Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom?

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Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 8:51:51 AM

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I was once a slave to a Pro Domme for serveral years and then she moved to the west coast and I stayed behind. For the last couple years before she left, I was graduated to the title of Dom and was taught the art of domination by her and her other domme friends but still submitting to them for teaching me. I still do have sub tendencies but know most female subs want a total Dom to serve and a male switch presents problems.My question to you is this..Would having a relationship with a dom and a switch present issues/problem in the relationship? Or should I consider listing myself as a switch and seek a domme or switch?

< Message edited by tewy01 -- 10/16/2010 8:54:37 AM >

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 11:12:16 AM

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I find it very difficult to switch with the same partner so I tend to put one aspect of my kink on hold to better complement theirs. I also find it difficult to submit to anyone unless they're strong and a bit intense, so I suppose I'm usually a Domme by default, in a sense... However, I am in such a relationship now where the power dynamic is fairly balanced outside of the bedroom but sexually I am very submissive. Even though I have been in this wonderful situation for the past two years, a submissive label doesn't encompass all of my kinky desires...so I'm a switch.

ETA: we are dating a lovely sub woman I play with regularly - so at the moment I don't have to choose! Yay!

ETA again: There are quite a few female submissives who don't have any interest in a male switch. They want a Domly Manly-Man without a subservient bone in his body. A Dom label may get more attention, but IMO it would be lying and eventually you're bound to have a subby day that would confuse your partner. There are also women who don't mind, as long as they're not asked to top or Domme you...and there are switch women who have no problem switching with the same partner, or even in the same scene. Good luck!

< Message edited by switch2please -- 10/16/2010 11:18:41 AM >

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 11:15:46 AM

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tewy01, note switch2please's position. That's something a lot of switches find, is that they will only relate to their primary partner as a Dom or sub, and use poly to scratch their other itch.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 11:39:58 AM

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Switch,where you confronted about going into a poly relationship or dd it just happen?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 12:19:53 PM

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We were open for the beginning of our relationship, then experimented with monogamy at his request. He had more of a conflict than I did, as he recently discovered some inhibitions about sharing me and jealousy at thinking of me with others, especially men. Our compromise was finding one woman for the both of us to share.
She was already a good friend of mine so she and I have an established relationship that doesn't threaten him; we just added a sexual element into our friendship. With her I can express dominance and an attraction to women. With him I can express submission and an attraction to men. With her and him together I have time to do my own thing, she gets one-on-one attention which she enjoys, and he gets to switch it up - no pun intended - since he's usually with me. The three of us play very well together. It's more carnal sex than power exchange, but if anything we're both submissive to him.

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 12:41:15 PM

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So, he did try to share you with men.Did you enjoy the doms?

(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 12:56:45 PM

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From: Columbus, Ohio
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I have almost the same situation as switch2please. I enjoy it to the fullest extent. Although I have 2 admit as of yet i haven't fully embraced the sub/slave role. I would rather control and manipulate - unless I am doing it to my hubby( I don't like to make him look submissive or weak in my own eyes). As a strong willed personality, i require a stronger willed spouse. I have recently enrolled into service for a Master Dom, and I am truly having a hard time submitting to him totally. My will is so strong that I am not sure subconsciously I will allow it.I think if hubby was to take the tru Dom role I would LOVE it. The inner battle in my head is raging on even as I write this.Trying not to mind fuk my Master,it just brings me punishment (& not the kind I like with a crop, more the humiliation,degradation type that insults my ego!)I am starting to have doubts that I am a true switch because of this. Maybe Im just a top that happens to be a masochist. Then again maybe i just like to change my mind ....

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(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:15:19 PM

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He did not try to share me with men - in fact he was quite against it.
We had an open relationship and were committed to each other, but could play with others without our partners' involvement. I have a few friends who didn't mind the arrangement. We were friends who happened to sleep together. I can top or bottom casually, and I love sex or group sex without commitment, but I cannot submit casually - so, no, there was not another Dom. It's difficult for me to let go and surrender myself to another person, and I have to be attached to an extent to find that kind of trust.

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:15:26 PM

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Sounds like you need to find out what you role really is them.Be honest with yourself.

(in reply to Aresidora)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:28:22 PM

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I believe I've found my role, and I'm happy.
My kinky wants are being met, as is my desire for both sexes and for group sex.
I am sexually submissive to a wonderful dominant man who is more than I ever thought I could find in one person.
I am sexually dominant to a smart sexy woman who also enjoys topping...heaven.

