nephandi
Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline
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Greetings
I have met many men who have a way with words, and can get rather poetic, however such words from a man in my experience is often different that such words from a woman.
I actually had a similar conversation to this on a forum about role playing games like D&D and such. There are far, far less women playing such games than men, however one gamer lady complained that she felt like she had to do at least twice as good as the men for half the recognition. I told her that I had never experienced such discrimination and what was it that made her think that way. Turned out the problem was a difference between how men and woman communicate. When she presented a very well written character to another female gamer, the other woman would go on and on in often quite emotional language about how good it was, and when she presented a character that did not fit the story or was not good, there would come allot of praise for it anyway and then a apologetic it is great but not exactly what this game need. With male players however at most she would get a good character, for a great one and if what she made was not good enough there would just come a this will not fit the game, make another. Now this gamer lady felt that the good character and nothing more she got from good work was dismissing as it was less praise than she would get for a bad character among women. But I told her that this is how men often communicate, most men will not go on and on about how good your work is, often a simple comment of great character from a man is more a show of recognition than long and flowery praises from a woman.
As for Aswad, in private to me he can sometimes get flowery, but not romance level flowery, in public or online however praise form him or when he discuss me with others seldom comes as more than a few words, or a mention of a practical quality I have, as in for example, I don't know but ask Nephandi about it, she is good with nature therapy.
Another real life example I would like to make was once when my mother had gotten my grandfather a work bench for his birthday. My grandfather was amazing with his hands, he could make and repair about anything, and we know he wished for this work bench with clamps and all sort of nifty functions. But my family is not rich and the bench was expensive. My mother saved up and got it for him, and when she gave it to him my grandfather said nothing, he just walked outside and walked around in the back yard for several minutes and then walked in and gave my mother a simple thank you. He was so moved he could not get his emotions in check and instead of making an emotional outburst he just walked about for a while, we saw that his eyes where not completely dry, and that heartfelt thank you was for me a typical male reaction where a woman might have gone on an on about how great the bench was, how happy she was, how the gift giver should not have given something so expensive, and then some more verbal expression of feeling. Instead my grandfather just walked outside to collect himself and then just saying thank you.
This is actually often a source of conflict between men and women since women express feelings allot more they often will call men cold when they do not. Now I am not saying that no men express feelings and no women holds them inside. I am talking about generalities, and often a man will be more direct, and speak less of feelings and women will be more emotional and speak more in the abstract.
But it seams that I have babbled on for quite some time. I am not on a chocolate hype, but I have not gotten my morning tea yet, perhaps I should go get it. :P
I wish you well.
_____________________________
Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad
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