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Dumb question - 7/1/2011 12:43:02 PM

yours4u2use

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Why is a third referred to as a unicorn...unless i have misunderstood what i have read.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 12:53:49 PM

DarkSteven

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Slang term. There are way more couples looking to add a woman, than women looking to add a couple. So the suitable women are termed "unicorns" because they're so rare, they're almost mythical.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 3:02:33 PM

sunshinemiss

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You forgot that one must be a virgin to capture a unicorn. tut tut.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 3:50:58 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

You forgot that one must be a virgin to capture a unicorn. tut tut.

Reminds me of that class where we were learning about the hidden sexuality in myths, like the unicorn resting in the lab of the virgin, the sword in the stone and other stuff, quite steamy, it was my fave class...

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 5:51:45 PM

yours4u2use

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virgins??? on this site??? well, i guess there must be some.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 5:52:54 PM

yours4u2use

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Thank You Sir/Dark Steven (as you prefer)

i did not believe that thirds were that mythical, but i grow and learn.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 6:39:00 PM

LadyPact

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I haven't heard the virgin part, but the answers have skipped the technicality that the unicorn is also bisexual.

So, the unicorn which is so rare is a bisexual female submissive who is willing to join an already established couple.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/1/2011 8:32:12 PM

yours4u2use

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Thankyou.....even dumber question.....so is a third who is not bi, not a unicorn?

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RE: Dumb question - 7/2/2011 1:24:50 AM

LadyPact

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I haven't heard that heterosexual people willing to join a couple referred to as unicorns, but that's just My opinion. It's part of why they are considered more rare because they are open to having a sexual relationship with both members of the established couple.

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."

http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

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RE: Dumb question - 7/2/2011 3:41:18 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I haven't heard the virgin part

This is actually from mythology, Lady Pact.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/2/2011 11:39:18 AM

analyticalmaster

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I hate the term, unicorn, it is a very poor image. While rare and hard to find the proper fit, triads do exist and work well. I have never found it impossible to find 3rds or even 4ths in the past. While never easy, the rewards for fully functional poly are great. But the term unicorn is I think a cultural putdown like a person who wants to be the 3rd to form a poly must be really different and maybe even dysfunctional in some way, because they are rare. They are only rare because the social matrix wants to make them less rather than the more they are.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/2/2011 5:24:05 PM

PeggyO

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quote:

ORIGINAL: analyticalmaster

I hate the term, unicorn, it is a very poor image. While rare and hard to find the proper fit, triads do exist and work well. I have never found it impossible to find 3rds or even 4ths in the past. While never easy, the rewards for fully functional poly are great. But the term unicorn is I think a cultural putdown like a person who wants to be the 3rd to form a poly must be really different and maybe even dysfunctional in some way, because they are rare. They are only rare because the social matrix wants to make them less rather than the more they are.

Actually, I think that the reason that so few women are interested in being a third is, because frankly, it's usually not a great situation for them. The reality is that they are "less than" coming into most established relationships. It's not that way all the time, but it is that way in the vast majority. As a result, it's difficult to find someone who wants to come into that type of situation, even if it's billed as being "different". (Since after all, no one is going to bill it as a crappy situation).

When I look for a primary relationship, I look for a partner. Someone who already has a partner can't be partner to me. It's simple stuff that make things difficult - when there is a conflict in terms of time commitments or emotional needs, the existing partner in a relationship will almost inevitably get priority. This makes sense since that person was there first, there's more history, commitment, etc. But honestly, for a person coming in, it's not that appealing to be faced with the reality that, in most cases, your needs will come second. Finding someone who is willing to be subordinate to two people and put their needs and desires behind everyone else's is a rare thing. Hence the unicorn...............

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RE: Dumb question - 7/3/2011 3:51:56 AM

MasterTjJack

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Hello everyone, I am new here to CM but not to the Poly lifestyle.

I agree with analyticalmaster and don't like the term Unicorn for the same reasons.

A female who wants to be part of a multiple female relationship is not that rare as to name her something that none of us (to the best of my knowledge) have ever seen, (though you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that princess), a female who wants to join a multiple female relationship is not a damaged person. If she is don’t we have to consider the existing female to be damaged to allow/desire it? And surely we would have to consider the man who wants it to be dysfunctional, to desire something that doesn’t exist.

It is only a twist of time that has caused one to be existing and the other to be incoming.

