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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 5:23:59 AM

Ogrelord999

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**** OP ..... As the rest of this topic seems to be somewhat pointless (like 90% of the wackaloons I end up wasting time talking to) and though age isnt always important there does seem to be patterns forming , Offended? well not my goal but by the same token Tough titty... I didnt spend 42 years untangling and surviving my own bullshit just to do it for someone else whos not even mature or close to experianced enough to "see" their own. Odds are I don't have another 42 years to wait. If you feel pressured everytime the winds change direction I can suggest that there are treatments and medications for that OR maybe you just need to grow up a little before you decide to dabble in this area ... before you either end up being hurt by someone your not wise enough to spot or hurting someone else who didnt deserve your BS either.

Too Miss Lizzi (Southern gentleman not denoting your rank) and this is not angry toned as above statement is dear

Okay maybe I can help here . I can of course only speak for myself here but maybe it will provide a bit of a clue. I think for myself , I often get the "pushy" tag and actually appreciate your bringing that up ... theres sort of a clue up above , yet normaly im not that aggrivated with someone except ALL of you have given sound even if "curt" advice and they just keep on glassy eyed and explaining how were mistaken and then re-explain the same BS. Never considering that well ...if they were so damned smart WTF are you asking ME questions for???? BUT I digress.

I think in my case its because I'm Older that I do tend to be more demanding and "cut to the Chase" in my approach to things I figure lets save the mental and other masturbation for a more relaxed and sheltered time when real life issues are delt with , Im also after being Married and raising children aware that frankly "MOST" of what we fear in this world is ony smoke and mirriors. Typically we talk we discuss things if at least 60% of what we discuss is copesetic ? than fine lets get you out here for an extended weekend and a NON-SEXUAL visit ... firstly I didnt survive my own stupidity all these years to get my willy rotted , or go the route of King George and mad from syphalis ...so no hanky panky till the doc says yer not skanky ... and when you mention concerns I have answers ... of course I have answers , Ive circumnavigated this globe three times , survived; war ,WOmen, Children ... listed from least to most difficult mind you...

Now the point of my babble here is I often get;

"Your Planning my Life for me " ????? ummm its a 4 day weekend for starters ...and if you didnt want an answer WTF are you asking questions for ?
" WHATS with all the Drama" ??????? Life details and wether you expect to be "Kept" or part of a working household does nto constitute "drama"
"I'm A Slave, sub , whatever and looking for a Daddy Dom" ?????? and yet have a list of demands larger than the national debt and frankly as an actual master of not only the boudior but my home and my life ...yea were not restructuring our lives for a piece of ass even if the golden light of destiny shines from yer knickers its just not going to happen so if yoru not willing to look at "reality" than move on there are no free rides in this world "

Okay sorry that broke down into a bit of venting there

back to ... Point is this for older or Mature at least Poly's its probably just that were more sure of ourselves and confident , not to mention that like myself may also be driven by the desires of more than just ourselves.

and These days "man" seems somewhat suspect at least as to the classical definition of the term ... so I think alot of the younger generations dont get it when they actually run across one either ... well that and the abusive jerks also cloud the issues.

< Message edited by Ogrelord999 -- 11/14/2011 5:31:35 AM >

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" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 9:32:13 AM

lizi

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There are different kinds of pushy. It's all in how things come across. Here are two summations of conversations I've had with different members here.

1. A man wrote me to inquire whether I'd be interested in poly- I answered briefly that I was monogamous, as was mentioned in my profile, that I had a SO, which was also mentioned in my profile, so I was not in fact interested in a poly relationship. He politely wrote back that he did read my profile, but wanted to see if I'd consider something different and as I wouldn't, he'd wish me well. He writes back about once a month to inquire whether I'd reconsider, how things are going with the SO, but he does so in a funny albeit persistent manner. I don't mind writing him back each time to say hey how are you? Yes, I'm still with my man and still monogamous. He's pushy, but it's within decent boundaries, I actually don't mind him checking in or offering to explain his way of life to me because although it's pushy, it's not intrusive.

