RE: The dust in my inbox.

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RE: The dust in my inbox.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: The dust in my inbox.

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RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/3/2011 7:35:19 PM

Kaelloric

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

**** Bones
rose has a position where an identifying photo wouldn't be prudent. she does have a profile on fet, though not here quite yet. That will be coming soon.

Primarily this is my profile, and thought that it should be mostly about me and what I'm looking for. A couples profile has been mentioned and is being considered.

**** Ladypact
No I didn't. "Swan" Came about because of a dream I had, and the name stuck. Its for reference and is not a permanent name.

****Oldhen
Why? I have a vision, and I'm building it one piece at a time.

If there are any other suggestions to be had, I'm open to them.

My schedule is looking good coming up soon, so hopefully that piece of the puzzle will work its way around. I look forward to going to some of the coffees and parties in the northwest part of town.

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 21

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/3/2011 7:53:17 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5224
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaelloric

****Oldhen
Why? I have a vision, and I'm building it one piece at a time.

Why? Because relationships are not visions to be built from architects' plans. They are interactive, and spontaneous, and prone to sudden, unforseeable changes in circumstance.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

Twitter, I've got it. http://twitter.com/sthetica

And a wordpress too! :D http://sthetic.wordpress.com

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 22

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/3/2011 7:54:17 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 2911
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: online

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I looked at your profile and agree with what LadyPact said. You may want to say that you want to “start a family” instead of finding someone to “raise babies”.

Are you fucking kidding ME !!!! That by far is the most MORONIC statement I have ever seen in a profile. That statement would scare off Mormon breeder. Hi Im ken this is barbie want to have kids so you can be bound to us for 18 years??? Get back to me and lemme know howzit working for ya???

What in THE hell were you thinking???

Still shaking my head is disbelief BadOne

_____________________________

Legal stuff. Don't whine/complain about my advice. First I don't care. 2nd Like it or not YOU asked for it!

It ain't about you

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 23

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/4/2011 4:23:24 AM

0ldhen

Posts: 2218
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaelloric
Oldhen
Why? I have a vision, and I'm building it one piece at a time.

Basically, your profile plus your post reads like you are shopping for a brood mare. I occasionally see others looking for "breeders" and it always gives me the creeps. Fetish, kinks, etc...fine. But one that involves bringing innocents into it, oh hell freakin no. These innocents born to and of such a situation, well, let us just say.....not fair to them at all. What are their rights?

I was raised in a poly house, but each person in it came to it because they were in love wit the others. The ums were are result of such love. Not the reason for it. I lived a poly life long ago, raised my ums in our sometimes poly household. But it was a household formed by and for love, not for the express purpose of breeding.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 24

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/5/2011 9:49:35 PM

Kaelloric

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Excellent. Finally, we're getting somewhere.

Oldhen, I started this thread because I'm looking for suggestions. I know I don't express myself with the written word very well. Usually I type up some crap and have my girl rewrite it for me. This time I didn't. This needs to come from me.

What *specifically* makes my profile sound like I'm shopping for a "brood mare" ? Is it because I was up front about wanting a family? Did you read it in its entirety, or did you skim it and are responding to other postings?

I am honestly, truly looking for suggestions, not a flaming. I'm asking for people to be specific.

Thanks

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 25

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/6/2011 12:47:52 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 16506
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

The chick is probably sleeping, but I'm not, and I'm just arrogant enough to think my opinion matters, so here you go:

Your first sentence. Man your first sentence is that you want someone to have a family with. But you don't mention your current woman until the end of the profile... and then you just say something like "my rose is banned from the kitchen" ... and uh "huh? What rose? He grows roses?" If I were looking at you as a potential, I'd feel like you had bait-and-switched me.

For a guy not wanting sex to be the most important thing, you talk about it quite a bit in your profile. I think thou doth protest too much (how often does one get the opportunity to paraphrase Hamlet?)

(by the way, as an editor, may I say you are missing a couple of words in your profile)

I read the whole thing. On the whole it seems ok to me at face value. However, you have left out a HYOOJ chunk of information - your current lady, your relationship with her, what the relationship of the three people will be.

And I'm asking - what's the deal with the rice? We got 50 kilo bags of it here at the grocery store. I took photos of the stacks of them, and the rice paddies, and the people working in the rice paddies, and the food that is made of rice... and on and on. Rice. It's what's for dinner.

best,
sunshine

p.s. If you dig rice, I'm sure you dig my sig line.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 6/6/2011 12:49:39 AM >

_____________________________

¿me preguntas por que compro arroz y flores? compro arroz para vivir y flores para tener algo por lo que vivir.
~Confucio

Yes, I am a wonton hussy.

