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Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/10/2006 4:58:34 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

I am focusing this on Gorean because Gorean is what we are and why i have posted it here. I realize that BDSM and everyone has trust and honor, but i would like to keep this focused in Gorean aspect, NOT because i don't think BDSM has good advice, but because well, i am posting it in a Gorean forum.

i have some questions based on some horror stories i have heard about real life Gorean Groups. If people could express their views and answers to these questions that would be appreciated it.

I have never realized just how pathetic and malicious people can be towards other people simply because that is the type of people they are and seemingly have nothing better to do than try and make people miserable and seem to have no life to the point that they thrive on this type of action to the point they eventually make their way through many community groups where they live because they constantly get kicked off groups because of this? Maybe this thinking is naive, but i honestly have not thought people could be so horrid and pathetic until i started hearing these horror stories.

My first question is how does a community survive these type of people? How do they prepare for the possibility of these types of people? Do you have concern for your other groups in the community and make sure what these people have done is exposed to them? If so, how do you make it evidential and not simply gossip, where people then tend to want to not listen to gossip so they disregard the very real threat these people are.

I am wondering how many of you actually trust people in your offline Gorean communities? How do you do damage control when dishonorable malicious people have wreaked havoc on your offline gorean group and have not only tried to destroy the cammeraderie with in it, but also have caused some people to leave a group because of their fear of real life reprocussions they feel these people are capable of because of their maliciousness (i.e. they attack your home, your work etc). Is there a basis of trust you expect and have within your groups? Do you automatically assume this protection when you join a group offline? How do you keep confidentiality within your group (i,e, the understanding what goes on in the group stays in the group idea because of the sensitive nature of what we can be perceived as among the vanilla world.)

When you do encounter these types of people or Homes, how do yuo do damage control once they have been identfied and kicked out of your group?

i know this is an unsual question to ask, but i am honestly curious because i tend to be wary of joining these types of groups because of this very thing. i don't want to deal with the crap.

So is there trust and honor within a real life Gorean Community, or is it really an illusion? Sorry i know these are a lot of questions, but since these people do exist, maybe a combination of answers will help offline communities, help people who are wary of joining the groups because of such issues, etc.

i hope everyone has a wonderful day.
angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 5/10/2006 5:28:36 AM >

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 5:12:00 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

So is there trust and honor within a real life Gorean Community, or is it really an illusion?

Trust and honor exist everywhere, within every community. The issue arises when a few select decide that anger, mistrust, bad manners, and jealousy are more important.
I am not Gorean; I am not even a submissive/slave; but I have friends who are both and have attended groups with them based on our friendship. With that in mind, the times that I have attended a group that was Gorean, I have found the people to be just as trustworthy, and honest as anyone else I would meet on the street. In some cases, I would go so far as to say that they attempt to be more so.
People are people though. Which means, that we are human. We make mistakes, we judge without knowing that we are doing so, we mistrust/trust until proven otherwise, etc, etc.
I try not to limit myself offline because of fear though. If someone wants to spread around town that they seen me at such and such event, more power to them. The logicl answer would be 'how do you know I was there?'
I rely on no one to protect me from life's little lesson's. It certainly is not the job of a 'group' to protect me from the outside world; furthermore, I would never discuss something within a group that I would not want to be passed around town ( so to speak

). That is just common sense.
This is, of course, just my opinion though

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 11:57:56 AM

Jonandelle

Posts: 37
Joined: 3/24/2004
Status: offline

Hi angel,

I just spent the better part of a half hour writing a response and then my session timed out. Grrr. I don't have the patience to write it all out again, perhaps later. Next time I'll write in notepad and copy it over!!!

Master and I have been involved in an offline Gorean community since we moved to the DFW Metroplex in 2000. Essentially what I was writing was that there is honor and trust in an offline Gorean community but the trust is built over many months and the honor is present or not. If it's not present those members generally find themselves unwelcome.

