quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


Lol, this is rubbish...!

First and just to clarify, "his statement" wasn't anything he stated on this public discussion board - you lifted it from his personal profile.

As for that statement: "I am hoping to satisfy my craving for having someone to punish around when I'm in the mood to, and wanted to be served". The last few words are a bit confusing but generally it's harmless if you factor in that probably the most confusing and bastardised word in BDSM is "punish". He probably should've substituted "dominate", or even "control", instead....

And, best for last and as one of those Doms who "turns it off and on" - you're advocating a dom has to be an "island"? Geeeezus, even a full-on sociopath needs downtime!


I admit to being at a total loss as to how you misconstrued that from my statement. I meant turns it on and off as in merely playing a role. Look at his interests, he's heavily into RP games.

Just so we're clear, you don't think it reasonable that a dom can have a relationship where he can love his submissive in all ways? You know - friend, companion, lover, confidante etc in the everyday - just like any other mature/adult couple! It has to be total disconnect of emotions (24/7) to be "true" D/s or M/s? That most subs only want the cruel, strutting control freak who's never allowed to just be human occasionally - with all the fallibilities implied?

I certainly never said any such thing nor implied it. Again, I am quite baffled. But then this venue appears to be virtual minefield in terms of what people can read into a simple statement.


You recently mistook me for Gorean and I thought you were a domme until this thread. But I am familiar with the hyper-uberness (posturing, sweeping statements et al) that only a switch can project. You don't have a monopoly on "confrontation"....

Yes, I did make a genuine error and mistake you for a Gorean, and I have apologized to you publically and sent you a Cmail. So I am confused as you why you brought it up, and most especially in the context of my being a switch. It sounds like a domme you would give the benefit of the doubt, a switch you would not? That is quite hugely prejudicial, but nothing I have not heard before.

On that note I'll just uber posture my way on out of here. Enjoy your evening, Focus.



Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

I used to do comparisons, until I found it was pointless to do so.

I'm all for subjectivity but even it has boundaries. We see it on a regular basis.

Someone gets called out because his/her views aren't well received. Yet we can all rattle off these words with razor precision at just the opportune moments when it suits us.


"If" a Dominant went around saying yes mam when responding to and waiting hand-and-foot on his submissive, catering to her every whim and so on and so on..I bet you'd see a few raised eyebrows. So there are limits to everything and there are limits to subjectivity as well.

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

All true, and I think that's what Leadership was saying - that even the "extreme" things are subjective.  That's what I was talking about, when I mentioned comparing  - Your extreme to my extreme. 

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ORIGINAL: diablarosa

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

All true, and I think that's what Leadership was saying - that even the "extreme" things are subjective.  That's what I was talking about, when I mentioned comparing  - Your extreme to my extreme. 

As in what you think is serious or not. Got it.

quote:


But RELATIVE extremity wasn't the point... high level of controling someone was. And as usual from what Ive seen of leadership he skirted the issue by praying to the god of all things relative and abstract... hijacking the point totally.

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
You equated levels with extremes, but now say extreme isn't the point, but levels are?

OK.

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Limits to subjectivity is an interesting concept though, let me chew on that a bit.

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Nope, 'fraid not, chica. If you read again, you'll see that I said I used to compare extremes, and no longer do, because it's pointless to me.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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Limits to subjectivity is an interesting concept though, let me chew on that a bit.

You do that.

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It'd go better with berry pie, though.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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Nope, 'fraid not, chica. If you read again, you'll see that I said I used to compare extremes, and no longer do, because it's pointless to me.

I don't believe you, Nueva.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

It'd go better with berry pie, though.

Maybe if you're good, I'll make you one.

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You don't have to, Icarys. The only thing I can do is measure something someone says is extreme against my own experiences and my life in the present, and consider (a) how I'd respond to it; and (b) if it's something that would feel extreme to me.

I suppose that could be construed as comparing, so I'll clarify - in the past, I'd think "You think THAT'S extreme?" while thinking it really wasn't extreme at all. Today, that's not the frame of mind I want for myself. What was extreme to me in the past, might not be today, however, what was not extreme to me in the past very well might be today. It's relative, based on where I am in my life. So while I might be comparing various practices - be they elements of control, extremes, latitudes, or anything else, I can really only hold them up against my own personal journey. But to compare other people's experiences for the purpose of deciding whether or not it's extreme to them....it's just not my thing. I did it before, I don't do it now. I don't see the point.