2. When I was single, a man wrote to ask if I'd be interested in poly. I said no, I was monogamous as was mentioned in my profile. He wrote back and in a whiny manner asked why I wasn't interested in poly and proceeded to list all kinds of advantages (in his mind) of a poly lifestyle and how wonderful he and his wife were etc. He was pushy, he was obnoxious, he whined like heck. I wrote back shortly and said still not interested. He continued writing and being aggressive and nasty till I blocked him.

The OP here who seems to be long gone, ran into people that made her uncomfortable. I've had that experience so I understood where she was coming from. Being confident and sure of yourself is attractive, I don't mind that kid of pushy. I'm confident myself and it isn't a big deal for me to stand up for myself and say no thank you while also not feeling threatened. Feeling entitled to impose your beliefs upon someone else and try to 'make' them adopt your way of thinking crosses over into the bad kind of pushy.

< Message edited by lizi -- 11/14/2011 9:34:34 AM >

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 2:44:59 PM

Ogrelord999

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I see ... I suppose Id really be neither really no means no ... I do believe in "friends" Ive actually made a few really good friends here that even if I wouldnt sleep with ot though totaly not into their life choices Id still travel across the country to just hang a few days and take in local color ... but being a "No ...means ...NO!" kinda guy I can see where either could apply.

I'm Truly sorry for anyone having either of those experiances I think its not only victimizes those that are preyed upon , but often those who try to approach afterwards as well.

So just as a consideration here ... in another post about "unicorns" I actually contacted the OP ... I also pre apologizing in public stating I had read the profile and that we seemed to mesh on about 70-80%and even though we didnt mix 100% (actually mostly it was she didnt list willing to relocate but also didnt say directly in her extended text she would not). So as I explained I "rolled the Dice" but was not meaning to offend her or to have her think I had completely disreguarded the info she offered ... What do you think of that approach? Polite or pushy ... Okay everyone ...go ahead and take yer shots LOL

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" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 5:30:37 PM

kalikshama

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I think bringing up relocation in the initial round of emails is weird, and if she had said "local guys only" or "no couples" in her profile, you should have respected that.

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 7:22:23 PM

Alecta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RopePlease

I have felt in the past, pressured to be poly. I felt the only Doms approaching me (especially offline) were poly. I felt as if poly households were the only one's looking, and that the single Dom was a fond memory.
I still feel that way sometimes, except one day i would actually like to apart of a functioning poly household, and have poly relationships outside of that household as well.
does any other single s-type feel this way sometimes?

I feel like the reason you're confused and feel the pressure to compromise is because you know you can be poly, even though it is not what you're looking for RIGHT NOW, so when you aren't getting the right guys approaching you start asking yourself how you can compromise just to get in a relationship. I'd say HOLD STRONG. Compromising what you're looking for in this lifestyle very rarely work out well!

On the surfeit of poly Doms, it seems to me it's because poly couples look harder than singles because it is harder to find someone to fit into their poly house than it is for a single Dom to find a sub.

Pushy Doms make me wonder if their partners are really in agreement with the Poly situation or if they'd pushed them into agreeing to go along? And if that is the case, do you really want to join a household built on that?

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/14/2011 7:31:23 PM

Alecta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I think bringing up relocation in the initial round of emails is weird, and if she had said "local guys only" or "no couples" in her profile, you should have respected that.

I think as a Dom/me contacting a sub for a RT relationship, it is only fair to mention right away that you would eventually want them to relocate (unless you mean to relocate yourself), so they can take it into consideration when they decide if they want to keep talking to you before either side gets "in too deep". If he'd waited til the 20th email to say "oh btw when do you think you'll be able to relocate" and it turns out she wasn't willing to, they'd just both walk away feeling like they've wasted each other's time.

I get pushy when talking to bratty subs, just because. It's a kneejerk reaction heh.

