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'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 3:45:10 AM

bowtiesarecool

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/11/2011
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Hi. I’m a female submissive. I’ve had only one D/s relationship, which lasted three years and ended three months ago. It ended amicably, if abruptly, and at my instigation, because my feelings for him were unreciprocated. The relationship was a lot of fun, and my Dominant was very kind and attentive. There was no blame on either side.

For the last three months, I’ve felt ok about things ending, if a little sad that it was over.

But a couple of weeks ago, I started to feel the first stirrings of what might be called ‘sub frenzy’. I joined a sex site in a tentative search of mutual fulfilment, but left within 24 hours feeling overwhelmed – I feel that I am too eager to play and that it will lead me to be careless about my own safety, and the feelings of any genuine Dom I might meet.

So I decided to tuck away my desires and take a step back.

But last night I was overwhelmed with desire for something I’m not sure I can name – pain, submission, punishment – I’m not sure. I masturbated using potentially damaging and dangerous techniques. Though I stopped myself in time, I was quite worried afterwards. But this morning, I woke up feeling again overwhelmed with desires, and masturbated again with techniques that once over, I wasn’t quite comfortable with, and now, a few hours later, I am beginning to have those same desires again in my mind and I’m thinking up, without deliberately trying to, ways of ‘punishing’ myself.

I want to ask how other single subs cope with these feelings. My judgement and willpower seem to go out of the window when I’m in the grip of my desires, but afterwards I always feel bad and ashamed if I’ve done something potentially harmful, and I know I have to stop myself, but at its height I find it impossible to ignore.

Any advice or others’ experiences on how to overcome my urges would be gratefully received.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 3:56:23 AM

DarkSteven

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Hi there. Welcome to collarme!

I wish I could suggest something. The problem is that you are not quire safe by yourself, nor is the search to find another safe right now. Did you not develop any contacts with local kinksters while in your previous relationship?

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 4:04:28 AM

bowtiesarecool

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Hi Dark Steven, thanks for replying. No, I don't have any contacts with local kinksters - the only real-life contact I've ever had with anyone into D/s was my former playmate. And as you say, it might not be the best time for me to start to make real-life contacts, I'm not really 'myself' right now.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 4:06:03 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Well, where in the UK are you? I might be able to refer to you to one of the forum regulars who live there, so you have at least one person you could talk with.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bowtiesarecool)

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 4:13:02 AM

bowtiesarecool

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Can I PM you with that?

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 4:19:24 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
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Sure. Or would you prefer that I PM you the names of some UK folks, and you can contact them based on where you live?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to bowtiesarecool)

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 4:24:28 AM

bowtiesarecool

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Thank you, I've sent you a message.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 5:23:34 AM

angelikaJ

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I don't know if you have the money but since you are edging on self harm and a negative pattern towards yourself I suggest a kink aware therapist:

https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/search-kap.html

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 11:40:26 AM

bowtiesarecool

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Thanks for the link, angelikaJ, I'll check it out. Much appreciated.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 1:06:56 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bowtiesarecool

'sub frenzy' how to cope

Ice Water!!!

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 1:47:57 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Endorphin release. They don't call it runner's high without a reason. Try heavy exercise instead.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 10:19:37 PM

bowtiesarecool

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Ice water and exercise? Hmmm…that could so backfire, but maybe I’ll give it a go. But for now I’m going to leave CM. Thank you to everyone who was kind enough to help.

To the guy who PM'd me “why don’t you ask real people your questions” (sic) – you’re a compassionate charmer, and I’d lay good odds that you come from a long line of true gentlemen. I bet the ladies are fair queuing up for you.

And for all those who messaged me “no they are not and Doctor Who is deluded” – it is YOU, sirs, who are deluded, for bow ties are, in fact, very cool indeed.

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RE: 'sub frenzy' how to cope - 7/11/2011 10:20:15 PM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

I masturbated using potentially damaging and dangerous techniques.

i don't know about anybody else, but i want more fucking details about this.

look, i got no words of advice other than get a fucking grip. i know its going to sound trite but find something to take your mind the fuck off it. desfip's idea is good, take up running or biking. or even join a fucking bridge club. just focus elsewhere.

best of luck babe, i mean it.

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