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Do I have the right to be upset?


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Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 10:24:34 PM   
submissivekisses


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		Recently I have moved in with a Master and a slave...and I already can honestly say I am inlove with them...however, I am very frustrated at this point in time. I have been sleeping on the couch for two nights now..by my choice and Masters permission, at the same token I feel as if I have to. He said he wanted time alone with his other slave..and that is fine. I just don't feel very included at times. I know they both care for me very much...but the other slave has stated "Master will never love anyone like he does me..and I will never love anyone like I do him." This makes me angry...angry only because I do not want to be sad. My own personal views on poly is when three (or more) people come together and love each other equally. I thought that was what I was coming into.; Am I wrong..to feel this way?

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 10:33:13 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 1646
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well to answer your question directly I would say yes you have the right, but exactly how useful are those feelings? I would say that statements like dad loves me more than you and always will are childish attempts to cover up their own insecurites about the situation. Him needing personal time with her, to me, reinforces that.
How you deal with this situation is up to you but I would be curious as to what HE says about this? Sleeping seperately seems like it also serves to widen the gap.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 10:48:07 PM   
beautyofpain


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sorry.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 10:50:32 PM   
submissivekisses


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		Well, she has also stated that the house Master is getting is hers. I feel extrremely left out..I am not included on any of the decisions..as far as picking out appliances goes. It's gonna be my home too..ya know? -Sighs.- I have talked to master..and stated even that I want to leave..but the other slave got very emotional..and said she cared very deeply for me..and didn't want me to leave. I don't know what to do anymore.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 10:56:03 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 1646
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		House he's getting is hers? She doesn't want you to leave because she really likes you?
Huuummmm going to file this one under manipulative much? Sounds like she doesn't want to get blamed for you leaving even though it's her fondest wish. If your inclination is that you're not included and it's not a fit you have your answer. Move on.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 11:16:25 PM   
submissivekisses


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		-Hugs.- Thank you. I just hate confortation. Unles...well..it's someone that doesn't matter to me. -Sighs.- Ooh well. Thank you for your words....it helps to know that someones willing to offer something upon those lines.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 11:47:08 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		kisses....I am just nosey/curious....do you get time alone with him as well while she is on the couch?

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~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 11:50:45 PM   
submissivekisses


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		She is never on the couch. O_O

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/28/2006 11:56:11 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		Like I said I was just nosey/curious. And very sorry to hear that you do not get equal alone time.....beyond that I have no idea what to say.   Gosh....much luck to you, I really feel for you hun.

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 12:02:06 AM   
objectivist


Posts: 13
Joined: 8/26/2005
Status: offline 		I would say that alpha slave was out of line in her comment that "she would never love another as much as him, and he her" (paraphrase)

For several reasons I'd bothered by it, if it where my relationship.  One, because it's not her place to express my feelings of that nature, in my place. 

Wanting that all things be equal is wanting fantasy.
Nothing in any relationship is equal, but because it is not equal does not mean it's worth more or less.  Ten percent of a wheel isn't worth less than the other 90%, because like many things, it only has worth as a whole.    Seek balance, not parity.

And make  your Master aware of your feelings.  If it takes writing him email or a letter to be able to make a good presentation of it, then do that.  But if you don't express yourself in clear terms, most men I know are terrible mind readers and even worse when guessing from partial sentences.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 12:18:09 AM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, bear in mind I don't have all the sides of the story, but it sounds to me you are a toy to take out and play with from time to time.

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Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 6:29:34 AM   
atlcouple2


Posts: 14
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline 		You do have the right to feel upset, but you also have the responsibility to tell your Master what your feelings are.  When he isn't busy and when there is time in ther evening maybe even when both the alpha slave and the Master are together ask why you must feel so rejected by the alpha slave (to the Master)and why you should sleep on the couch.  Have you asked about the option of sleeping on the floor near his bed, even if you are not in it?  Tell him it is creating a jealousy issue, because that is what this will all be coming to if it doesn't get under control soon.  He is only human.  He can't ready your mind.  AND he may not be aware that some of the things the Alpha slave is saying to you.

