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RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Poly..,if this counts as Poly?


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RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 3:27:07 AM   
shamedslut


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/16/2010
Status: offline 		hey, i just read through this and am glad the lady managed to talk to her Master eventually, but do feel a few comments were a bit judgemental of someone clearly feeling fragile. i don't usually post so hope this isn't the norm here!
my comment is about ranja's words- isn't the whole point of this lifestyle the exchange of power and the unequal roles? for me, being a slave involves being told what to do by someone who doesnt do what i say! so being allowed to sleep with others wouldnt be a mutual right! that's a really strange way to look at things!

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 6:00:33 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shamedslut

my comment is about ranja's words- isn't the whole point of this lifestyle the exchange of power and the unequal roles? for me, being a slave involves being told what to do by someone who doesnt do what i say! so being allowed to sleep with others wouldnt be a mutual right! that's a really strange way to look at things!


Like i said i believe that if one takes the liberty to screw around the other should have that liberty aswell if they so please, i do not think that is a strange way at all to look at things
i would rather think it is strange to expect someone to stay faithful to someone who is fucking about, but it happens apparently

my comments are based on my own experiences and i just live my own lifestyle like i think most people do, there are no particular rules really other than the law of the land and the limitations one places upon oneself.

(in reply to shamedslut)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 6:06:38 AM   
danaeisabadgirl


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline 		Ranja,

If nothing else, your pathetic attempt to demean gave me a good laugh for the day.



(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 6:08:38 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i'm glad you are feeling better

edit: did he understand you enough to be monogamous to you, as you prefer that?

< Message edited by ranja -- 4/12/2011 6:11:06 AM >

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 6:09:40 AM   
danaeisabadgirl


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/14/2009
Status: offline 		And by the way, I have what I needed from this forum and won't be returning. So anyone that wishes to continue the thread should direct messages generally, not to me specifically because they'll be left unread.

Y'all have a nice day now.

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 6:47:40 AM   
Selectivelight


Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline 		... it's moments like this when I realize how lucky I am to have the partners I do. I could have ended up with -that-.

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 7:39:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20706
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online 		I generally don't send emails regarding threads that people start.  If they want to discuss the topic at hand (or don't) the public forum will suffice.

What this thread sounds like to Me is that you entered into a dynamic with someone who is poly before knowing how well you would handle someone with multiple partners.  That's common enough.  Not everybody who is poly has always been and for those who are attempting a poly relationship for the first time, it isn't always possible to predict how well you'll do until you're actually living that way.  Some folks didn't expect to feel jealous or didn't really think about how they would feel when the person they are involved with is out seeing other people, etc.  It's one thing to say that you might feel this way or that before you actually experience it and another completely when you're really feeling those things because they are a part of your life.

Poly isn't going to work if you are encountering those feelings and you are not open about them.  All they do is fester and make the situation worse.  If you take anything from this thread, remember that part.  I'm not saying that you should attempt to use those feelings as some kind of emotional blackmail.  The person that you entered this arrangement with was up front with you about the fact that he is poly and what the situation would be if you signed that contract.  What I'm saying is, when you are struggling with your feelings, discuss things like adults so that they can be addressed.  There will be some work involved, but it will be worth it.


_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."


http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to Selectivelight)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 8:00:46 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 8119
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl

And by the way, I have what I needed from this forum and won't be returning. So anyone that wishes to continue the thread should direct messages generally, not to me specifically because they'll be left unread.

Y'all have a nice day now.


Tsk tsk - THIS is the proper way to flounce out: I hate you all and I'm leaving!

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 9:43:01 PM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2218
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl


As a contracted slave, it is not an option for me to walk out, ever.... My Master is the only one that can make that choice to have me leave...



Hmmm.......slavery being illegal an all(contact or not) .....if you are not happy.......walk.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/12/2011 11:47:08 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 4972
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl

So it's a part of everything, his being able to fuck anything that moves, should he want to. It's easy enough to agree to because it didnt sound so difficult at the time, but now that he's seeking (not as openly as i'd like)....how do i deal with the 'hitting the wall' effect? Each and every time i realize that i'm losing valuable time with him because his attention is focused elsewhere...my stomach hits the floor and i cant get over the overwhelming nausea of knowing that eventually something will come of it....


Greetings,

i'm going to offer a different perspective since i converse with many people in your situation that don't fall within the other category mentioned, nor is their a behavior a suggestion of disinterest in the primary partner. These are long standing relationships that merely have a different way of relating that isn't good or bad but simply unique to their partnership. Having said this, i believe you're equating the physical engagement (or desire) as a suggestion that you're literally losing (or will lose) your connection or some part of him through all of this. At present his attention has been redirected, but has it been to the degree where you'd consider yourself ignored or neglected?

