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My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:26:35 AM   
MasterChanning


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Florida, located in Alaska
Status: offline 		Alright, I feel the need to tell my poly story, I'll warn it's not a happy one. I suppose that I could be the one to blame, but here goes...

Background: Boy (Me) grows up in typical super religious southern household, hates it, (secretly) joins Satanist church in 8th grade. Boy is virgin until he's 19 when he meets girl, who is very sexual since about 16. They fall in love, boy diverges from parents' household, completely cut off. Boy has to join military because there's no jobs where they live. They get married before they leave.

The Meat: They get sent to Vegas (instead of Alaska, what they wanted), but it's Sin City, great right? No. Boy and girl start fighting - constantly, like everyday. Life is hell. She starts talking about it to a good friend back home. Unbeknownst to boy they "fall in love" from sharing emotions, he was the best friend with unrequited love for her forever. He comes to visit with their other friends from back home. Drunken threesome happens. Not that great - to me, I'm not even Bi and he's horribly unattractive. During this year there are major sex issues.

A New Chapter:After a year of Hell, they get sent to Alaska, resolve to change their lives for the better - no more fighting. Everything is great and wonderful for a while, fighting happens again. Girl brings up Poly, boy feels as if he owes it to her to be happy because of previous sex problems that he feels are his fault, and same for the fighting.

Shit Starts Happening - Best Friend comes to Alaska, we house him. They fuck like rabbits - constantly, all day everyday. Boy and Girl hardly ever do. Girl and 3rd are sharing a secret about girl - She's "remembering" things that happened to her as a little girl, sexual abuse. She starts dissociating (DiD later diagnosed by therapist due to sexual abuse as a child). They eventually tell Boy. He's completely distraught. Girl and Third start fighting constantly comes to the point where the Boy doesn't even want to be around either of them ever becuase of the constant fighting. They break up he goes back to FL.

At this point, I really don't know what to think about poly - it hasn't be portrayed very well to me, although after much research online, it seems to be a 50/50 whether it works or not.

I start talking to a friend of ours, very beautiful girl - devout 24/7 slave. We kind of flirt back and forth a little for a while. Eventually with all the emotional crap in our household my now stone-cold, hardened heart melts completely in an emotional breakdown and I tell the girl I'm in love with her, she says "you need to talk to your wife about this". Smart girl. Wife flips the fuck out, crying and jealous, but after a day or so calms down and says it would be good for me. I talk to the new girl, she says "No, I'm not in a situation where I can have a relationship right now." She's previously told me she was in a poly relationship and it didn't work out at all, and that she didn't like the idea of being shared. It's probaby inevitable that she would have been and she probably knew that as well. Like I said, she's a smart girl, she's got a good head on her shoulders, I'm actually glad now that she didn't get involved.

Life goes on. She hurts her back and isn't able to walk for 3 months, meets new guy online, starts going into her office to talk to him on Skype (he was reading to her- she's a big reader, so it was a big turn on, haha.) for 3-6 hours almost everyday. I'm lonely as hell most days. We never have sex anymore, maybe once every 2-3 weeks.

I find out that I'm deploying in 3 weeks. Life goes on as normal. I leave, they meet, "hit it off" - all the time. She starts smoking weed, doing hallucinogens, etc. and starts being horribly promiscuous. She stops contacting me. One day she tells me that she's leaving me. We don't communicate well enough. We're different. She's different, I won't recognize her when I get home.

She's moved out. Took the animals. I'll get home to alot of paperwork, divorce issues and paperwork, etc. in November. I love her, but she's going to do what she's going to do and nobody is going to stand in her way. She's always been like that.

And now here I am. Deployed, Wifeless, slaveless.

Trying to start new relationships, trying to (re)kindle relationship with Beautiful Girl, she's trying to move to finish tattoo apprenticeship, no time for me, despite my want to help her out so much, I'm paying her for a tattoo design, but I think I'll just end up sending her most of my money, so she'll have enough to move out asap. (It's just money, I don't need, I'll just be wasting it anyhow)

I have the chance to fly home to FL for cheap, she might be there, no chanse I'll even have a chance, but I have 3 months to try. I have no idea how to pick up girls, I'm socially inept, haha.

