Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme

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Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 7:43:48 AM

EmbracingMe

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/29/2009
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Hello CM Message Boarder's,

I've read a lot of the threads here in the Poly section and have seen some excellent advice given and I hope to be lucky enough to be the recipient of that feedback. Please, if you're going to be passive aggressive or judgmental, don't respond. If I wanted that I'd put my question up on Yahoo answers, lol. Here it goes...

About a week and a half ago I received an e-mail from a potential submissive that lives locally, in my age group that believed we were a good match based on my profile. He immediately let me know that he is currently married but his Domme wife is too busy with work to actively participate in Lifestyle activities but that both were poly and were interested in finding a third, a Domme for him and an almost mentor/girlfriend for him. I was initially reluctant to come in as a third as I'd done it before in simple poly relationships with no BDSM aspects and it hadn't been successful for many reasons. Keeping an open mind I continued to get to know this sub and realized that his interests and desires aligned with mine both outside and inside of the bedroom. We went out and enjoyed ourselves (no play involved) and the following day I met his Domme-wife and realized her and I have chemistry as well. She's someone I could enjoy spending time with on a friendship level and possibly even on the relationship vein. We've spent time together as a trio, a total if 5 times all together and chat frequently via text and messenger. We've all been very open about our fears, me having the most. I'm concerned about the co-domination aspect (still a conversation we need to have, probably later this evening) as in who will have more "control' who will have the final say, what if the rules and rituals I set in place aren't something she agrees are needed, etc... Again this is a conversation that needs to take place in greater depth, she's suggested that she's okay with what I say as long as it is within their limits but the topic probably needs more clarity. I understand this is a newly budding relationship but I feel confident that this will turn into something longterm (idealy) or Lifestyle friends.

Okay the purpose of all of that was to ask you all...

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Where you might not have considered it but the chemistry is so good?
Have you ever come in as a third Dom/me, how did you handle that? What were the pitfalls? Or the wins?
Do you have any tips on how to make it work? Any conversation topics that I should be having with them?

The great thing is that they're both very open, communicative and it's clear that they want this. I believe that the attraction is equal on all parts and that no person is just pretending to be interested for the sake of the other. They too have had unsuccessful poly-relationships and seem committed to making this one work.

I thank you all in advance for your responses and they'll be greatly appreciated.

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 10:08:55 AM

kalikshama

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I have no experience with your specific situation but it seems like you all have the key communication angle under control. It may boil down to how well you and she share. I say go for it!

(in reply to EmbracingMe)

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 10:34:38 AM

BitaTruble

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I agree with Kalikshama. It sounds like a dream scenario for me, one that I would thrive under. No risk, no reward and all that!

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 11:08:59 AM

RexDarcy

Posts: 591
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
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I agree with the other two posters. If the communication is good and the chemistry is right for the three of you, that's awesome. The only thing I will add is make sure your communication (on all parts) is clear on where the authority is and how things will be handled if a time comes if there isn't clarity on a situation.

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 11:32:15 AM

SuzeCheri

Posts: 483
Joined: 7/19/2011
From: Outside looking in
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quote:

Have you ever come in as a third Dom/me, how did you handle that?

Yes, no, maybe, kinda, sort of, in a way, but then again maybe not.....

I joined an established D/s couple as one of a pair of vanilla girlfriends. We have both since been exploring BDSM. My inclinations at this point seem to be to the dominant side, so for the time being that's how we are playing it. She's the Domme and I'm the apprentice.

It looks to me like you have everything in place for a good shot at success. My only advice would be to make sure YOU are comfortable with staying within whatever boundaries or limitations the married couple places on your activities. Be very careful during the negotiation phase to be sure that you will be satisfied with whatever arrangement they are comfortable with, and that you make your wants and expectations clear.

Who has the ultimate authority is the big question the three of you will have to sort out, and all three of you have to be satisfied with whatever decision is reached in that regard.

Good luck and have fun!

(in reply to EmbracingMe)

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 9/27/2011 10:13:18 PM

EmbracingMe

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/29/2009
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Thank you all for your input! As an update, I should tell you all that I used your advice. During our date this evening she and I discussed A)Boundries and B) Who the boss will be. Those conversations went really well. If anyone has anymore advice, feedback, commentary I'd love to hear it as it's already been helpful.

Thanks again

(in reply to ineedamaturedom)

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 10/4/2011 12:21:22 PM

Sunny27

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Joined: 10/9/2010
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Heya Embracing me I'm a sub to my Dom and I only Domme other girls!
I will say to remember that communication can help you but I think that since your the third person coming into a relationship you'll kind of be like a switch where the other female wants you to do stuff to him and then she may want to do something to you while your doing something to him! I hope you have tons of fun its sounds like you'll have tons of fun! Take care!!!

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RE: Coming in as a 3rd but a Domme - 10/4/2011 1:04:31 PM

kalikshama

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Thanks for the update! Good luck and keep us posted :)

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