RE: Keeping a third stable

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: Keeping a third stable

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/10/2011 4:19:16 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 1965
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quote:

the "Title" is usless compared to the man bearing it.

Or woman. QFT!

(in reply to Ogrelord999)

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/10/2011 6:17:03 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
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First, to the OgreLord; welcome aboard, and I want to echo the praise for your post. Good luck to you and your lady, may the unicorns stray into your path in great numbers.

And secondly a welcome to the OP as well. This is my personal favorite forum on the boards, because this one has a very different atmosphere, one where there is a lot more genuine discussion and in depth posts, we do tend to produce mini essays here. I find there is a lot more fundamental agreement here as well. Its also just about the only place Hanners is nice to people.

Now to address the OP's actual topic. I'm really not familiar with the intricacies of your situation or your history, I have only very briefly skimmed your early posts in both threads. I am not in a position to really say exactly what has caused your primary relationships to fail, but there is one thing that comes to mind. If you keep doing things the same way, and they keep failing, then the way you're doing things is probably at issue.

Now, on to your attempts at establishing a poly household, here I am much more confident in my assessment, having had a very fast and in-depth crash course in the subject. The main cause of the failure of these attempts is that you have been putting the poly before the relationship <Yes I know it comes first grammatically, but it doesn't in practice>. What I mean by this is that there has to be a relationship in place first, there has to exist some attraction or appeal beyond the sexual.

There are, however quite a number of relationships in play here: One triangular one <F1-M-F2>, and three bilateral ones within it <M-F1, M-F2, F1-F2>. In each of these combinations, all of those involved must actively want to be involved in that specific combination, each of the bilateral relationships need to be able to stand on its own outside of the triangular <or quadrilateral or whatever number-sided one's situation ends up being> relationship. If any one of them would not survive outside of the trio, then that becomes the weak link.

What I always advocate, is that you don't even start looking for your 3rd until you have found a woman first. By this I mean you should only consider somebody as a potential member of your family when there is enough mutual attraction between all of you to set the groundwork for the three bilateral relationships. Then, and only then, should you begin to think about the triangular poly relationship.

Good luck.

(in reply to Ogrelord999)

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Post #: 62

RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/11/2011 5:09:08 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
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indeed ... an oversite on my behalf to be sure ... I tend to speak from my singular perspective and situation, no disrespect intended!

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

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Post #: 63

RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/11/2011 6:22:52 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
Status: offline

Thank you Darlin ... but im not holding my breath ...I've already turned five shades of blue ... SOOOOO MANY Broken souls out here in the ether. It would seem half are posing and creating the fear of betrayal which is odd cause thats exactly what hardens their souls. The other half Victims who lack the courage to risk being burned or fear the pain of that betrayal. I truly do sympathize as I can take bullets cuts burns shattered bone and Liquified Flesh ... but my heart too is armored as its the one pain that will drive me to my knees and keep me there , but not to the point however that I wont risk the dents and scratches from misadventures in that Arena. He who risks no Loss will know no gain. I suppose looking directly and unflinching into my mind and soul (as I believe both exist in the same location...crazy Celts what can I say?) I might have gone either direction and join the ranks of the many... Instead I choose my own command , my own will and ultimately my own destiny to tho whole bloody end.

It does feel good however as this endevor proves my hope is just wounded and not yet dead :)

And I loved your ladys axe pics ( proof my insanity is present ,I have being a former soldier and merc ,taught all my exes to shoot ... and do it well) Ladies with weapons turn me on ... and her posts even though a bit caustic speak of honesty and all honesty requires courage ...and both are the things in this world I admire most SOOOO I mean no disrespect ... but is she ALWAYS that Dianistic ... I ask as a commong pig of a man so I know when to Duck LOL !

Shawn(Ogre)

< Message edited by Ogrelord999 -- 11/11/2011 6:24:24 AM >

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/11/2011 9:07:07 PM

revmick82

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
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Huh, just on principle I hate to agree with everyone. But yes, I like what you have to say and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

(in reply to Ogrelord999)

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/11/2011 9:13:50 PM

revmick82

Posts: 51
Joined: 9/9/2011
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quote:

From reading this thread, I'm going to say that you are missing a few. They might be the same ones that are contributing to why your primary (or monogamous) relationships are failing, too. There is no escaping the fact that the common denominator in all of your relationships is you. I would think that would be the place to start.