That's my story.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:35:02 AM   
Charnegui


Posts: 1352
Joined: 5/1/2011
From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		Sounds not Poly to me at all.
Are you the D? Coz' how I read it, it sounds to me as you're being played with.

_____________________________

There's a difference between my personality and my attitude; My personality is who I ám, my attitude depends on who you are.

(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:39:08 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChanning

Alright, I feel the need to tell my poly story, I'll warn it's not a happy one. I suppose that I could be the one to blame, but here goes...


I don't see that as a "poly" story, at least not in the sense I'd describe poly. A train wreck yes, but poly? Not really.

It's also worrying that you're still trying to patch up what is pretty obviously a done deal. Either you're a closet masochist or you haven't learned from past mistakes. Note that I've also, from time to time, not learned from past mistakes, but that doesn't mean you have to make the same mistake(s).

(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:43:58 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 8119
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I recommend you do a search here for ethical poly. Keep an eye out for posts from LadyPact, LadyNTrainer, KnightofMysts, and KyraofMysts. I wouldn't consider you, the wife, the guy to have been in an ethical  poly relationship. You just initially had consensual non-monogamy. Sounds like she has serious mental health and substance abuse issues. She would have made your life a nightmare for years and years.

Watch out for that tendency of yours to give, give, give.



(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:49:07 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 2630
Joined: 3/22/2011
Status: offline 		Where oh where do I start with this mess.

First, there was nothing "poly" about your marriage, except your wife's choice to (incorrectly) call it that.

Your relationship sounds like the typical "let's use BDSM as an excuse to lie, cheat, and in general treat our others like shit."

You two are going through a divorce? Good, you didn't sound very happy together.

As far as this other girl (tat artist) -- WTF? You plan to "send her all your money" why? You think you can buy her?

You don't need a new slave. You need some time to think, to heal, to recover from your cluster fuck of a marriage, and to reflect on who and what you are now and what you want out of life.

Although I seriously doubt you will take this advise, please at least consider the idea of spending some time with just you, getting to know you, and being okay with who you are before attempting another relationship.


_____________________________

I am highly opinionated, sarcastic, irreverent and could give a rat's ass about what's PC. *Deal with it*

(in reply to Charnegui)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:53:44 AM   
MasterChanning


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Florida, located in Alaska
Status: offline 		Yes I tried to make things work out, but in the end, it failed.

I didn't feel like it was Poly either, from what I had read.

I'm not still trying to patch it up, I'm moving on. I've moved on. I still love her though.

When I get home in November, I'll be dealing with the "businness" end of this ordeal, then I'll be out in August of 2012 and I'll be headed to Baltimore probably to restart my college education to finish my Electrical Engineering degree.

I feel the inherent need to Dom someone/something strongly and I always have, I'm sure I'm 24/7, but she wasn't into it, so I don't exactly know. The Beautiful Girl I speak of is, but she won't have it, and I understand, she's in a rough spot in her life, and that's perfectly understandable, but she's my only hopeful as of right now.

I really don't want to get back into a longterm relationship fora long time now.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 4:57:06 AM   
MasterChanning


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Florida, located in Alaska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Where oh where do I start with this mess.

First, there was nothing "poly" about your marriage, except your wife's choice to (incorrectly) call it that.

Your relationship sounds like the typical "let's use BDSM as an excuse to lie, cheat, and in general treat our others like shit."

You two are going through a divorce? Good, you didn't sound very happy together.

As far as this other girl (tat artist) -- WTF? You plan to "send her all your money" why? You think you can buy her?

You don't need a new slave. You need some time to think, to heal, to recover from your cluster fuck of a marriage, and to reflect on who and what you are now and what you want out of life.

Although I seriously doubt you will take this advise, please at least consider the idea of spending some time with just you, getting to know you, and being okay with who you are before attempting another relationship.



Thank you. And i certianly don't intend on trying to "buy her" she actually helped me out (monetarily) when I was in a bad place and I merely want to repay the favor, I probably should have mentioned that I started rambling a bit there at the end, my apologies.