The feelings that have arisen aren't surprising (to me at least) because you've moved away from the notion of what might happen to its literal unfolding. Although you've acknowledged your desire for monogamous relations, you've chosen to adhere to his standard even though doing so will involve some great discomfort. Now i can't speak for the others that have weighed in, but i have certainly faced this subject and others just as challenging in my previous relationships. It was neither a desire nor an expectation that he would accommodate me to the degree that we're masquerading an adherence that doesn't really exist, or it's predicated on what i want and the moment that doesn't occur i'm o.u.t.

So the first thing you have to do is deal with what you know and continue to verbalize your concerns. Yes, there will be others, but what happens after their copulation? Is he returning to you or packing his bags? You'll want to zero in on your fears in this manner to recognize what's genuine and possibly overblown. You're trying to flesh out the real concern that might be hiding under a few others in the pile. In the meanwhile, send up an S.O.S. and ask for his assistance. Articulate what you're experiencing internally and ask him to show you how the entire situation looks through his eyes. You may come to find that many of the ideas you've conjured or quietly harbored bear no possibility of taking place.

Does that mean it won't be hard? Oh no. This is a journey and i recommend that you align yourself with individuals that are going through it and those that have successfully come on the other side. i'm aware of a few groups on another site that might be an ideal fit. You're welcome to send me a note if you'd like more information. In the meantime, while you're in the meantime, remember it's one day at a time. You cannot expect your mentality to morph into something new overnight. You'll need continued reassurance and a willingness to hang tight when your insecurities rage. At the end of the day he is either the man you trust and believe has your best interest at heart or he is not. That is the anchor in all of this. Best of luck.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/16/2011 9:09:16 PM   
sweetgirlserves


Posts: 257
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl


So it's a part of everything, his being able to fuck anything that moves, should he want to. It's easy enough to agree to because it didnt sound so difficult at the time, but now that he's seeking (not as openly as i'd like)....how do i deal with the 'hitting the wall' effect? Each and every time i realize that i'm losing valuable time with him because his attention is focused elsewhere...my stomach hits the floor and i cant get over the overwhelming nausea of knowing that eventually something will come of it....

I cant be 25 years old again, those days are oh so gone....and no matter how many times i'm told i should feel secure about my place in his life, i wonder, what if he meets super girl...who can do everything i can..and even do it better. Thats my job..putting the smile on his face, making him happy....

what's left for me? laundry, dishes?

How do i deal with this?



If he is keeping you only because of what you can do, I suggest you leave now. I would hope you think yourself worth a bit more than that.

If he is keeping you because he enjoys owning YOU... then you should feel secure. Personally, if my Master found another girl who also made him happy and made him smile, i would be thankful that he gets double-joy from owning both of us... he deserves it after all! *smiles* But that is a mindset you either get to, or you don't.

Be well,
~sgs

< Message edited by sweetgirlserves -- 4/16/2011 9:11:47 PM >

_____________________________

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~Maya Angelou

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/16/2011 10:50:25 PM   
LazyKitten


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl


So it's a part of everything, his being able to fuck anything that moves, should he want to. It's easy enough to agree to because it didnt sound so difficult at the time, but now that he's seeking (not as openly as i'd like)....how do i deal with the 'hitting the wall' effect? Each and every time i realize that i'm losing valuable time with him because his attention is focused elsewhere...my stomach hits the floor and i cant get over the overwhelming nausea of knowing that eventually something will come of it....

I cant be 25 years old again, those days are oh so gone....and no matter how many times i'm told i should feel secure about my place in his life, i wonder, what if he meets super girl...who can do everything i can..and even do it better. Thats my job..putting the smile on his face, making him happy....

what's left for me? laundry, dishes?

How do i deal with this?


If you are a slave and you think he is going to toss you out if he finds another, you are with the wrong Owner. I just joined my Sister and Owner 6 months ago and even though I am younger then my sister and I prefer men to women, I already know better than think he will get rid of her no matter what he thinks of me.

I can tell you this, do not be jealous of the one he brings in, but embrace her. I would rather give up my Owner than my sister and she told me she feels the same. Do not look at it is sharing time with your Owner, but finding another to share in your life!

< Message edited by LazyKitten -- 4/16/2011 10:52:38 PM >

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 4/17/2011 11:59:01 AM   
aromanholiday


Posts: 305
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl


So it's a part of everything, his being able to fuck anything that moves, should he want to. It's easy enough to agree to because it didnt sound so difficult at the time, but now that he's seeking (not as openly as i'd like)....how do i deal with the 'hitting the wall' effect? Each and every time i realize that i'm losing valuable time with him because his attention is focused elsewhere...my stomach hits the floor and i cant get over the overwhelming nausea of knowing that eventually something will come of it....

I cant be 25 years old again, those days are oh so gone....and no matter how many times i'm told i should feel secure about my place in his life, i wonder, what if he meets super girl...who can do everything i can..and even do it better. Thats my job..putting the smile on his face, making him happy....

what's left for me? laundry, dishes?

How do i deal with this?


One thing you can try is to go back to basics. A slave desires her master's happiness above all else, including her own happiness: what makes him happy even if, at times, it makes her unhappy brings her quiet, fulfilling, and sometimes perverse joys. If you remember his happiness, it may work to shove out some of your own unhappiness.

