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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 7:10:29 AM

Madame4a

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He may have misled her but I have to say -- people do change.. relationships evolve... while this is not so great.. it happens. They key is, it seems she can't manage these relationship changes...

I'm suggesting I wouldn't necessarily rush to the conclusion that he misled her... frankly, I doubt he did that for a year.. people are too impatient.. he would have brought this up sooner.

I'm skeptical, she might have known this at the beginning -- this statement about him not acting on it might have been how she entered the relationship...

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietfell

What do you think?

I think he misled you, in order to hook you into what he wants, or has become bored with things as they are. What? He suddenly woke up and realised he was poly? Pur-leeese.

Somewhere between monogamous and poly? One partner is called monogamy. Any more than one partner is called "poly". There is no "somewhere between".

And you've been living together for a year and this has suddenly come up?

Either you can live with it or not. If not, bail. If so, don't.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 8:59:01 AM

RapierFugue

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Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

He may ... it seems ... I doubt ... she might ... it might

That's a lot of doubt there - not that I'm disagreeing with your points though.

I'm merely reminded of the old expression "If my auntie had a dick she'd be my uncle" :)

Or, possibly more relevant to this discussion; "there are three sides to every story - yours, hers, and the truth".

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 9:34:25 AM

LadyPact

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OP, it seems that a door was opened to you in how this is being handled. From what I'm reading, you've been told that if you're not OK with it, then it won't happen. You're obviously not, so be willing to tell him so. If the offer is on the table for him to remain monogamous, take it. Though I do have to admit it sounds like that should include the phone/instant messenger stuff. Willing to be monogamous, since he offered, should be just that, and not games for kicks that is obviously going to bother you.

I have to wonder if the comment of "somewhere being monogamy and poly" isn't quite as dubious as it may sound. He may just be meaning that he considers himself what I've been calling 'poly optional'. It's something a bit different than those who consider themselves hard wired poly. In other words, some folks are only happy in multiple relationships, just like some folks are only happy in monogamous ones. I'd have to think that some folks are happy depending on the circumstance. Rather than sunny's example of would you turn into a man if your Master decided that he was gay, I tend to think of poly optional people those who would be similar to bisexual people who can be just as happy whether they are involved in a relationship with a man or a woman. I happen to consider Myself in the poly optional, rather than the hard wired for poly camp. Maybe that's what he meant, too. It might be worth asking.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 11:57:31 AM

ranja

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it's a humdinger, and i can well understand your anxious feelings on the matter.

people do change, but some people might trick people too,
i do not know which he is

if you go along with it you'll feel afraid and pressured and quite likely jealous
if you put your foot down and opt for him to be monogamous you'll feel like you are restricting him... and perhaps he will go his own way anyway

he has misjudged you and has spoiled the mood it seems

maybe somewhere inbetween poly and monogamous means
swinging
or going to clubs
or cyber,
or watching porn perhaps
how monogamous are you? some women do not allow for porn either

maybe he thinks that having sex with others won't mean anything significant (and for some it does not, sex is just sex)

anyway, if you can not losen up about it...
well it seems you will have to leave him...
he has decided to tell you, i do not see how you would believe him to be really monogamous if you would tell him to be.

Maybe the two of you could take up dancing
you'd get to dance with different men and he gets to dance with different women
and it is so much fun

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 5:38:40 PM

analyticalmaster

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I am a little concerned at some the advice here, this is a complex issue and a reoccurring one in this life. First of all a lot depends on the type of relationship it is, ie what is the tpe. If you agreed to a high tpe relationship, then whoever said "he is the master, period" would be right. Your profile doesn't tell me anything but that you consider yourself to be a slave, well a slave is by definition a high tpe power exchange. But then again all sorts of people call themselves slaves when they dont really mean anything of the sort. From the tone of your question, your relationship is most likely low level D/s and you and your Master have serious communication issues.

Poly is most defiantly not for everyone, most people dont have what it takes to open their hearts and lives up that much. But I really hate to see advice like well if you dont want, you shouldnt even consider it. The reality is most women dont choose it, it is totally outside their social programming.

You and your master should sit down and have real open discussion about what would make the both of you happiest. He needs to examine his motivations, as just having another play toy, is not a good reason to go poly. If his goal is to build a family with strong internal ties and protections and he has the will and power to make it work, then poly for him might be a good thing. But he needs to understand, poly isnt just having more than one girl in bed, it is hard work, it is commitment on the really big scale with the understanding nothing really worth while is easy. Two girls require 3 times as much time and 4 times as much love.

You need to examine your motivations, what would scare you about poly? Is it screw that I am not bi, is it I could never share my man, is it I am afraid he might love her more than me, is it that just immoral? I cant say if poly is right for you or not, I can almost certainly say, you have not really thought about it. Other than a basic fear response. There are very good reasons for a multiple female slave household, when they work well, they are about the most joyous things on earth. If they dont, they suck, just like the mono couple who's relationship sucks, if its good, it good, if it isnt,, it isnt, the number of people is irrelevant.

