LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OttersSwim I always find these threads to be a little disturbing. Does anyone else get to the last post in this thread and just sort of feel...well, YUK? No, I really don't. Hopefully in My response here, I can clarify as to why. quote:
The connotation that somehow someone having this fetish is "less" of anything. Here's where this gets sticky because there are two ways to look at this. The OP very specifically states that this question comes after reading profiles that have the expression of "wanting a real man" within the text. To Me, that means the person who wrote it is the one with the opinion. That's who it should be taken up with. In the abstract, meaning the statement "less than" would seem to apply to those who are looking at the situation from the angle of personal relationships. If someone is completely against a partner who is involved in a certain kink, that is an individual choice. To Me, this is no different than any other kink or lifestyle choice that any person has as a hard limit or something that isn't compatible with them. quote:
The obligatory "not for me" posts. This relates to My prior response on this thread. If it was something that was for them, the negative comments wouldn't be in the profiles to begin with. (Let's take the potential of humiliation games out of it for a second.) Taking the comments at face value only, isn't it the "not for Me" group that is being addressed? I think we'll both have to wait for the OP to clarify that. quote:
The disheartening statement of fact, because it is fact, of the misplaced "focus" for so very very many seeking to express a gender variant. Let's cut to the chase here. I highly doubt either one of us is going to try to deny that this generalization exists. I might even go so far as to say that, as a group, sissy's, CD's, etc (I don't care, pick a term) have more bad press than any other category. The bad press didn't come to be because it was based completely on fiction. I'd compare it to the way the reception for switches comes about. There's always somebody who had a switch (or knows somebody who was involved with a switch) where the switch was constantly challenging authority or there was a power play struggle. That doesn't mean that all switches do this, but it sure gets around, doesn't it? It's the very same thing. quote:
And, the feeling of "dismissal" from consideration of a whole bunch of people, based on experiences with just a few, almost certainly new, and clueless individuals who "don't know what they don't know." I think we do a real disservice to anyone thinking that everyone will consider them as a potential partner. The kink world isn't any different than the non kink world in this aspect. If everybody wanted every kink in their lives, no person would reject another person based on incompatibility in these areas. quote:
I guess I just want to remind everyone reading here, that there are guys out there, who express a gender variance (be that Sissy, CD, TV, Trans, whatever, be it a fetish, or a life choice)...that CAN actually differentiate their fetish from their relationships, who ARE ready for relationship, and who understand that D/s and M/s is more than just pretty clothes put on them. No really! Again, I don't think either of us can deny that both exist. quote:
So we cannot deny the preponderance of the evidence - there are a lot of guys out there, with this single-threaded kink, looking for their own satisfaction only...a...lot.... If you know this to be true, the comments on the thread reflecting that can not be dismissed. It is part of the subject for some people. quote:
BUT... I would say for most, it's not because they are selfish twits...but because they are new and really have not even dipped their toe into the concepts of what D/s or M/s relationships are about beyond what they have seen in porn. Frankly, some folks aren't going to want to deal with that. I see this as being their prerogative. quote:
And let's face it, pros and CM are gathering points for people with fetishes, and more often than not, are a first stop...so we see a lot of them, and the pros see a lot of them. So much so, that IMO the perspectives put out here, don't really fit with the reality in many BDSM communities where there are successful couples involved in the scene where one partner is someone who is expressing some form of gender variant...so they do exist! Those of you who are active in your communities, if you think about it, will likely be able to come up with at least one example of this. I can think of multiple couples in the Colorado front range - female Dominants who have male subs who engage in gender expression as part of their dynamic - happy, engaged in their dynamic, and together! I'm not a pro, but I'm not completely clueless about the business, either. It's not that such couples don't exist in the community. However, there are also a segment of folks who are not interested in gender variance in the case of their own submissive. This is where supply and demand comes in which is the very cornerstone of business. Profit then becomes the equalizer in some situations. It's one of the "whys" behind the reason that some folks go to pros in the first place. quote:
So many of the folks that are new, really have no clue of what is actually going on in a D/s or M/s relationship. As I said before, they "don't know what they don't know" and need education. My Lady and I have done this several times with new folks who message her looking for "fetish delivery" I know that educating people can be a lot of work...and some folks are never going to get it - they are not going to be submissive, and they are not going to look beyond their own desires to that very important "other person". That fact, can put people off from even engaging, and I get that. At the same time, you must accept that this is a personal choice that the two of you have undertaken because it is something that is near and dear to you. For those who do not feel the same way on the subject, it's unlikely to happen. There's a difference between your willingness and that of others. Even worse when we carry expectations on the behavior of others in how we feel they 'must' or 'should' handle those new folks. quote:
Maybe not your "kink" to do that much educating...however...if you encounter some fem guy who seems to actually have a clue, please don't dismiss him out of hand because of the "things you have heard or read about those types of people" This is exactly what I mean by the above. You can't decide for others how they will interact with a third party. It is necessary to allow others to conduct their contacts from others as they wish. quote:
Please realize that there are people out there - Sissies, CDs, TVs, Trans-folk, etc - who DO get it, who do see the other, who make what and who they are positive and attractive and engaging, who desire a D/s or M/s relationship based on so much more than what they are wearing, and frankly would make the right person (emphasis on right person) great partners. It is not My contention here to say that such individuals do not exist. You happen to be a fine example of this yourself. At the same time, just as you don't want people to base their opinions on the generalization of bad examples, you also can't have them base their opinion on the example that you provide. My best to you and your Lady.
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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie. Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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