This is not related to slavery, but are you aware that your fearful words are based entirely on imagination, on some worst-case scenarios you've concocted in your head? Ah hah, you are aware of that fact. From another message of yours defending your fearful imaginings:

"better to expect the worse and hope for the best, eh?"
No. Absolutely not. Doing this is how you ruin and destroy what is most precious to you with fear and jealousy born of pure imagination. Excepting the worst can sometimes bring it into existence, because you act as if your expectations are reality. This is what is called "playing with fire." I urge you most sincerely to step back from this path.

Here's something posted earlier in this thread that is also quite helpful:

AbsoluteOverlord, about the laundry and dishes issue: "If you are in fact a slave seeking to serve than find your joy in whatever service is allowed you. "

I couldn't have said it better myself. Such a simple principle, so very hard to follow, but oh, how it works.

(Yes, I know she said she's gone and that she left demanding personal correspondence if we want to be heard. It is not my role to provide personalized service to a message-board poster, however, so I'll just leave these words, where I want them to be, in public. )

< Message edited by aromanholiday -- 4/17/2011 12:02:36 PM >

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 5/17/2011 11:31:17 AM   
mynameispez


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/11/2011
Status: offline 		I didnt go though and read everyones comments...but i have to say this...i coul get you the 'right or submissive' answers alllll day long...but it doesnt change how yo actually feel...most everyone goes though this...

here is want i would look into to help myself feel better...do you have the role of alpha? do you get to be involved with these females? im not saying in a sexual way...but are you aloud to get to know them? maybe become friends?

most importantly you need to search for the positives that could come out of this...help with chores? maybe the stuff you dont enjoy doing as much? a friend? someone you can always trust an or turn to...

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 5/17/2011 4:30:49 PM   
subbykat


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: danaeisabadgirl


So it's a part of everything, his being able to fuck anything that moves, should he want to. It's easy enough to agree to because it didnt sound so difficult at the time, but now that he's seeking (not as openly as i'd like)....how do i deal with the 'hitting the wall' effect? Each and every time i realize that i'm losing valuable time with him because his attention is focused elsewhere...my stomach hits the floor and i cant get over the overwhelming nausea of knowing that eventually something will come of it....

I cant be 25 years old again, those days are oh so gone....and no matter how many times i'm told i should feel secure about my place in his life, i wonder, what if he meets super girl...who can do everything i can..and even do it better. Thats my job..putting the smile on his face, making him happy....

what's left for me? laundry, dishes?

How do i deal with this?


Something will "come" of it....probably you and the new slave. ;)

(in reply to danaeisabadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 5/17/2011 5:05:37 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 1646
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I failed to detect your sarcasm/worst case scenario as what it was.  I simply sensed bitterness and resignation.

It is entirely possible that you are delighted with your relationship and derive joy from it.  But I never saw that in your post.

I stand by what I said.



Steven I'm smelling an invitation to a pity party she's angry you didn't accept. I agree with your interpretation...personal responsibility and communication is key. Sadly in the english to english translation we missed that the "approved response" should be "boo hoo hoo poor you, what a bastard. He's your cross to bear and here's how to fix your suffering without taking ownership for your own situation".

Edited to add:::GGRRRR didn't realize this thread was  6 years old

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 5/17/2011 5:12:23 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones

You're never going to attract unicorns using the same tired BS as bait that every other guy used before.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 5/17/2011 10:31:51 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3125
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Well you can walk away, contract or no contract, presumably you wish to fulfill the contract, which speaks to your integrity.

As for the rest, the Threesome dynamic is thus: a primary dyad and an appendage, or satellite. I don't imagine poly is much different, it sounds like serial threesomes whether you're there or not, which you didn't specify - that's more like cuck which is a whole different dynamic, in my mind at least.

Being the satellite is not as bad as it might sound, I've never been the primary, always been the stunt cock in threesomes, but it requires a significant degree of emotional neutrality, a satisfaction with making others happy -  some people prefer being spared the stress of deep emotional commitment, but not everybody can handle it.

Sounds like you feel like the appendage when you'd rather be the primary, require more attention, or maybe having mixed feelings about the whole poly thing in general, my guess is you need some time and space to sort it out, but that's your call.

Definitely communicate your feelings to him, it is your life - bug him enough and he might tear up your contract.

Next time though, do read the fine print.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: How does a slave deal with the emotional side of Po... - 5/17/2011 10:33:32 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3125
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Steven I'm smelling an invitation to a pity party she's angry you didn't accept. I agree with your interpretation...personal responsibility and communication is key. Sadly in the english to english translation we missed that the "approved response" should be "boo hoo hoo poor you, what a bastard. He's your cross to bear and here's how to fix your suffering without taking ownership for your own situation".

Edited to add:::GGRRRR didn't realize this thread was  6 years old
Got me too!

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 58
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