quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel


................I completely disagree women should try and ACT like a slave they no longer are. I think most Goreans have come  to admit this.  Its just not conducive to a woman living as a free woman.  To try and act like she is a slave held in the slavery she knew can harm her living her life as a free person as she HAS to do now that she is free.  She has to learn to become self-determining............

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Start out with: what would master have me do?  How would master do this? And so on...then do as you are told (you understand).

quote:

ORIGINAL: debraV

Greetings to all,

Just wanted to touch base with all the people that have come forth to offer advice and guidance.

The surgery happens day after tomorrow, after months of chemotherapy and radiation. There is much ground yet to be covered. Master will be in the hospital for 2 weeks and then perhaps more chemo. Just wanted to let everyone know that she may not be able to keep in contact but truly appreciates all the thoughts and advice already given.

Especially those of Angel's about how to "rethink" one's position (oh boy, that's gonna take a lot of effort but will persevere)..and those of CaringandReal which quote back on Ron's about how to reflect and act upon those reflections, plus pulling in a support group for important decisions. To Liz...yes, I am most afraid of being alone and to His immanent death, that seems most normal but mostly I am afraid of being without His hold on my life, it is hard to explain, but without Him, it seems like a car without a steering wheel. Yes, it is one day/minute at a time, that is all that is possible.

He has left her a list of "duties" to be accomplished for the next month, so she is pretty clear on that for the time being. And there is a dear friend she has had for many years who will support her emotionally and advise her. Such a lucky woman even amongst the destruction of all she has known. Debra will do her best to make Him proud for the next month and forever if need be. Oh, and to Bull...oh yesss, there will be a lot of baby steps involved, but will make it or die....there are only 2 choices..but then again, most people say baby steps are good when facing a new situation.

well wishes to all and thank you for the well wishes You have given me,


debra

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I recently came from where you are now - and you have my profound sympathies.  Its not easy to care for a dying person  -  one of the feelings that was most difficult for me to deal with were the feelings of guilt that came when i hoped he would hurry up and die. I loved my Sir very much, but he wasn't the same man dying that he was living, and he was SO miserable. I knew he didn't want to live bedridden, but even knowing that, i still felt guilty.

I guess my point is, is that you will feel many emotions - and some of them aren't going to be socially acceptable, but you need to allow yourself to feel them all. They won't be comfortable, they won't be pretty, but they are yours.
Other than that- try to get out of the house and enjoy yourself with something not related to your master and your life together.  Even if it is going to the bookstore and reading something, or going to a craft store and finding something you want to do  -  just something simple that can bring you some pleasure.

Other than that -eat properly, sleep as well as you can and try to enjoy something every day - even if it is the sight of the sun coming up, or a smile on a strangers face.

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Chuckles, what happens when a slave becomes a free person.  Honestly, a lot of fear, confusion, and unsurety.  However, the biggest thing that happens is -- they are no longer held in slavery.   Slavery is different from being slave.  While its an instantanceous concept, one day you are a slave the next you are no longer a slave, it takes a long while to change your perception of the world around you.  As you indicated, your life was very focused, a slave's perception of the world is that her focus is her Master and her Master's forcus is on the world around her.  A free person doesn't have that luxury.  You won't be able to help falling back on your slavery for comfort but i don't advocate continuing that.  You need to find your self-determination quickly.  Otherwise, you will never be able to see the difference between being slave and living in slavery.

I have been free for over 8 years and only started thinking of myself as an actual free person within the last year, i was always free but didn't necessarily think like one for a very long time.  however, there are still times the slave within me kicks in and with Men i revert to what is still a very automatic response with regard to things as you stated are Free but more so what i see as Men territory.  Even as a slave i wasn't great at putting Free Women above me lol so i easily due to my personality, have always been able to determinely stand around women. And i didn't allow them to bully me though a couple tried.  

One thing i couldn't do no matter what was deny slave within me.  I would recommend to any woman newly free to not deny that in her but also acknowledge slavery is not what she is held in anymore -- she is in fact free.  Men shouldn't be intimidated by this, especially Gorean Men, as those who are capable of being Masters know that their determination of how a woman exists in his life will be the deciding factor.   Men are capable of seeing the potential in a woman and for lack of better word exploiting same lol.  So trust the men and don't be afraid of denying a part of you that you were for so long BUT also don't deny a part of you that you are being free.

One thing if you plan to remain free for a while you will have to acknowledge to yourself is that there is a difference between being a slave held in slavery and being a woman capable of being a slave held in slavery.  You are no longer a slave held in slavery.  The slavery is what created the mindsets and rules you lived by -- not the slave.  If that makes sense. 

I completely disagree women should try and ACT like a slave they no longer are. I think most Goreans have come  to admit this.  Its just not conducive to a woman living as a free woman.  To try and act like she is a slave held in the slavery she knew can harm her living her life as a free person as she HAS to do now that she is free.  She has to learn to become self-determining.

My advise is a couple things -- 1) be prepared for it not to be easy, to be terrifying, to be frustrating, to be confusing, and to not feel right, 2) don't allow any of that to make you desperate, let yourself simply respond to men.  Don't try and say you are still a slave, but realize you are capable of being both -- just as it wasn't easy to become an actual slave, becoming free is the same type of process.  The only difference is -- becoming a slave was directed by a Man, becoming free is directed by you.  Don't expect it all to happen in a day.  Take it one minute at a time.  Work through things and allow yourself to sometimes curl up in a ball and scream.  For the longest time i was both, i was slave and i was free.  I was more slave with Men than i was free.  I probably still am but now its based on the caliber of the Man i am speaking with.   Most men i am capable of being free with, however, alpha primal males can easily have me reacting as slave to them.

I didn't try and deny that, and i sttill don't and won't to do so is like denying a part of myself.  Its not good for me to do so and in the end, i have to do what's good for me, not some person who needs to have everything in its place of labels.  I have found a different part of me however being free and while i still am slave, being Free has placed different perceptions in my view.

If you wish to be a slave again, then ask yourself why?  In order to answer that, to me, you are going to have to understand yourself as a free person.  The perception of slave is a very limiting perception.  Becoming free is a concept wherein its like you were blind and now you see colors and things and you aren't quite sure what to make of it, how to deal with it, or such and its painful. 

I have spent 8 years becoming a free person and  i can honestly say i have only just started really understanding what that means over the past year or two.  I still ackowledge slave, and know that certain type of man would be capable of placing me back on my knees and i know i would welcome it.  But i have learned that i am not willing to sacrifice my freedom for the average joe or for the name/label of being something i was very happy being for a very long time with my Mster, because i know sacrificing without the complete and utter reaction of slave to a Man would not fulfill me. 

You now need to decide if you are willing to sacrifice yourself and your freedom for the slavery or for slave.   Many people think its the same thing -- they are wrong.  You will see many people who see someone say slave and they automatically look for the slavery.  That is why unowned women are not slaves and should not be held to acting as if they are held in slavery.  They are in fact free but slave does exist within.   Don't let someone else tell you what it means to be free, find out for yourself.  Its strange and rather uncomfortable at times, but its also interesting.  There are still many things i cannot put definition too because i was a slave for so long.  Things like honor and things i think as Men concepts, i don't try and discuss with Men lol.  I don't have the perception to do so.  I do have opininons at times, but i still many times leave the discussion to the Men on certain things.

Good luck.  angel