Head Hib Harem Hottie

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 26

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/6/2011 3:36:46 AM

0ldhen

Posts: 2218
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

The chick is probably sleeping, but I'm not, and I'm just arrogant enough to think my opinion matters, so here you go:

Thank You sweety, You are right, we would have posted exactly the same thing. Once I haz more coffee (were IS that fonduebunny, you know, with the magic coffee snorting nose) I'll type a little but honest you've nailed it here.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 27

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/6/2011 9:12:33 PM

Kaelloric

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

For rice, I carve and paint it, and set the little sculptures into buttons that I wrap with silver and turn into pendants. I'll post one.

I have a couple days away from the intarwebs, so I'll work on a new profile page. Thank you for the 'bait and switch' bit. That will help.
If there are any other suggestions to be had, let me know.

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 28

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/7/2011 3:08:21 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 16506
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

You CARVE rice? That I gotta see.

You're welcome.

_____________________________

¿me preguntas por que compro arroz y flores? compro arroz para vivir y flores para tener algo por lo que vivir.
~Confucio

Yes, I am a wonton hussy.

Head Hib Harem Hottie

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 29

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/7/2011 11:25:36 AM

lizi

Posts: 3012
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I totally agree with sunshinemiss, there is barely a mention of your slave at all and having a permanent threesome in the making is not just a throwaway whimsical detail.

The profile on the whole reads well and is very nice and informative except for the fact that you left your woman out of it almost completely. This gives the impression that she doesn't matter that much, and if I were interested in you I'd wonder if you would feel that way about me if I were to take you up on your offer. It just seems as though your current slave is a trivial side issue, almost like you felt compelled to say the least about her that you could get away with. There also aren't any pictures of her, just you. I would certainly wonder if I were destined to be in the same position...out of sight, out of mind. Your profile reads and appears as though it is for a single male.

Perhaps add more about what you're looking for in a woman? You obviously want her to be fertile, you talk about your visions for an overall family group, but not much about what you would like this potential woman to be like. Also, what are you offering her besides a place to live and being a biological father to a child? Would she have a relationship with the two of you? She may be younger, would you perhaps support her in college? Is she expected to work outside the home and contribute to family expenses or would she be a stay at home mother?

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 30

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/7/2011 3:44:04 PM

0ldhen

Posts: 2218
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Your profile reads and appears as though it is for a single male.

The above is really really common on the other side, you know, bait/switch. Couples searching for the elusive unicorn often get desperate enough to try anything. I do sympathize with their plight, and I am not saying all couples or even this couple, just that as a single fem, I get hit with it quite a bit.

_____________________________

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

Za'beeta Regal, Et Vogo O' Lurwadra'd Wyka Go Abosh Inunsey.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 31

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/7/2011 5:55:22 PM

lizi

Posts: 3012
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: 0ldhen

The above is really really common on the other side, you know, bait/switch. Couples searching for the elusive unicorn often get desperate enough to try anything. I do sympathize with their plight, and I am not saying all couples or even this couple, just that as a single fem, I get hit with it quite a bit.

Yes, it is quite common to get hit with the bait and switch- I've had it happen to me a lot too when I was looking. I do also sympathize with couples looking for a third but dangit, you're not going to find her by being dishonest or misrepresenting things. You may string someone along for a while but when she gets wind of the real situation, if it's not of interest to her then she's out of there and will probably be bitter as well about having the subterfuge going on.

I can't speak as to what the OP intended to do, but really....? No pictures and barely a mention of the little lady in his life that is oh-so-important to him. That's just weird considering any third person would have to get along just as well with his present slave as she does with him. I hesitate to say that he's actually doing a bait and switch because obviously I can't know that, but it certainly presents like one.

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 32

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/10/2011 9:01:25 PM

Kaelloric

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

There we go. I added a little paragraph about home life, so rose is mentioned right off the bat, and gives some basics.

Any other suggestions?

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 33

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 3:20:05 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 16506
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I want to meet the one, bring her in, and let the relationship develop itself without any predefined 'borders'.

That sounds like rose is not "the one" for you.

_____________________________

¿me preguntas por que compro arroz y flores? compro arroz para vivir y flores para tener algo por lo que vivir.
~Confucio

Yes, I am a wonton hussy.

Head Hib Harem Hottie

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 34

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 5:35:29 AM

Kaelloric

Posts: 13
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

How would you phrase it?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 35

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 5:43:05 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 16506
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello Kae,

First, I'd get rid of all those "I"s and turn them into "we"s so that it's very clear you are doing this with your lady's blessing. It would also make things clear what someone is walking into.

