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i also noticed that it has been the fault of the girls everytime, they are cowgirls or butterflies and not "real" or "true".
so you really are just like all the rest. there are no girls who match the one in your fantasies.

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Niccolo Machiavelli
Severities should be dealt out all at once, so that their suddenness may give less offense; benefits ought to be handed out drop by drop, so that they may be relished the more.

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ORIGINAL: projectneedles

Some Better insite Endivius.
Syl has been in a secessful D/s relationship for 10 Plus years, Shes had muliple sucessful poly relationships as well as unsucessful ones but then anyone whos been in poly has had ones who dont work....

Hannah and her girl have been poly for less then 6 months,  and you dont mention how long your relationship has lasted.

INSTEAD of saying Please listen to the advice of newbies who honestly have on more then one occasion said flat out they have no fucking clue what the fucking hell they are fucking doing.

Shut the fuck up and listen to one of the few members on this board that have had long term sucessful relationships... like the one you have ever so stupidly insulted.

If she has high standards she has high standards. I know I have high standards and wont settle just to have a warm body. I know those high standards mean my search will be a long but worth while one. Just because you settle for some one that didnt fit doesnt mean everyone else will do the same.

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Sorry, but no. The moderators have made this ruling in the past so I'm confident they'll uphold it again.

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How about we use a new word instead?

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ORIGINAL: Epytropos

Frankly this basically sums up my philosophy of relationships generally. Seek entertainment and companionship; if you find love, all the better. If you go out seeking a life partner, using dating as the interview process for marriage, you're going to fuck up your dynamics with people because you're not looking at them as an interesting individual that might enrich your life, you're looking at them as someone to fill up a slot on your completion roster.

If your interactions with people are that goal-oriented, what you really have is a working relationship - you each use the other to reach a goal. Sometimes that goal is just having something to squirt onto, in which case it actually works quite well because that doesn't necessarily require anything deeper than 'Hey, you look like someone who could serve my purposes,' but if the goal is deeper then that approach will ruin things from the start.

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

We have had a lot of threads lately, couples who have decided they want a 3rd to play with, and wondering why they are having no luck. Couples hunting the mythical unicorn. Well, I’m sort of one of those unicorns, and I’ve been successfully hunted. And I’ve thought about why, and the answer is that neither I nor my partners was looking to be in a poly situation, we all just found ourselves in one. Now I do see how my situation is very different from your average unicorn hunting couple’s, but the principle is, I believe, the same.

Ask yourself this: Why do we want a poly relationship? If your answer is anything other than “Because we both really like her” then you’ve given the wrong answer. You aren’t looking for a relationship; you’re looking for a body to fulfill your fantasies with. Polyamory is not polyfuckery. Polyamory isn’t something you look for; it’s something you accept, something you are open to. You are going about it backwards; you have your dick out before you introduce yourself. Before you can catch your unicorn, you need to meet a woman.

Yes, there are some women out there who do want to be a couple’s third, but they are exceedingly few and far between, in all honesty you would be better off buying lottery tickets. Make your life easier, accept that you simply are never going to find one like that and stop looking. What you can, however, find is a woman who likes both of you enough that she is open to trying a polyamorous relationship. But you’re talking about a woman with hopes and dreams of her own, and being your 3rd probably isn’t among them. Even if a woman is bisexual, submissive and open to poly, being your 3rd isn’t likely going to be in her plans. Being part of a three-way polyamorous relationship might be, however.

Any young bi sub girl who you are interested in has a few hundred standing offers to choose from, why on earth would she want to satisfy your fantasies when there are an endless stream of men and women offering to satisfy hers? Instead of thinking of yourselves as a poly couple looking for a third, think of yourselves as a two people who are open to the idea of polyamory. Stop looking for a poly partner, and start looking for a woman you are compatible with. If either of you wouldn’t be interested in living with her if you were single, then she’s not the one for you. Likewise she has to be interested enough in both of you that she would consider being a couple with either of you.

Anyway, for what it's worth, that’s my advice to all the unicorn hunters out there, concentrate on the woman first, even an everyday vanilla woman might be a unicorn under the right circumstances.

