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Breaking a poly agreement


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Breaking a poly agreement - 9/26/2011 5:59:08 AM   
WhtDrgn


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline 		I was recently in a primary/secondary poly relationship. My girlfriend broke every rule but one we had agreed to.I don't trust her to have another poly relationship and stick to the agreement. I under stand breaking the agreement is the same as cheating in a monogomous relationship and so I'm treating it as such, however I didn't force her to break up with him. There relationship resolved on it's own. However, I have told her that i won't be apart of any future poly relationship, With Her. The other guy in the relationship did everything rgt by me to the best of my knowledge, but I think he might still might have relationship with her if she wants it and she says she doesn't, but after 8 months she's still not over his and may just be telling me what I want to hear. She has lied to and deceived me for 6 of the last 8 months. So, My question is should I let her have any restricted contact with him or no contact with him, none of this is his fault and I see him like a little brother?
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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 9/26/2011 6:18:51 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9038
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		It sounds like you don't have much of a choice. She's going to do what she wants to do anyway. I'd let her go her own way and be done with her. It's up to you whether you want to maintain a relationship with the other guy.

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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 9/26/2011 6:33:19 AM   
AdorkableAiley


Posts: 559
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline 		If you can't trust her what kind of relationship can you have. If you view it as cheating and it sounds like you do why not brake up with her. Most relationships (Hilery and Bill aside) do not servive cheating, at least not in the long run.


Ailey

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 9/27/2011 6:08:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20707
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online 		Should you let her?  I don't know.  Are you in the position to let her do anything?

No offense meant by that, but according to your original the rules of engagement weren't exactly being followed anyway.  If it were Me, I'd probably be straightening that part out first.  Your foray into poly sounds like it damaged your primary relationship so you might want to fix that up first.  From what I'm getting, the trust issue isn't exactly a strong suit and if you don't rebuild that, no additional relationships are going to help the situation.

It's good that this other guy did right by you and I'm glad for that part but you and your gal have some things to fix between you that need to be the priority.  Until that happens, I don't think you need additional partners.


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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 9/27/2011 3:42:44 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2027
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Get a new girlfriend...

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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 10/4/2011 12:32:02 PM   
Sunny27


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline 		I would think the same I am in a monogamous relationship but we decided that I can play with another girl sometimes and he's the same but it has to done so we can both see what the others doing!

When you broke up with her delete her number and tell the guy she had been with to be careful tell him to imagine it from your point of view! Throw any pictures of both of you in the bin, delete her e-mail account from your e-mail. This will help you to move on.
I've told a few friends this before and they have found partners a few months afterwards and one person I told this to 5 years ago has now been with his new partner 4 and a half months so you can see it works! Good Luck man, I hate to say it but don't look for just a pretty face like make sure they've a good personality and arer honest and if after 3 months it's not working out, do what I do and break up with them as no relationship deserves to be treated badly! Good Luck Man!

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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 10/4/2011 8:23:23 PM   
revmick82


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, that really sucks. Been there, well almost there. Once you know you can't trust her, it's time for her to go. No questions, no games, no affection, you move on.

PS: Keep her number on your phone so you know it's her calling. 

(in reply to Sunny27)
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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 10/5/2011 11:40:35 AM   
Sunny27


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/9/2010
Status: offline 		Yes exactly what revmic said keep her number in your phone
but delete it from say your phone book if you have one!

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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/14/2011 3:29:18 PM   
Ogrelord999


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline 		ALMOST COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC .... however Had a Ladyfriend caught her husband cheating the wife of friends of theirs ... so she replaced his cell phone number for the girl ... with the number for the husband of she whom he was cheating with ... as they were exposed and NOT supposed to be in contact .... I just thought that was awsomely evil

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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/14/2011 3:57:57 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 16400
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		I was in a poly relationship with my first D/s for 2 months.  They left me for each other when she saw that I wouldn't leave her for him, my loyalty did lay with him.  But he didn't have the same compunction and I came home one day to find them both gone.  It wasn't until I finally found them that night, living with her sister that  I found out.  No note, nothing.  Too damned chickenshit to tell me in person. 

Karma came back to bite her in the ass.  Less than 3 months after they'd moved across the country, he left her for another.  Her profile then changed to monogamous and she wanted nothing to do with poly anymore.  She turned into the "old" toy the same way I did and found out the hard way that he wasn't as loyal to her as she thought he was.

I wouldn't get involved in a poly relationship again, I was built for monogamous and won't change my mind.  if P came to me tomorrow and said he wanted to bring in a 3rd that would be then end of it for us.  But we both feel the same about monogamy, so I don't have to worry about it.


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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/15/2011 3:45:40 AM   
Ogrelord999


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline 		WoW ... what a duche! ... I'm truly sorry for that I alwayse seemed to be cleaning up after and footing the bill for ass clowns like that in my younger years. I get it and we even talk between us(Betsy and I) , that even though its a female only by both our decrees , I always run the risk of becoming "That Guy" at the end of the bar sloshed and commiserating "My wife left me for another woman" but then again this is the imepetus for "NO SECRETS" rules of course the trick is making sure you BOTH carry those ethics.


Golden rule is this "NO LIES" even a hint and Im done with that relationship , no matter whats its nature.


And Please dont be offended dear as I say this with no disrespect intended but a basic truth folks (even myself a time or two) tend to avoid is you can never under estimate the potential for human delusion ... that goes double for self delusion ... see I kinda live by a code ... very few rules or moral decrees but the few I have are Ironclad. One is that in the end yes they will get theirs, "Karma" is alive and breathing but by that same principle, we have no one else but ourselves to blame for our situations. No one does anything to us we do not allow them too. There are always signs , hints , but often because of our own "Love" and tenderhearts we elect to ignore them and make excuses for the ones we love , and are supposed to love us.

On a High note ... as much as it sucks ...truth is it was a nessecary journey to learn who you were and help you now share the peace and happiness you currently have with your partner.

< Message edited by Ogrelord999 -- 11/15/2011 3:46:33 AM >

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues


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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/15/2011 12:18:02 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		Cheating = Cheating

(in reply to WhtDrgn)
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RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/15/2011 7:01:57 PM   
Numbone


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		I think everyone here has pretty much summed it up. Even if you really love her, she couldn't even respect you enough to follow the rules you agreed on. Time to let her go.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/16/2011 3:43:50 AM   
Ogrelord999


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline 		Unless its monopoly or combat than cheating is an "Alternative victory Method" Tee Hee :D


_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues


(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Breaking a poly agreement - 11/27/2011 11:00:18 AM   
MasterGreg43


Posts: 72
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Fla, Ga, NY, NJ, MD, VA, now PA
Status: offline 		wow u have gotten some great answer here indeed, if she is still trying to deal with another man not you, and u treat it like cheating then take the lifestyle out of it and what would u do to a gf that is cheating, since the poly life u are trying to live is not basic on BDSM but sex.

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(in reply to Ogrelord999)
Profile   Post #: 15
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