Do you really not know how to do this? How to put the focus on the couple? To be open and up front about things? Do you really not know what a woman is thinking when she gets to know a man?

Those are not snarky questions. They are real questions. The reason I ask them is because if you don't know how to do this thing, how will you be able to successfully run a poly relationship? If you don't know a woman's mind enough at this stage in your life, are you sure you're up for this without harming the other people involved?

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

¿me preguntas por que compro arroz y flores? compro arroz para vivir y flores para tener algo por lo que vivir.
~Confucio

Yes, I am a wonton hussy.

Head Hib Harem Hottie

(in reply to Kaelloric)

Post #: 36

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 9:46:41 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 6464
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello Kae,

First, I'd get rid of all those "I"s and turn them into "we"s so that it's very clear you are doing this with your lady's blessing. It would also make things clear what someone is walking into.

Do you really not know how to do this? How to put the focus on the couple? To be open and up front about things? Do you really not know what a woman is thinking when she gets to know a man?

Those are not snarky questions. They are real questions. The reason I ask them is because if you don't know how to do this thing, how will you be able to successfully run a poly relationship? If you don't know a woman's mind enough at this stage in your life, are you sure you're up for this without harming the other people involved?

best,
sunshine

I have avoided posting to this thread up to know... It's reading like a bad romance novel.... and considering there bad to start with... this is really bad!

Sometimes.. contray to the opinion of others.. there reallyare stupid questions... and sometimes the asking of the stupid questions raise some serious questions... and sunshine.. you ask a biggie!!!! "how will you be able to successfully run a poly relationship?"

Honestly.. I just can't take this OP seriously...

You give some great advice here.....with this comment "First, I'd get rid of all those "I"s and turn them into "we"s so that it's very clear you are doing this with your lady's blessing. It would also make things clear what someone is walking into. "

But seriously.. He goes and does this now.... does it really change anything? It reminds me of the splash of paint a person throws on the house to cover up serious issues. Putting a thin veneer is not going to change the substance. Frankly... I think it is the substance that most people have an issue with in regards to the OP. People are dancing around the elephant in the middle of the room in my opinion.

I am just don't think this OP gets it! and not so sure he will get it!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 37

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 10:09:26 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 20705
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
Sometimes.. contray to the opinion of others.. there reallyare stupid questions... and sometimes the asking of the stupid questions raise some serious questions...

I know it's early, but I'm nominating this for quote of the day.

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."

http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 38

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 10:33:58 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1358
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

You give some great advice here.....with this comment "First, I'd get rid of all those "I"s and turn them into "we"s so that it's very clear you are doing this with your lady's blessing. It would also make things clear what someone is walking into. "

This is the problem I had when I asked the OP about the lack of reference to his current partner. Even in a strictly vanilla/non-poly scenario where you have a number of people living in a co-housing/intentional community set-up, there's open recognition of all the members that make up the group.

This really shouldn't be that difficult to understand an express.

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 6/11/2011 10:34:30 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 39

RE: The dust in my inbox. - 6/11/2011 3:37:59 PM

analyticalmaster

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hi, I read this as you looking more toward the standard poly format, rather than as a M/s or D/s dynamic. Poly people exist in two camps (why is it there are always two camps no matter what the choice is) Poly with D/s and poly without or what you might consider typical vanilla except for multiple partners. The words possible control already put you totally out of the running with the majority of submissive females on sites like this one, if they are lifestyle at all and damn few are. The other type of poly, the non D/s type hates people like us, again two types of them, the religious types, ie we are all sinful perverts. The flower children who see Doms as abusers and subs as victims. You have to choose, who you are, what you are about and live it. There are chat places for all of them.

That said, I have been poly for the last 10 years, actually I guess I am not poly right now, except in my heart, as one of slaves just passed away. I still cant stop myself from saying "my girls" all the time. There is nothing more fantastic when it works, there is also nothing more difficult to make work right. I do poly as a M/'s dynamic, because that is who I am. I wouldn't be vanilla if someone offered me 100 women of my choice. What you want is going to be even harder, you want to bring kids into the mix as a primary adjective. The truth is while poly can be a great way to raise children, you had better know that your relationships are rock solid or else the hurt you will be visiting on you partners and children will be beyond belief.

But dont hold your breath waiting for the right one, it will not happen quickly. I think I agree with an earlier poster and would advise you to consider adoption if you and your partner really want it and ready to handle it.

(in reply to 0ldhen)

Post #: 40

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