SuzeQ
Posts: 253
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Under her wing
Status: offline
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Well I'm going to chime in and try answer, because Hannah is out, and she is teaching me to be a Domme in her model. This idea of the responsibility of each partner in a power exchange is something we have spent a lot of time discussing, in part because it seems to run counter to so much of what I thought D/s was about. If I have anything wrong, I'm sure she'll post to correct me, as well, that we'll have a long talk about it in person. 
As far as Hannah sees it, the basic deal in a power exchange is that the submissive gives the decision making authority to the dominant, and the dominant thereby assumes the responsibility for the submissive, not entirely unlike a parent/child relationship. The understood agreement is that the dominant will make those decisions which are in the best interest of the submissive, that the submissive will get out of the arrangement what they want and need. In exchange the submissive agrees to follow the dominant's lead, and to allow the dominant to do all those scary things to/with them.
In this case she is referring specifically to the relationship structure and dynamic. It is her responsibility, as the dominant partner, to establish the sort of home that will be to the benefit of all of us, that will give us each what we desire. She feels the way the house functions needs to be tailored to the people in it, to account for the talents, abilities, limitations, and the desires of each of us individually, and collectively.
For example, if any of us feels we would like to add another person to our home, it is Hannah's decision, but she has to consider what the effect of adding this person would be on the existing dynamic and on all the other family members. She has to assess how well the new person will fit into the existing structure and what changes, if any, have to be made to accommodate that person. Then she would have to consider how those changes will impact the existing members, and what alterations that would entail, and so on. Whatever arrangement is finally arrived at will be whatever, in her opinion, is the most likely to allow us all to get what it is we are wanting out of the relationship, both individually and collectively.
You are right, Ghita, there is a responsibility on the part of the submissive, and indeed all the members of a poly family to communicate openly and honestly with everybody, but particularly with the dominant partner. If we want her to be able to make the correct decisions, then we have to provide her with all the information she needs. If we hold back or are less than 100% honest, then whatever decision she reaches is less likely to work. But in the end it is up to the dominant to make the decisions, and the responsibility for the success or failure of any decision rests with the one making it.
It is this attitude, this acceptance of the responsibility for the success of the relationship along with the authority that goes a long way to explaining why somebody as harsh and abrasive (and let's be honest, often downright rude) has managed to attract three women to be part of her home. Yes Heather was the honey that first attracted each of us, but it was Hannah's vision that brought us together into one family.
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RE: Love equally? - 
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