Lets look at the reasons you might not like poly.
Immoral, well if that's it, I have to wonder what else in your life is immoral.
Bi, not all poly are bi, mine mostly aren't, we sleep in the same bed, but my girls service me, not each other. Of course if you are, it is a good thing if the other slaves are as well.
I am afraid he might love her more than me, simple to solve, simply be someone he can love and you need never fear.
The biggie, I could never share my man. Are you the owner or are you the owned, as a couple you had better decide.
If you really love your Master and you can help him be happy without destroying yourself, what is wrong with that. The key is every slave in the house must feel the same.

What's in it for you if you were to give poly a chance without just condemning it.
First if it is really right for your Master, it is a part of what you should be, or you shouldn't be there.
Second, with the right sister slave or slaves, you always have backup, you are never alone, you face the world together as part of a really solid M/s family. Poly is hard but it is richly rewarding, if everyone involved truly wants it to be.

I cant say if you could ever be poly or not, only you can do that, but you should really understand what you afraid of before you simply make a decision. Even if you decided you might be poly, finding compatible papartners is very difficult and frought with difficulty. Only the fact that when it works right, it is richly rewarding for both the Master and the slaves make it worth the attempt.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 6:25:37 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

.....Poly is most defiantly not for everyone, most people dont have what it takes to open their hearts and lives up that much. ....

yes poly is not for everyone... but the part I bolded is absolute BULLSHIT and highly derogatory towards those that make a choice to live a Monogamist lifestyle! Maybe you can find a better way to inflate your poly ego than being derogatory towards those close hearted monogamists!

Frankly an Open loving heart or closed one is not a detemining value of living a poly or monogamist lifestye.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/20/2011 9:44:21 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: analyticalmaster
I am a little concerned at some the advice here, this is a complex issue and a reoccurring one in this life. First of all a lot depends on the type of relationship it is, ie what is the tpe. If you agreed to a high tpe relationship, then whoever said "he is the master, period" would be right. Your profile doesn't tell me anything but that you consider yourself to be a slave, well a slave is by definition a high tpe power exchange. But then again all sorts of people call themselves slaves when they dont really mean anything of the sort. From the tone of your question, your relationship is most likely low level D/s and you and your Master have serious communication issues.

Except she agreed to a TPE with him being monogamous, the arrangements made were for a monogamous relationship, you cant get someone to agree to terms and then change the terms with out being well.. a Jerk

quote:

Poly is most defiantly not for everyone, most people dont have what it takes to open their hearts and lives up that much. But I really hate to see advice like well if you dont want, you shouldnt even consider it. The reality is most women dont choose it, it is totally outside their social programming.

Except not everyone is mentally able to handle their partner being with another person, for me it would put me into a depression so deep id need to place myself under 24/7 care to come out of it. Its not about social programming or pening their hearts my heart is WIDE open, just mentally and emotionally, I CANNOT HANDLE it with out it being damaging to my person.

quote:

You need to examine your motivations, what would scare you about poly? Is it screw that I am not bi, is it I could never share my man, is it I am afraid he might love her more than me, is it that just immoral? I cant say if poly is right for you or not, I can almost certainly say, you have not really thought about it. Other than a basic fear response. There are very good reasons for a multiple female slave household, when they work well, they are about the most joyous things on earth. If they dont, they suck, just like the mono couple who's relationship sucks, if its good, it good, if it isnt,, it isnt, the number of people is irrelevant.

How do you know what shes thought about how do you know she hasnt sat down and contimplated the honest pros and cons of an open relationship. there are many good reasons for a NON POLY house, the main important one it fits my life. It might not fit yours, but it fits mine just perfectly. Also poly relationships are doomed from the start no matter how good the monogamous one was if all parties arent actively okay with the relationship. The number of people is COMPLETELY relevant, its a hell of a lot harder maintaining 3 relationships then it is one.

quote:

Lets look at the reasons you might not like poly.
Immoral, well if that's it, I have to wonder what else in your life is immoral.
Bi, not all poly are bi, mine mostly aren't, we sleep in the same bed, but my girls service me, not each other. Of course if you are, it is a good thing if the other slaves are as well.
I am afraid he might love her more than me, simple to solve, simply be someone he can love and you need never fear.
The biggie, I could never share my man. Are you the owner or are you the owned, as a couple you had better decide.
If you really love your Master and you can help him be happy without destroying yourself, what is wrong with that. The key is every slave in the house must feel the same.

Except i find it immoral to commit murder, it doesnt mean that magically its going to be okay because i have sex out of marriage. And if her Dom doesnt create a safe trusting environment, where she feels safe and cared for and secure in her relationship with him it doesnt matter how loveable she is, its going to fail if she feels shes not enough. and Lastly, Seriously.... Shes not a submissive or slave because she cant handle poly? REALLY?

quote:

What's in it for you if you were to give poly a chance without just condemning it.
First if it is really right for your Master, it is a part of what you should be, or you shouldn't be there.
Second, with the right sister slave or slaves, you always have backup, you are never alone, you face the world together as part of a really solid M/s family. Poly is hard but it is richly rewarding, if everyone involved truly wants it to be.