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/15/2011 2:59:01 AM

Ogrelord999

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Well I see Kalilshamas Point ... in so much as it can seem a bumrush ... But Agree with Alecta if indeed the goal is long term ... and I Didnt mention it in the E-Mail as that goes its listed in our profile that we cannot relocate but can accomodate another... I always ask the ladies to view the profile and if anything catches their attention than I ask they contact me ... but As Alecta pointed it WILL come out in the first several conversation exchanges ... As a Dom I do have a responsability ... its sort of like if you have Herpies, Id like to hear about it before coffe and a smoke in bed ... also when yer just "playing" thats one thing ... but my Love is stronger than my personality( I say this cause Women and puppy dogs are the two biggest sources of confusion in my life and for a few I will break long standing rules as where others I would NEVER do that for) if you invest emotion which many say they want but dont seem to recognize it when they get it ... WHY would you talk for six months and get your hopes up , only to be slammed by real life logistics? Seems far Weirder behavior not to mention bordering on cruel, elusive and disrespectful.

Mind you this is also driven by the fact that most whom Ive talked to frankly in conversations , will tell you they would "consider relocation for the right person"... and frankly Like when I Lived In my native state of florida ... It didnt matter what the place was Like I knew from "Go" I would be comming to her ... to Delewhere????... So heres my take on it ... sometimes to get what you really want , you have to give up what you already have , trick is making sure its worth it. Betsy had a son and an Ex who in spite of our positions does love his son and the boy him as well , her extended family and people from this state tend to stay localized. I was a soldier and a Gypsy almost since birth so I can survive anywhere , she had barely ever left the state in 30 years so the decision was clear. As a "master" these factors need to be considered if you want to get it right ...

Shawn(Ogre)

< Message edited by Ogrelord999 -- 11/15/2011 3:01:03 AM >

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/22/2011 7:16:49 AM

RopePlease

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WOW. people are still commenting on this topic? LOL. I had honestly let it go since it was apparent that no one wanted to see things from my POV. I didn't think to revisit it until someone sent me a sweet message regarding the thread.

Thanks everyone for their comment and input. I believe a lot of you missed the point. And instead of trying talk to me on the same level, decided to use your acient wisdom and talk down to me, as if i'm not a consenting adult like the rest of you, no matter how old. None of you knows the entire story behind this thread, you only know what i told you, what i WANTEd you to know, therefore i can't really be upset that none of you (except maybe Peep. Hey girl! LOL) know's wtf made me post the thread.

So all i can say is, thank you for your comments, with what little information i gave you, of course you would make snide comments about maturity and such. I know women in their 30s that feel the same way i do. To me it has nothing to do with age, just where you are ni your life.

In response to Ogle, i really don't understand why you decided to tear into me the way you did....But okay. What ever makes you feel like your 42 years of experience is doing something for you.

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 11/22/2011 7:21:23 AM

RopePlease

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Alecta, you hit the nail on the head, as well as lizi. Honestly couldn't have said it better myself.

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 1/11/2012 10:03:54 PM

Sailasub

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Dom's get pushy because it works. Learned through many years of dating. Also, persistence pays.

However, a "Dom" being pushy with someone he does not know and trying to get them into a poly relationship is simply a horny guy hoping to put another notch on his belt or trying to experience a Playboy fantasy. My thought (not experience) is that you need to be friends for it to work longer term in a relationship.

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 1/12/2012 3:48:41 AM

Ogrelord999

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Not to mention ...if YOUR NOT poly but try ... you may be the destabalizing element ... basic answer if you feel "pressured" theres a reason ...dont do it.

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 3/27/2012 10:21:47 PM

PrincessDonna11

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And I say if someone is "pressuring you to join a poly situation" then you have to wonder why all the pressure if the situation is so great anyway. Some things are just simple to figure out and what "when I am having to disipline someone" call common sense!

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 3/30/2012 12:53:41 PM

TNDommeK

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She seems a bit perturbed.

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Two paddles bitches!!!

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RE: I feel pressured.... - 4/6/2012 5:34:06 PM

FlGirlSeeksOwner

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****OP
i can relate a bit. i am not interested in a poly relationship now, nor being part of a poly household. i do not have it checked on my profile, and i still get approached by couples seeking a third.
Usually a polite Not interested works in real life as well as online. If in rl they keep on, just tell them i am not interested and walk away.

Good luck and i wish you well
c

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