RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory

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RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory

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RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/20/2011 9:46:24 PM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

quote:

MP and clip aren't romantically involved.

and mp and clip aren't in a fucking relationship with each other are they? look you are the poly one in your fucking household, the other two aren't, they are monogamous. you have two relationships and they each have one <though i believe i recall reading that clip was married, so i guess he is actually poly as well, but since she's not involved with you at all, that is again a completely separate relationship>.

quote:

In fact, clip and I aren't "romantically" involved and we're not "in love". Doesn't mean that we don't love each other.

yea right, and i'm the fucking queen of spain.

in answer to the question "does d/s romance exsist?" he answered:

quote:

it exists and can be a most wonderful experince. my Mistress knows how much i love and desire to serve Her. my Mistress enjoys my opinions and discusions respectfully of course.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3873936
i guess its a little one sided then, maybe you should remind him how there's no romance in your setup, eh? he sure as fuck seems to think there is.

and what's the fucking difference, romantically involved/"in love" and fucking somebody you love. its the same fucking thing.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 21

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/20/2011 10:22:50 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 20707
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

and mp and clip aren't in a fucking relationship with each other are they? look you are the poly one in your fucking household, the other two aren't, they are monogamous. you have two relationships and they each have one <though i believe i recall reading that clip was married, so i guess he is actually poly as well, but since she's not involved with you at all, that is again a completely separate relationship>.

They are involved with each other in such regard as they are friends and both are involved with Me. More or less family by extension because we do spend time as a unit. You're incorrect regarding clip's wife. While I don't spend the time with her in nearly the same amount as MP spends with clip, she's spent some time at events, we discuss things on the phone, and I've taken calls from her to settle things in her home. She and I have a very minimal independent relationship. No real bonding there.

quote:

yea right, and i'm the fucking queen of spain.
in answer to the question "does d/s romance exsist?" he answered:

quote:

it exists and can be a most wonderful experince. my Mistress knows how much i love and desire to serve Her. my Mistress enjoys my opinions and discusions respectfully of course.

quote:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3873936
i guess its a little one sided then, maybe you should remind him how there's no romance in your setup, eh? he sure as fuck seems to think there is.

I greatly appreciate this being brought to My attention. I have always said that if clip puts anything on these boards that is incorrect, I will be more than happy to address it.

Is it one sided? Could be. It may have everything to do with that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" bit. My most recent move has been rather hard on him.

Even at that, there is still another side to tell. My love for clip is much more like what one might have for a faithful household servant, with BDSM and sex mixed in.

quote:

and what's the fucking difference, romantically involved/"in love" and fucking somebody you love. its the same fucking thing.

We see things differently. My affection for clip is based on his submission. If the dynamic was absent, it wouldn't be there.

Somewhere back in the archives, there was a pretty decent thread about love, D/s, the absence of a dynamic and/or play, and if the potential of a relationship would remain based on the love that people had for each other. From what I have always read (correct Me if I am wrong) a relationship such as the one you have within your household would still have the element of love because you base it on the emotional element first. Our situation is the opposite. It was based on the power element and from there the affection grew. Cut the dynamic off at the root and the affection dies with it.

I'm "in love" with MP. I can promise you it is a different feeling/emotion than what I have for clip.

ETA - I tried making these quotes look right a few times. This is the closest I can come while keeping the various remarks separate.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/20/2011 10:51:14 PM >

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."

http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to HannahLynn)

Post #: 22

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/20/2011 10:49:10 PM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

ok, i can see that now. it isn't exactly what i'd call polyamory, but it isn't polyfuckery either. i don't know exactly how the fuck i'd define it. its poly something or other. maybe i'll just fucking call it "not my style".

see, i wouldn't be involved with somebody i wasn't "in love" with, to use your distinction. the odd fuck now and then, but no more than that. i need the emotional bond. i did more than enough of the emotionless shit, now that i have fallen in love again, i fucking need it. without the love there can be no dynamic. its just fucking play to me in that case.

for us, the love preceded the dynamic, and that, i suppose, is why for us the poly supersedes the d/s.

i'm sorry i brought that fucking quote up publicly like that, that was less than classy of me. please accept my apologies.

as always, best regards from me and mine to you and yours.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 23

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/20/2011 11:18:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 20707
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

ok, i can see that now. it isn't exactly what i'd call polyamory, but it isn't polyfuckery either. i don't know exactly how the fuck i'd define it. its poly something or other. maybe i'll just fucking call it "not my style".

This is exactly why I think these kinds of discussions are good. It allows us to clarify how we feel regarding various points, even if it's just refining things for our own households. Always the highest priority, yes?