As a Mistress who has owned several slaves... many in pairs, I know it must be hard to come to a Mistress or Master and tell them there is something happening in the house that they are not aware of.  But a good Owner will see that you had to work at getting the courage to even say anything and know that you feel strongly enough about it to complain.  I would make a point of seeing to the problem immediately as an Owner.  Other wise I wouldn't consider myself much of an Owner.  (Taking care of one's property as the property performs for the owner is an equal game.)

Good luck in what ever you do... Let us know how everything turns out.  I feel for you and hope you find the correct solution for your happiness.

Miss Peyton

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:07:32 AM   
MoonGoddessIsis


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivekisses

Recently I have moved in with a Master and a slave...and I already can honestly say I am inlove with them...however, I am very frustrated at this point in time. I have been sleeping on the couch for two nights now..by my choice and Masters permission, at the same token I feel as if I have to. He said he wanted time alone with his other slave..and that is fine. I just don't feel very included at times. I know they both care for me very much...but the other slave has stated "Master will never love anyone like he does me..and I will never love anyone like I do him." This makes me angry...angry only because I do not want to be sad. My own personal views on poly is when three (or more) people come together and love each other equally. I thought that was what I was coming into.; Am I wrong..to feel this way?


Of course you have a right to feel that way.  you have a right to feel anything your heart feels.  Speaking to him about what is going on is a must. He can not read your mind and may not know the feelings in your heart.  You have a responsibility to speak your mind when things bother you.  Do so with class of course and simply tell Him what is going on.

Good luck love!
Lady Moon


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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:08:45 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivekisses
"Master will never love anyone like he does me..and I will never love anyone like I do him."


I think that this statement combined with the fact that "she is never on the couch" paints a pretty clear picture of the situation that you are in. It is not, nor will it ever be equal. It is up to you to decide if you can or want to deal with that. I think that you will either have to accept that you are a less equal third or you will have to decide to look for something that is closer to what you want. Being upset over it, whether you have the right to be or not, is not going to solve the issue.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 5/29/2006 7:09:31 AM >

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:14:38 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Submissivekisses, your post really struck a cord in me, while i have strong  poly desires,trhe fear of feeling excluded at any given time is in the back of my mind when  i'm approached regarding a  poly relationship.  
The only suggestions i can give reflect most others posts....communicate your feelings, i know it sounds simplistic, but they will either make a conscious effort to allay those feelings, by finding ways to make you feel more included...or they won't...and,  are then...obviously,  not the right "fit" for you.

best of luck...

P.S   After reading the posts of  some  on these forums who are so obviously happy and contented in their poly relationship, i   love  to hear details of their internal dynamics, ie if they follow an alpah beta structure...or hierarchy.  (regarding D/s/s)  As i said, i have strong interests there, and while i choose not to consider such a relationship until i no longer have children at home, i would like to arm myself with as much understanding of the dynamic as possible.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:16:22 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivekisses

Recently I have moved in with a Master and a slave...and I already can honestly say I am inlove with them...however, I am very frustrated at this point in time. I have been sleeping on the couch for two nights now..by my choice and Masters permission, at the same token I feel as if I have to. He said he wanted time alone with his other slave..and that is fine. I just don't feel very included at times. I know they both care for me very much...but the other slave has stated "Master will never love anyone like he does me..and I will never love anyone like I do him." This makes me angry...angry only because I do not want to be sad. My own personal views on poly is when three (or more) people come together and love each other equally. I thought that was what I was coming into.; Am I wrong..to feel this way?


Your feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. They are an indication that you aren't happy, that's all.

You're NOT included in the times he wishes to be with his other slave alone. By the same token, if he wanted to be alone with you , she isn't *included*, to a degree. It's not that you're forgotten entirely, surely?