In the past, it stemmed, in part, from insecurity. If slave A thinks having to ask to use the bathroom is extreme, then I could grin and think, "Hell, that's nothing" and feel really good about where I was in life with my (then) owner. Now I think along the lines of, "Well, to me it comes naturally to ask permission to go to the bathroom, but there could be a gazillion reasons out there why it feels extreme to her/him." I have no idea what that person's past experiences are, and why asking permission to go to the bathroom might feel extreme. So I'm in no place to judge what's extreme for someone else or not. I can only speak for myself.

Now, your "I don't believe you" wasn't exactly an invitation to explain my point, but your challenges sometimes cause me to think a bit more, so there you go.

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Promises promises...

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Don't think I'm calling you a liar by my previous words.

quote:


My intent was to say that we rarely if ever move away entirely from our old habits when having to deal with life. We may, depending on the person, have gotten to a point of control for a said thing or feel we have worked past it but it still remains, ever so subtlety.

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One last thing and I'm off to bed :). What people do when they do what you spoke of is a form of judging. We all do it for various reasons. Rest assured, we all do it. (Yes an absolute!)

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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Promises promises...

I have no problem keeping my promises, I can assure you. If you were here, you'd see that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Lol, this is rubbish...!

First and just to clarify, "his statement" wasn't anything he stated on this public discussion board - you lifted it from his personal profile.

As for that statement: "I am hoping to satisfy my craving for having someone to punish around when I'm in the mood to, and wanted to be served". The last few words are a bit confusing but generally it's harmless if you factor in that probably the most confusing and bastardised word in BDSM is "punish". He probably should've substituted "dominate", or even "control", instead....

And, best for last and as one of those Doms who "turns it off and on" - you're advocating a dom has to be an "island"? Geeeezus, even a full-on sociopath needs downtime!

I admit to being at a total loss as to how you misconstrued that from my statement. I meant turns it on and off as in merely playing a role. Look at his interests, he's heavily into RP games.

quote:

Just so we're clear, you don't think it reasonable that a dom can have a relationship where he can love his submissive in all ways? You know - friend, companion, lover, confidante etc in the everyday - just like any other mature/adult couple! It has to be total disconnect of emotions (24/7) to be "true" D/s or M/s? That most subs only want the cruel, strutting control freak who's never allowed to just be human occasionally - with all the fallibilities implied?

quote:

I certainly never said any such thing nor implied it. Again, I am quite baffled. But then this venue appears to be virtual minefield in terms of what people can read into a simple statement.

quote:

You recently mistook me for Gorean and I thought you were a domme until this thread. But I am familiar with the hyper-uberness (posturing, sweeping statements et al) that only a switch can project. You don't have a monopoly on "confrontation"....

quote:

Yes, I did make a genuine error and mistake you for a Gorean, and I have apologized to you publically and sent you a Cmail. So I am confused as you why you brought it up, and most especially in the context of my being a switch. It sounds like a domme you would give the benefit of the doubt, a switch you would not? That is quite hugely prejudicial, but nothing I have not heard before.

On that note I'll just uber posture my way on out of here. Enjoy your evening, Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh
A great many submissives will 'test' or challenge a known Dom just to show him that he's not in charge (unless he is their Dom).

quote:


I meant in the situation where a man (or a woman, for that matter) attempts to be dominant with a sub who is owned or uninterested, or who they have just met, or where they are in a social group with a Dominant who attempts to boss everyone around. The submissives are unlikely to respond to it, but rather they will go out of their way to show that person x is not the boss of them. It's the same as many submissives on here saying that they submit to their Owner, but no-one else.

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The point I was responding to stated that submissives would just naturally respond to dominance, regardless of who it was coming from.

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Now you can't have it both ways...! You may have meant that he turns it on or off as roleplay, but you didn't say that. Roleplay is not the default meaning of dominance, at least not to the considerable percentage of us who live D/s or M/s as a core personal relationship dynamic.

So if you don't stipulate that which is relevant but not obvious, you don't then get to plead innocence/ignorance in regard of statements others *allegedly* "miscontrue" from you.

quote:

I brought it up because my experience of internet bdsm Forums (here, bondage.com and the old bdsm-online) is that the domliest of all tend to be switches who over-compensate in (apparently) feeling they hafta try harder or prove themselves or whatever it is