RE: advice for a complete noob?

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RE: advice for a complete noob? - 12/8/2011 6:38:54 AM

RexCorvus

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/27/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather
There is an overall relationship, or at least there is in our experience, perhaps it is because we are a poly household, but the interactions of the four of us as a group are at least as important as the interactions between us as individuals.

There's definitely group dynamics, and you're right that the relationships don't exist in isolation from one another. What happens in one relationship affects the others. The mistake I've seen (and made) is to think of there being a single relationship between a couple and a single, and not recognize that the relationships between each half of the original couple and the new person may proceed at different paces and have their own individual swings. It can also lead to some stress where the third person feels like they're not on equal footing, relationship-wise, because the original couple treats their own relationship as a one-on-one thing but always interacts with the third on a two-on-one basis. (I'm using the OP situation here for numbers, I think your specific situation involves a different set of integers). If it helps to think of yourself as having a relationship not just with another couple individually but also with them as a unit then by all means you should. Some of this is probably semantics - I might choose not to call the interaction between the OP's theoretical new girl and the original couple a relationship, while you would, but I think we're in agreement about its importance whatever we end up naming it.

Mostly my point with that was to alert the OP to an area where I've seen poly folk mess up: forgetting that even though there's a group of people involved you have to pay attention to the individual relationships within the group. With a couple this isn't a problem - the one relationship contains everyone in the group. When you go past two, though, it's easy to think of everyone as being in a single relationship (this is especially true in a poly family arrangement) and forget that there's a number of one-on-one relationships.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

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RE: advice for a complete noob? - 12/9/2011 1:46:14 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
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Even Hating Racists is a biased opinion ... just saying

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

(in reply to Trismagistus)

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RE: advice for a complete noob? - 12/9/2011 2:09:10 AM

Ogrelord999

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/9/2011
From: United states
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Humans all love their inner mystical sense of improtance... in many ways its a survival skill, yet nonetheless annoying. Truth is though no matter how "Educated" you are or even experianced actually ... If I had a dime for every expert id seen on my life who didnt know their ass from a hole in the ground ...well thats alot of bloddy fucking dimes really.

Truth is Common sense goes a Loooooooooooooooooooooooooong way. One thing I can tell you ... being far from an expert on most things , but well versed in a few situations. A VERY COMMON cherry snafu is simply leading with your libido and member. You talking about altering not just one persons life and natural rythm and space. If you hop in bed first off assuming all else will work itself out ... yer headed the right way for a smacked ass ... Logistics are king.

One thing I find that seems to be a repetetive theme here is the delusion that one male can juggle two or more females with no alteration of their current life and manipulations. Hormones tend to cloak things in many i have known ... even ME ...a time or two (so dont think Im lecturing from a place of superiority brothers and sisters ... Im only speaking cause I've scrapped that particular shit off my own shoes). TRUTH is they bitch about the woman they have ... yet think two will be easy. I usuall suggest they take their thoughts from the sack to the breakfast table after you just lost your job , and theres no butter for the toast (general metaphore). THER is where you prove your worth and salt ... cause all Will be looking at YOU. To increase the nightmare???? you learn women co-habitating tend to sync their cycles so now imagine cotton crotch plugs are running low too

... okay not sure whats up with me today ...just feeling some kinda way ...

Basicly Brother simply follow the laws of positive attraction yes ... hope for the Best ... but plan for the worst ... Women are not any less plauged by jelousy and territorialisim then men are ...anyone saying different needs meds or is a liar! like my wife , whom started all this , who suddenly realizes Im home with our third ,and that we MIGHT be having sex ...she hadnt considered this and suddenly had a panic fit as if we were running off to Mexico or something ... yes it was annoying , and I was irritated BUT ... IM THE FUCKING MASTER! ERGO ... it was my failure to see the twist that lead to it ... consoling and listening then making it clear to all parties their politics are their problem .. I am a man ,,,not a marienett and dont dance to anothers desires ... if I want to shag I want to shag ... its more a neandertal matter of convienence, seemed to do the trick ... "sessions" are planned and ballanced yes ... morning wood is NOT. If a person cannot acknowledge or deal with this than we have no buisness being in the lifestyle period ... that shut everyone up. It kinda a good thing that I was always fine with one ... Im a man so offer me two women and hell yea I am there but truth is it doubles my work ... doubles the demands on my time and emotions and doubly restricts my frredom for rapid decisions and movements. Then again one has to remember ... NOTHING comes easy and free but trouble ... paradice takes work.

Best of luck Brother!

_____________________________

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~Socrates

" Cold hearted Orb that rules the night ... steals the colors from our sight, red is grey and yellow white, but we decide which is right ... and which is Illusion." ~ Moody Blues

(in reply to Trismagistus)

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Post #: 23