Terrah
Posts: 372
Joined: 7/5/2007
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Hey Lisa,
My mom died several years ago, I was living in another state, I couldn't provide for her, but my sisters plotted to put her into a nursing home after my younger sister tired of "taking" care of her. I know she didn't know I promised my mom way back when I was 18 I would never let her go into a nursing home. I did not have any idea of this decision between my sisters for my mom's benefit (so called) so I had no say in it. Had I known I would have left my life immediately without hesitation and came to my mom's rescue and taken her to a place we could both live and take care of her. I did not do so out of love, or obligation, I made a promise to a woman who was scared to death to die alone in a horrible place that only wanted to extract money from her for her care and be without love or caring for her final days. I would do it out of honor of her wishes, no matter how I felt about anything. Sometimes you just put what's important to another above your own position in life and do what's right and good.
My husbands father died, many of you know about this from conversations I've had, I immediately the day he died stayed with my mother in law and grandmother in law until the days they too died. It was not easy, I left my home to go to them, it was not a selfless act, it is a duty and an honor to care for them. Yes I was miserable most of the time, but I learned so many things from this too. I learned I was doing the right thing for the right reasons, my selfish needs did not matter at all. I laughed and carried on with life with them, infecting them with my humor and personality which is quite different from their own. I stopped my life and began a new one in an instant because of honor. It is what is the basis of my character and I am proud of it to a point. I would do it again in an instant, not because they are relatives, or because I love them, or because they were my husbands parents. I did it because of honor. To honor someone you love is not only a very Gorean thing to do, but a Godly thing to do.
Perhaps the paths we take are not chosen by us, but by circumstance. We needed to become stronger to be able to deal with whatever life has to give us later, or perhaps this is something that will forever change our life for the good and put the past mistakes to rest because it is amends we needed to pay, or it is simply the way life is. I don't know exact answers, but I do know I would stand behind my husband when he is going to be sick as well. I promised I would and there's nothing in me that would leave him behind because the going got tough. I believe in honor period. It is my responsibility to make sure the people I love are taken care of, it is the responsibility for me to help those in need, family or not. It is my responsibility to give my opinion to make the world better as much as I am able to. I am my brothers keeper, I have a great responsibility and carry it lightly but stand by it with all that I am. I go the extra mile because it is necessary and anything less is unacceptable to me.
Do I think less of others because they do not do this? Yes I do. It is in their character to follow a path that is righteous, to do for others instead of themselves. We can call that selfish or lack of moral character, but I also know they can change if they wish to, take the higher road and carry on. It's not about me, it's about what God wants me to do on this Earth. Others can do this as well. It matters not if you are happy at first, find a way to be happy, stop complaining about the situation because you dislike it, I learned this. I had to go on and the only way to do so is to simply go. Take it a few minutes at a time, take a deep breath, read your Bible for strength. God gives you everything if you just ask for it and believe it will happen. Perhaps not on your time schedule, but it happens. The rewards are great and come when you need them the most.
I saw a woman I loved die because of a broken heart, she didn't want to go on, she didn't want to try, she didn't want to exist without her love she knew for 48 years. I think that is extremely selfish, yet I understand it as well. There was nothing I could do about it, so I decided to accept it and make her final days as happy as possible and I would have done anything for her to make that happen. In her death I honor her last wishes even now and I miss her deeply, but I moved on with life as she wanted us to and I treat her son with the same honor I showed her I had to give without remorse or second thoughts if I could handle it or not. We must all make this a better world by using the honor in us to do the right thing for the right reason. Perhaps if more did do so, it would be a better place.
Too many people however are selfish, what about them? What about my this or that? What about my life? I think they don't really get it myself. It is NOT about you, it is about serving others period. Does a master not serve his servant by keeping her? One has to see the levels involved in this to have it make sense so they understand it. Ok so much for my rant today. This is obviously a huge subject for me as it is the core of my being. I cannot imagine a life more worth living when we take care of not only ourselves but others as well. If we have trouble helping, then we seek help of others that will assist us in taking care of those we care about. I would never push someone off onto another person without being deeply involved to make sure I was still honoring their wishes. I do put myself in front and if that is what someone calls selfish they better look at the definition as I am doing this for someone else not me, I am in front because whatever happens I am there to take the brunt of the fallout for them which makes this a selfless act not selfish. Selfish is walking away to continue with my life when I should have done my duty instead. Actually I believe that is beyond selfish, I think that could be regarded as apathy.
I wish you all well.
Terrah
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"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyhow." (John Wayne)
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RE: A Pondering...... - 
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