CynthiaWVirginia
Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010 From: West Virginia, USA Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NiceGuyNihilist I found myself wondering how women--submissive women in particular--perceive men who are turned out in prison. Maybe there can be no definitive answer to this question, but I suspect it's at least safe to say that virtually no woman would ever be more attracted to a man for learning that he was, or had once been, another man's bitch. And it seems reasonable to assume that a woman who actively craves dominance in a man would, if anything, be more inclined than women in general to feel an instinctive revulsion for a man who had been forced into submission himself--and not just submission, but submission of the most degrading kind. Is my intuition right? When the men who've been the victim of this atrocity conceal their shame from you, are they right to do so? Would any part of you think less of them if you knew? I do care what your rational, reasonable, moral mind has to say, but I'm more interested in the reptile beneath. I have only read the OP's opening post. Saw it in the scroll when I was reading my sub's mail and new journal entry. Not fully awake yet, and still very tired from that long drive home last night, so I am not at my best right now. Since I am a listener, I have heard many people's pain over the years and sometimes it has been from males who were raped. Sometimes in prison. A childhood friend of mine married a man who had been raped in jail. She told me that even after years of marriage if she ever forgot herself and tried to grab his butt while they were having sex, he FREAKED OUT. She didn't think less of him, she loved him dearly and he was the father of her only child, but she had no idea how she could help heal him...they never talked about it again after that first confession. He didn't want to talk about it, but he had to let her know why even love pats...and crowding him so that part of her body brushed by his butt (like when they were in the kitchen) were off limits. To reply to your first comment that I highlighted; no, I would not be more attracted to a man who had been raped. I have never screened men in my life by finding out if they had been raped, and when hearing "No", said "Next!" I do not find it sexually stimulating in any way if a man has been raped. On the other hand, if a man has been raped...even by a woman (and I have known several male subs who were)...it would depend on how he had processed it. Like it or not, I have always felt like a magnet to steel when it comes to another's pain, maybe because I have been there, done that, moreso than most others. (Some of us have had a lot of wrong things happen, even in early childhood.) If it made them more vulnerable and understanding, I have enjoyed this about them, that they aren't as (tries to come up with a nice word for...stupid/opinionated)...unempathic as most vanilla males seem to be. It really pushes all my bad buttons when a guy I'm dating figures it out that I have been raped in the past and gets a boner and thinks that "forcing me" sounds fun, or assumes that women like me are dangerous because when we have fights about boyfriends, we use the rape word as a weapon to destroy someone's reputation. I do not have "an instinctive revulstion" for men who were raped, or were otherwise forced into sex to stay alive or unharmed. Sometimes it is worse for them when they have to make the choice to submit or die, rather than just being pinned down and taken. They feel that somehow it was their...choice...and that a "real man" would have chosen death. <rolls eyes> Is my intuition right? It depends. In general, I would advise a man to keep his mouth shut until he has tested the waters. Movies like Shawshank Redemption and that Youtube clip you mentioned would be helpful...watch those with someone and gage their reactions. I have an ugly past history of my own, and if only I had gone to movies with my first boyfriend before getting involved, I would have saved myself a lot of pain. His jokes concerning rape, like this one, would have told me all I needed to know and I would have passed him by: "How do you know if a hooker was raped? When the check bounces." He even told me that if a rapist was holding a knife to a woman's throat, the moment she traded her pussy for her life she was just a slut/whore/etc. Some people are like this, and it is good to weed them out early on. When the men who've been the victim of this atrocity conceal their shame from you, are they right to do so? Depends on the men you are talking about. With neighbors or acquaintences, what they choose to conceal is their own business. They would be safe to let me know, and I would likely help them process it and help them to recover; often survivors can do that for each other. With friends and lovers and my own subs, I would know that there was something seriously wrong with our relationship if they had to keep something like this hidden away from me. It is a trust issue. Would any part of you think less of them if you knew? I do care what your rational, reasonable, moral mind has to say, but I'm more interested in the reptile beneath. My internal reptile is something of a protector and healer. I assume you are talking about getting past the human and mammilian parts of our brain and getting down to the remaining reptilian brass tacks. I feel mine is more of a shark than reptile, and I have to keep it carefully muzzled or else I would be indiscriminate about acting on my instincts. Personally, my inner reptile/shark would like to rip to shreds, literally, every child molestor and rapist on the planet, as well as non-consensual sadists who cannot reign themselves in. Not the answer you were looking for, but this is how I am choosing to answer this. I am a switch who can only do relationships one on one, and I prefer the Domme side. Changing gears messes up my headspace, but I will try anyway to answer your question from the angle you had intended. I have to think of a Dom I knew and respected to be able to do so. No. If this had happened to him it would not have made him LESS. He would have turned it around so that it would have made him even more in control of me, because it would have made him understand, even more than he did already, my buttons and what makes me tick. If someone knew and understood all my dark and ugly places and accepted and loved me anyway, how could I do anything but worship him and trust him even more...? Gawd, now I have to talk with my sub over the phone soon to get my head back on straight. Enjoy this moment of my slipping into sub mode, it ain't likely to ever happen again on these boards.
< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 9/17/2011 2:08:21 PM >
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