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RE: Slaves that work - 11/27/2011 9:18:34 PM

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Hey Raspberry Lemon

Just asking--not being critical here--I'm truly curious....

Do you ever feel a loss of sense of self? At least here in the States, so much of who we are gets wrapped up in what we do. Not saying that's right....but it's definitely woven into the culture.

When someone asks you what you do for a living....do you tell them housewife? Do you ever get any aspirations to do anything else in terms of a career?

I know I've changed careers more than once, and who knows, I might change again....life is too short....for me, it made a difference when I found a career that I spoke to me more than just a paycheck. It would be hard to give that up now

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/27/2011 9:35:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Hey Raspberry Lemon

Just asking--not being critical here--I'm truly curious....

Do you ever feel a loss of sense of self? At least here in the States, so much of who we are gets wrapped up in what we do. Not saying that's right....but it's definitely woven into the culture.

When someone asks you what you do for a living....do you tell them housewife? Do you ever get any aspirations to do anything else in terms of a career?

Not Raspberry Lemon, but I'm a housewife too, so I thought you may not mind the extra perspective.

No, I don't feel a loss of sense of self, I'm far to busy for that. I've never associated my "self" with a profession.
I've got the house to run all "Marty Stewardy", 2 young kids in the house 50% of the time, which don't nearly keep me busy full time, but does take quite a bit of work.
My husband works from home, and I also function as his unofficial personal secretary, assistant and sounding board.
Other than that, I read and study a lot. I'm not enrolled in school or anything, I just do a lot of self-study and research on my own. It satisfies me.
And yes, I also happen to like watching tv. It's on nearly all day to provide background noise, regardless of what I'm doing. No bonbons though, my ass is fat enough as it is.

As far as what I tell people, I tell them I'm a housewife. I've never gotten negative reactions so far.

I have to add that currently, I don't have much of a choice. I don't have a work permit, and I'm not even really allowed to do official volunteer work. But even if I was allowed to work, I wouldn't. Neither me or my husband want me to work, and any salary I can currently bring in (without finishing my college degree first) can't even begin to compare with his. There isn't really much point in me going out and bring in a tenth of what he's making, when it would mean that he'd have to be home alone all day, and I'd be tired coming home and then would still have to take care of everything else.
For us, it just doesn't make sense to have me working, unless I find my end all dream job and feel compelled to MUST go to work, even if they wouldn't pay me a cent to do so.

_____________________________

Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/27/2011 9:41:26 PM

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not RaspberryLemon either but I've never felt a loss of self due to not working. I've never seen my career as anything more than a job to pay my bills. I currently don't work because I'm going back to school full-time and I have to say I absolutely love it. It gives me more freedom to do the things in life I've always wanted to do, to spend time with Master, being of service to him, to spend time with my family and such.

When I was in high school my career was always the number one goal on my agenda. After I had a child and got married though that all radically changed and I kinda like it that way.

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RE: Slaves that work - 11/27/2011 10:20:51 PM

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I'd get restless if I wasn't allowed to work. Especially if it's after I've earned my degree.

With all the time and effort its going to take me to get a degree in physics, you better bet I'm gonna use it!

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— Gregory Maguire

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RE: Slaves that work - 11/27/2011 11:45:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Hey Raspberry Lemon

Just asking--not being critical here--I'm truly curious....

Do you ever feel a loss of sense of self? At least here in the States, so much of who we are gets wrapped up in what we do. Not saying that's right....but it's definitely woven into the culture.

When someone asks you what you do for a living....do you tell them housewife? Do you ever get any aspirations to do anything else in terms of a career?

I know I've changed careers more than once, and who knows, I might change again....life is too short....for me, it made a difference when I found a career that I spoke to me more than just a paycheck. It would be hard to give that up now

No, I don't feel a loss of sense of self. I don't feel that my identity is based on having a career. There are people who view their jobs/careers as part of their identity, and that's great--these are usually the people who have jobs dealing with something they are passionate about. And to me, being passionate about what you do is basically the definition of personal success. But "what you do" doesn't have to be a career or a job. I am passionate about what I do--I love serving my Master, I love being home with him and helping him with his work or his projects, I love doing things for him. I see that as a part of my identity as much as someone who has a job in something they love would see their career as part of their identity.

