2010 9:59:21 AM   
Frankseas


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"Denial" is just not a river in Egypt! Delay yes(well maybe) but denial never. Have you ever tried petting a cat the wrong way? Well trust me you dont denie any woman when she is ready.

You may delay it if she feels like going along with it and may ask please and you will no that right "PLEASE" to give her the okay. If you are smart.

My slaves and subs never denied me my pleasure and I wont do that for them. But a small delay at the right time may enhance their pleasure when it comes!

Remember to keep resepcting and keep any woman happy and you are doing things right!

Good luck to you and keep things FUN okay?!

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 5:57:46 AM   
Drifa


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The way I have experienced this is more as not being allowed to come until given permission. If I was getting close, I could beg to be allowed to come. If I came before permission was given, there was funishment (we don't have a punishment dynamic, all impact play is play).



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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 6:18:58 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3937
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Frankseas

"Denial" is just not a river in Egypt!


Wellllll - it *is*...!

Perhaps if you reversed "just not" so the phrase reads similar to my 2nd signature line (below)?

Sloppy, Frank, veeeery sloppy....

Focus.


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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 6:45:04 AM   
Kana


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Well shit. I must be an ass cuz I love orgasm denial. I mean hell, she's mine, body and soul, and that means her orgasms are mine to give or not.
Sometimes, usually, I do. I like to give her pleasure.  And there are of course those lovely times when I tie her spread-eagled and drive her through the wall giving her more than she wants to have.
But then there are times I refuse. And I have done this for fairly extended periods of time.
Sometimes there's a reason. Sometimes there's not. Sometimes it's done out of sheer cruelty, as an act of twisted sadism. Sometimes it's simply a whim. Sometimes it's done to hit that spot inside, remind her that she's just an owned piece of meat, to yank real hard on that leash of control, grab the collar and pull it tight and deny her something she so desperately is begging for. And sometimes it's to extend the denial so when she finally does have an orgasm it makes her head explode, her eyes roll back in her head, her screams peel paint off the ceiling and break the god damned bed.
Whatever. I own the cunt. And yes, it's hot as shit...at least for me.
*Perks up, Grins.*
I have a funny feeling she may have a vastly different perspective on the matter (looks very, very innocent, straightens halo), but then again, slavery ain't a democracy, at least not the way I run it.




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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 7:13:17 AM   
littlewonder


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Ya know I used to be the type who when denied orgasms I'd just find something better to do with my time. I'd shrug it off and it wasn't a big deal. I can go years without them and not be bothered in the slightest....

but with Master..yeah, he has a way of denying me till I'm to the point of begging and pleading with him to pleasepleaseplease let me cuuumm till I feel as if I'm losing my mind.

He's evil, devious and oohhh so wonderful!

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 9:13:44 AM   
Frankseas


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Wow? Sounds like you are happy with your Master huh?! Focus 50 yea I miss the big picture at times! So guess I will take more "Focus Factor" next time....

Drifa have to agree with you there as the wait does make it better!

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 11:27:18 AM   
DCWoody


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Re OP, generally it works the same....but keep up the teasing or they'll go into nun mode, and don't tell them they have to earn an orgasm or haven't been good enough, they'll start thinking they're not....well, good enough. Generally I tease & deny because I love it, more than for 'training', for training....girls tend to be very praise driven. Let her know when she's being a good girl/slave/pet, and she'll keep it up. Good luck, have fun.

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RE: Female Orgasm Control - 7/10/2010 11:39:49 AM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Well shit. I must be an ass cuz I love orgasm denial. I mean hell, she's mine, body and soul, and that means her orgasms are mine to give or not.
Sometimes, usually, I do. I like to give her pleasure.  And there are of course those lovely times when I tie her spread-eagled and drive her through the wall giving her more than she wants to have.
But then there are times I refuse. And I have done this for fairly extended periods of time.
Sometimes there's a reason. Sometimes there's not. Sometimes it's done out of sheer cruelty, as an act of twisted sadism. Sometimes it's simply a whim. Sometimes it's done to hit that spot inside, remind her that she's just an owned piece of meat, to yank real hard on that leash of control, grab the collar and pull it tight and deny her something she so desperately is begging for. And sometimes it's to extend the denial so when she finally does have an orgasm it makes her head explode, her eyes roll back in her head, her screams peel paint off the ceiling and break the god damned bed.
Whatever. I own the cunt. And yes, it's hot as shit...at least for me.
*Perks up, Grins.*
I have a funny feeling she may have a vastly different perspective on the matter (looks very, very innocent, straightens halo), but then again, slavery ain't a democracy, at least not the way I run it.





I don't deal with orgasm denial, but somehow, as usual, you make it sound hot.

(in reply to Kana)
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