Polyamory is still the best definition that seems to work. It's still love it's just a different kind. I'd be very poorly suited for polyfuckery.

quote:

see, i wouldn't be involved with somebody i wasn't "in love" with, to use your distinction. the odd fuck now and then, but no more than that. i need the emotional bond. i did more than enough of the emotionless shit, now that i have fallen in love again, i fucking need it. without the love there can be no dynamic. its just fucking play to me in that case.

There's still an emotional bond. It just didn't come about in the same way. (This is more the D/s part than the poly part.) A number of folks date, court, and establish an emotional bond before the D/s is included. I don't do that. I start all of My dynamics based on either play partners or service/protocol. If I were looking for a primary partner or were in focusing on monogamy, I would be doing things differently. The thing is, I already have all of that, so romantic love isn't a requirement.

quote:

for us, the love preceded the dynamic, and that, i suppose, is why for us the poly supersedes the d/s.

Yes, and it seems to be working very well for you. I'm rather happy for you in that.

quote:

i'm sorry i brought that fucking quote up publicly like that, that was less than classy of me. please accept my apologies.

Thank you. Should it arise again, My email is always open.

quote:

as always, best regards from me and mine to you and yours.

The same from us to all of you.

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."

http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to HannahLynn)

Post #: 24

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/21/2011 1:10:44 AM

mons

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

I have not read any of the other answer to your post, but for me poly is a hard
limit! I am not sharing anything with anyone! I see people whom are just greedy and
just want more and more, then younger and younger! What happens to the first wife, how
is she treated by the second and third wives? What were the husband reasons for wanting
another wife, and what happens if she does not want another woman in her home? I had just
read an aritcle in the news about a woman whom espace from Warren Jessop retreat! What do
the poly women think of this?!! no disrespect too anyone of you but just a question on how they
have their "poly household there! What is the major differecne in the homes?

I see nothing wrong with poly homes i would want to have two husband also!!!!! But is it only for the men too have
this type of homes? I may get angry answers and it is not my wanting anything angry, but it is something I wanted to know!

mons

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 25

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/21/2011 1:19:30 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9038
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You do realize you posted in answer to LadyPact who does have two men in her poly? And above her is Hannah who has three girls in hers, right?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.blogspot.com

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 26

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/21/2011 7:27:18 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 4730
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lelloy

Being polyamorous does *not* mean you are romantically involved with everyone in your sphere.

The definition of polyamorous:

Poly - as in many

and amorous

quote:

: strongly moved by love and especially sexual love <amorous couples>
2
: being in love : enamored —usually used with of <amorous of the girl>
3
a : indicative of love <received amorous glances from her partner>
b : of or relating to love <an amorous novel>

As far as metamours, most of my experience with poly within BDSM D/s, is that the group is committed to each other and doesn't have lovers outside of the group. There are some exceptions.

Hannah and hers are a group of four and I'm positive that they're all sexually and emotionally involved with each other without caffeine involved. Although Hannah, seems pretty high energy, so maybe the other require caffeine to keep up with her.

I do believe that polyamory involves love with everyone involved. Not necessarily romantic love or sexual relations with everyone in the group, but a love and caring for everyone in the poly group.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lelloy)

Post #: 27

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/21/2011 7:36:58 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 4730
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

I have not read any of the other answer to your post, but for me poly is a hard
limit! I am not sharing anything with anyone! I see people whom are just greedy and
just want more and more, then younger and younger! What happens to the first wife, how
is she treated by the second and third wives? What were the husband reasons for wanting
another wife, and what happens if she does not want another woman in her home? I had just
read an aritcle in the news about a woman whom espace from Warren Jessop retreat! What do
the poly women think of this?!! no disrespect too anyone of you but just a question on how they
have their "poly household there! What is the major differecne in the homes?

What do I think? I think you're confused.

What you describe above polygamy. Not only polygamy, but Fundamentalist Mormon polygamy which is a vanilla marriage based on the religious belief that you have to have multiple wives and produce a herd of children to get into heaven.

We are discussing polyamory in a BDSM D/s setting.

Please go learn the difference.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

I see nothing wrong with poly homes i would want to have two husband also!!!!! But is it only for the men too have
this type of homes? I may get angry answers and it is not my wanting anything angry, but it is something I wanted to know!

mons

It's called polyandry.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/21/2011 7:41:18 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 28

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/24/2011 3:33:10 PM

EthicalSlut62

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/2/2011
Status: offline

Ok..repeat after me.."Love, honesty, open mindedness, open communication, a strong commitment to the relationships and CUT OUT the jealous ones.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 29

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/24/2011 3:56:52 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

and CUT OUT the jealous ones.