If you've recently moved in, as you say , there's a fair amount of adjustment that would naturally take place. On the surface of it, ( from your post) it sounds as if the other slave is feeling a little insecure herself.

People do not *love equally*.. they *love differently*...... I am not a fan of the word *love* anyhow, but that aside, ...you aren't, realistically, going to be *loved equally* . You're a different person to his other slave, you came to them from different circumstances, you entered an established relationship( my assumption).

You can be helped to feel included...though it is entirely dependant on how aware all three of you are, of the problems in the first place and how willing you all are to resolve them.

Regards, agirl






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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:18:56 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		We have only a partial picture, here, miss, but it isn't a very pretty one.  Have the people you are with been in a poly situation before?  When you joined were you told you were a secondary slave, or were you led to believe you were a co-equal in the triad? (it sounds like you believed the latter).  Were you to become a sister slave, or are you submissive to her as well as Him?  These are just some of the questions I had on reading your several posts.

Unfortunately I had the same reaction as Wolfchylde -- you are a toy to be played with in a 3 way and then put back on the shelf, so to speak.  You must clarify this situation immediately.  Silence, passive-aggressive behavior and denial (all of which it seems all three of you are practicing) will only make everyone miserable.  And remember, there is no shame in restructuring a relationship.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:22:40 AM   
MasterandCommand


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/24/2004
Status: offline 		Yes you are wrong... from a Dominants point of view. Are you a Slave or not? You claim to be a slave yet you want to have control of the relationship or how you are treateda slave has no rights... that is why she is called a slave... unless you are of the politically correct liberal bunch that says you can define any word to fit how you want it to... if that is true then why bother calling yourself a slave?

You agreed to be a slave, then be one!!! you are not there to define the relationship, you are there to serve!! are you serving the Master by whining and wanting for yourself? I know this sounds harsh, but I am soooo tired of the whiners that call themselves slaves then whine because you dont't get exactly what you want.... what do you think this is, a game? If you can't take it then don't be a slave, be a submissive that does have rights and quit trying to be cool by calling yourself a slave.

Either grow up and take responsibility for your decision to be a slave or get out of the situation!!!

BUT QUIT WHINING!!!

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:30:32 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Well thank you LordAllKnowingMasterfulDeity! This community has been looking for a definitive one true way since, well, since it became a community. Thank you for enlightening us all as to how things "are".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Do I have the right to be upset? - 5/29/2006 7:38:40 AM   
MasterandCommand


Posts: 22
Joined: 1/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OhBeMyMind

Like I said I was just nosey/curious. And very sorry to hear that you do not get equal alone time.....beyond that I have no idea what to say.   Gosh....much luck to you, I really feel for you hun.


What is this equal time garbage... she is a slave... slaves do not have equality.  Only the Masters will...

Since when is it right for a slave to demand from their Master? What kind of master would bend to a slave's whining and manipulation? If a Master does not want to play with slave or sleep with her, then that is his choice... If she doesn't like that... tough shit!!! That is part of being a slave... if you just want an equal treatment and rights, then be a submissive or a bottom, or just live with a kinky person....

A slaves purpose is to serve.... period!!! If she does not want to serve by sleeping on the couch, or by whatever usage the Master desires then she is not ready to be called a slave. She is only thinking of herself... quit selfish, and is not thinking of what makes her Master happy... as a slave she should be content at her masters pleasure.

Her Master may also be testing her to see if she is just a wanna-be slave or if she is real. Just becasue you call youself a slave doesn't mean you are... in fact it has become a fad for women to call themslelves slaves as much as wanna be doms want to call themselves Masters... a self proclaimed name doesn't make the person.

If you are a slave then be a slave and shut up... you made your choice!!! or leave and be a sub to somebody else until you grow up and can handle being a real salve rather than a pretend slave.

If you fish enough here, yo will find pleanty of people who will support your passive agressive, I am hurt and I have been wronged behavior, and  I want attention...

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)
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