I try to always try my best to take the advise of others more experienced in life than I.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:00:15 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 20304
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have been a Dom to several women that had DID.  Never again. 

Dude, you were a virgin.  Girl took you big time.  Now know that you too have power - there are a lot of women that would love a man like you.

See if you can join a group and just get to meet people.  You need to get to know women in a non-relationship basis for a while, and to see how the mental dynamics of the lifestyle work.

And change your username.  Calling yourself a Master could get you made fun of in some places.  I'd recommend DomChanning.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/16/2011 5:03:11 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:06:24 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 2630
Joined: 3/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChanning


Thank you. And i certianly don't intend on trying to "buy her" she actually helped me out (monetarily) when I was in a bad place and I merely want to repay the favor, I probably should have mentioned that I started rambling a bit there at the end, my apologies.

I try to always try my best to take the advise of others more experienced in life than I.


Thank you for clarifying. I am going to tell you something I rarely say on these boards: that you came back with clarification (instead of a bunch of bad attitude) speaks very well of you.

You will be deployed until Nov? Do I have this right? So take a few months of you time. Far too many people do not take the time for self reflection after a bad breakup. As you say, it's over, but you still love her. That's okay, sometimes we have to accept that although we love someone, we can't be with them. That it is best for both that you go your own way. You don't stop loving them, you just stop thinking something will work that you know in your heart won't.

And yes, that is hard to do, which is why you need some time to think on it. It's not going to happen overnight.

During the meantime, a (temporary) play partner sounds like what you need

Best, Chatte


_____________________________

I am highly opinionated, sarcastic, irreverent and could give a rat's ass about what's PC. *Deal with it*

(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:09:39 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And change your username.  Calling yourself a Master could get you made fun of in some places.  I'd recommend DomChanning.


Yeah, make sure you get the requisite Domly Points and scout association BDSM Badge before labelling yourself as such.



Or, alternatively, you could not give a fuck. That'd work too :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:20:24 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 8119
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And change your username.  Calling yourself a Master could get you made fun of in some places.  I'd recommend DomChanning.


Yeah, make sure you get the requisite Domly Points and scout association BDSM Badge before labelling yourself as such.



Or, alternatively, you could not give a fuck. That'd work too :)


When I block people on the other side, it is because of their behavior, not user-name. However, an extraordinarily high number of these men have "master" in their username. And NONE of the men I have ever met IRL had "master" in theirs. So DS's advice is spot on, as far as I'm concerned.

Guess I'm holding out for this Master:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swK-0UvqKBY&feature=fvst







< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/16/2011 5:22:31 AM >

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:30:10 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 771
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		That master is a great one, long hair and all. cos we turned into puppets of that song :)

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 5:56:22 AM   
MasterChanning


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Florida, located in Alaska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have been a Dom to several women that had DID. Never again.

Dude, you were a virgin. Girl took you big time. Now know that you too have power - there are a lot of women that would love a man like you.

See if you can join a group and just get to meet people. You need to get to know women in a non-relationship basis for a while, and to see how the mental dynamics of the lifestyle work.

And change your username. Calling yourself a Master could get you made fun of in some places. I'd recommend DomChanning.


Yes DID is definitely a very tall hurdle for anyone to face.

Thank you for the uplifting advise there.

And yes I suppose new life warrants new username.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Thank you for clarifying. I am going to tell you something I rarely say on these boards: that you came back with clarification (instead of a bunch of bad attitude) speaks very well of you.

You will be deployed until Nov? Do I have this right? So take a few months of you time. Far too many people do not take the time for self reflection after a bad breakup. As you say, it's over, but you still love her. That's okay, sometimes we have to accept that although we love someone, we can't be with them. That it is best for both that you go your own way. You don't stop loving them, you just stop thinking something will work that you know in your heart won't.

And yes, that is hard to do, which is why you need some time to think on it. It's not going to happen overnight.

During the meantime, a (temporary) play partner sounds like what you need

Best, Chatte



I've been a semi-pro forum-goer for many many years, despite my age and I can handle myself professionally on the forums, it does benefit everyone to remain calm and clairfy, since it take the same effort as "fuck you, you don't me, you don't know my problems, etc..." Especially since I'm asking for advise and help on my situation.

