Impetince

Impetince (Full Version)

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YoungSub22 -> Impetince (5/3/2006 8:22:37 PM)
What do you do if you care for your Master/Dom but think he might be impetent? I am only 22, and sex is a very important part of a relationship for me. I definately isn't all of it but it is important. Our relationship is fairly fresh and I just don't know where to lead from this. It might be a serious problem and I don't know if I have the right to ask.

Arpig -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 8:37:40 PM)
I feel for you, as you are obviously missing out on an important aspect of your relationship....however since I have no idea what impetence is (do you mean impedence???) I really have no way to resond other than to say 'suck it up"

KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 8:39:03 PM)
You have the right to ask. My partner/top is an insulin-dependent diabetic. Sometimes, he's soft, even if he's turned on and ready to play. He can't help it-it has to do with his blood sugar and insulin levels. It goes away after awhile, but it can be inconvenient and frustrating sometimes. Don't forget, please, that you make up half of the relationship and, if sex is an important part of that relationship, you need to make your opinion and your desires heard. See if he has a medical problem and consider getting medical attention.

YoungSub22 -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:03:35 PM)
when I saw impetence I mean the inability to get a hard-on or to keep one once it is achieved for very long.

YoungSub22 -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:06:10 PM)
thank you Kitten. That is something that I had considered. We have talked over other health related issues and he has hinted at that but I didn't know if I had the right to dig deeper. I was also afraid to insult him somehow or make him feel I was questioning his manhood. It is a very touchy subject to some and I care for him deeply. I didn't want to hurt him.

fullofgrace -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:08:18 PM)
(arpig, i'm pretty sure she's referring to impotence.) i think you definitely have the right to ask your dom and to encourage him to seek some sort of help in this area if he's willing. i would also recommend evaluating how important this is to you in terms of your relationship and discuss that with him; see where it goes. he may be able to find help through medical assistance, or, if you two have a strong bond, he may be willing to be your emotional base but allow you to seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere. or any other number of possibilities - but it all starts with communication. best of luck to you both :)

YoungSub22 -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:15:00 PM)
Fullofgrace, thats exactly what I meant. Thank you for excusing my horrible spelling. I will take your advice and see where the subject leads us. I am such a one man woman that I don't know if I could find sexual satisfaction elsewhere but than again, I don't want to lose him and sacrifice something that IS important to me. I will take what you said into consideration though. Thanks again.

VikingHouse -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:30:09 PM)
Impotence in males can be caused by many factors, disease, depression, B/P med's and a number of other drugs, legal and illegal. Closeted males would probably be less excited by a female, the very chemistry that our body produces whenever our libido is elevated can peak quickly, dissipate and leave him tumescent. Alcoholics and those that drink to much before an erotic encounter can also experience impotence. I'm in My early sixtys, but My libido still rages on ocassion and demands to be entertained. With all of the med's that, I take for chlosterol, hypertension, etc, I have noticed a few ocassions where, I was ready to hump a stump, but My hooded pup refused to cooperate. Fortunately, I have a 'script for Viagra and find that 1/4 to 1/2 of a hundred milligram pill can cause Me to romp amd rump hump for a couple of hours before, I become tenderized and ready to stop beatin' My chest. lol The only way that his problem will be solved is for him to make an appointment with his doctor and discuss the problem with him. you most definitely have the right to ask him if he has any medical problems or possibly bi- tendencies that he may be denying or hiding from you. At twenty-two, I was ready and able to hump a stump or a 2 by four if it had a large kont that, I could knock out, several times a day. I don't expect that your libido is any lazier than what, I was capable of experiencing then. Denying yourself a healthy sex life will lead to a crippling neurosis, at least it would have in My case.lol If the relationship is fresh, and the two of you haven't had any lengthy discussions concerning you expectations and whether he can meet them or not seems like there is a lot of room for failure. I have two girls collared to My House now and am seeking others that are capable of enjoying their sexuality without regret or guilt. Of the other girls that, I scene with, I have a standard reply to their request to Stand for Me at the cross, I tell them directly that, I'm embrace erotica and pure sexuality during a lengthy session and they have the choice of experiencing My methods or not. Be true to yourself, your own needs and those imperatives that drive you as a sexual being. Communication really is the key to a successful relationship. Gentry

BitaTruble -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:38:38 PM)
Talk to him first, then I agree with those who suggest a doctor's advice. There are a lot of products out there to help even if there are other factors going on. There is a large % of the male population with erectile dysfunction but the first step is communicate. Is he aware of the importance of sex to you? Does he feel D/s is power/service oriented and not sexually based? Has he made it clear to you that sex will be part of your dynamic? Ask first, tell him your own feelings and if he does want sex as part of the dynamic but has some sort of undiagnosed medical issue, he'll be much more of a man to get it taken care of than to deny the problem exists at all. Once you are armed with knowledge, you can make better choices in what you'll do. I wish you well. Celeste

YoungSub22 -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:39:31 PM)
Gentry, from the sounds of it, you understand my sexual frustration and drive very well, lol. I will definately bring it up to him and see what happens. I guess thats the best option I have and from there I can make a decision. I don't want to do anything too hastely. In past relationships I have been in, I had no feelings for the men so I simply would of picked up and left, no looking back, no questions asked. But with him, I can not picture doing what I did in the past.

JohnWarren -> Impotence RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:50:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungSub22 when I saw impetence I mean the inability to get a hard-on or to keep one once it is achieved for very long. For god's sake learn to spell!!! I thought this was going to be a notestream about if a dom isn't penitent enough. Now, that would work great into a self-flagellation theme and all you want to know if he gets hard! On topic, you might well ask him. His scene might well not involve penetration. For example, Libby and I don't do genital/genital or genital/anal with any of our play partners. If they want to get porked they go outside or get along with silicone. It's a symbol with us.