When people ask, I usually just tell them that I am a stay at home person/housewife and that I'm not really a career oriented person. There are a few people (usually people in my generation) that try to give me a hard time about it or tell me that I'm making a bad decision, but hey, they're allowed to have their opinions and it doesn't really bother me. As far as aspirations for a career, I don't really have any. Most of my aspirations in life are hobby- and travel-based. I don't need something to be a source of income for me to enjoy doing it.

(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 4:13:31 AM

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I can sorta relate, RaspberryLemon. I remember being at odds between "just" wanting to be a mom and take care of my family, and having a big awesome career because that's what you're supposed to do. All of the jobs I've worked have been pretty varied and I never attached my identity to them. They were just there for necessity. My identity is more attached to internally-originating things, or the people I care about and how I can relate to them.

When I was with M, I was so much happier being involved in things that involved him, helping with his work, learninng all that stuff. Other thinngs became more of a distraction from where my passion really was; with him.
Great post, RaspberryLemon. :)

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/28/2011 4:15:20 AM >

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RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 4:32:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

Hey Raspberry Lemon

Just asking--not being critical here--I'm truly curious....

Do you ever feel a loss of sense of self? At least here in the States, so much of who we are gets wrapped up in what we do. Not saying that's right....but it's definitely woven into the culture.

When someone asks you what you do for a living....do you tell them housewife? Do you ever get any aspirations to do anything else in terms of a career?

I know I've changed careers more than once, and who knows, I might change again....life is too short....for me, it made a difference when I found a career that I spoke to me more than just a paycheck. It would be hard to give that up now

hausboy, you live in the DC area. My impression is that in DC and NYC, everyone is expected to have a career. Out here in the rest of the country, careers are not as important and family is considered more important. That's my take, and sorry if my anti-big city bias is showing.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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(in reply to hausboy)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 8:08:15 AM

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From: The Great Northwest, USA
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My ex husband had a fairly high income, and he offered me the choice of being a stay at home. I chose to work, simply because I found I felt very insecure without my own income. I also found I was quite bored when I didn't work. Sorry, but running a modern household just does not take that much time and I don't think being a stay at home mom is all it is cracked up to be. I believe that I made the right decision, because I am comfortably self supporting now that I am divorced. My kids are also pretty successful, so they hardly suffered from me not staying home.
I was in a relationship for a while where the guy pretty obviously was angling for me to support him. No thanks. Not only was I not willing to pay that much for someone to supposedly keep my household running, but I found he was really boring, since he really didn't do anything much of interest all day. The last thing I wanted was to come home from work and talk about the fine art of putting dishes away in the cupboard.
I don't want to be supported, I don't want to support anyone else.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 8:43:24 AM

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And that was the right choice for you. I don't believe that children "suffer" when they have two working parents (or a single mom who works). But I do think that looking down on those couples who do decide that one partner will stay at home is somewhat of a "holier than thou" type of thinking. There has been a lot written about how the feminist movement wasn't simply about women going out and getting a career, but about them having the choice to do what was best for them without ridicule from either side.

It is wrong for the "stay at homes" to ridicule those women (because it is predominantly women) who choose to have a career AND a family, and it is wrong for those who have a career and a family to demean those couples who choose to have a partner who stays at home.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 9:50:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

but I found he was really boring, since he really didn't do anything much of interest all day. The last thing I wanted was to come home from work and talk about the fine art of putting dishes away in the cupboard.

I've heard that before, both from a "I need a job so I have something to talk about" as well as the "my partner needs a job so they have something to talk about" point of view.
And I really don't get it.
If you don't have something to talk about without a job, I don't think you've got something to talk about with a job either.

I stay home, and my husband works from home, and our topics off discussion range from politics, to morality, to particle physics, to kink, to computer engineering, to future plans, to activities we both have, to stuff we've read, with a mix of random stuff thrown in.