I will be deployed till November, correct. And yes I've been doing some self-reflecting. I'm trying to not get into a relationship immediately, it's just difficult having been so close to someone for so long and then they're gone, it's like someone cut off your arm, it just doesn't feel right and it's going to take some time to heal and to learn to live without it. I feel like I need to fill that hole, but I realize that I need to take my time doing so.

But yes, until then I feel like I need to get out and extend my tendrils, grasp on to some experience. I played once with a girl that was a fantastic 24/7 slave, but it had to end becuase her rather newbie (3 weeks into the idea of BDSM, literally) boyfriend became jealous. To my knowledge she rather enjoyed the experience and it was definitely encouraging. He asks me from time to time about being a Dom, I try to help him here and there but it's really something you have to flesh out yourself through experience.

Thank you again for advise, you are all being so helpful. This has been a very rewarding experience.


quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And change your username. Calling yourself a Master could get you made fun of in some places. I'd recommend DomChanning.


Yeah, make sure you get the requisite Domly Points and scout association BDSM Badge before labelling yourself as such.



Or, alternatively, you could not give a fuck. That'd work too :)


I'll admit, I googled that... lol /shameface


(in reply to Buzzzz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 6:14:41 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 2630
Joined: 3/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

This has been a very rewarding experience.


I am glad  -- you are getting some good advice, and you appear to be mature enough to take it.

Too often on the CM message board, long time posters are accused of being unfriendly and unhelpful to newbies, and of going on the attack far too quickly.

I am the first to admit I can be as unfriendly and unhelpful as a pittbull on acid. My attitude (and I do not believe I am alone in this) is based on the OP. If the OP comes across as a blithering idiot who wants sympathy or self validation for their own petty bullcrap, well, you know, they get what they get.

Someone such as yourself who is asking for advice and willing to lay a lot on the line (it must not have been easy to relate your recent marital issues) AND willing to participate in the thread so we get a clear picture on the issues, is a rarity.

I don't care what your nick is, as far as I'm concerned, you're a keeper !!







_____________________________

I am highly opinionated, sarcastic, irreverent and could give a rat's ass about what's PC. *Deal with it*

(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 6:26:01 AM   
MasterChanning


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2007
From: Florida, located in Alaska
Status: offline 		*Blush* Thank you.

To be perfectly honest, my bit of humility stemmed from the marital issues, trying to quel the fighting.

I've learned more of my preferred religion, Luciferianism, the past few months and been on a soul-searching journey, resulting in an inner-calmness that's been rather blissful.

I pride myself on remaining Zen, on occasion I falter, but it's what makes us human.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 6:43:03 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterChanning

I pride myself on remaining Zen, on occasion I falter, but it's what makes us human.


Well I for one hope things work out for you. You seem a decent person who has just been through the ringer, and then some.

(in reply to MasterChanning)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 7:15:40 AM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 771
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		doesn't sound like poly, sounds like drama. Looks like you are working on getting rid of it and it should get much clearer after that. cheers.

_____________________________

_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 8:13:00 AM   
SirLucifer


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/22/2010
From: Alaska, FL, Wherever.
Status: offline 		Hello, this was MasterChanning...

Name change warranted a new Profile as that was the easiet way to accomplish such a thing.

And if by magic, I suppose, I immediately had an email from a guy that frequents my area of Alaska to use his GF when they visit. :D

It's been a good day, today.

(in reply to Buzzzz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 11:14:41 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20705
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Tell you what.  When you get yourself back in November, join up with the local munch group.  I'll do everything that I can to teach you about ethical poly.  

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."


http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to SirLucifer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: My Poly Story - 7/16/2011 11:40:46 AM   
SirLucifer


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/22/2010
From: Alaska, FL, Wherever.
Status: offline 		That'd be very kind of you, I'd be very appreciative. Although I'm not really interested in poly relationships, although, being properly educated on the subject may turn my opinion, in fact, I'm looking forward to it. Thank you!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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