YoungSub22 -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 9:58:25 PM)
Hey Celeste, Thanks for the advice and that is a good point. He is very aware of the importance to me and that I am looking for D/s to be a sexual as well as lifestyle choice. He is only 29, so i never really thought this would be an issue. I honest first thought it was me not doing things right and turning him on. And then this crossed my mind because he came up with the idea of no sex until after 10 dates/weekends together and so on so we can establish what it is we want to build with eachother on a non-sexual level, which was very important to me because I have never done that. But than I let a friend put it into my head that no man has that sort of control. So I started to question and look back and last time we were together I paid close attention and that is when I realized his lack of erection. If I was doing things correctly, even a man with control would get a hard-on. But he didn't have one and it worried me. But thanks again, I will definately broach the subject with him.

LadyHugs -> RE: Impetince (5/3/2006 10:56:21 PM)
Dear Youngsub22, Ladies and Gentlemen; I think that impotence sexually is an extremely good topic to cover, as not only men suffer from impotence, women do also. Fortunately for women, the tell-tale signs of impotence is masked as the genitals are tucked up inside whereas the poor male has his impotence issues in the open, without the ability to mask the effects and or manipulate it. I would like to present for thought, of how much the “slave” or “submissive” heart relies on “sex” alone. What is the total package to you bring without sex--as, sex is just a part of but, not of the total sum. I also would like to present for thought and consideration, to which may be a life changing moment, should either one of you become involved in an incident, such as an accident or such that causes sexual impotence. Perhaps in looking at the many possibilities, to which impotency in the sexual realm may disturb the dynamic of any relationship, one needs to take a glance of “what if’s” as nobody can really be sure what injury, disease or reactions to drugs can do to cause the sexual crest to fall on dominants and challenge the sexual needs/wants/security of the slave/submissive. In addition, it should be considered in the opposite manner, to which a slave/submissive becomes impotent (male and or female). In my own mind’s eye--I take a slave for the whole. If he is impotent, it is not to shake my devotion and my status as his owner. To me, a slave is more than sex and I would hope, that I am more than sex in my slave’s eyes and heart. Unfortunately, it may be that we are defined by sex and we do not put enough definition on ourselves absent of sex. Commitment is serious and unconditional at the time of that commitment. IF there were so many exclusions, there wouldn’t be relationships and the propagation of the human race and or the practice of breeding/mating and or sex. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

RavenMuse -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 12:35:24 AM)
What do you do? well for one thing realise a man isn't just a walking erection and sex isn't just about you being penetrated with one, he has hands, mouth, toys and most importantly one would hope, imagination. Just let him concentrate on having fun rather than being self-consious about not being fully functional and in a lot of cases things return to normal once that mental block is forgotten about.

fullofgrace -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 12:38:19 AM)
lady hugs - i have to agree with you...my personal beliefs lie along with yours, and are very important in my current relationship due to health issues, age, etc. but i do know people to whom sex is such an important part of the relationship...so i think for the op (and for others) it's more a matter of sorting out priorities and things you just aren't happy doing without. i greatly enjoyed your post...and i LOVE your username :) hugs!

MsMacComb -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 3:18:03 AM)
As may have been mentioned, it is highly recommended that he see a doctor if he hasn't already.Not to be an alarmist but sexual gratification is one thing, health issues are something else all together. http://www.eamg-med.com/caus2.shtml

feastie -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 3:38:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungSub22 when I saw impetence I mean the inability to get a hard-on or to keep one once it is achieved for very long. The reason I opened this thread is because of the word, "impetence". I had to read to figure out what was meant. "Impotence" is the word you're looking for. And yes, ask your dominant to get some medical help. If he doesn't agree there is a problem or doesn't think it important enough to seek help, then you will have to figure out whether you can live with it. I lived in a basically sexless marriage for 15 years. (Good thing I am very fertile, otherwise I probably wouldn't even have kids!). He refused to admit there was any problem and refused to get help. It destroyed our relationship.

fastlane -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 4:22:07 AM)
Being Impotent....or having erectile dsyfunction is totally cureable these days, from what I read? Seek medical advice Good luck, Kevin

MistressWolfen -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 5:27:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie quote: ORIGINAL: YoungSub22 when I saw impetence I mean the inability to get a hard-on or to keep one once it is achieved for very long. The reason I opened this thread is because of the word, "impetence". Same here feastie...was anticipating a thread on pentinence and all sorts of interesting self-flaggelation and holy order scenes chuckles... but I did read through it and 29 is rather an alarmingly young ages to be impotent at, and from what YoungSub22 has implied it seems to be chronic. So on that note YoungSub22; I would support what the others have posted and say get to a doctor (if no physiological condition) then to a counsellor if you wish to maintain the relationship and penetrative sex is something you need.

Rayne58 -> RE: Impetince (5/4/2006 5:35:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse What do you do? well for one thing realise a man isn't just a walking erection and sex isn't just about you being penetrated with one, he has hands, mouth, toys and most importantly one would hope, imagination. Just let him concentrate on having fun rather than being self-consious about not being fully functional and in a lot of cases things return to normal once that mental block is forgotten about. Totally agree RavenMuse [:)] Master has problems keeping an erection but we compensate with hands, mouth and toys. Also cannot underestimate the power of intimacy - touch, kissing, cuddles (along with the flogger and crop [;)] ) I am having much more sexual pleasure now than I did with my ex husband who was a healthy male 3 years younger than Master [:D]

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