If by this you mean cut them out of the relationship, then I have to disagree. Jealousy is a symptom. If somebody is jealous, then there is a reason, there is something causing it. To my mind, if you are indeed committed to the relationship, then you find out what is behind the jealousy and you fix it. To just throw the person overboard is both hasty and unfair, because the odds are it is something the other two partners are doing that is at the root of the jealousy the third <or fourth> is feeling.

I suspect that with that approach one would have a string of failed poly relationships to look forward to.

(in reply to EthicalSlut62)

Post #: 30

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/24/2011 9:21:18 PM

Endivius

Posts: 948
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

Just because one is jealous does not necessarily mean it is unhealthy or unwaranted. It is quite possible that there is a disconnect in time shared between all parties. I know I had this problem off and on throught our relationship, there was allways a reason. Most of the time it was because of lack of attention due almost exclusively to availability. Wich 99% of the time, was because I was simply too occupied with work and location to spread myself evenly as needed. Once I got moved to a different site, I was able to spend time with both equally. Instead of leaving for a week at a time, I could come home every night, and it made a huge difference.

_____________________________

Complacency Is the Enemy of Progress.

I'm not difficult or wierd; I'm complicated.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 31

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/25/2011 7:24:59 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 4730
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

f somebody is jealous, then there is a reason, there is something causing it. To my mind, if you are indeed committed to the relationship, then you find out what is behind the jealousy and you fix it. To just throw the person overboard is both hasty and unfair, because the odds are it is something the other two partners are doing that is at the root of the jealousy the third <or fourth> is feeling.

Heather is dead on with this.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 32

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 10/25/2011 10:32:50 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I always thought what it takes to have a heathly poly dynamic is not a lot different than having a heathly monogamist dynamic.

'People with a heathly mental and emotional disposition. Without it... Well its like trying to build a house on quicksand.'

To me it's not all that complicated.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to DamianJustin)

Post #: 33

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 11/5/2011 7:47:41 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 23775
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: online

Ya. I don't think it is any more complicated than the people involved allow it to be.

As for love. I can appreciate the whole romantic love thing but it's not been a priority to me for decades. There are MANY people in this world that I love but it's rarely that whole heart palpitations, sweaty palms, instant hot and horny, whatever that so many seem to find so important. All I can say to that is that to ME, there are a helluva lot of other qualities that are more important.

For ME, healthy involves a commitment to the unit that is stronger than any immature pettiness like jealousy. In MY mind, jealousy is a personal weakness.....a sign of insecurity and neediness. While I get that it can be relationship specific, based upon my own life observations it is more often a personal issue that the individual needs to deal with. Basically, if a person has a predeliction for jealousy and possesiveness they probably shouldn't be in a poly arrangment to begin with.

If a person comes into my life they are doing so knowing they are not going to be the constant main focus of my attention. If they then play the jealous card......shame on them. And shame on me for not recognizing it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 11/10/2011 3:10:53 PM

ScottFreakshow

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You do realize you posted in answer to LadyPact who does have two men in her poly? And above her is Hannah who has three girls in hers, right?

Some people have impeccable timing, hahahahaha!
Sorry, I don't really have anything to contribute.
IMO I think I agree with KnightofMists, admittedly I have no experience in this.

_____________________________

"Battle not with monsters,
lest ye become a monster,

and if you gaze into the abyss,
the abyss gazes also into you."

- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 35

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 11/13/2011 6:07:13 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline

As I said Elswhere in the forums ... Its "Poly-Amoury" not "Poly-Coitus" . Players are fine ... just play with other players ... dont kick the heart of someone whos laying on the line for you.

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

(in reply to DamianJustin)

Post #: 36

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 11/13/2011 6:08:44 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline

to ANSWER the actual Original Question....

HONESTY

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

(in reply to Ogrelord999)

Post #: 37

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 11/13/2011 6:10:27 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I always thought what it takes to have a heathly poly dynamic is not a lot different than having a heathly monogamist dynamic.

'People with a heathly mental and emotional disposition. Without it... Well its like trying to build a house on quicksand.'

To me it's not all that complicated.

BRAVO SIR! excelently said !

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 38

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 4/7/2012 5:14:07 AM

rainbowatdawn

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/19/2008
Status: offline

Damian as your wife I would say honesty and transparency should be the first things you strive for in an poly relationship.

Love ya hun !

Attachment (1)

(in reply to DamianJustin)

Post #: 39

RE: The Essence of Healthy Polyamory - 4/7/2012 10:59:54 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 1152
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Also wanted to add something to the answer....DEDICATION.

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~Thomas I'aine

Two paddles bitches!!!

(in reply to rainbowatdawn)

Post #: 40

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