Not exactly things I'd pick up at a job I would have.
Me having a job wouldn't result in us having more to talk about, it would result in us having less time to talk about the stuff we want to talk about.

_____________________________

Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 10:09:22 AM

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I'm with Ishtarr on this one. When I was working all I did was come home to complain about my day or I'd tell him I really didn't want to talk about it because to be honest, when I left work I didn't even want to think about work anymore let alone talk about it.

I'm so glad we have other things to talk about other than that. We talk about absolutely everything under the sun that doesn't include anything work related. My day is filled with so much more than just arranging the kitchen cabinets.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Ishtarr)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 10:16:50 AM

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Don't know what to tell you. One of the things that I love, love, love about my SO is that his job is absolutely fascinating, and I can't get enough of hearing about what he did all day. Even if this relationship doesn't work out (god forbid), I think this is going to be one of my "must haves" in relationships from now on.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to littlewonder)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 10:51:00 AM

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A "must have" as in your partner must have a job you find fascinating?

I was really interested in my Dude's jobs, particularly his independent, artsy projects. But despite that, he was interesting enough that we could get through a whole day without talking about his work, or my school/work and have plenty to talk about.
I don't see a job as the only source of interesting conversation. We could both sit on the porch all Saturday afternoon and do nothing but talk and never be bored.

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"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 11:10:10 AM

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Sure, why not? I find I am attracted to people (as friends and otherwise) that are deeply engaged in their work and good at it. I feel that way about my job, so naturally I am going to spend time talking about it with my partner. May as well be talking about something interesting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

A "must have" as in your partner must have a job you find fascinating?

.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 2:07:55 PM

hlen5

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Don't know what to tell you. One of the things that I love, love, love about my SO is that his job is absolutely fascinating, and I can't get enough of hearing about what he did all day. Even if this relationship doesn't work out (god forbid), I think this is going to be one of my "must haves" in relationships from now on.

Do you mean you love that particular job he has, or that you love his passion for his work?

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 2:12:56 PM

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I mean he has an interesting, important job that he is good at and engaged in. He isn't just going through the motions when he goes to work, he really accomplishes something significant. He does ESA (endangered species act) work and I am interested in the ESA, so that probably helps. Being with someone who's work I find fascinating has added a whole new dimension to the relationship.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to hlen5)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 10:01:01 PM

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I also have to agree with Ishtarr. I do not find myself with a lack of things to talk about with him just because I don't have a job. We talk about anything and everything, and we never run out of things to say. That isn't to say that I don't find my Master's job/previous jobs interesting--I do, and that is one of the many topics of discussion we land upon. Yes, it's interesting to talk to him about his work and his projects, but even without that we never grow bored of talking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
Great post, RaspberryLemon. :)

Thank ya, thank ya. :)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/28/2011 10:17:31 PM

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For many years I worked at a paying job while my wife (who to be clear, we are NOT in a M/s relationship ;-) worked in the house. Part of the time, she worked at a paying job, but for most of the last 4+ years her job was "being the housewife." Quite frankly, I think she had the harder job.

So if I (or we) were to ever have a slave, she would work. It might be at a paying job, or work around the house, but yeah, definitely, work of SOME form would be involved.

(most likely she would be required to work outside the house, with a good majority of her income going into an interest bearing account so that if/when she left our service, she'd have some financial freedom. I believe very strongly in planning for not only the present, but for the future when it comes to those I'm responsible for. My wife's 401K has definitely been hurt due to her lack of a paying job. As a result, I consider it even MORE of my responsibility to provide for her future.)

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

RE: Slaves that work - 11/29/2011 8:41:39 AM

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A lot of us did that and held an outside job.
Chillin was never an option either way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I dunno about other women but when I was a wife I didn't do too much chillin..there was a baby to raise, dishes to wash, laundry to be done, errands to be run, breakfast, lunch and dinner to be cooked, a house to be cleaned

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RE: Slaves that work - 2/13/2012 2:42:31 PM

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Master wants me to be able to stay home, in a fantasy world, but since we are in the real world, I have to work at least a part-time job to help him with the bills.I like my job - and wish I could get more hours.

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