Also, most conflicts occur because of power. Power must be wielded carefully and fairly in order for a community to thrive.

elle{J}
property of Jonrhus

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 12:06:33 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I have to agree with elle here.. In any relitively closed community it takes time to build trust with many eyes scrutinising the new paople. I have seen the same thing in covens and similar groups and seen some expode too. Happily, lodge wise we havent had any such problems over my lifetime but my father hasd to deal with just one individual.. But we take years scrutinising people prior to their being invited to join..... Dealing with the problerm when it does happen is a matter of common sence and good communications with all members.... Close bonds help a great deal..

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 12:38:32 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

smiles.. don'tcha hate when that happens elle lol. Computers think for themselves but do they REMEMBER for themselves nooo lol.

Thanks for trying and for trying a second time around to answer. I will respond more later as i am suppose to be working blinks innocently lol. I look forward to anything additional you would have to add, i know many people are involved with offline groups, and i know there are dishonest and malicious people out there who like to make their life's work in causing havoc in communities. So am hoping to find out how people deal with these people on an offline basis where you can't just click ignore or block lol.

Thanks for replying!

angel

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 12:43:13 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
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Master Ironbear,

do you think its better for Gorean Communities in general if you have an invite only premise or like a sponsor premise when joining such offline groups? Or being allowed to join based on interest alone? How do you keep people interested in your group and willing to wait for an invitation and participate in the "getting to know you" phase? I am presuming Gorean groups are a lot smaller than the larger community groups of other lifestyles, so i would "presume" they are easier to manage yet on the same level slightly more vulnerable because of the closeness of what i would deem such a community would be. Maybe i am wrong, but i view offline communities exactly as that a community where trust and commeraderie abound on a person to person level.

Thanks for your inpute,

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/10/2006 2:25:59 PM

Malkinius

Posts: 1584
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: online

greetings barelynangel...

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel
Master Ironbear,

do you think its better for Gorean Communities in general if you have an invite only premise or like a sponsor premise when joining such offline groups? Or being allowed to join based on interest alone? How do you keep people interested in your group and willing to wait for an invitation and participate in the "getting to know you" phase? I am presuming Gorean groups are a lot smaller than the larger community groups of other lifestyles, so i would "presume" they are easier to manage yet on the same level slightly more vulnerable because of the closeness of what i would deem such a community would be. Maybe i am wrong, but i view offline communities exactly as that a community where trust and commeraderie abound on a person to person level.

Thanks for your inpute,

The offline functions I host or facilitate are mostly open ones. My House Malkinius gatherings are open invite but except for the city the location is only given to those who RSVP me. This keeps the casual person from coming by and some control on my part as to who attends. Someone I do not wish to have "in my house" is told so privately and not given the location. I have been to other offline gatherings such as the one held by David and swan on the west coast that works the same way. Others are totally private and by invite only. It totally depends on the group. One thing I will note, not all offline groups have people who like each other but they share a Home Stone and that by itself still binds them together.

be well....

Malkinius

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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/10/2006 2:27:05 PM

RedDragonFreehol

Posts: 569
Joined: 1/12/2005
From: Denver, Colorado
Status: offline

Tal angel,

I wish I had an answer for you, but I am afraid I don't. We just recently had such a thing happen with a declared free woman in the Colorado group, and it ended up splitting the community into two competing groups. It all actually started with a slave misbehaving, and having her Master back her instead of the free who she was disrespectful to. It all boils down to what people want from Gor. There are many proclaimed Goreans who are somewhat less in person than they portray themselves to be online, and when push comes to shove they wax Earth girl or Earth boy, and then shit happens. Ultimately, all we can do individually is be true to ourselves. The rest comes out in the wash.