The reverse can be true of Him, if hes really poly he shouldnt have gotten together with a monogamous person then change the rules a year in. Its not about having back up its not about being a family. Its about a woman whos distressed and unhappy and whos partner doesnt reassure that he loves her and cares for her, hes creating an environment where all she can do is doubt, adding another girl isnt going to change he isnt doing HIS job. It isnt going to change she doesnt feel happy and secure in her relationship. It wont change that they are trying to build a home on a foundation of quick sand.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/21/2011 3:17:49 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

.....Poly is most defiantly not for everyone, most people dont have what it takes to open their hearts and lives up that much. ....

yes poly is not for everyone... but the part I bolded is absolute BULLSHIT and highly derogatory towards those that make a choice to live a Monogamist lifestyle! Maybe you can find a better way to inflate your poly ego than being derogatory towards those close hearted monogamists!

Frankly an Open loving heart or closed one is not a detemining value of living a poly or monogamist lifestye.

I didn't read what he wrote - but thank you Knight for pulling that little gem out of the writing.

I think I'll start a thread rather than derail this one...

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/21/2011 3:46:13 AM

TheChastiser

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To make a situation where one person in a relationship has poly leanings and the other doesn't work needs total openess. it's also something that needs to be discussed at the start of a relationship too.

My possession is monogamous to me. I have other slaves. generally though, such additions are added from time to time to the relationship as a total, its not something done separately or secretly. slaves are added as non sexual sisters to my current slave and this tends to work very well.

Mike

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/21/2011 5:48:59 AM

PeggyO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheChastiser

To make a situation where one person in a relationship has poly leanings and the other doesn't work needs total openess. it's also something that needs to be discussed at the start of a relationship too.

My possession is monogamous to me. I have other slaves. generally though, such additions are added from time to time to the relationship as a total, its not something done separately or secretly. slaves are added as non sexual sisters to my current slave and this tends to work very well.

Mike

It may work for some. It won't work for others. Even with total openness, the fact is that if someone can't deal with poly, it's simply not going to work for them.

At this point, for example, I know myself well enough to where I will not get involved in any relationships where there will be a third permanent person (as opposed to occasional play partners). Been there, done that and found for me, it's not viable. So, no matter how open someone was about adding to the relationship, I still wouldn't be ok with it.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 6/21/2011 6:00:32 AM

analyticalmaster

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I will agree that I might have phrased that better, blanket statements are rarely true, but I stand by my assertion that most people condemn poly because they react on a social programming matrix rather than really sitting down and looking at it honestly. Poly is not for everyone, nor should it be, but it shouldn't be an automatic no either. For every poly family that has failed I could find a hundred mono families that did.

I think that only by talking to your partner and really understanding why you want something or why you dont is critical and the only way to make decisions.

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 7/8/2011 4:32:20 AM

Sunny27

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quote:

"He is the Master..period"

Yeah sorry I'm a slave/sub and the thing that my Master/b.f. likes is that I'm always honest as in I tell him if I like something or not!

I'll be honest and tell you that I'm sompletly in love with my Master who is also my b.f. now I've been hearing for the last three years from my mother and older sister that I shouldn't be wih him as he has Depression and he's overwieght.
It even went as far as me having to ask my local doctor something and then telling my mother what I had just found out.

I'll tell you exactly what I said to my mam
"He's been working for many years now and if you can't get used to the idea that yes I may marry him.
I will never come back to this house when we have a place to live.
As I don't want my kids to hear their grandmother speak badly about their dad ever understand?"
I felt awful for having said what I did but I damn well meant it and before I left the room my mum just said nothing and kept quiet and then after a while she said "I'm just worried about you.
" I said I'm 28, I've grown up, don't act like I'm 13/14. Ok?
Then she gave me a big long hug! I was really amazed but I knew that when she said she was worried she was, me being the youngest I heard it said before their usually who the mother worries most about!

I have found that all of my vanilla relationships have never worked out
but now I'm delighted as I have met the guy for me, I will never change and neither will he.

I think no woman should have to change for a guy or vica versa! Thats just me anyway! Take care!

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 7/21/2011 7:01:33 AM

Sunny27

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Oh My, I can't believe that someone just came onto you in a thread! People are supposed to send a person a private mail and then mention that their interested! Sorry man but honestly some people won't care about writing their true feelings like "if their not interested" they'll say that. This was just to help you keep our dignity k?

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RE: monogamous slave with a poly Master - 7/21/2011 8:34:19 AM

PrincessDonna1

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The lifestyle is growth for both parties so I cant say he set you up for this he just may have grown into it,but you need to decide if it will work for you.Living with someone in a poly household(in my experience) can be very hard to seperate from when leases and finances mix. You have to make a personal choice as to weather this will work for you,I wish you luck.

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