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Well, I’m sort of one of those unicorns

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

We have had a lot of threads lately, couples who have decided they want a 3rd to play with, and wondering why they are having no luck. Couples hunting the mythical unicorn. Well, I’m sort of one of those unicorns, and I’ve been successfully hunted. And I’ve thought about why, and the answer is that neither I nor my partners was looking to be in a poly situation, we all just found ourselves in one. Now I do see how my situation is very different from your average unicorn hunting couple’s, but the principle is, I believe, the same.

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Ask yourself this: Why do we want a poly relationship? If your answer is anything other than “Because we both really like her” then you’ve given the wrong answer. You aren’t looking for a relationship; you’re looking for a body to fulfill your fantasies with. Polyamory is not polyfuckery. Polyamory isn’t something you look for; it’s something you accept, something you are open to. You are going about it backwards; you have your dick out before you introduce yourself. Before you can catch your unicorn, you need to meet a woman.

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Yes, there are some women out there who do want to be a couple’s third, but they are exceedingly few and far between, in all honesty you would be better off buying lottery tickets. Make your life easier, accept that you simply are never going to find one like that and stop looking. What you can, however, find is a woman who likes both of you enough that she is open to trying a polyamorous relationship. But you’re talking about a woman with hopes and dreams of her own, and being your 3rd probably isn’t among them. Even if a woman is bisexual, submissive and open to poly, being your 3rd isn’t likely going to be in her plans. Being part of a three-way polyamorous relationship might be, however.

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Any young bi sub girl who you are interested in has a few hundred standing offers to choose from, why on earth would she want to satisfy your fantasies when there are an endless stream of men and women offering to satisfy hers? Instead of thinking of yourselves as a poly couple looking for a third, think of yourselves as a two people who are open to the idea of polyamory. Stop looking for a poly partner, and start looking for a woman you are compatible with. If either of you wouldn’t be interested in living with her if you were single, then she’s not the one for you. Likewise she has to be interested enough in both of you that she would consider being a couple with either of you.

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Anyway, for what it's worth, that’s my advice to all the unicorn hunters out there, concentrate on the woman first, even an everyday vanilla woman might be a unicorn under the right circumstances.

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Just because you found yourself in one doesn't equate to it being a practical or even remotely successful approach. That is akin to the telling the fisherman not to go fishing if you want fish. Somehow, I am thinking it unlikely that fish is appear on his hook without putting it in the water. If I didn't have my hook in the water... Kyra would of never come into our life!

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This to me is silly... just because I like someone... a thriving and enduring relationship it doesn't make. It takes alot more than just liking a person. I like alot of people... but I also know that most of them are not suited to me or I to them. There was even one girl that badly wanted to be apart of my poly-family. I liked her... but I also knew that she wasn't a good fit and in the end would of been alot less happier than she is now in her currrent situation.

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so.. there is nothing inherently wrong or stupid by looking for poly. Nor does it equate to polyfuckery either.

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Having said that... acceptance of poly is an important step for anyone and sometimes one finds another person and then accepts poly afterwards. Kyra was this way. We crossed paths... She wan't looking or engage in a poly lifestyle... I Was. She fell in love with me and had to learn to accept and embrace a poly lifestyle if she wanted a life with me. I already accepted poly and need to understand and appreciate that she was a the right fit.

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and just alittle about the right fit.. it's not about the unicorn fitting the couple. It's the three coming together into a relationship that ALL three want to be apart of. All of us have to fit into that relationship.. whatever it might look like.

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I am not going to tell other's to stop looking for what they want. I think that it's highly arrogant to suggest it. I will say that finding a person that is going to be a third is exceptionally rare and you better be patient. You are not going to catch that record breaking fish on the first cast.... in fact you might never catch it.

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Frankly... looking for the third is not alot different than what it took to catch your second!

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It's not just about the person... it's about all the persons involved. All the needs/wants have to be considered. There will be deal breakers that will prohibit the relationship for going forward and there will be things that one will have to work one. At the end of it... poly is more likely to fail than succeed.

And yet again, pretty much my point.

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Frankly.. I don't get to impressed until a relationship gets past about 4-5 years.

I'll get back to you in 4 or 5 years, OK? 

Anyway, I'm glad you concur with my main points, its nice to know that others think I'm on the right track.