Be well,

_____________________________

Omega
Master of Red Dragon Freehold
Chairman of the High Council
Colorado Gorean Society

www.coloradogoreans.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/coloradogoreans

www.fraternalorderofgoreans.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fraternalorde

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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/10/2006 2:44:09 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Greetings Angel lass,

If i could gather all those I know of (not necessarily know personally) in Queensland at my place for a BBQ, we'd still have spare seating... I'm thinking about at the max a dozen.. There are two or three who I see regularly. I advertised an ECAG BBQ at my place for the 14th not realising it was mothers day. Two originally said they would attend and then one dropped out because he and his slave will be interstate and the other, a slave, has not RSVPd by last weekend. I had opened the invite up to include the Gold Coast BDSM Group and again no one is interested... By answer was bases on what I do with covens and the Lodge.... Both the Lodge and Clan O'Sliabh have proprity to lifestyle groups which I would prefer others to run for personal reasons....

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/10/2006 9:41:09 PM

Nosathro

Posts: 1484
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline

Tal and greetings

I have to get to know the person for some time before I trust them and observe them to find if the have honor. Being in California ..well..let say it is like Ganola..take way the fruits and nuts and all you got are flakes.

I wish you well

Nosathro

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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/11/2006 2:18:26 AM

mons

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings to all

I say keep all of the ingerdents flakes
and all and you still will have a flakes.
I know many who hold their honor high 'and
our proud as always, Goreans and all of the
communitys of BDSM each one as a person or persons who are
liars and not man or woman enough to handle anything let
alone the truth if it were throw at their face. I come to adore this group
i will never let anyone person make it so that i do not
enjoy my talk with all of you, I have always been treat so well
by all of many of you and i look forward to writing and
reading the ideal and thoughts this group has , as an artist
my eye and senses have been open and it make me draw more
i have come to deeply respect the master oh Irondbear your the one
i do respect you have reach out to me, that ehlped me so i need to write a letter to
you some problems have came up again thanks i smile so when i think of you
one day i will draw you and send it through comptery will like it so How is ladyneets i hope she is
well ,

take care best wishes

mons./jane best wishes to all

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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/11/2006 5:06:41 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Greetings Master Omega, i hope all is well with your Home.

I am sorry to hear what has happened in your community. I have heard of the same thing in other communities - grioups are split and the groups become "competing . What is surprising is in the other communities i have heard of over the years, the issues were also started because of a slave misbehaving. Do the leaders of these now two groups have a plan for trying to get the 2 groups reunited? Did your gourp have a way to air these grievances within the group? Have the individual groups now made different regulations and such in the groups or different ideas in pertaining to the group and what will be and won't be acceptable?

i appreciate your response and am sorry what has happened in your community and hope that they can get past the doings of a couple of people.

angel.

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RE: Trust and Honor within a offline Community - 5/11/2006 5:17:26 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Greetings Master Malkinius:

I agree not all offline groups have to like each other however, there is a difference between people not liking each other and people maliciously and deliberately going after people and making a career of jumping from group to group and trying to cause trouble. I think your rsvp idea is great, and probably does cut down on troublemakers infultrating. Thanks for helping with this topic.

i think its important to try and see how different offline groups work and keep the peace.

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Trust and Honor w/in offline Gorean Communities - 5/11/2006 5:36:59 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

i appreciate the discussion on this topic. I think there are many people who either are, want to be, or planning to try and be a part of Gorean communities. Since this is a thing what seems like many people will somehow be touched by, the sharing of how these issues and groups are handled in times of crisis or trouble etc may actually help others of our very extended community (all over the world) and those who can take precautions now if they haven't encountered this type of trouble, and those unfortunate enough to have encountered this even to the point of a splitting of a community can show how they overcame such a thing.

On the same note, perhaps people can explain how their offline group is run when in a private vs a public setting. Being Gorean offline i think would mean on many levels actually interacting with other Goreans and it would be curious to know how offline groups do this and keep the peace and keep the philosophies alive within the interactions.

Thanks again for all the responses, i look forward to others who are a part of Gorean communities offline.

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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