I'd actually suggest that you do some reading of some other threads on this particular forum. Look especially for those threads where you see similarities in what happened in your relationships and see if you spot your own behaviors in them. This will work especially if you take a hard look and recognize why things failed and see the other perspectives. It's not something that you have to comment publicly about. The idea is to do some internal learning.

To that end:

"Nothing is of so much importance and of so much use to a young man entering life as to be well criticized by women."

(in reply to LadyPact)

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Post #: 66

RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/12/2011 6:57:55 AM

Vamp999

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/14/2011
Status: offline

That my man ...is a mouthfull and wisdom to keep in your pocket along the Journey ... Im an Odd Sod to be sure ... Sexually I was always raised by older women and then in service to be blunt Prostitutes ... it is a schooling in which my lovers have reveled ... well except when the knowledge settled into Betsys Mind and for a brief time she actually feared she was inferior to "proffessional women" however truth is inside out, upside down, tied up strung out, lubricated or not ... all that has really ever mattered to me is that my passion and love do not flee the daylight and I do not awake with cold sheets.

See often in youth were pushed by society which is shallow and frankly full of shit , we seek the shallow immediate gratifications and stack the results in our mind as if God is keeping score ... Ive come close enough to discuss the matter with him , I assure you he's not! Theres no Prize for first place especially when the imaginary accolades posess no depth or soul. Sex is an animal impulse yes... but there is a core to humanity that can manamge to reach a soul and improve the drive and the results. Its like the difference between a tricycle and a rocket sled ... I have always said I Dominate by seeming submission ... some scoff but yet wonder when they look at me and my wife beautiful and elegant even as 42 years has ravaged us both ... wonder what a dog ugly fat bastard such as my self is doing holding the heart of such a woman? Well Kids either im hung like a horse ...or I have skills earned and varified ... the hint ? I dont eat hay.

Shawn(Ogre)

***!!!!! WOOPS !!!! Apperantly Im Cross dressing ... this is my wifes profile ... Naughty Girl she is has not signed out of her profile ...shes using my comp. as her laptop shit the bed ... Ill leave it here as is so you can see the beautiful woman to whom I refer she is headed the right direction for a smacked ass !!!!!*****

< Message edited by Vamp999 -- 11/12/2011 7:01:57 AM >

(in reply to revmick82)

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 11/12/2011 8:49:13 AM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

i wondered what the fuck was going on.

(in reply to Vamp999)

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RE: Keeping a third stable - 12/13/2011 6:55:39 AM

Kittynoir

Posts: 27
Joined: 11/25/2011
Status: offline

**** the OP.
I'm aware this response is rather late in the day but bear with me.
I cannot speak from personal experience in the poly side of things however I have seen and heard of a few, some long lasting others drastically shorter. So from an outside perspective I will just say this.
To truly get on well with any partner is to listen, (not just hear) their concerns and problems and try to address it fairly and meet others halfway if needs be. I understand this may not be "dominant" but to an extent you will always have to be on equal grounds and that is true of a poly relationship too. You have to dedicate your time, energy, and love to both equally. Nobody should be made to feel like a spare part, or just used for sex. And if you have difficulty understanding one of your partners try a little role play in your head and imagine yourself in their shoes.
As for house rules, I agree rules are not to be broken, but you will find instances where allowing a bending of them slightly will be of more benefit than playing the immoveable rock. If you are gonna be a dominant you have to govern not necessarily rule and above all don't be selfish, just because your a dom doesn't mean getting your own way all the time. Every good relationship has a little compromise, be fair, to all parties involved.
If I have left anything out or missed any relevant info pls let me know and I will gladly address those issues too.

< Message edited by Kittynoir -- 12/13/2011 6:58:20 AM >

(in reply to HannahLynn)

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Post #: 69