In my family the most important part in considering another female is that there is genuine affection and desire between all persons involved.

I think people are in such a passionate rush to have another female join their relationship that they don't spend the needed courtship time, the same kind of courtship time they spent to find the existing partner. The desired heat of the moment is the decision making logic instead of patiently seeking a good match and loved addition for all partners involved in the relationship.

The incoming female has to be considered equally in regards to her needs and desires from the beginning and the existing female(s) must be in agreement that she/they is/are not the first female and the other is not the second but that they are sister wives/slaves (depending on the lifestyle not all Polys are M/s of course). Very much like children where the parent with more than one child must balance the needs of all their children and not show preference to one or the other in regards to needs, desires etc. The head of the relationship husband/master must always fairly treat all his wives/slaves in considering their needs and desires.

The existing female(s) in the relationship and their honest desire to add another female to the family and their open, caring, affectionate, inviting and most of all patient embrace of the incoming female is key to the addition of a new female to the family being successful.

I think that finding the existing female partner in the relationship and the core difficulties for finding the right person is/was no more trying than finding that ‘elusive’ additional female is/was, but with patience and networking and being open minded and aware of one’s surroundings, like finding the existing female partner(s) the additional female… the right additional female is out there looking for you too.

And it is most likely you will find her when you are not looking…

Sincerely,

Master Tj Jack
New to CM and happy to be here!

< Message edited by MasterTjJack -- 7/3/2011 3:53:19 AM >

(in reply to PeggyO)

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RE: Dumb question - 7/3/2011 10:57:38 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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Except Humans are flawed. And in my house growing up it was obvious one child was preferred growing up to the others, The one who got the best grades that week got to pick what we watched on tv, the one with the highest report card got to go out to eat when the rest stayed home with a baby sitter.

The two times Ive attempted poly and failed at it miserably, it was a similar setup, the first time I was the existing partner, and the new girl coming in could do no wrong no matter what. I was at fault for absolutely everything. The second attempt I was the woman who was comming into the relationship and as another poster said, everything regarding to myself was second, She came first in everything even if what she needed was harmful to me. I was the cook and she wanted food for dinner that im highly allergic too. Making the food would result in me going to the hospital, and it wasnt considered, only that she wanted fish and onion rings for dinner.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/3/2011 12:00:10 PM

analyticalmaster

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Of course a lot of poly relationships are flawed, but I dont think any more so than standard couple relationship is. As MasterTjJack said the really good ones are the ones where the females in the household are equal. They are harder to start because it is hard finding the right chemistry for 3 or more, most especially because if the females involved cannot love each other, (it doesn't have to be sexual) but as true sister's who look out for one another as well as their Master, it will always be flawed. While I cant speak to the dynamic of Dominant couple with a female slave, I see no reason why that would be any more difficult to make work.

But I will say that it is not as rare as everyone makes it out to be, the reality is that most of the people looking to start a poly family are starting from scratch and literally have no idea what they are doing. It is much easier when someone can look into the family and see how it works and that it might just be a good thing for them too. Not for everyone, no, but it is not a fantasy either.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/3/2011 7:35:02 PM

PeggyO

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I have been in two committed poly relationships that have been triads in a hub and spoke structure. In both cases I came in as the third. It was billed that I would be an equal to the existing partner. In both cases, even though it was billed that way, the reality was that I was the "third". Things were still done by the existing pair together without including me - they were still very much partners and I was the addition. Yet, if anyone asked the dominant, he would declare, and probably believed, that both the women were equals. Reality - not so much.

I am hardly alone in my experiences with triads. My experience appears to be the norm as opposed to the exception. Where I was once very pro-poly, at this point, being in another triad is a hard limit for me. Why? Because I will not be second fiddle again. And at this point, I don't really believe the "everyone will be equal" line.

The number of women who have had less than ideal poly experiences or know people whose experiences have not been positive probably contributes to the lack of strong interest by many women in entering a relationship as a third.

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RE: Dumb question - 7/3/2011 9:38:32 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

.... And at this point, I don't really believe the "everyone will be equal" line. ...

Not to discount or minimize anything PeggyO has stated.. I did needed to pull this little gem out.