Is there a reason I shouldn't be able to have both? It's not for everyone but it seems to be working quite well for me...

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:31:24 PM

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Switch,did you domme them or have vanilla sex with the men?

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:37:18 PM

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Sounds like a good arrangement to me switch.You go gurl.

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 1:50:13 PM

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Yay!

I'm pretty pleased with the arrangement too.

I did top a couple men, but I didn't Domme - I felt that would be presenting more of myself than I could freely offer. Again, I think there should be some commitment between a Domme and her sub, and I couldn't honestly give that...so mostly it was vanilla sex, and occasionally some light kink (maybe light bondage and toys, but no mindfucks).

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 2:09:20 PM

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Vanilla sex is ok if it's once in awhile for me.Otherwise it's boring.

(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 5:31:08 PM

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I think there would be problems. At least for me. I believe in being me and not trying to go after something to just get something. Meaning if I have the urge to submit then I would not get involved with a dominant to just submit. I think it is dishonest. Most of the time the other person may say, they are okay with you being a switch, but what they really want to do is manipulate you into being what they want you to be. Or have their fun and call it a day. All well and good for some but definitely not for me. I want to be in a D/s relationship where my partner also switches and we can both give and take without wondering, "When is my turn?" Or why am I submitting to this person or being dominant when I know full well...I am a switch?

< Message edited by MIsabelah -- 10/16/2010 5:34:38 PM >

(in reply to tewy01)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/16/2010 7:57:23 PM

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From: Columbus, Ohio
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Honestly, I am me and I think my role is whatever I feel like. Some days im naughty some days im nice. My problem seems to be that the only rules I respect are my own, which makes for a very bad slave. I think my Master only puts up with me for the thrill of breaking me (as in shattering me to pieces). I know what he wants and the challange excites me. I can't help but to play on his weakness. Im sure he sees it, but allows it none the less. I am not as tolerant with my pets.

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(in reply to switch2please)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/17/2010 1:20:59 PM

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Aresidora, you said, "I think my Master only puts up with me for the thrill of breaking me (as in shattering me to pieces)." This is exactly what I mean by the other person manipulating the other person to be what they want the other to be. Truly if your dominant was okay with you being a switch and saw you having a very difficult time submitting- he or she would either have long lengthy conversation with you about the relationship, process that conversation with you, and see if the relationship is a right fit. There are plenty of control freaks out there who love breaking people. Why go through all the drama of breaking someone when you know the only person you can truly change is oneself? I see and respect the fact that your role is whatever you like, so I ask why not be the better person and tell the dominant to accept you as a Switch or release you? Remember this play is about being safe, sane, and consensual....so be safe and sane with yourself.

< Message edited by MIsabelah -- 10/17/2010 1:24:26 PM >

(in reply to Aresidora)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/18/2010 4:48:01 AM

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Congratulations, tewy. You're one of the few OPs I've ever seen who keeps good track of their thread by coming back and offering intelligent, non-judgemental questions and responses. Not that my approval is required or anything, but well done!
Now then, without being as eloquent as switch2please because it's too damn early in the morning for that, the answer to your question is, of course, yes we can, and it's all about individual needs and mindset. Of course, for me it's simple; I am deeply in love with and married to my One, and being that He's a wonderful Man and the right One for me on several levels, there is no confusion for me, none zero zip. (..oh, but there were times before I met Him that the confusion very nearly consumed me. But I digress..)
I wish everyone their own happiness.

Blessed Be.

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(in reply to MIsabelah)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/18/2010 6:26:03 PM

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All of your feed back has been very open,honest and from the gut.I always want this from my readers for input but most of all to make you think about different situations you may encounter during the BDSM and S&M lifestyle. I am here now and always will be. Ignorant people NEED NOT REPLY or be recognized from me. In my threads I expect respect,truth and honesty.That is why we are all here,am I correct?......? YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE....As I first mentioned in the beginning.I was a Pro Domme's submissive.Went to many get togeathers and served many. Stay tuned for my next subject my friends,you will notice when I write it, it is very true,life like and I expect once again your honest opnions and experiences in every day life.

Masta T

(in reply to SorceressJ)

RE: Can A Switch Be satisfied With A Dom? - 10/18/2010 6:27:28 PM

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Thank You SorceressJ. I look foward to hearing more from you in future conversations.

< Message edited by tewy01 -- 10/18/2010 6:28:36 PM >

(in reply to tewy01)

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