My experience has taught me that this whole thought that are all are equal line to be less that true or particularly useful. More importantly, I find the whole Equal agenda to be problematic at best and usually alot worse. My girls are each individuals and very unique beings. With individual needs that will over time have varing degrees of importance and priority. There is always a ying and yang going on. It seems to be to be a futile exercise to work towards or aspire to equality when it to me has always been a myth. For about 15 years it was just Alandra and I. Through those years it was never about being equal or even a concern of being equal. It was about doing what was best for our relationship. What was best always tended to show that on occassions one's needs/wants had more importance or priority over another. This wasn't about compromising our needs and wants.. it was about priortizing! for the betterment of the relationship. When I was content and ready to move forward with how I would have my poly triad function, I could not see why it should be any differernt. I didn't promise that Kyra would be equally important to me or that her needs and wants would have equal effort value etc etc etc. But, I did promise to do whatever was consider best for the three of us. There was no equality! and never will be. It's simple.. US.. the three of US is the priority.. not one individual within US.. not me, not Alandra and not Kyra... or any two of us either. It is only US. I have felt and will continue to feel.. that if we attempt or try to maintain some sort of equality between us three.. it's stops being about us.. but about parts of the US. You start to measure equality in comparison of the parts by some subjective valuations that are problematic in achieving any sort of fairness. When you start to compare and measure to achieve equality your focus turns to the parts and stops looking at the whole!.

We three have been together for over 6 years... and our bliss reminds me of the bliss I felt when it was just alandra and I.. but only better! Alot better actually!!!! This is not unlike that single person that has a pretty good time enjoying life... they don't particularly miss or seek anyone. But wow... when the person comes into their life... everything tastes, looks, feels, smells and sounds better!!! Your life is changed!! and there really is no going back. I think some couples that bring in that third... do what some singles do when they become part of a couple. They don't let go of the single life! They try to hold on it. Keep some part of of alive.. for themself. Sometimes couples survive it because in truth, both sides of the couple are doing the same thing. But for couples bringing in the third, To me there was no option! We didn't keep our couple life. We are a Triad! it's that simple! we are not a couple.. we are not single! We are a triad!!!! We three are ONE.. and the one is Us!

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(in reply to PeggyO)

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RE: Dumb question - 7/4/2011 7:53:07 AM

analyticalmaster

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Maybe I should clarify what I mean by equal, equal is not being the same. Equal in the context I mean it means being loved by me equally. Losing mary was like tearing my heart out, the same would have been true if it had been donna. Both had equivalent power in the relationship, of course there are times when one is more alpha than the other, but not in the context of how much each means to me on a personal level. No two people are identical, each will have their strengths and weakness, that includes me. Each person in a poly and especially in a M/s poly brings different attributes to the table.

When the chemistry is right and I will concede that may be rare, poly is much more stable than any other type of relationship, simply because there is a greater support structure in place. There is always someone to turn to, and in M/s that can be very useful. I don't care how loyal a slave may be, there are going to be times when she is just plain pissed off at her Master, that is simply part of being human. While I do allow mine to vent if they need to, they still need the release to simply talk to someone else sometimes about things which can be very personal and or hurtful. While I know subs have channels for externally venting, somethings simply should not be shared outside the home. Sister subs always have another shoulder to cry one, when they might be upset with the other, they have me. That doesn't mean I gag them and prohibit them from talking outside the home, just that some things shouldn't.

We are lucky, we have no children, so we do not have to hide who we are from anyone. I walk down the street hand in hand with both (should say did) and if anyone doesn't like it tough. All families know who we are and what we believe.

Poly is hard, it takes work, but it is also very simple, all it really requires is that everyone loves each other and really wants to make it work.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Dumb question - 7/4/2011 7:59:32 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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Am, If your theory had any stretch of truth about how many women are open to it, there wouldnt be about 50 couples to every one person seeking, it wouldnt take years upon years upon years for people to find their compatible third.....there wouldnt be thousands upon thousands of threads in this section alone of people who cant seem to find their third.

Its called a unicorn for a reason, and thats because men like KoM are VERY VERY VERY VERY rare, even more rare then the mythical unicorn. And most do not structure their lives around whats best for everyone, usually only whats best for themselves. Or just the D in the relationship...

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RE: Dumb question - 7/4/2011 8:36:50 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

Its called a unicorn for a reason, and thats because men like KoM are VERY VERY VERY VERY rare, even more rare then the mythical unicorn.

Ok.... What is rarer than a unicorn?

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